Disclaimer: I don't own mall Santas, Santa, or the various characters from Pirates of the Caribbean.
This was written by T'Karish.
"Will, I feel stupid," Jack complained as he put on a white beard.
"It's for the kids," Will reminded him as he reluctantly put on the hat that completed his outfit. Ana Maria signed them up to dress up as Santa Claus and one of his elves for the week, because Jack "accidentally" robbed the Santa they had before.
"Call me Santa Claus. Captain Santa Claus," Jack struck a pose when he finished getting into his costume. They walked out into the thrall of squirming, wriggling, excited children standing in a crooked line. Jack reluctantly took a seat in the middle of a big, overdone Christmas display. Or at least it looked overdone to him.
Will led the first child up to Jack, and placed her on Jack's lap. Jack looked suspiciously at her, and then said halfheartedly, "Yo ho ho, Merry Christmas." The little girl looked up at him, confused. Jack sighed. "What do you want for Christmas?"
The girl answered, "I want a Sparklin' Suzie Barbie doll." Will took their picture, and the girl wandered back to her parents.
Jack leaned over and whispered to Will, "When this is over, I want you to find me the biggest, strongest bottle of beer you can find and give it to me." Will nodded absentmindedly, as he was about to bring another child up.
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*later*
All was going well, until he showed up. The child who MUST have been related to Barbossa. Or so Jack thought. Will brought him up, like the others. He sat on his lap, like the others. Only this child wasn't content with sitting on his lap.
Jack asked, in a bored voice, "What do you want for Christmas?" The boy squinted up at him. He began to experimentally tug on Jack's beard. It began to fall off.
"You're not Santa Claus!" the boy exclaimed, as if this was the most important discovery of his life. The other children became quiet, looking at this impostor. Indignant looks began to be thrown his way. Then some children ran up to him and took away his hat and wig. They once again looked at this man, who was not Santa Claus, this man who had black hair and was looking at them in a very un-Santa Claus-y way.
Jack began to inch out of the way of the children, not wanting to be there if they should decide that he was not a nice man to impersonate Santa. Unfortunately, just as he began to move, the children decided just that. Jack leaped over the Santa chair and took cover behind the over-decorated Christmas tree, hoping the children wouldn't notice him.
Will grabbed him and started dragging him away, apologizing as he went. "I'm sorry, I'm afraid Santa wasn't available, so this man must have decided to try to take his place. We'll be going now." He dragged Jack to safety, before the children could mob them.
Jack started to say something, but Will cut him off. "Let's say we're even if you give me the hat." He held up the hat that he had gotten when the children threw it on the ground. Jack just nodded.
"You may not see me tomorrow, because I'll have a 'cold'," Jack said to Will. "Have fun." As Will glared at him, Jack smiled and shrugged. "Pirate."
The End