Master of Okami
Chapter One
Anxiety Fall
Ok so here is a story that I've been working on, truthfully I've been working on it for a very long time now before I actually started to type it up. So here's the deal I usually write out my stories and my friend would borrow them and it just so happened I was stuck at a part anyway. But another story was lurking in the back of my mind and I started to work on that one 'Goukaku High!' The first time I wrote this one I reread it and it sucked so bad it wasn't even funny, so I revised it and it was tones better. The revised one is the one I am putting up but along the way I will be changing, adding, taking some things out and making it even better, I hope; so technically this is the third revision. This was the first story I wrote even before 'Descendant from Heaven.' This is by far my favorite of the stories that I have written even before 'Goukaku High!' and let me tell you I'm loving 'Goukaku High!' right now it just takes a while to think up since I type it up, it has never been written.
"dialogue" character talks aloud
'thinking' character thinks to their self
Italics is usually used for a flashback but may be used for a few other things
Ok, so now that I've got the introduction over with, on with the story, I hope you enjoy
It was an average day in this large city. People filled the streets walking in groups to cross the roads trying to get to their destinations. The sun was average as well; it did not tend to burn the flesh of the people. The main street was full of vehicles; buses were packed with groggily looking people who were being hauled off to work. Perhaps they were preparing for the usual shouts from their bosses for being late; though they probably could not get it together with being so sleepy. Cars lined the streets waiting for people to cross; busy people that were perhaps happy of getting rid of their children at school. Pedestrians scoured the sidewalks catching up to old friends; for some they were meeting those they hoped to be the one for them. Deep conversations, cell phone chats, nice quiet rest on public benches, quick hugs, a hello kiss on the cheek and those contemplating their thoughts not interested in current public life while walking down the street a bit spaced.
There was something in the air even though it was a nice day to be out. By looking to all the other people who had smiles on their faces it seemed there was only one. She walked slowly down the street not taking anything in, a hand on her stomach. 'Oh, my stomach.' Her stomach had been hurting for a while now. It was odd she had eaten breakfast which was kindly prepared by her mother. But all of a sudden as she began to walk to school a latent feeling pitted itself deep within her. Maybe she was nervous? Now that she thought about it there was nothing to be nervous about. Nonetheless this feeling seemed to be getting stronger the more she walked. A book bag was slung over her shoulder it was not too big and did not give her a strain. After a while she realized that someone was calling her and she slowed down.
"Hey, wait up would you?" A female said coming up beside her. "What were you thinking about? I was calling you for like five minutes. You were going so fast I didn't feel like trying to catch up."
"Oh, I was?" She asked curiously, placing a hand on her stomach. "How's it going Kutsu?" She was a stubborn person and had a bit of an arrogant look about her. Like she was too good for anyone, yet here she was struggling to catch up with her.
"I'm doing fine. Is it ok for me to walk with you to school?" Kutsu asked walking leisurely beside her anyway.
"Yes, I can use the company I suppose." The girl said looking forward; she still had an arm subtly around her stomach.
"I doesn't seem like you need any company since you were practically ignoring me when I was calling you," Kutsu retorted back, "and you're not the type to just ignore someone so that has to mean you were thinking really hard."
"What am I an idiot now?" The girl asked mildly angry at her friend.
"No, of course not; what I meant to say was you were deep within yourself." Kutsu came up with a statement a little too quickly.
"You know, when you say it like that, it sounds a bit vulgar." The girl said with a grimace.
"That is so nasty; quit thinking like a man…or a lesbian." Kutsu said with a wry face that turned into a small smile when her friend gave her a light tap on the shoulder. "Oh was that supposed to hurt?"
"I am so not a man or a lesbian." Said the girl a bit angrily but then laughed a bit. She had gotten caught in the moment and a sudden burst of pain exploded within her. Quickly, her hand flew to it and she willed herself not to moan in pain.
"I didn't say such a thing, are you feeling guilty?" Said Kutsu who laughed aloud.
"No," said the girl, "can we just drop it? Please." The feeling calmed a bit and she did not want to be caught up in the excitement right now.
"Oh, well if you want to," Kutsu said, "are you okay, you seem a bit out of it?"
"Look, Kutsu, I won't be able to come over today ok?" The girl said, "I'm sorry."
"What?" Kutsu said astonished. She was completely taken back on as to why her friend would not be able to come over to her house. As far as she knew there was nothing that her friend had to do today and she really needed help with her school work. Always her friend would make an effort to come over whenever Kutsu asked. This was the first time she simply spoke out that she would not do whatever it is that she wanted. Still not understanding why, Kutsu began to ask her all sorts of questions. "Are you doing something with your mom?" she asked and her friend shook her head lightly, no. "Dad?" There was another, no. "Brother?" And for the third time, no. "Depression? Stress?
"No" The girl said.
"Wait, don't tell me, you finally got a boyfriend!" Kutsu said excitedly clapping her hands together.
"No!" The agitated said loudly, "It's just-"
"It's ok, I understand, maybe next time." Kutsu said.
The girl sighed with relief when her friend dropped the subject. She had not been lying when she replied 'no' to her, especially the boyfriend part, like that would ever happen. A strapping young lad had not come for her in years. It served to give off the impression that perhaps maybe she did fancy the same gender. Of course that was totally untrue. It was just that she did not feel like hanging out, particularly not with Kutsu because she always had to include her immoderate idiotic boyfriend. Not to mention Kutsu always yaps about him lets just say that obnoxious babble will upset her stomach, shall we?
"So, like, I was out with Tanki the other day at club Hinote and-"
As soon as that name, Tanki, came out the girl zoned out. Kutsu was talking a mile a minute and did not stop in the least. It was the same old thing. Kutsu would talk about how great he was and all the great things he does and such. When in fact in her opinion he was a total jerk and Kutsu actually needed to dump him. A guy could not even say two words to Kutsu without him putting up a fuss. 'It just goes to show how bad her tastes in men are.' The girl thought to herself. 'What am I saying I haven't been able to choose one in a long while.'
Relief flooded the girls face when they came close enough to the school to see it in better detail. The front courtyard was simply concrete with a set of sloping stairs that went up and came to a flat level leading to another set of sloping stairs to a flat level and another set of stairs that led into the school but not before flattening out; all three sets having metallic rails spaced apart for those who needed support. There were many people standing around, some went in and some came out while cars pulled up, let out their passengers and drove off almost giving the impression of an airport, especially with the students pulling their backpacks out of the vehicles. A few staff members were strewn throughout the students with walkie talkies making sure that everything was going smoothly. The few adults who watched with raw eyes seemed unnecessary because nothing ever happened here.
"…and he was like…huh-"
"Bye Kutsu!" The girl said loudly over the crowd, she was near the door and Kutsu was by the street and all the people stood in between them, waving at the confused girl who suddenly snapped out of it. She was now relieved to get away from her babbling friend when at first it was the chance to get away when seeing the school. Kutsu had been so engrossed in what she was saying it gave the girl the chance to slip away unnoticed and far enough away so Kutsu could not catch up with her easily. 'Oh is she going to be angry.'
It was now first period. Ever since the bell first rang signifying the beginning of the school day that feeling inside had come forth. It was not so bad; it had become considerably stronger but not all powerful. There was a tingling inside of her that originated from the bowels of her abdomen, it was like the feeling one gets when they are nervous. She knew for a fact that she was nervous of nothing, but it was simply how she felt. The teacher lectured on anatomy minute after minute. She had always established this sort of straight forward eye contact when someone talked or lectured. But as she sat there listening to the drawn out, almost equivalent of a sermon, she could not connect, could not listen. Her pencil hovered over an open notebook but it did not write like it should have been doing at that moment. After seemingly forever the bell rang she quickly shut her notebook whose page was empty for today's lecture and made a break for second.
It continued for the rest of the day.
She wanted to slap herself! There was no concentration, she became distracted by her own inability to listen, to write, to stop thinking about the innate sensations that nestled itself in the pit of her stomach and spread like the plague. It had gotten to her chest and it was quite irritating. The Japanese teacher lectured as well and she tried to listen but it was no use. Staring around at the students who listened intently or twirled their pencils in irritation and boredom she thought of how lucky they were to be so calm. Now that she thought about it she could not calm the feelings that came through her. It was almost as if the functions of the neurovascular system did not come into play, as if the nerves served no purpose in the sensations. Deep breaths did not help, or thinking of good things or counting to ten, it was pointless and so she stopped trying. Soon the bell reverberated through her ears and she was on to third.
Oh no, it did not stop there.
'How?! How?!' She pleaded to no one in particular but never got off the thought that perhaps some god was listening. In the time that elapsed from her mind straining plea to now there was no answer that suddenly and inconspicuously popped into her mind. How to what you say? How in the hell can a teacher lecture to algebra, algebra! Somehow the overenthusiastic instructor had gotten into Greek and math, lecturing on math and its origins! Even before that he had gone over Egypt, Babylonia and math. It said clearly on her class schedule, 'Algebra II' it said nothing about 'The Origins of Math' and its derivatives. 'This teacher should get fired for the obstruction and falseness of this math class! This is not history-' she had to stop herself from opening the origin of foul language. In truth she was surprised at her rashness, 'wait, I take that back.'
It could only get worse.
A pounding started in her chest. Why did her heart beat so? There was nothing to fear, nothing to be nervous about and yet her heart hammered in her and she wondered how her rib cage could stand it. The combined efforts of the tingling and battering were driving her insane. She could almost hear it beating through her ears from the inside and out. Checking her pulse for effects she found that it was not the normal pulse in which it should be. Her pulse received blood from the heart so fast she was surprised the beat of her pulse did not throw her fingers away. As one should know the teacher, history teacher, lectured on the many previous emperors of Japan. Her distracted ways did not give reflection to the many other days previous for this subject was so simple she did not have to listen, thing was, she did, though not now. Fact was, no matter how gruesome history was, not only Japan but other countries too, it only tended to show the ignorance of people then and now. And right about now she wanted now to be over with and soon it did.
A break from the lectures may have come but not the unrelenting sensations of her body.
She had bolted out the door, quick to stuff her belongings in her backpack and shove off. Though lunch time may have come her objective was not the cafeteria; she ran straight to the bathroom and to a stall. It took her a moment to find one without a broken lock and no leakage or fecal matter floating in a toilet bowl. The bathroom itself provided relief from the opposite gender, which was perhaps half the school, and the stall from the many other girls who shuffled in and out of the small offensive place. She climbed up on the edge and squatted down barely keeping her balance. Her hands held her head the bottom of her palms covering her ears and her fingers hardly touching each other from the back of her head. Her elbows connected in from of her face yet her eyes were clenched shut.
She willed herself not to let the rivers flow. 'What's wrong with me? Why is this happening?' Unconsciously she rocked herself slowly back and forth not too hard in case she lost her balance and fell into the pit of water below her. All the time at lunch she would hang with Kutsu but not today. She knew she would be angry for standing her up but what did it matter Tanki would be there, as usual. She would- 'why am I thinking about that? That is not important right now.' At her thought of words there was a fleeting question of why she had chosen the bathroom of all places to do this. It was stinky and smelly, toilet water everywhere, and digested matter floating in the toilets, maybe with the occasional used tampon; it was downright disgusting, not to mention the loud girls who come in to chat worthlessly. And yet here she was it was almost like a haven to most girls, the only male that was usually aloud was the janitor, of all people.
Soon a number of girls entered the bathroom talking their nonsense. Their feet shuffling across the floor and she could hear some had stopped at the mirrors perhaps fawning over themselves. One began to check the stalls for a clean one and when most she saw were deemed an abomination she stopped for a moment.
"These are all so disgusting." She said in a squeaky little annoying voice. "You'd think this place would be clean since only girls come in here." The other few girls could be heard agreeing and the girl who stood on the toilet almost gave an amen to that. "This is so shameful," she said as she got down to the second from the last stall, which is where the girl stood on the toilet. There was a sudden yank on the last door and the girls yelp when the door did not let up. "Huh?" She began tugging without a constant pull that could probably take the lock off no matter how scrawny she probably was. "Like this is locked."
"Well that could only mean someone is occupying it." Another girl spoke whose voice was not squeaky but it did have a little prep.
The girl let up on her tugging and said, "Then that must mean this one is actually clean, so I'll wait." She did not walk away from the stall or so the girl who occupied figured. Even though the girl on the other side clearly needed to pee and would not use any other stall regardless, she did not relent. "Hey, are you done is there? Come here." She said to a girl and one came. "See if someone is in there." The girl, after a moment, looked under the stall door and saw no feet. "There's nobody in there."
"Maybe its out of order, you know, too crammed full of shit." Another girl said and a few giggled.
"No, it couldn't." Tugging began again on the door but this time it was more frantic as if she wanted in now. A sudden burst of pain made itself known and there was a loud groan that escaped her lips and through the stall door. "Huh?" The girl said sounding a bit frightened. "There is definitely someone in there." She pulled a bit harder and there was another groan.
The girl groaned again, a surge of power vibrating inside of her and it almost unbalanced her. She quickly climbed down deciding she had spent enough time in there, though it was the pain that up seated her. She grabbed her backpack from the graphitized door hook while at the same time unlocking the door pushing it aside with lots of force. The girl on the other side cried out at the sudden movement as she nearly lost her balance but was slammed against the wall. She dashed out of the door pushing through the girls who were in an uproar screaming loudly as some sort of figure pushed them aside. Dashing around the wall that semi cut into the room she burst out the door at the far end and momentarily the girls could still be heard screaming before she slammed the door quieting them a bit. The loudness drew student eyes.
She leaned heavily on the door behind her as she began to slide down. Before she could reach the floor the bell rang and she screamed involuntarily and her body started. Her mind had snapped and she took off running unconsciously for fifth. She had no clue as to why she was running. Blind was she, her mind causing a foggy haze. Her vision was clear but her mind did not allow her to see; it controlled her at the moment. That is why she was too late to acknowledge the small, bright yellow sign on the floor. In one second she slipped on the slick floor but momentum was not through with her yet. She had fallen on her back and the slick floor carried her across the floor; her cry carried over the gossiping students as her feet slammed into a locker, denting it as her yell ceased abruptly along with the other voices. But she did not stop to rest; quickly she flipped herself onto her anterior side careful to land on her hands instead of her body. Her feet slipped and slid all over until her mind let up and she took back control for a mere second. Now on her feet she hurried through the silent crowd and to fifth.
There was no getting better.
She sat in her seat huffing and puffing; her heart racing to extreme levels. Even as she sat there her heart did not slow down and she thought she would not be able to take it.
Though she now had control over herself there was still, or now, a tingling in the back of her mind. It was like one feels when they are bored but with all the crazy, inexplicable excitement she was not the least bit bored. Students were filing in the classroom and she cried out when the bell rang again. The students were a bit startled by her outburst along with the teacher. Class started right away and can one guess what the biology teacher's method was today? Lecturing! Ding, ding, ding! You win! Not. She clenched a hand over her heart; it beat rapidly in its thoracic cavity and protection of the ribcage. Her breathing could not be slowed down. When the bell rang she grabbed her things and headed out the door to sixth.
This sensation did not allow her to stop.
There was something that ate away at her mind. She could not concentrate, could not think, and could hardly sit still. An internal psychological entity seemed to have found its way into her mind. It delved into the crevices and wrinkles and imprints of her mind taking away all that it could. It left nothing in its wake, tearing her mind to shreds making her lose control. In no time she thought her brain would be flattened out. She could not keep up with her body yet her mind did not allow her to fall behind. Weakness began to take her but she tried with all the might she had left to stay awake. Sleep might just bring bad dreams or such, or she might not be able to sleep at all with the pace of her body. Nonetheless, she did not want to find out at the moment, she only wanted this day to end. After the trigonometry teacher talked the period away the bell rang once again and she was off to seventh.
The feeling was getting even stronger.
The sensations were becoming distinct to her. With enough thought, though how little she could think, she began to understand what the feelings meant. Her body could not stop it was continuously going even though she was tired. Her heart pounded in her chest, her muscles were tensed, lungs gasping making her huff, her mind hazed over. Anxiety, overbearing anxiety that clenched her insides like no other she had ever experienced. It demanded satisfaction that she did not or could not give. She wanted to go somewhere or so it felt from within; from today's activities it seemed that her mind was trying to get her quickly through the day. The clock ticked and ticked away. She could feel an excitement that was not conjured by her. Putting a hand over the place where her heart was she could feel a thump, thump, thump, rising, becoming faster and faster and harder. Again the teacher lectured, his constant babble causing her mind to quicken and drive her near insanity. Biting her nails, an activity she had just developed, while her eyes darted back and forth between the door and the ever flapping mouth of the instructor. Her leg began to bounce up and down exciting her mind even more as her hands traveled up to her face and then to thumping on the desk. Her anxiety made her perspire a tad and her mind could not take it.
Her only desire was to please her mind that ached with pressuring force. The words from the instructor sounded more like chicken gobbling than actual words. She became paranoid as the walls began to close on her. Tick, tock, tick, tock, the clock ticked merrily away counting slowly down the time in which the bell would ring. As her bouncing foot made contact with the floor she stood up pushing back her chair with the force. With broken, incremented movements she walked over to the door leaving her belongings at the desk. Clutching the doorknob with an unrelenting grip her perspiration caused her hand to slip and turn the knob ever so slightly. It was will power against this never ending force.
It had taken a moment for the microbiology teacher to see and come to terms with what was going finding a student at the door with a strained expression. "Miss…Miss…young lady are you well?" The teacher asked, with an open test book in one hand and a chalk in the other.
"I-I can't, I can't, I just-, I just can't, I-I-" She said breathing heavily than ever.
The teacher was a bit taken back by her nonsensical babble. He knew this student as one of his best pupils and was very diligent the way she was acting clearly told him something was not right. "What is it you can not do? What is wrong?"
"I-I-I have to, I have to, I have to go-" She said once again staring at the door knob she held with wide eyes and a partially opened mouth. It was dead silent.
Obviously knowing something was wrong no matter what absurdity that came from her mouth he approached her lightly in speech. "Where do you have to go?"
There was a moment as she tried to receive the answer from her mind or whatever. "I don't, I don't know."
"What do you mean you don't know?" The microbiology teacher asked calmly from where he stood at the front of the class.
"I don't know! I don't know! Stop asking me questions I don't know the answer to! Quit lecturing me!" She shouted clenching the knob even tighter.
The teacher was quite disturbed by her outburst and did not know what to do. He looked to the rest of the class as if to draw out some sort of idea as to what to do. But the class looked as surprised and confused as he. There was a long silence filled with tension especially from the girl as if it were radiating right from her muscles. She seemed to be struggling with herself, her eyes shut tight and teeth clenched.
She opened her eyes that seemed to relent their tension a bit. "I can't do it. I just can't do it." She finished her previous words clearly though her words were calm her body was still in hyper-drive as if body and mind were two different things as of now. Her hand loosened on the knob.
"Why can't you do it?" The teacher asked not exactly knowing what he was asking about. He almost felt intrigued by her behavior yet startled all the same.
"Because," not really knowing what she felt at the moment but it soon came to her, "I'm afraid." It came out almost in a whisper though slightly strained by her ragged breathing. Everyone caught it though since it seemed that everyone was unconsciously leaning in just to hear what she had been going to say. "I'm afraid," she said quietly, "because I don't know what is going to happen next." Letting her hand slip from the slick metallic appendage and she stood there like a wobbly statue. She had to control whatever it was threatened her or it would totally consume her. She brought her left hand to her face. An absolute silence, punctuated by the girls breathing, waned as everyone was staring upon her like she was some sort of incomprehensible being and yet they held and usurped interest. There was a mysteriousness about it all. She turned from the door, feeling somewhat relieved by her confession, though that did not help her bodily condition, she returned to her seat. She stared straight forward, still breathing quietly to herself though it carried, she looked at no one. She felt nothing but what her body produced. For a long while the teacher stared at her before slowly getting back into the discussion, wait, lecture. All the while through the rest of the class students threw glances her way.
Oh the elation she received when the last of the day was done. The last bell chimed through the empty hallways that quickly began to fill. She grabbed her things and was the first to burst out the door the students in the class seeming to drift out of her way though she would have made it out first without them. Her backpack was not slung over her shoulder and from behind her she could hear the thud of the door as it hit the wall and the whispers that came after. The unknown force grew stronger as if it knew she had time on her hands and a ringing started in her ears. It was too much as she again missed the yellow sign nearly slipping but dropping her things instead. Breathing was not an option for it seemed to be done for her though she was still tired. It was either stop or keep running; she could not stop. Slamming through the main doors she made it outside into the yard and she continued to glide in everlasting anxiety.
"…ever try something like that with my girl again and I'll be forced to kick your ass into next…" She never got to hear what Tanki said next as she was forced to run forward.
"Is that you Kasei?" She heard Kutsu yell from over the crowd. From the depths of her mind some will came forth at her voice and she stopped abruptly causing herself to fall to her knees and hands. There was a gasp from Kutsu as the crowd passed. Slowly the girl stood and for a moment she stood with her back to her friend. Gradually she turned around to her friend who stopped suddenly. There was quite some space between them. Her friend stared wide eyed and startled at the girls expressionless face. Her eyes were glazed in an almost unseeing manner; there was a distant foreboding about her. An incompatibility seemed to displace her from the environment. A desolate wind rippled between them as their eyes continued to meet. Her hair whipped around her face as tears accumulated, and made themselves known for the first time today, under her eyes. It was a slow motion as Kutu's eye followed the movement of a tear that traveled slowly down her pale cheek; it fell from her chin and splashed upon the ground. Blood trickling down her legs, of course she wanted to run to her friend but something held her back.
Kutsu gasped when a figure walked pass between them for she had been focused solely on her friend's glazed eyes. The figure had unknowingly broken the connection that was shared between the eyes of the two girls. The girls mind sensing the link broken pushed what little will she had while looking to her friend. Turning quickly she started to run again. Only once did she glance back at her long time friend.
"No! Kasei! Come back! Come back, Kasei!" Kutsu started to run after her but someone had grabbed her wrist. "Let go! Let go of me!" She yelled to her boyfriend who held her tight. "Kasei!" She yelled yanking to no avail.
"She's only going home." Tanki tried to calm her, lost on why she was so frantic. "Let her go."
Kutsu tried to make use of her other hand to get his from her wrist ignoring him, yet his last statement stuck with her causing her to throw her head back, "KASEI!!"
Kutu's distraught scream rang all around her urging her to go faster. She knew that her friend knew something was wrong but she could not stop any longer even if she tried. She ran through the trees, through the grassy parks and through the people her arms moving with her freedom. Her only thought was that she wished to appease the feeling deep within her. She ran making crazy breaks across main streets and found herself on narrow streets never stopping, horns screeching angrily. On a semi desolate street she saw a mountain of stairs built on a hill. To her surprise she turned and almost missed the step. In her scramble up this elevator that she somehow knew rose to her destination, she slipped and scrapped her foreleg brazenly. Nonetheless, she continued. Finally reaching the top she jogged forward taking in a homely shrine on the right. And a little farther on a large tree that seemed to be up in ages; it all seemed familiar to her. Still in her quick pace she came upon a much smaller building that housed no light, she ran down a short set of stairs, bumping into a short wall. Eyes widening in realization as she tipped forward and fell into a dark, shadowy abyss.
How did it go? A little weird maybe? This was an extreme revision from the second revision, it's like totally different but of course original things were left. From the beginning it was not much trouble in the thought process and such but by time I got beyond the bathroom sequence did it start to get a little difficult but I pulled through and put it into perfection. I hope you got that sense of urgency like it was a bit paced because that is what I was going for especially at the end. Chapter two is already written down but of course there will perhaps be much revising along the way.
Read at your leisure.