This came to me once during history class. I won't ask for reviews, but getting them will make me feel really guilty if I don't update quick enough. I don't own Invader Zim.

The Zim and Dib Romance

Chapter I

Just apologize already!

Zim walked along the path to skool. He cursed at a few animals that dared to cross his path. And he was especially mad at the bird that apparently thought he was a cricket where it sat on a branch, and looked at him with hungry eyes. By the time he reached his destination, he was, to put it mildly, pissed. So when the stupid Dib thing appeared in front of him, he refused to be placid.

"Hi, Zim. You look good," Dib smiled gently.

"You're lying!" Zim shouted while waving his hands about.

"You do realize you kind of just insulted yourself?"

"… You think you are so smart, you Dib human, but you are NOT! YOU ARE STUPID! … Why were you complementing me anyway? We're enemies."

"Just making conversation I guess. So why are you in a worse mood than usual?"

"GIR made me eat over twenty waffles for breakfast."

As Dib went on about his own morning, Zim suddenly began to wonder when and why the two of them had become friends. After being on the earth for such a long time and postponed the take over the earth thing until further notice the two of them had gradually become close. Not that they would ever admit that to each other, but they were well aware of the others thoughts about the matter. The only thing that annoyed Zim was that Dib had grown disgustingly much taller than him. When people questioned his lack of height, he'd blame the skin decease and explain that it also affected his growth. Dib had also grown a lot more handsome. He no longer wore those thick, round glasses that had been replaced with some new ones that were more stylish and modern. He still wore black coats but they suited him much more. This annoyed Zim as well when he thought about it. He wanted to be taller and such too. He was still the same old Zim, like he always had been. No change whatsoever.

"So Zim, any plans to take over the world?" Dib half joked.

"No, I do not have any plan to take over this ball of mud and liquid of pain and agony that you call earth!" he growled.

"It's called water Zim…"

"IT'S LIQUID OF PAIN AND AGONY"

"Fine. You want to stop by the arcade on the way home. They got a new game called doom."

"Well, since I have nothing better to do I shall honour you with my presence."

"Sounds great. See you at lunch." Dib waved goodbye and vanished in the crowd.

Zim looked after him. High Skool annoyed him. He was no longer in Dib's class. Yet they both still had Ms. Bitters… at the same time. Oh well. It could be worse. When Dib finally realised that no one cared, he stopped talking about paranormal stuff, even though it was all he ever thought about still, and the two of them managed to get some friends that way. Zim too, because he was always with Dib. Of course, Zim was Dib-Stink's bestest and most important friend… even though none of them would ever admit that.

"Zim, you are confusing yourself. Get a grip!" Zim shouted into the air, his arms flapping about. Everyone else was used to this and simply walked around him to avoid getting hit.

Zim was waiting outside of the skool. The birds were looking at him with hungry eyes again. Students walked past him while laughing and talking to each other, but the certain worm-baby he was waiting for never showed. He hadn't showed in the cafeteria either. Leaning towards the brick wall surrounding the skool, he waited by the skool gates. An hour late, the Dib thing exited. Zim jumped out in front of the boy and glared.

"You're late!" he shouted so loudly the dark haired boy almost fell backwards.

"What are you talking about Zim? I tried to call you, but you didn't answer and then I texted you," Dib said calmly back, knowing that Zim hated that.

"YOU'RE LY…" Zim found himself rudely interrupted by a large hand covering his mouth. When had Dib's hands grown so much?

"Check your phone before you accuse me of lying," Dib hissed.

Zim did as he was told, for once, since he was sure, for once, that Dib was in fact lying. He looked at his phone, and his head dropped. Three missed calls, all from Dib and a text saying 'Don't wait for me. I'm busy with some sudden student council work all day. Won't be able to meet you at lunch either. Dib.'

"Okay, you weren't lying… well, whatever. Let's go to the arcades!" Zim grabbed Dib by the hand and pulled him along, genuinely thinking that the conversation was over. Dib however, did not agree on that. He pulled the alien back. "What?"

"Apologize!"

"For what?"

"Saying that I was lying."

"I admitted that I was wrong. There are limits to how low I will sink for a worm baby like you."

"Fine. It's not like you to admit fault anyway. Let's go. But you have to learn to apologize sooner or later."

"Why would I, the mighty ZIM, need to apologize to anyone?"

"Maybe you haven't noticed, but you are far from mighty here on earth. And the way you act, it's weird you haven't gotten into more trouble than you have."

"That is nonsense! What have I ever done, to you for example, that need to be apologized for?" Dib just looked at Zim like he was the dumbest person on earth. Zim did not like that? "What?"

"Are you joking?"

"About what?"

"About never doing anything to me! You have done hundreds of things that you should apologize for… at least!"

"Like what?"

"Like sending me to space, stealing my organs, all the times you have tried to kill me and harm my family, and all the times you said my head was big!"

"That hurt your confusing and strange human feelings?" Zim asked. He really hadn't realised.

"OF COURSE! It's not my fault my head is like this." Dib touched his head.

"If it helps, you've really grown into it."

"… it does, but I still want you to apologize. I'll let it go if you say sorry."

"No."

"What?"

"I did not know that it hurt your feelings, and therefore I'm not obliged to apologize. Instead, I will refrain from doing any of those things again."

"That makes sense in a way that does not!" Dib shouted.

"I don't understand you DIB WORM!" Zim shouted back. They glared at each other for a while, turned around and huffed before walking each their way.

Dib was lying on his couch, moping. He wasn't sure why. It was because of the fight with Zim, but why did he care? Gaz sat down next to him. She glanced at him quickly and took the remote. When Dib didn't make any reaction to her taking the remote, she changed the channel. He was still just lying there. She almost wanted to ask what was wrong. Almost. A Bloaty's pizza hog commercial distracted her.

"Hello son and daughter!" their father said excitedly. It took them a while to realize that he was actually in the room with them.

"Hey dad," they said in unison.

"Why so glum son?" he asked and sat down in between them.

"I kind of had a fight with one of my friends," Dib explained.

"Since when did you have friends? Is it that green guy?" Gaz mocked.

"I have other friends! … but it is him."

"What did you fight about, son?" Dr. Membrain asked.

"That he won't apologize for anything."

"What has he done to you then?"

"He called my head big! Many times! And you know, stole my organs, and sent me to space and so on."

"But you have grown into your head now son. I don't see any reason why he should bully you about that."

Dib looked at his father. "Was my head really that big?" he wondered.

"My god yes! I remember when I had to shove you out of me. It felt like I was giving birth to a huge basketball! Eventually they had to get you out with a c-section."

Both Dib and Gaz stared at their father. Neither really sure how to comprehend the situation. "What did you say?" Dib finally asked.

"What? I never told you that I was the one to give birth to you?" Dr. Membrain asked confused.

"Aren't you male Dad?" Gaz asked.

"I am. That was the problem, but of course, I found a solution to it. I operated an artificial womb inside of me!"

"By yourself?" Dib asked.

"Yes. Why?"

"Nothing," the two children said at once.

"Then who is our… father?" Dib asked. He was a little afraid of the answer.

"Random men I met at a gay bar. Have you never wondered why you two don't look alike?"

"Not really the conclusion I got to, Dad," Gaz said.

"Well, now you know. I was sure I put this in my biography…" Dr. Membrain mumbled as he left the room.

Gaz and Dib just sat quietly on the couch, processing the new information. Dib was the first to speak. "Gaz? Did you know dad was gay?"

"I had my suspicions. Didn't think he had given birth to us though."

"But I thought you had read his biography."

"I stopped when I reached his teen years. There is only so much you want to know about your own father. When he had his first wet dream is not one of them."

Dib stared at Gaz who had started watching TV again. What kind of book is dad's biography anyway? A thought suddenly hit him. Am I gay? For Zim?

Zim glared at the TV. He wanted to walk around, shouting nonsense, but of everyone, Gir, had told him to be quiet because the angry monkey show was on. Stupid monkey! The show was over and Gir turned off the TV. The robot sat quietly for a moment, just staring into the air, then suddenly he started screaming and laughing hysterically.

"That monkey is angry!" he laughed, then suddenly went quiet again.

Zim looked at him for a moment, then he suddenly got an idea. "GIR!" he shouted and jumped of the couch.

"Yes Mastah!" The robot's eyes went red for a few seconds, bit turned light blue again quickly.

"I have decided to turn every human into Monkeys!" Zim chuckled, and then the chuckles turned into an evil laugh. He stopped, however, when he noticed Gir wasn't joining him. "What?" he asked.

"Didn't we already try that once?" Gir wondered.

Zim thought for a moment.

Flashback

The headquarter was filled with monkeys. Several of them were trying to pull out Zim's antennas. Gir ran away from them screaming. The poor robot was terrified.

"I'll turn you back! I'll turn you back!" Zim cried. "Just leave me alone!" Something mushy and smelly suddenly hit the back of his head. "Who threw that dookie?"

End Flashback

"Right, let's not repeat that error. Then, let's turn them into PIGGIES!"

"We tried that too."

"Right. The smell of dookie was unbearable. How about horsies?"

Gir looked at Zim like he was stupid. "Do you even want to try that?" Gir asked.

"No. You're right for once Gir. Horsies aren't a good idea. Too big and their hoofs are dangerous… How about DOGS!"

"No," Gir said bluntly.

"But Gir?"

"Just no."

Zim looked a bit at Gir. "You're slightly out of character today. Did something happen?"

"I smashed my head in the wall earlier. Do you want waffles? I want waffles!" Gir said excitedly and ran into the kitchen, leaving Zim alone by the TV.

"Could this be?" Zim asked himself. "Can I, the mighty ZIM, be in a rut? I have been out of the game for too long. The truce with Dib has ruined my brilliance! I swear that by the end of today, I shall come up with the most brilliant plan yet!"

Two weeks later

"Hello friend," Zim said to Keef. He was standing in the cafeteria, talking to his previous bestest friend.

Keef looked up at him with huge eyes. "Hi Zim," he smiled.

"Say, if you wanted to take over the world… how would you do it?" Zim asked.

Keef scratched his red hair as he thought. "… turn everyone into slugs?" he suggested finally.

"NO! Too slimyyyy. TRY AGAIN!"

"Uh… ants?"

"NO!"

"Beatles?"

"NO!"

"Monkeys?"

"Absolutely nooooo!"

"Hey Zim," Dib said as he suddenly appeared behind Zim.

"Wha!" Zim screamed and jumped up on Keef's head. "What are you doing, Dib stink?" Zim asked from the top of Keef's head.

"Just saying hi… I want to talk to you."

"Too bad. I'm having a very interesting conversation with my bestest friend…this guy," Zim said and pointed at Keef.

"You don't even know his name, do you?" Dib chuckled.

"Of course I know the name of my bestest friend. It's Bib!" Zim said proudly and jumped off of Keef's head.

"Actually, it's Keef," Keef corrected.

"YOU'RE LYING!"

"Can't we just talk, Zim?"

Zim thought for a moment. Dib looked upset and it made his squeedily spooch twist. "Fine, but only because my bestest friend just betrayed me by lying."

Zim followed Dib out of the cafeteria and into the hallway that was void of students during lunch. Dib leaned to the wall and closed his eyes. His expression seemed resigned. "Why are you walking around school asking people how they would take over the world?" he asked.

"No reason… I've volunteered to help with a survey for the yearbook."

"You're lying."

"Hey! That's m…"

"I've missed you Zim."

Zim was speechless. That had never happened before. And that Dib had actually been rude enough to interrupt him had gone right by him. "What?" he asked after several minutes of uncomfortable silence.

"I've missed you Zim. Things are really boring without you. So I'm willing to be the bigger man and let the fact that you haven't apologized slide."

"NO! Why are you the bigger man? I want to be the bigger man!"

"Then you have to apologize."

"Fine! I'm So-so-so-sor-so…" Zim took a deep breath. "I'msorryIsaidyourheadwasbigandforstealingyourorgansandallthatotherstuff!"

"I guess that'll do. You're the bigger man," Dib giggled. "And apology accepted."

"It better be!" Zim growled. "So…" Zim's expression softened. "Not mortal enemies anymore?"

"No." They shook hands, but Dib was still looking strange. Zim was just about to ask what was wrong when Dib bent down and pressed his lips against Zim's. Zim had seen this been done on others before, but had never really understood what it meant. It didn't feel bad. The larger human put his arms around him and pulled him closer. Zim was slightly wondering why he wasn't protesting. It simply felt really good. Even when the Dib thing inserted a little bit of tongue. Dib let go of Zim and stepped back.

"What was that?" Zim asked confused.

"A kiss. You didn't know?"

"Should I have?" Zim wondered, slightly insulted.

"It's just something people do when they really like someone," Dib explained.

"Like with your bestest friend?"

"No… with your lover… I guess."

"Your lover? What does that mean?"

"A lover is… the most important person to you. You spend a lot of time with them, go on dates… and kiss, like we did now."

"I see." Zim rubbed his chin as he thought hard. "And dates are?" he asked.

"It's just like hanging out like we usually do, only it's called something different when you're lovers."

Zim nodded to show he understood. He kept thinking and began pacing a bit back and forth in front of Dib. "And there will be more of this kissing thing?"

"Hopefully lots of it."

"Okay! Zim will honour you by being your lover. The person more important to you than even your bestest friend. Now, let us kiss again. Zim like!" Zim smirked and quickly jumped Dib. As they lay on the floor, Zim pressed their lips together again. He really liked this kissing thing.