If you could go back and tell someone everything you ever wanted to say, everything you ever felt, everything you were sorry for, would you do it? And if you did, how would you? In person? In a letter? In song? Did you expect a reaction? Did you hope for some positive feedback? Did you expect him to run into your arms and confess everything he's been feeling, and how he's never truly gotten over you? Oh, sorry, I'm ranting again, and you don't even know the full story.
I guess you could say it all started in sophomore year. I mean, I knew Finn Hudson before, at least, I knew the name, but had never really talked to him. He was cute, but I didn't even bother because he was unattainable. What's the point in liking the high-school star quarterback when you're a total nobody? But then, Finn joined glee club, and something changed. We now shared a common interest, something to bring us together. Now that we shared this bond, Finn went from cute to hot. He went from unattainable to...well, still unattainable. That's right, I forgot to mention he had a girfriend. Quinn Frabray. Head cheerleader, Quinn Frabray. At first, it seemed like a longshot, stealing Finn from Quinn. She was much prettier and popular, she already had Finn, and they seemed relatively happy. Also, I'll admit, at first I came on a little strong and scared Finn. But after many glee practices and special sessions, I began to soften him to me, and he became comfortable around me. Pretty soon, the chemistry between us was obvious, but there was one problem: Quinn. It seemed like an easy solution, he could dump Quinn and come to me, but no, this is high school, things are never that easy. Quinn was pregnant, and Finn was the father. Here's the sad part; although I knew this, I kept chasing after him, although it was a lost cause. Finn loved Quinn, and I shouldn't try to come between it. But someone else already had. Noah Puckerman. Puck was known for being a rebel and not having morals, but cheat with your best friend's girlfriend? That was low, even for him. As it turned out, Puck was the father of the baby, not Finn. Yes, once I acquired that information I may have slipped it to Finn for my own personal gain, but he needed to know. Finn beat up Puck, Quinn was crying, Finn dumped Quinn, Finn hated Quinn, Finn hated Puck, Quinn hated Puck, Puck felt guilty, Quinn hated herself, Finn felt stupid, I felt guilty, it was absolutely horrible. But, even after all that, Finn managed to find love again, ME. We had a short thing before he broke it off, then I started dating Jesse St. James and the love triangle repeated itself. Then Jesse dumped me and I was heartbroken. Tensions were finally gone once Quinn had her baby, Puck loved Quinn, Quinn secretly loved Puck, all was well. As for Finn and I? Well, I loved him, he loved me back, and neither of us were afraid to admit it.
It's the greatest feeling in your life, loving someone who loves you back, and that's how I felt every day with Finn. Someone you could always trust, someone who would love you no matter what. But then...it happened. Well, techincally it happened a while ago, but I didn't know for months. Finn lied. He wasn't a virgin. He had sex. With SANTANA. I was angry, furious! I had to do something. I made out with Puck. But before we went to far, he left. He didn't want to hurt Finn again. I guess he really does have morals. But anyway, Finn and I patched everything up, and agreed no more secrets. So, I told him about the Puck thing, thinking it was no big deal. I thought wrong. I had cheated on him. I was never supposed to hurt him like this, because I loved him in a way that Quinn never did. But I failed at that. We fought, we broke up, I cried, and that was that. It was over. Time went on...slowly. In the beginning, each day was a struggle. I felt that I could love no one else, and he would never forgive me. Dramatic, I know, but did you really expect anything less from Rachel Berry? Like in all relationships, life moves on. It was obvious Finn and I still had feelings for each other, but they were hidden deep inside. The magic we once shared had been replaced with awkward tension. Finn had his fair share of girlfriends after me, each relationship shorter than the last, never living up to the standards of the feelings he and I once shared. I did some moving on myself, and by the end of junior year was romantically involved with Noah Puckerman. It wasn't like the fling we had in sophomore year, this was real. We stayed together all through Senior year. I loved him, he loved me, but when it came time to go our separates ways, me going to an elite performing arts school and Puck to the military, it seemed we didn't love each other enough to have a long-distance relationship.
I guess that's all you need to know...for now. High School is long behind me, and most of the people from it barely slip my mind. But even years after the relationship, me now being 25, the name Finn Hudson keeps coming up. But why?
"I'm sorry, Miss Berry, it's just not what we're looking for." The Record Dealer said seriously.
"But, Mr. Brynes, I've improved it so much!" Rachel begged.
"Listen, Rachel, here's your problem. Your songs have to much emotion. Nobody cares for a good ballad these days."
"So that's why I changed it!" She said.
"Yes, and now it has too little emotion." Mr. Brynes told her frankly.
"But...then...I'll fix it again! There has to be something I can do!" She pleaded.
"I'm sorry, Rachel. Maybe you're not cut out for this city. Maybe you were just a big fish in a small pond. Or maybe you just haven't had you're breakout moment yet. Don't worry, you'll find it." Mr. Brynes said, handing back her demo.
"Keep it." Rachel said, and stormed out.
Rachel was sick of this. It was the same thing every time. She recorded a song, and got rejected. Big fish in a small pond...not cut out for Los Angeles...who did Mr. Brynes think he was? It wouldn't be a bad thing to say if she wasn't destined to be a star.
It was a pathetic confession, to say that this had happened before, at many different record labels. It was pathetic to admit that Rachel now had a routine for it. After every rejection, Rachel would go home to her apartment, order some Chinese food, and cry while she watched videos of her old glee club. It sounded stupid, but watching that really did make her feel special. When she had been the star, the leader. What went wrong?
Rachel opened the door, dropped off her coat and bag, and went to phone. Sadly, she had the Chinese restuarant's number by heart now. She noticed the phone light was blinking, meaning she had a voicemail.
"Hey, Rachel, it's Puck, I mean, it's Noah." Puck's familiar voice came from the phone, surprising Rachel. "Listen, I know this is last minute, and I know it's crazy, but I'm coming back to Lima tommorrow, I'm gonna be on leave for a little bit, and maybe...I dunno, you wanna come by and meet me there. I know we haven't seen each other in...years...but, it could be fun, ya know?"
Rachel replayed the voicemail two more times. Puck hadn't called in years...at first they kept in contact, with a letter or phone call every now and then, but it just died out. And now, out of the blue, he wanted her to fly back in to Lima, Ohio? It seemed pretty riducolous. But yet...she hadn't been back to Lima in years, ever since she moved out. She hadn't ever visited her dads in Lima, they always came to her, and it'd be nice to be back at her old home for once. Maybe she could visit her mother, she hadn't seen her in years, or maybe even Mr. Schuester, he had been quite a role model to her. What if she saw...Finn? Lima was a small town, was it not? But, no, Finn moved out of Lima, Rachel was almost sure. He moved to Chicago, right? But how could she be certain, she hadn't talked to Finn in years...She supposed there was only one way to find out, as she booked her ticket to Lima...