She didn't know what she was doing there. It was Christmas Eve and Sam had invited her to come over for dinner with his parents. Her mom wanted her help to finish wrapping the gifts for her sister and brother-in-law. Santana and Brittnay had invited her to go last minute Christmas shopping with them. There were a hundred other places she could have been but instead here she was standing on Puck's doorstep. She couldn't stop thinking about their daughter.
Lucky started playing and Quinn softly swore as she answered the phone. She still hadn't worked up the nerve to ring the doorbell and Puck, his mom, or worse his little sister finding her standing on their front porch like an idiot was not in her game plan.
"Hey." Quinn said softly.
"Hey beautiful." Sam said. Quinn could hear the smile in his voice. Sam was sweet and understanding, sometimes too understanding but right now she didn't need someone to be understanding; she needed someone who understood. "My parents are wondering if you are joining us."
"I'm kind of in the middle of something. I don't think I'm going to be able to." Quinn hated lying to him but she just didn't want to hear the hurt in his voice if she told him the truth. That she had chosen to stand in the cold on Noah Puckerman's doorstep instead of sharing a meal with Sam and his family.
"Okay, well they really wanted to see you. I have a something for you, do you want to come over tomorrow?" She could hear the disappointment in his voice.
"Yeah, sure. I'll call you okay. I've got to go." Quinn quickly ended the call as the front door opened and Puck appeared leaning against the door. She hated that her heart skipped a beat, just a little bit, at the sight of him.
"Well, well the Ice Queen cometh." Puck said sarcastically.
Quinn rolled her eyes. She should have known this was a bad idea. He never took anything seriously.
"Are you my Christmas present? Because you know I'm Jewish and Hanukkah lasts eight days. I'm up for the challenge, are you?" He raised an eyebrow at her and Quinn fought the urge to slap him.
He was only reminding her of why she had avoided him for so long. He was insufferable and rude. She thought of Sam, he was so sweet and good. Sam was Arthur, good and sweet and noble and Puck was Lancelot dark, dangerous, and inconstant. The only problem was Guinevere ended up with Lancelot in the end.
"Are you going to invite me in or just stand there?" Quinn snapped pulling at her skirt. She always felt exposed when he looked at her, like he saw right through her. She had no idea why she was wearing this ridiculous outfit anyways. Her mother had bought it for her. Quinn told herself it was because she was originally planning on going to Sam's after all and it had nothing to do with making a stop at Puck's.
"After you." Puck said pulling the door open further so that Quinn could walk past him. He shut the door behind her and Quinn stood awkwardly in the foyer.
"Where are your mom and Hannah?"
"Synagogue. Mom likes to go to the synagogue on Christmas Eve." Great they were alone. Just what Quinn didn't want to happen.
"Not that I don't appreciate this little visit Fabrey but to what do I owe the pleasure of your fine presence?" Quinn fought the urge to just leave; he was infuriating but was the only person who might understand what she was feeling.
Quinn was silent just watching him. She had known Puck her whole life. They had never been friends but they had always been in each other's orbits. He was with Santana, she was with Finn, he was a jock, she was a cheerleader. Now they had this connection that she had never had with anyone and they could barely have a conversation without her wanting to slap him.
"It's Christmas Eve." Quinn said softly. "And I just…" She couldn't put it into words, she couldn't say I can't stop thinking about her, about our daughter. "This is stupid. I'm gonna go." She pushed past him and her fingers were curling around the doorknob when his voice stopped her.
"I miss her too." Quinn felt tears prick her eyes. She spent so much time not thinking about last year; not thinking about her that just hearing him say it her heart broke. "I've been thinking about what she looks like, if she has your hair or your eyes. Maybe she has a Mohawk."
Quinn couldn't help but smile. She turned to look at Puck as Did you love me? Yes. Especially now floated through her mind. She had avoided him and their daughter for so long.
"I bought her something. I mean I don't know where to send it or anything but I bought her something for Hanukkah or Christmas." Puck moved into the living room and Quinn followed him. She was always seeing Puck as this one-note meathead, skirt chaser and than he did something like this and completely surprised her.
"Here. Hanukkah ended a few days ago and I kept it. Maybe I could find that Shelby lady's address and send it to Beth or something. I don't even know if she's Jewish or not." Quinn held the gift in her hands. She had gone shopping three days ago and had found herself in the toy aisle looking at baby dolls. But she hadn't bought anything.
"What is it?" She asked softly. The package was heavy in her hands.
"A princess doll. It was that Sleeping Beauty one. She's got blonde hair and it made me think of you." Puck ran a hand over his Mohawk, something he did when he was nervous Quinn remembered.
"That was really sweet Puck." Quinn said smiling, handing the package back to Puck who cradled it for a moment before putting the package back in the cabinet in the corner of his living room.
They both fell silent. Each was thinking about a little girl they might never see again. One wondered what it would be like to have that little girl here, help her open presents on Hanukkah and Christmas, watch her hold her new doll. The other couldn't decide if it would ever be easy to deal with giving up their little girl.
"Do you want something to drink?" Puck asked. Quinn instantly went tense thinking of wine coolers and trust me. "We've got pop or water, there might be juice." Quinn relaxed.
"Sure a Coke." Puck nodded and disappeared into the kitchen. He reappeared moments later, red can in one hand and a glass of milk in the other.
"Thanks." Quinn took the can and slowly sipped it. "So." She didn't know what to say it had been so long and there was too much left unsaid between them. How's Santana? Are you still on probation? Did you make any friends in juve? I can't believe you made out with Rachel, Finn must hate you. Do you still love me? Nothing seemed the right conversation starter.
"How are things with your mom?" Puck asked staring straight ahead. This was the Puck Quinn liked, the quiet one that wasn't trying to act like some big, tough guy was only interested in sex and being a badass.
"Okay. My dad won't speak to me but I don't know that I really care." The look on his face when he threw her out just wouldn't go away. Puck nodded and took a drink from his milk.
"Do you think she's happy?" Puck asked quietly. He was playing with his fingers waiting for her to answer.
"Yes." Quinn felt the tears stinging her eyes again. Puck nodded silently.
"I got you something too." Puck rose and went back to the cabinet. "It's stupid but it made think of you." He handed her a small wrapped package. Quinn took it tentatively and slowly opened the brightly colored package. Inside was a small silver necklace with a "Q" charm.
"Thank you. This was really sweet of you."
"Well you are my baby mama." Puck said with a smirk and Quinn laughed.
He sat down next to her on the couch, closer this time. Quinn held her breath at his nearness. The smell of him was intoxicating, it was something musky and manly and so Puck. "I know that last year was really hard for you and I'm sorry." Puck started to say; his dark brown eyes met her hazel ones. For a second she wondered what color Beth's eyes were. He moved his hand to her cheek. "I never meant for any of it to happen and I'm sorry." He was so close. Quinn sat frozen. She should move, leave, she should go to her boyfriend's house. Puck was staring at her so intensely and then slowly he leaned towards her.
He paused when his lips were only inches from hers, as if he was asking her permission. Quinn's head was screaming for her to move, push him away, anything. But instead she sat rooted to the spot. Puck lowered his mouth to hers softly. The hand on her cheek moved into her hair pulling her closer. Her mouth opened slowly deepening their kiss.
"Quinn." Puck whispered into her mouth. And Quinn realized what she was doing.
"Oh my…" Quinn pushed him back and shot up. "I have to…shit…" She grabbed her purse and the necklace box. "I'll see you at glee." Quinn quickly opened the door and ran out into the cold night.