Title: Blood Ribbon
Author: Spirix
Series: Sequel to Final Strike

Pairing: Ichigo/Renji
Spoilers: Well it takes place during the war.
Warnings: Lots of violence.
Disclaimer: As much as I wish I do not own Bleach...

Blood Ribbon

"Ichigo?"

"Ya Renji?"

"Promise me something…"

"Like what?"

"Don't ever let me be alone."

"Ren…"

"I'm afraid when I'm alone. Stay with me."

Renji sat alone in his apartment. His friends said he would feel better in a few days after he ate and slept but it was no good. Ichigo's funeral was tomorrow and he didn't know what he was going to say. He was suppose to have a speech or something but thought it unfair. He didn't plan on speaking at all. Ichigo had betrayed him as far as he was concerned. The carrot-top promised and now broke that promise. The guilt for his selfishness swelled, causing Renji to slide to the floor. How could he hate Ichigo for dying?

The cool wood felt nice on his forehead. It was the best feeling Renji had in days. Rukia and the rest had left him baskets of fruit and other such useless gifts. It's not like he was going to eat.

:Renji, why don't you come in here. You'll feel better.:

Renji didn't even think about rebelling. His heart wasn't up for anything; hanging onto life was all it could manage. Renji couldn't let go, he knew there was hope out there somewhere, anywhere. He felt like a child.

:Come on, I have something I want to talk to you about… in person.:

He stumbled into his inner jungle. Sitting on a root protruding from the ground he watched his baboon partner pace. Renji patiently waited. He hated the quiet. Ichigo's last words kept replaying in those moments without sound. Renji hated it. He missed the sound of that voice but he would rather never hear it again then the faint dreams and memories that haunted him.

:Renji, what is it that you need to move on? You have a body and you were there for his last seconds. What more do you need to except he is gone?:

Tears found their way across his cheeks. The word "gone" was one he had come to loath in recent days. He hated how he had to deal with it, hear it, and say it. Gone was for those who give up. Renji never gave up a damn thing his whole life and now everyone was telling him he had to, even those who knew him better than himself.

:Fine, don't talk to me. I know what you are thinking anyway. The Ichigo you knew is GONE, and there is nothing you can do to bring him back. Except that and we can move on to the next step!:

Renji knew the truth in this but could not let Ichigo go. In his heart he could still feel the warmth against his chest, the soft spikes under his chin, the gentle breaths that tickled his neck. Ichigo was alive to all his sense but his sight. Why could he not move on? The wind whispered sweet nothings to him, just like Ichigo used to after those nights of passion.

Something in side of him broke. Renji hit the jungle floor, on his hands and knees. He was sad and angry. Ichigo had abandoned him and he was going to hunt the bastard down if it took eternity. He needed to know that Renji loved him too.

:That's the real problem isn't it? You never actually told him you loved him. All those times he told you, why didn't you say it back?:

"I was afraid of what everyone would think. I'm ashamed of myself. I let him go without saying how much he means to me." He hit the ground that was sprinkled with tears. "I made him promise to stay with me but what kind of jackass am I? He is the one alone now, and he doesn't even know how… how much … I LOVE HIM AND HE'S GONE!!"

A warm hand laid itself on his shoulder. Renji looked up to see a very primal man looking back at him. He was unnerved at first but didn't really care. The red head leaned into his chest, allowing himself to be hugged as his pain flooded down his face. Zabimaru two-tone voice came from the man's mouth.

:See let the pain go. The death grip you have on it only makes it worse. I want to help. We are partners after all. I don't want to see you fall apart, even if you are an idiot.:

A soft chuckle was all he could manage. He was grateful the primate had changed shape to comfort him, knowing the baboon would change back when he was ready. They sat that way for hours, watching the mist caress the tropical forest leaves. The simple view helped cleanse his soul.

"Thank you, Zabimaru. I think I can get up now."

:Not yet. I have something for you but I wanted you to let go before I did this.:

A snake head wrapped himself around Renji's right forearm. Zabimaru retreated and looked down at the arm. A blood coloured ribbon was tied there for a moment in a soft coil, before sinking into Renji's skin, leave a tattooed ribbon in its place. It started an inch from were his forearm and bicep connected. The spiral continued until the end stopped in the center of his palm. It reminded him of a snake tongue in how it forked. Then it moved, making a blood ribbon question mark type shape, and something appeared in its centre. A small black crescent formed, its tips touching two points of a five prong star, leaving an untouched one between them. It was small but beautiful. Renji was out of tears but found it in him somewhere to shed just one more.

"What is this? I never thought you were one for sentiment?"

:I'm not. Doesn't the red remind you some something?:

Renji thought about it for a moment then stared at the ape.

"A spirit ribbon…"

:Your bond with that boy was too strong for death to break. Think about it idiot, you are already dead and he was alive. So if he were to die, where would he go?:

"Either to the soul society or back to the human world, but that means nothing. It might take centuries for his soul to resurface even if at all."

:What are you complaining about? You have forever to wait and now I have given you the means to find him when the waiting is done.:

"What?"

:Before he died Zangetsu lassoed me with Ichigo's spirit ribbon. You know what the last thing he said was? "See you soon old friend…":

"What does this mean?"

The ape threw a stick at him.

:It means idiot when Ichigo resurfaces, his ribbon will call out to him, since it belongs to him. When it does, we follow it.:

"Follow it… to Ichigo?!"

:Yes. I wanted you to grieve before, now I want you to fight again. We are a team and now we have a purpose.:

Renji stood up, fits clenched. He had never felt so alive. Allowing himself to gaze intensely at his arm he spoke the words Zabimaru longed to hear.

"We are going to look for Ichigo and nothing will stand in our way, not even death. I am not afraid anymore. I love him and I will not rest until I have the chance to tell him."

The blood ribbon shifted and Renji heard an eerie song. It reminded him of whales and child choirs all at once. The red glowed around his arm and he sensed his palm become warm. In his dazed mind it felt like someone was holding his hand, leading him… somewhere…

:So soon…? Renji! He is alive out there somewhere! With this ribbon you will be able to give some of his memories back too. Are you ready?:

Renji looked into his hand, knowing it was Ichigo's phantom hand he held. Now was his chance. Not everyone got an opportunity to make their dreams come true. Renji opened his eyes into his apartment and rose from the floor. He could almost smell the peach scented soft Ichigo used as shampoo. This time he would do it right. This time Ichigo would know that he loved Ichigo enough to brave the world. There was nothing to stop him now, not even time. Renji was unstoppable, driven by love.

The night sky looked down on him, void of anything. Renji caressed the moon and star in his palm softly. Sure enough, a small twinkle caught his eye. He flashed into the night. Renji had purpose. He wanted to live, to love and to be loved in return.

"I'm thinking of you, forever."

"Stay with me."

"Don't be silly, where else would I stay."

"Ichi, promise me, please?"

"Ren, death couldn't keep me from you. You're my only one,
my soul mate… even if you're an idiot."

END

I don't know why. I just needed for Renji to have hope. Maybe if Renji has hope, the rest of us can too. A friend of mine is without hope. The one for him is with someone else. I wrote this while thinking of him, but mostly I wrote this while thinking of him, but mostly about myself. Will I ever experience such love? I have been in love but the kind that fades over time and distance. I don't know if I'll ever feel the kind of love that makes you stupid and without sense, the kind that keeps you up at night and that drives you into madness. I want to feel but will I ever find someone I value enough to throw everything else aside? Will that person love me the same. I don't think I could ever ask someone to leave their life behind for me.

It's ironic. I started out as an angsty poet who wrote love sonnets. Now I am a single person who writes about the depths and pains of love like I've been in it. I thought I had but if that were true, why did it end? Maybe I should have fought harder, but for it to end so suddenly, maybe it wasn't worth fighting for. I don't know anymore. I find myself loosing what little pieces I had of my identity. They scatter on the wind as I live within my mind and fantasy, creating fiction worlds for people that secretly I wish for myself.

Can anyone blame me? Who wouldn't want Renji to find them, beyond oblivion? That is love, to walk through the gore of hell, hip deep in decay and misery, just to find that missing piece of your soul you can't live without. It is times like these, I weep for Kakyou, because sometimes I wake in the night, thinking I am him. I fear being him, maybe that's why I no longer love…

Sorry about the super deep author note. I needed to vent somewhat. Brownie points to anyone who knows who Kakyou is.