Chapter 1

I was pumping gas into my car when my phone started ringing in my pocket. I feel scared to see who's calling me now. There's only two people who can be calling me. Randy or Michelle my best friend. Randy would be calling me to say when he will be in town. Michelle would be calling to try and tell me to jsut walk away from Randy. The speech that she has given for a year now. Since the day I met Randy where I work.

She doesn't understand how much I love him, no one does. Not even him, maybe If i explain to her that I can't be without him. Its like an addiction that I can't get away from, If i do get away I'll just fall apart quickly and have a even harder time putting my life back into place. No one gets that Even though I told Michelle without him, I'm nothing. I'm just another person trying to pay car payment, house payment, light bill, phone, internet, food, internet, and gas bill. Living paycheck to paycheck trying to figure out what's on sale at the store to eat that one week before I have to go back the next week and see.

When I'm with him, my entire world is completely. There's no more pieces left to be placed, no more problems in my world, no worries. Nothing expect me and him together for that brief moment before he has to go home to his wife. It's like time stops completely and doesn't go again til we have to go back to our normal life. That's what I hate the most, when we both have to seperate. It's to take longer to see him than anything else in this world and then when he's over time flys by like a snap. I want that forever, but Michelle has a point. He won't leave his wife and thats something that I have to accept.

My eye moved down to my caller Id to see that Its Michelle.

"Hello."

"Hey are you ok?"

"Yeah why?"

"Well I guess, I thought you'd be heartbroken since you said you'd break up with him (Randy. She don't like to say his name.)

"I haven't broken up with him yet Michelle."

"Why?"

"I can't explain it."

Yes you can. You think he's going to leave his wife for you, you're going to be mistaken because you're the side girl while she's his center piece in his entire world."

Her sentence echo through my world slowly.

"I LOVE HIM!"

She didnt say nothing for a while making me almost hang up and recall her to see if she had fainted or not. It does feel good to tell someone expect my mind that I love him. I love everyhting about him, his smile, his jokes, his laugh, his tattoos, his voice.I can't lose that ever, if i do my whole life is over. My world revolves around him. I think he knows that to. We haven't said anything about that yes, but I can only hope that he feels the same way about me.

"I understand that Carolina, but trust me he doesn't feel the same way about you. I overheard him talking to some of his friends about how he's just using you. I don't want to see you get hurt even more than Tyler hurt you. This isn't going to help make the pain goa way or the memories of you and Tyler. This is only going ot make you hurt ten times worser in the future. Get out of that kind of relationship now please."

I waited a few minutes hanging up the gas nozle before putting cap back on and closing my gas lid shut.

"I want this, plus this isn't about Tyler at all."

I climbed in my car putting it on speaker phone, before I started my car and pulled away on the to my house. I do want this kind of relationship, i can keep some things secret and we can see each other everry once in a while that gives us plenty of time apart. We won't have to grow tired of each other. The perfect kind of realtionship for me and him.

"Think about this Carolina a little more.I got to go get ready for work. You work friday starting at 5:00."

"Alright thanks."

I pushed the phone off and turned onto my street scared that I might actually be considering her advice to end this relationship for good. Maybe if i did my life might make sense again. Right now, I dont ever want to make sense of things or the past. Looking back on the past makes my heart ache every moment it's in the past. When I look at Randy or on our past times together, I feel whole again. Like my life can't get any better than it is when we're together. I guess Michelle don't understand that, her and her boyfriend have been together since freshman year.

Tyler and me met junior year of high school, he was the almost the average student. Sure he was on the football team, but he partied alot and was so mean to me and everyone else.I didn't really want to end things with him because I liked him so much and I think he knew that. That's probably why he left me in the first place, I let him get by with everything scared to pick a fight with him.

I do the same with Randy. I let everything slip so I won't cause a fight between us. Maybe I should be more tougher, but keep my soft place in my heart for when we're not fighting. Does that sound like a plan? It does to me. If I mix both angry and love between situations maybe our relationship can grow stronger.

I didn't notice the black hummer parked in front of my house until my thoughts cleared for a brief moment giving me and my brain a quick break. Randy stood by his driver's door with a smile on his face moving to stand straight ahead of me as I pulled in behind him slowly. I can feel my heart skipping beats every minute that goes by that I look at him. I moved quickly grabbing my bag and keys before I came out of the car to see his smile mroe alive now than ever.

"Hey babe."

"Hey." I said.

My voice sounded shy and blushful like.

" I got in earlier thought I might surprise you. Only I have to leave later tonight to get back to the show by tommorrow for an appearance I have to make."

"Oh." My voice sounded more hurt and sad than I wanted it to made my head drop to the concrete, I want to be the understanding one not the disappointed one.

He came closer to me slowly putting his finger under my chin and lift my eyes back up to his. I saw a sweet and caring smile as his hand came in mine. We slowly started walking toward the house. Should I ask him what he thinks of me? I'll ask him later before he leaves maybe then we can have a reasonable talk.

His movement became more swift as he opened the door and lead us in before going start to the bedroom. He slipped my purse onto the couch by the window in my room and then he picked me up gentle letting me become eye level with him before he kissed me slowly. The few hours were so sweet and comfortable I didn't want them to end, but when Randy's movement made me come back to the house. He was up now grabbing his clothes that had been sent all over the room, now's a good time as any.

I said "How do you feel about me?"

He said "I like you alot can't you tell."

I said "Michelle was telling me about you talking to some of your other friends about how you're just using me."

He said "Don't believe nothing she says, she's just jealous trust me baby."

He finished up his clothes gather before slipping in to the bathroom. The way his voice came out sound like he was lying to me, maybe it was something else I heard. Yeah that's it. I'll just forget all about it, that's the right thing to do. Right?

The bathroom door coming open made my mind come back to the house and over and the bathroom door seeing him hunt for his shoes.

"I'll call you later bye."

Without even a single kiss he was gone. I sat there for the longest time thinking that this was a mistake maybe he's just tired from working alot. Yep that's it, he did seem a little tired earlier. I don't think I noticed it til now. I sent a silent pray to my heart and my mind to let that be true before I laid back down and let sleep creep into me slowly.

Reviews please. Trash it or keep going? Rename it or Leave it?