Thank You- by sfscarlet
Beta by lj user=justbeaqueen
Written for lj user=Pam81
Request: Cancer fic
Pam. I hope this fits the bill. It is probably the hardest piece I have ever written. Hope you had a good holiday and have a great New Year.
Justin would remember that the day started out as most days in their lives; Brian went to work and Justin worked in the studio. Justin stepped back from the canvas, slowing admiring the red, blue and purple strokes. He'd been working on the piece for the last several weeks and he was now finished. He'd been painting it for a present for Brian. Brian was celebrating Kinnetik's 25th year in business and he was painting a new piece for the entryway. There had been many changes in 25 years; some good and some not so good. But he realized life was like that. You didn't get to pick and choose which parts you got dealt. However, Justin would always remember the day did not end as other days and this was the day when he realized something was wrong, very wrong with his partner
He couldn't change the blow to the head that resulted in his gimp hand, but he could choose to learn to pace himself as well as use other mediums to complete his work. His art was still one of the best parts of himself and he was thankful that he could produce work that others found worthy.
He couldn't change the fact that Mel and Linds moved to Canada, but he was thankful that Brian didn't let that move remove him from the life of his son. Brian was in Canada once a month and talked to Gus at least 3 times a week. As a result, the girls decided that he wasn't a deadbeat dad and allowed Gus to come and stay with him on holidays and vacations. When Gus was 10, they moved back to the States, realizing that the grass was not really any greener on the other side than it was in Pittsburgh. Besides, Gus begged them on a regular basis to see Brian and his other family often and they finally admitted they missed the support and family ties of the folks in Pittsburgh.
He couldn't change how volatile his relationship with Brian was in their early years, but he came to accept that their relationship was a sum of all they had been through and while he would not choose to relive any of those early years, he accepted that their strife made them who they were today, a happy and committed couple. He couldn't believe that he and Brian had been together for 28 years; it was truly an amazing feat that no one would have thought possible, even he, in the early years. But love did persevere, and eventually both he and Brian admitted their feelings and here they were together after all these years.
Gus was now 28 and was working with Brian at Kinnetik. He had majored in art and business; having the best of both worlds and wanted to work with his father and Justin. He had inherited his mother's artistic talent and the many Saturday afternoons spent with Justin's tutelage proved invaluable when he applied for a double major. He was a product of both of his parents. He had taken to the business as if he had known it all his life; but in truth he had spent many afternoons and Saturday mornings as a teen working there. He'd expressed an interest in the business and Brian had reluctantly agreed to introduce him to the world of corporate advertising. Brian had him work in all the departments, including accounting, where he learned from his Uncle Ted the importance of taxes, investment, and diversification. Those lessons made him swear off the idea of majoring in accounting and gave him new respect for the man who enjoyed those ventures. He found them utterly sleep inducing but after talking to Brian a few times regarding the accounting side of the business, he respected his Uncle Ted's knowledge and realized that everyone in a business had a talent or special calling; he was just happy that he liked art and running of the business. He spent half his time in the art department and half his time as a junior ad exec. He hadn't really decided that he liked either one better than the other, so he was happy to do both.
Justin placed his brushes in turpentine and left the painting to finish drying. The celebration was in two weeks, plenty of time to take it to the framers and complete the piece. He showered in the bathroom adjacent to his studio and put on a pair of jeans and a light long sleeve shirt as it was October and the air was getting cooler. He went in search of Brian who had mentioned getting some work done this evening.
Walking into the main house at Britin, he was struck by the quiet. It was usually quiet in their home, but there was always ambient noise from the television, the lights, the refrigerator and usually from Brian's computer. He often listened to music when he worked in their home, choosing to indulge his love of 60's and 70's rock classics. Brian hated interruptions and had grilled into Justin the need to knock before entering his office. He walked down to the office and knocked gently on the frame door that was partially closed. He didn't hear a response and knocked louder this time. When no response came again, he walked in to the inner sanctum and found Brian slumped over his desk. He could hear the slight snore Brian elicited as a result of a soccer ball hitting his face when he was in college and breaking his nose and was comforted to know that Brian was alive. Still, it was unusual for Brian not to hear him knocking and a glance at the clock about the mantel told Justin that it was just after 9:00pm, way too early for Brian to be slumped over his desk in a deep sleep.
Walking softly so as not to startle Brian, he gently shook him and called out his name.
"Brian. Brian. Wake up"
"Huh." Brian blinked at the rude awakening. "What the hell, Justin?"
"You fell asleep. I guess the late night fucking has got to slow down. You're showing your age, old man," Justin teased.
Brian yawned widely, and started to protest, but realized he was really tired.
"Watch who you are calling old. I guess I am tired. I'm headed to bed. Join me?" Brian asked as he fondled Justin's crotch.
"Sure. Let me lock up down here and I'll be right up. You going to shower?"
"Nah. I took a shower when I got home. Dealing with that slimeball, Michael Pierson, had me itching to wash off his touch, even though I only shook his hand."
"Okay. I took a shower after I finished in the studio, so I'll be up in a few." Justin kissed Brian lightly on the lips and watched as he walked up the stairs to the second floor.
Justin only took 5 minutes to lock up the house and set the alarm, but when he reached their bedroom, Brian was already asleep. Slight alarms went off in his head as this was so unusual for Brian, but he brushed off his concern.
In the morning they woke to the alarm and Justin dove under the covers to give Brian a morning blow job, but found Brian was barely hard. He managed to coax his cock into a full erection and give Brian a blow job, but he was getting more concerned.
After breakfast they drove to Kinnetik where Brian went to his office and Justin walked down to the art department to see Gus. Finding him there he watched his son meander through the department's many employees, saying hi and greeting each one with a personal comment, connecting to each one of them, showing them they mattered to Kinnetik, and then finally settle at his desk to start his work. He was so proud of Gus and how easily he seemed to fit in at Kinnetik.
Justin walked to Gus' desk and sat down at the chair opposite him. He placed the mug of coffee he was holding on the desk and smiled at Gus.
"Justin. Hi. I didn't see you. Have you been waiting long?" Gus picked up the cup of coffee, blew on it and took a sip and smiled as Justin had bought his favorite kind, mocha cappuccino.
"Nah. I drove in with Brian this morning. He was really tired last night and seemed to be tired this morning so I offered to drive under the guise of wanting to spend the day with my mom and say hi to Debbie. He agreed so I thought I'd start out saying hi to my favorite son."
Gus laughed a full belly laugh. "I'm your only son. You said dad was tired?" Gus looked at Justin with a discerning frown.
"Yeah. Sacked out in front of his computer at 9:30 last night. I must have wore him out the night before," Justin teased, knowing that Gus would recognize the joke.
Gus frowned and shook his head at Justin's teasing but stood up and motioned for Justin to follow him. Walking past Cynthia and Ted who were both standing by the coffee pot, he said, "Justin and I are going down the Starbucks."
They nodded but gave each other a questioning look.
"Justin's here really early," Cynthia said as she watched them leave.
"Bri said something about them driving into town together as he was going to see Debbie and Jennifer," Ted said.
They both shrugged but neither shared their thoughts.
Gus walked to the Starbucks, not wanting to go into the diner. Even though Brian had given up his stud of Liberty Avenue status years ago, he was still well known by the clientele and Gus wanted this conversation private. He ordered a mocha cappuccino and Justin ordered a hot chocolate and sat toward the back of the store when they got their drinks.
Gus took a few sips of his drink and then sat it on the table to play with the cup, twirling it around and around. "I'm worried."
"Gus?"
"About dad. I've noticed he's really tired by the early afternoon. I've gone into his office a few times and found him a sleep in his chair."
"Gus, he's 58 years old. He's allowed to be tired. He works hard." Justin didn't want to let Gus know that his affirmation was even more alarming. He felt the sweat pool under his arms and his heart race at the statement. He took several deep breaths, trying to hide his concern.
"I know how old he is, Justin, but I don't think 58 is old. I don't see Uncle Ted or Uncle Michael doing that and even Uncle Ben doesn't fall asleep in the middle of the day. And he's HIV positive. If anyone would have a reason, it would be him." Gus took another drink of his coffee and then twirled the cup around on the table. He was glad that Justin had brought up the subject but he still felt like he was telling on his dad, like some 6 year old.
Justin nodded at Gus' point. They didn't see any of their friends being as tired as Brian. Huge alarm bells started ringing in his head.
"How long do you think it has been going on? I mean he's had some big deadlines at work lately. He's told me about the Brown and the GNC campaigns. They've taken a lot of his time." Justin tried to make excuses for Brian's fatigue.
"Justin. You know something isn't right." Gus took another sip of his drink, frowning as it was getting a little on the cool side.
"Ok, but even if you're right, what are we going to do about it. It's not like I can just go to Brian and tell him I think you're sleeping a lot."
"Make him go to the doctor. Get him checked out," Gus said, the insistence in his voice, evident.
Justin shook his head at Gus' naiveté. "I can't go up to Brian and tell him that you and I think he needs to go to the doctor since he's been sleeping a lot. He will have my head."
Gus thought for a few moments and smiled. "Uncle Ted told me that he is putting all the paperwork for the new insurance coverage together. You can tell him that we all need physicals."
Justin mulled over what Gus had suggested and decided that might be a good idea. "That might actually work. I'll get him to have a physical." Justin stood up and gave Gus a hug.
"I hope we are both wrong and he's just tired, but I have a bad feeling about this."
Several weeks later after much cajoling and many blow jobs Justin finally convinced Brian to have a physical. He told him the story of a friend of his mom's whose husband dropped dead right outside their house and told him that he was fearful of that happening to one of them. After all, his father had died quiet suddenly 15 years ago and Brian's father had died at a pretty young age from cancer.
Justin had his physical first and then Brian was called back for his. Justin's lasted a short 15 minutes, but after 45 minutes and Brian was still in the doctor's office, Justin found himself worrying. Brian came out looking rather solemn but didn't say anything in the waiting room, but rather signaled to Justin that he should follow him and leave the office.
After getting into the car and driving away, Justin waited for Brian to start a conversation, but the silence was almost as telling as words. Brian drove toward Britin and Justin decided to wait until they got home to talk to him. Brian pulled the car into the garage and turned it off but didn't make any effort to get out and return to their home.
"Brian…?"
Brian hit the steering wheel several times with his palm and then lay his head back on the seat. Justin waited but he hoped that Brian would talk soon. When no words came from his partner, he reached his hand out and caressed his cheek and then lay it on top of Brian's hand. Justin's touch seemed to bring Brian out of his self imposed world and he looked at Justin.
"I… We…. Let's go inside." Brian reached for the door and got out, walking inside their home.
Justin felt the adrenaline course through his body, making all his senses go on high alert. He feels his heart start to beat quickly as if he were running a race and his palms started to sweat. He vacillates between wanting to know what was happening and denying that anything was wrong, but he knew that whatever was wrong, they would deal with it together. They were a team now, had been for many years and he did not worry that Brian would throw him out or keep him in the dark.
Brian sat at the kitchen table and looked at the mail that was sitting in the middle of the table. He picked up a piece as if he was looking for an important letter or check but then he would put each piece down and repeat the sequence. He did not look at Justin nor did he acknowledge his existence.
"The doctor… but he thinks…." Brian put his head in his hands and closed his eyes. He swallowed several times and smacked his lips trying to wet them in hopes of forcing the words out.
Justin reached for him, laying his hand on Brian's arm for support and waited for him to continue. His mind was screaming that nothing could be wrong, that the doctors were wrong, that it was all a mistake, but in a corner of his mind he knew those were wishes that weren't going to come true this time.
"Lukemia- result of all that radiation. Fucking radiation that killed the cancer the first time going to kill my fucking blood. Fucking ironic."
Words of encouragement and statements regarding how everything was going to be okay filled Justin's mind but he knew his partner would laugh at them and tell him that words didn't matter. He knew Brian would deny that the diagnosis was affecting him, both mentally and physically, and fight with all his being. He always said doctors paint the worst picture and then when you turn out better than they predicted, it was because they were wonderful. But right now, Justin wanted to comfort him, to hold him in his arms, to have all the answers regarding treatment and life expectancy. Life expectantcy. Shit! Brian cannot die. I cannot live without him. He's got to fight this. The thought that Brian may not survive hit Justin with such force that he felt as if someone knocked the breath out of him. He took several deep breaths and waited for Brian to continue.
"I love you," Justin said softly and leaned in to give Brian a soft kiss.
Brian looked at Justin, the water accumulating in his eyes trying to push out the tears. Brian appreciated Justin's lack of histrionics, but he knew from the look of his face that he was fighting tears and the urge to gain comfort from his partner. He stood up and held his hand out to Justin, nodding toward the stairs leading to the bedroom. Justin took his hand and followed him as he would follow his love anywhere he led.
They entered the bedroom and Brian slowly unbuttoned Justin's shirt. After each button, Brian kissed the soft skin and ran his hand back and forth across the pale torso. When the shirt was totally unbuttoned, he helped Justin take it off and then he threw it towards the chair. He unbuttoned his own shirt in quick order and then wraped his arms around Justin's chest, pressing his body next to his. Inhaling the scent of his partner, he allowed the familiar scent to wash over him, calming his anxiety and relaxing him for the first time in several hours. Caressing Justin's back, he felt the familiar muscles and slid his hands down to the dip just above his tailbone.
Justin unbuttoned his jeans and pushed them down as Brian mirrors his movements. Brian walked them back to the bed, where he gently pushed Justin back until he falls on the bed and then he followed him, lying on top of him. They are naked now, Brian on top and engulfing Justin's body. Kissing Justin, he starts by tender soft kisses on his lips, but Justin opens his mouth and gently swipes his tongue over Brian's tongue and soon they are open mouthed and exploring each other's tongues, tasting the uniqueness of their partner.
Brian feels Justin erection hard beneath his torso, but ignores it, preferring to lose himself in the taste and sounds that Justin is making in response to their kissing. Justin has always been a vocal partner and today is no different. Brian is taking in every nuance of their lovemaking, savoring the feel, touch, smell and taste of his partner; subconsciously knowing that things will change soon, at least temporarily. He is storing this event for the future, for the time when he may be too sick or too filled with chemicals to join his partner in the connection of love.
Justin unconsciously pushes up toward Brian, wanting the friction against his cock and Brian pushes back, providing the desired friction. Justin wraps his arms around Brian's back, running them up and down the long expanse of tan skin. The feel of Brian on top of him familiar, yet exciting. Their love making never gets old and Justin allows his mind to focus on the moment, the lovemaking at hand rather than the news that Brian just gave him. At this moment in time, they are two lovers in sync with each other, providing the most exquisite pleasure that two people can give to each other.
"Inside,' Justin whispers. He knows Brian understands his request and will fulfill it soon.
Brian lifts himself off Justin, leaving both men a little bereft for the short moment it takes him to gather the lube and prepare his partner. Gently he covers Justin again and then slides himself into Justin, pushing gently at the tight opening.
Justin widens his legs to allow a larger opening and pushes out to allow easier access. He sighs with pleasure as Brian breaches him and he pushes up to pull Brian into his body as far as possible. Brian lies there, feeling the smooth walls of Justin's body surround him. There are no barriers between them, physical and mental and he is thankful for his ability to sink into the comfort of Justin's body. He pulls out slightly and then pushes back in, repeating the motion slowly as he enjoys the way Justin accommodates him and they fit together. Their lovemaking is slow and deliberate, each thrust meant to bring maximum pleasure to both men. No matter how long each man would like to prolong their joining, their bodies have other ideas and soon each one finds their bodies speeding the pace; Brian pistoning in and out with a faster pace and Justin arching up to meet each thrust. Their breaths come in pants as they race to the finish, Brian releasing his cum into his partner. Brian envelopes Justin's body again, lying quietly on top of him as he waits for his heart to slow down and return to normal beating.
"Thank you," he whispers as he lies his head down on Justin's shoulder, a favorite place, comforting and familiar.
Justin knows better than to respond, giving Brian a hug instead. The hug telling both men the message of love, acceptance and togetherness sent and received. Justin understands that their lovemaking was a way for Brian to reaffirm the normality of the day, but it is also a thank you to Justin for loving him and knowing when to talk and when to let their bodies do the talking. He knows that talking will come, pain and heartache will be a part of their lives for a while, but he knows that Brian loves him and Brian will not turn his back on his love. The thank you from Brian is filled with promises that Justin understands and accepts.
Today, at this moment it is the two of them, but later they will face the world together.
The end.