*
Harry Potter was very surprised to wake up in a very strange place. All he could see around him was mist; he couldn't even find a floor. He was even more surprised to hear an insane cackling coming from a place he couldn't see. A shadowy figure appeared several feet in front of him.
"Harry Potter! Good to see you!" the figure said as it walked towards him; he could tell by the voice that it was female.
"Who are you? Where am I?"
"Must you really ask? Very well, then! You're on the soon-to-be set of a fanfic!"
"No... It's you, isn't it?! Get away! You're evil!"
"Why, Harry, I'm hurt! I thought you liked me!"
"HA! You're the one who threatens me constantly with Harry Potter yaoi fanfiction!"
The figure took another step towards him, and she is revealed to be a girl a year or two younger than him, with short, curly, brown hair, green eyes, and a very mad glint in her eyes.
"Harry, Harry, Harry... You and I both know what's about to happen," she said, still advancing towards him, her chest shaking slightly with mirthless laughter.
He began to back away. "No... Not that... Please! I beg you! Have Voldemort kill me off in a fanfic! Just not THAT! Please! Don't you have a soul?!"
"Quiet, dear. Make yourself pretty! Your friends are coming over!"
"Don't drag them into this, too! Please! Have mercy!"
"Mercy is for the weak, dear," she whispered, and then she snapped.
Ginny, Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger, Neville Longbottom, Draco Malfoy, and Voldemort appeared out of nowhere.
"Harry! What's going on? Where are we?" the young, red-haired girl yelled nervously.
"My dear friends! We are here today to play a game!"
"Kill the muggles?" the Dark Lord asked hopefully.
"NO! We're going to play 'Do What I Say And You Might Survive.' "
"H.. How do you play that?" the round-faced Gryffindor questioned uncertainly.
The clearly insane writer turned to Neville and smiled warmly.
"You don't need to know, dear! You don't have to play if you don't want to."
"Hey! How come you're being so nice to Longbottom?" the spoiled Slytherin demanded.
"Because I don't like you. Neville's sweet, you're not."
"I think somebody likes ya, Neville!" the fifth year with red hair teased.
"Now, do you want to know the rules or not, my dear little friends?" the writer asked, no longer smiling in the pleasant way.
"Yes..." the bushy-haired Gryffindor girl said nervously.
"Well, I choose a set, some characters, and a plot. You have to act it out. One person is eliminated per round, until we have a winner. Any questions?"
"Yeah..." Ron began. "When you say 'eliminated,' you don't mean...?"
"Nobody dies unless one of you kills them. Now, then, we should get started. Do you want to play, Neville, dear?"
The writer's favorite Harry Potter character turned to his four friends, a pleading look on his face.
"Don't play, Neville! You could get hurt!" Hermione advised.
"But what about you guys?"
"We'll be fine. I can't guarantee anything for those two, though," Harry assured him, pointing at Malfoy and Voldemort.
"Ok... I guess I'll sit out. By the way, you never told us your name."
"My name? How sweet of you to ask! Well, you'll probably name Voldemort more freely than me, after this, but I go by several names. You may call me Roxy, Neville, dear, but the others will call me by either Midori Ryuu, or... The Frog Demon!" she said the last name in a very dramatic voice, and thunder flashed in the nonexistent place they were visiting.
Draco snickered as the Frog Demon sat on the ground like her namesake, a green blanket draped over her like a cloak.
"Do not laugh at the Frog Demon!" she yelled, standing up and pointing at Malfoy.
"Oh? Why not, little girl? I don't get why everybody's so afraid of you! You're just a squirt!"
The 'little girl,' as he had called her, pulled out a wand, and pointed it at him. The insensitive Slytherin suddenly found himself as a fuzzy little bunny. She began to wave her wand about, and he flew, guided by it. She dropped her hand down, and he returned to normal, shaken, but otherwise all right.
"I'd have made Malfoy the Amazing Bouncing Ferret return, but I like ferrets better than I like bunnies," she explained as she put her wand away.
The group all backed away a bit, except for Voldemort, who was staring at her with large, sparkly eyed reverence.
"Now, then! We shall get started! I pick the scene of a dank, grubby little bar, and no, it's not the Leaky Cauldron. Your roles are the following." She pulled out a list. "Malfoy, you are the constantly drunken cheap hooker. Voldemort, you are the perverted regular bar patron."
She began to hand out costumes as she read off the roles. "Hermione, you're the harassed waitress. Ron, you're her boss and husband, the wise bartender. Ginny, you're Hermione's younger, innocent sister. Harry, you get to be the cool rogue. You can think of your own names for your character, or keep your own name."
"I have to be a hooker?! A female one? Very well, my name will be... Demonelle!" Malfoy said, pointing up dramatically.
"Am I playing Gene Starwind?" Voldemort asked uncertainly, looking at his costume.
"No! now pick a name!"
"I'm gonna be... Harry Potter when he's all grown up!" He-who-was-one-known-as-'He-who-must-not-be-named' announced, giggling.
"Hey! I wanted to keep my name, you bastard!"
"Too bad!"
"I think I'll be... Rosy!" Hermione said, almost cheerfully.
"I'll be... Clyde," Ron added, looking over at her. Then he blushed and looked away.
"My name is gonna be Kiki!" Ginny piped up happily.
Harry growled under his breath. "I'm going to take the name..."
"If you can't decide, I'll pick for you, Harry!" the Frog Demon said, grinning in her usual manner. "You can be Mr. Panties, a man going on a search for a better name!"
"Err...."
"Then it's decided!" she announced cheerfully. She snapped, and the bar was in place. "To your stations! and be in costume!"
Everyone rushed to their place, pulling on their costume as they ran.
"Let's go get a good seat, Neville, dear," Roxy turned to him and smiled. She snapped again, and they were watching the others from comfortable chairs, with a bucket of popcorn to eat.
The forced actors and actresses got to their places, and the show began...
Mr. Panties walked into the place and sat down at the bar. Clyde stepped up to him.
"What can I get for you?"
"Just some beer," the rogue replied gruffly.
Meanwhile, Demonelle was leaning against the table Harry Potter sat at, giving him a bird's eye view down her tight little shirt. Rosy walked by, and received a pat on the butt from the perverted man, who got a slap in the face in return.
Kiki sat down on the stool next to Mr. Panties.
"Hi!" she started cheerfully, looking up at him. "What's your name?"
"... It's Mr. Panties."
The bartender almost dropped the can of beer he was holding upon hearing this as he stifled his laughter. The unfortunate rogue glared at him, and he straighten up. without another noise, he gave the new patron his drink.
"That's too bad. I like you. You're cool."
"..."
"Do you want to seduce me and break my heart?" she asked, still cheerful.
Mr. Panties scooted his seat away from the teenage girl and gave her a strange look. Harry, who had had a few too many drinks, was laughing hysterically at him and not bothering to be quiet.
"MR. PANTIES?! What, wazzz your mum drunk when she named ya?"
The poorly named man hopped down off of his chair and turned to face the drunk. He unsheathed a sword that was previously hidden under his long cloak.
Demonelle fell down, passed out from her many drinks.
"Relaksh, maaan! I don't mean no harm!" Harry slurred.
With one last glare, Mr. Panties put his sword away and sat back down in front of his beer.
The insane fanfic writer's voice echoed through the set. "This scene is over! I've decided!"
Ginny appeared next to Neville and Roxy, also sitting in a comfortable chair. She blinked, surprised, but then shrugged and ate a handful of popcorn.
To be continued!