I DO NOT OWN VAMPIRE DIARIES OR ANY OF THEIR CHARCTERS…SADLY. I AM STILL TRYING TO FIGURE OUT IF I WANT TO KEEP GOING ON WITH THIS STORY. HOPEFULLY THE REVIEWS GIVE ME MY ANSWER
Dear diary,
It has been 2 months since Damon and I separated. I feel so lost and confused, he asked me to marry him and I got scared, why? He loves me and I love him but I am starting to think that if I allow happiness into my life somebody is going to die. First my parents, then John, and now Jeremy; I can't keep nothing happy or stable in my life and I couldn't risk Damon to be affected by my curse. I know that this seems selfish but I need him to be alright, I need him to see my point that I am trying to save him, even if that means sacrificing my happiness.
I seen him at the Grill yesterday by the bar-typical Damon, but this time it was different he looked pale and weak, almost human. He was drinking back to back and I watched him hurting and I couldn't help him cope with the pain because it was caused by me. I wanted to go over there and say something but I figured he wouldn't even acknowledge me there or he will yell. Truthfully, I just couldn't look him in that beautiful face because if I did I would beg him to take me back the second my eyes caught a hold of his. But, I can't pick and choose when I want him and when I don't. I made this decision and I know that it is eating me inside and out but it a choice that I have to live with.
I didn't realized that I was crying till I had tears fall onto my page of my diary spreading the newly form ink on the page. My chest ache and my heart were splitting and there were no pills in my medicine cabinet to stop the pain. I turned the light off and wrapped my arms around myself tight to keep my body still from shaking. I looked out the window as the moonlight came through the curtains and landed on the side of my face. Just the darkness and I, as the tears came to halt and before my eyes closed I couldn't help but to think that we are the perfect couple, darkness and misery.
I woke up the next morning feeling slightly better than last night. At least my headache was gone. I walked inside the bathroom to get ready to take a shower. I took a shower but have left my clothes in my room. I gathered my clothes of the floor and headed towards my room but froze at the door. "Stefan".
"Hello Elena, I was going to call but I thought it would be better to talk to you in person. I am sorry for barging through your window than the door but I heard the shower on and decided to wait for you here" he stated. He was obviously more worrying than his normal brooding self.
"It's okay I am just surprised to see you, um can you give me about ten minutes to get dress and then we can talk" I said embarrassed as I wrap the towel around my body tighter. He then took notice of my outfit and looked away.
"Sure I will wait for you downstairs". He then closed my bedroom door as I heard the faint steps going into the living room. My mind was racing now. I wondering what was he doing here, and is everything ok. We didn't really leave on good terms since I had chosen the other brother but we did manage to have a hello and bye friendship. As my mind was wheeling in I decided to get dress so I can just ask what he was doing here.
I walked over to put a black t-shirt on and some black skinny leg jeans. I looked in the mirror and smirked at myself "I guess Damon rubbed off on me" I was not going anywhere so I just decided to put my wet hair in a loose bun and some black socks. I looked up at myself in the mirror and sighed I guess it time to go downstairs.
I slowly walked down the stairs into the living room to see Stefan patiently waiting on the couch. He smiled as I came down the stairs. I walked over to the opposite coach and silently sat down. "So how have you been Stefan" I was trying to make small talk, at least it will smooth out this awkward silence in the room. He looked over at me and smiled with his eyes since it didn't reach his lips, "I have been good, Bonnie and I finally settled into the new house"
"That's good so why are you here" I said blandly just trying to get to the point now.
The worry look returned to the face as he started, "I went to visit Damon and he doesn't look like the normal Damon, he is starving himself Elena. I tried to make him drink blood bags but he keeps refusing. The only thing that he will do is drink alcohol. I even tried to slip some blood inside his alcohol but he figured it out and doesn't even drink anything inside the house anymore. I do not know what to do Elena. He won't eat and he is growing sicker by the day. All he does is drink and sits by the fire. This is the first time I have ever seen him like this, he didn't even act like this with Katherine and judging by the way you look too that the two of you are hurting but you need to talk to him. I wouldn't ask you this if this wasn't crucial but I think he will only listen to you".
I was absolutely speechless. I had caused Damon this much pain that he would rather die than go through it. What have I done? How can I be this cruel? I looked at Stefan face that was worry with pain when he seen me crying I quickly turned and ran into my room and slammed the door. The tears came out fiercely against my pillow and I did not know how to stop them. My mind had dismissed the fact that Stefan had walked up the stairs behind me and opened the door and slowly approached my bed. I turned around to face him and opened my mouth to say words but nothing came out. I just laid crying thinking that I hurt everything that I come into contact with, first Stefan and now Damon. I started to cry harder when Stefan sat down on my bed and pushed the hair away from my face. "Elena I know that we didn't end on the best terms but you can always talk to me about anything even if it is about Damon. I know you love him and you still do. I care about you and I know this is hurting you but it is not good to keep this bottle up inside. I know what holding emotions can do to a person and I would not want to wish that upon someone else especially you Elena. I do not know what happen between you two but if you ever want to talk about it Elena I am one phone call away."He silently finished while stroking me hair while the tears started to dry up.
After all the hurt and pain that I caused Stefan he still manages to be a friend. I slowly sat up and wiped the rest of the tears away from my face and hugged him and whispered "thank you Stefan". He hugged me tighter and mumbled, "Your welcome Elena". I finally let him go and ask him can he take me to the boarding house he nodded quickly and went down the stairs while I fixed my hair and put on shoes and a jacket. I went down the stairs and quickly wrote a note to Jenna telling her I went to the boarding house and that I will be back later.
The car ride to the boarding house was silent all the way there but I didn't complain. I enjoyed the silence as I try to mentally prepare myself for the face to face moment with Damon. I stared out the window and completely got lost in thought until Stefan had called my name to tell me that we finally were here. I took in a deep breath and unlocked my seat belt and got out the car. I closed the door and walked up the pathway to the boarding house. I looked back at the car at Stefan who decided to wait in the car to give us time to ourselves. I turned around back to the door and I knew that it was unlocked like always so I gently pushed it open. I walked into the parlor knowing that is where I will found Damon. The room reeked of alcohol and I felt a contact high just walking in the room. I seen Damon sitting facing the fire and I knew he could sense my presence because he squeezed his hand around the bottle that was in his hand.
I took a deep breath hoping that will slow down my quicken heartbeat. I just stand there until I finally choked up some confidence and quietly stated, "Hi Damon".