I've had this idea for a while and was inspired by Mental Health Day by starbelow.

Needless to say this is a terrible attempt at Inheritence Humor.

So with enough excuses here's my little one shot! Btw extreme OOC-ness.

Disclaimer- You better be glad Christopher Paolini owns Eragon!

Saphira refuses to fight

'Saphira, we have to go! We have to fight! Chaining yourself to that tree isn't going to change that! How did you manage that anyway?'

Eragon stood in front of Saphira trying to catch her eye. She was busy glaring menacingly at the crowd gathering around her.

'No I shall not, I've had quite enough of flying around like some deranged beast, dodging arrows for God knows how long to have my tail bitten off by some red tailed git who sees fit to do so. No I've had quite enough!'

She turned her head and tried to shift herself with great difficulty as she had bound herself very tightly to the tree. Eragon threw his hands in the air in frustration.

'Saphira we have to, what about our promise to the Varden-'

Saphira swung her head round glaring at him, making him stop in mid sentence.

'Your promise I might add, I have no qualms going against the promise if it means I won't get a hang nail, do you know how painful a foot long hang nail is?!'

He gave her a look of pure shock, and stuttered,

'Saphira your being ridiculous-'

She laughed sarcastically and cut in angrily, 'Me?! Ridiculous? Because I won't fly around like a good beast of burden like those damned horses who, unlike me, as soon as they enter battle bolt off tails between their legs and, unlike me, get scared witless if anything so much as a mouse come across their path?'

'Saphira, can I just say that you were once afraid of mice?'

Saphira looked almost beside herself in anger at this,' Only because the little critters decided it would be a good idea to gang up on my in the hundreds while I was sleeping. Just because I fried a few of them because I was bored, everyone is so fickle about such things, they should really move on.'

She tried to end this in an off-handed shrug but only managed to push herself to the ground at the chains knocked her balance.

'Damn tree! Why do they have to be so hard anyway? It'll shred my scales at this rate, and then where will I be? I can't call myself a dragon if I have scales missing. Along with the potential threat of hang nails I'll most likely be paralytic by the end of the week, so sorry Eragon, no can do, I need to find a specialist for my nails and protection for my scales, I can't be fighting battles for a while if this isn't sorted. Worse I could even contract a headache-'

'Your giving me a freaking headache! Fine. Fine! I give up go be a hypochondriac somewhere else! And quit throwing Orik as well every time you see him, you'll give him a concussion at this rate.'

'It's not my fault I don't like him and his axe-always waving that thing around, no thought for everyone around him you never know I may be having a concussion by the end of the day from that thing.'

'Your impossible!'

'No i'm not. I just like things my way. Deal with it before I burn you down with this tree, i'll-

OH MY GOD I BROKE A NAIL! IT'S A SIGN!'

'A sign?'

'If I go into battle dreadful things shall occur, mainly to me, I have to leave!'

'Leave?'

'Yes! That thing people do when they meet you!'

'No need to be mean now, I know what you-'

CRACK!

'...Uhhh, Saphira? You're still attached to the tree, yet the tree is no longer attached to the ground.'

'I can see that Eragon.'

End

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