DISCLAIMER: DANNY PHANTOM BELONGS TO BUTCH HARTMAN, CARTOONIST EXTRAO- . . . Wait. Wrong fan fic. Erm. Yeah. Message is the same, though. I own nothing!

Author's Notes: This, my dears, is a PARODY. Just in case you didn't notice. =| This is dedicated to that mighty fine Phantom Sues blog over at LiveJournal. Great sporking, guys. :)

I can NOT stand the generic "new girl" stories floating around. They've been around for all six years of the fandom, but I began noticing a lot of them lately. They're all over the place.

Since this is from Danny's point of view, I thought it would make sense to ditch my British spellings (colour, flavour, grey, etc.). It was difficult to edit them out, but I think I snagged all of them. o.o

I think that this is the part of the fan fiction where the Sueauthor would say:

"LIEK OMG YEW GUISE THIS IS MAI FIK OMGOMGOMG PLZ REEVYOO!1 LUV ME, GAWD DAMMITZ!11ELevin1"

Ahem. Enjoy.

Chapter One
Susan. . . I Mean, Dani

I swear, my life gets stranger every day.

I can totally deal with staring. I don't care about the occasional, "Oh my God, you're Danny Phantom!" Some fans actually aren't that bad. (Some. Most are rabid.) I can deal with Sam's parents silent objection to their daughter dating a ghost, even if that ghost's a hero. I can even deal with the crazy religion-fanatics telling me that, even though I saved the world, I'm going to Hell anyway, and that my parents are doing Satan's work. Yeah. Real grateful. Whatever.

My point is that I don't really mind people knowing who I am. It saves me a lot of trouble and stress. My teachers give me a break now, so my grades are a whole lot better. They don't care if I have to come in late or if I have to leave to fight a ghost. It's pretty great. My parents don't want to kill me anymore, which is definitely a plus. Even the Guys in White are relaxing their anti-ecto laws, but I'm still being carefully monitored for any behavior changes. (I don't blame them after meeting my future self.) So, sure, I get chased down by obsessers and lunatics and sometimes the government; I can handle all of that.

Then there was Susan.

Susan, so you know, was admitted into Amity Park Mental Institution about a week ago. I'd feel worse for her if she didn't scare me so much. I actually had to have a restraining order placed against her. As much as I hated the idea, I had to do it. She was completely nuts. They had to carry her away in a straitjacket after she practically jumped on me.

I'm going to have to explain this a little more. . .

About a month ago, Casper High received a transfer student, Susan Williams. Susan was okay at first, I guess; she just seemed like a normal girl. Everything about her looked normal. She wasn't like any other girl I knew, but at the same time, she was like every other girl I knew. She was just. . . average. Not like "average" is a bad thing, but that's what she was. Average.

Well, she seemed average.

Everyone knew her name was Susan Williams. The teachers introduced her at the beginning of every class (or every class I had with her, anyway) as Susan Williams. So, obviously, that was her name. But, the first time she met me, she said, "Oh my God, you're Danny Phantom! My name is Daniella Krystaleen Sakura Ravynn Sapphyre Rose Ivory Ebony Malfoy! You can call me Silver or Bella or Naughty Veronica or Dani, though. I need to talk to you, Danny! I need to! It's important!"

So, she grabbed my hand and yanked me into the janitor's closet. My foot went straight into the mop-bucket, but I didn't really care. I was too worried about what she was going to do to me. If she tried anything, I thought that I could always beat her away with the mop. If I didn't use my powers, there'd be no problems with the Guys in White. I kept the mop in my sight, just in case.

Instead of doing something that would scar me for the rest of my life, Susan said, "Danny, I know your secret."

She said it like it was a big deal. It was like, in her head, she was the only one in the entire world who knew. My "secret" wasn't a secret anymore.

"What secret?" I asked.

"You're half-ghost," she said, eyes wide. "I know. But it's okay; I have secrets, too. Like, I'm half-ghost, just like you. And I'm actually the lost princess of the Ghost Zone."

"Huh?"

"Yeah! I'll show you!"

"Show me what?"

"This! My ghost form! Don't you see?"

Actually, I didn't see. All I saw was crazy Susan Williams slowly backing me into the wall. "Uh, no?"

"My hair is long and white with purple streaks, and my eyes are gold now, but they change color with my mood!"

"What?" By that point, I was seriously confused. Susan didn't have long white hair with purple streaks. It was the color of dishwater and only went a little past her shoulders. Her eyes were a flat brown, not gold. "Okay, uh, Dani. . . How do you know you're the lost princess of the Ghost Zone?"

"I've have a birthmark on my arm. It looks like a tattoo. I can show you that, too!" Susan eagerly yanked up one of her shirt sleeves, and on her arm, there was a. . . Honestly, I'm not sure what it was. It looked like one of those inkblot things psychiatrists use. Whatever it was, it wasn't a birthmark. Birthmarks aren't black.

"What is that?"

"My birthmark! It's a dragon circling a crown! It's the royal mark."

"Susan, I think that's from a Sharpie."

"Danny, my name is Dani or Bella or Rose or Naughty Veronica! 'Susan' is the name that the humans gave me to cover up my true lineage! They don't want an uber-powerful half-ghost, half-angel, half-demon, half-kitsune princess around!" Susan's voice grew louder and louder, and she started to cry. "Why don't you understand? I thought you'd actually understand me and my pain! My life has been so horrible and tragic, and I can't even come to you about it!"

". . . That's four halves."

"What?"

"That's four halves. I'm not good at math, but I'm smart enough to know that you can't be four halves of something."

"That doesn't apply in the Ghost Zone! There is no math! There is no logic or rules or anything silly like that, especially in my Kingdom of Randomness!"

"'Kingdom of Randomness?'"

"CHARTREUSE SQUIRRELS."

"What?"

"It's random! RANDOM! Laugh at my randomness! LAUGH AT IT!" Susan screeched. As she burst out of the janitor's closet, she laughed like the madwoman she was.

That was the beginning of the longest three weeks of my life.

Author's Notes: Yes, I AM continuing this. It relieves my stress.

"Naughty Veronica" is the name of a burlesque dancer. I don't know why I put her in the story; I guess it just sounded right. "Ebony" IS a reference to the infamous "My Immortal," as is the "Malfoy" bit. I've also noticed that many Sueauthors have a Twilight fixation. It makes me want to blow chunks, especially when they name their characters "Bella" or "Rosalie" or some variation of that. Augh.