Severus Snape and the Revenge of the Fruitcake
Severus Snape sat in his office, his bewitched quill marking the potions test his class had had today by house while he bounced a ball against the wall and tried to see how many bugles he could stuff in his mouth at once. Then, all at once, something caught his eye....Ontop of a large stack of papers, there was a fruitcake.. Snape grinned cheesily. "Ah, Hello my friend!" he said, patting the fruitcake as he remembered the many adventures he had with said fruitcake.
He stared blankly at the fruitcake for a moment before a grin crossed his face. "I wonder how far I can kick it!" he said, remembering that there were still a few Professers he had yet to whale with the fruitcake. He grabbed the fruitcake and ran out of his office.
He dropped the fruitcake in the air and kicked it..unfortunatly, it bounced off the ceiling and hit HIM in he head and then began to smack him in the face. "OW! OW! DAMN! OW!! OW!!" he yelled as the fruitcake repeatedly hit him in the face.
He heard a sudden, mocking laugh of none other than Professer Minerva McGonagall, followed by laugter from Professers Trelawney and Sprout. If Snape wasn't being attacked by the fruitcake, he would have glared and givin all of them the "special" potions under his desk labeled with the words "For Potter".
Snape got a sudden idea..He pulled his face away from the fruitcake, and it stopped bouncing. McGonagall, Sprout and Trelawney's mouths gaped open. "HA! I got out of the fruitcake's death smacking! I am so smart, I am so smart! Everybody loves me, I am so smart!" Snape sand in a mocking tone. McGonagall glared.
"FRUITCAKE! Attack!" commanded McGonagall. The fruitcake sat there and would have been staring at them all blankly if it had eyes.
Dumbledore suddenly appeared and grabbed the fruitcake. "YOINK!" he said, racing off with the fruitcake.
"What the hell do you think he's doing with that thing?" asked Snape, scratching his head.
"Lord knows.." said McGonagall.
"I know.." said Trelawney.
"You don't count Sybill! You're a nutcase!" snapped Sprout. Trelawney turned around and sulked off.
~* Overheard in Dumbledore's Office.. *~
Dumbledore: Alright fruitcake, tonight is the night..
Fruitcake: .....
Dumbledore: What do you mean "What do you mean"?
Fruitcake: .....
Dumbledore: You silly silly thing...
Fruitcake: .....
Dumbledore: I mean that tonight is THE night..
Fruitcake: .....
Dumbledore: Still don't understand?! *SIGH* I MEAN that tonight is the night we have OUR Mission..
Fruitcake: .....
Dumbledore: YES. THAT mission!
Fruitcake: .....
Dumbledore: ...No, we are not joining the Chruch of Jesus Christ for Latter Day Saints...OTHER kind of mission...
Fruitcake: .....
Dumbledore: Alright, I'll explain it better......tomorrow night...I'm tierd now...
Later that night, Snape awoke with a start and could see and smell nothing more than fruitcake. "AHH!!! I'VE TURNED INTO A FRUITCAKE!! I'M DUMBLEDORE!!" he yelled, jolting up, the fruitcake that was sitting on his face slip off into his lap. "Oh....It's just YOU." he said. "What do you want, I was trying to sleep....." he said. The fruitcake just sat there."What was I dreaming about? Oh, I was just having the most WONDEROUS dream, I was in a field with....." began Snape, a dreamy tone in his voice before he stopped and glared at the fruitcake. "That is a personal question!" he snapped. The fruitcake just sat there. "Well, anyways, what do you want?" he asked. The fruitcake sat there some more. "Oh, a little kick? Sure.......let me put on some pants..." he said, getting up and setting the fruitcake on his bed, afterwards putting on some pants, thenafter picking the fruitcake back up and heading out the door.
He dropped the fruitcake infront of him, and kicked it, really hard! The fruitcake sailed across the hall and Snape waved goodbye to it.
On the fruitcake's flight, it smacked into the heads of McGonagall, Sprout and Trelawney who were obviously just headed off to bed.
"OW!" said McGonagall as the fruitcake bounced off her head.
"OW!" said Sprout as the same happened to her.
"I see the future...OW!" said Trelawney, following suite. The three professers whirled around and saw Snape standing at the end of the hall, wearing nothing but a pair of pants and a frantic look.
"Umm..Uhh...BYE!!" he said, running back into his room and pushing a magically conjured boulder infront of it. McGonagall and Sprout scowled.
"He's pretty hot without a shirt.." said Trelawney, nodding her head up and down and grinning. McGonagall and Sprout exchanged glances.
"Tomorrow, we put her in therapy.." said Sprout.
"Agreed." said McGonagall.
The fruitcake came to a stop outside of Flitwick's room, the door was slightly ajar, and the fruitcake somehow went in, and closed the door...
-- THE END!--
Baka Kitsune's Note:
Well, I hope you liked that one..Another Fruitcake ficcy is COMING VERY VERY SOON!!!
Severus: *raises his hand* BK? I got a question..
Baka Kitsune: just a sec Sevvy...*ahem* All questions will be answered in the next fruitcake fic!
-What is Dumbledore's "Mission"?
-Why does the fruitcake just keep appearing?
-How the HELL did it move?!
-Why did it go to Flitwick's office? Perhaps Flitwick is now going to have some good ol' fashion fruitcake fun now?
-Why does Dumbledore keep getting the fruitcake?
-Why does the fruitcake hit people?
And so on and so forth!
Severus: I still have a question..
Baka Kitsune: *sigh* What is it?
Severus: *shakes empty waffle box* When's mom buying us more waffles?
Minerva: *sweatdrops* Severus, I'm not your mom...
Severus Snape sat in his office, his bewitched quill marking the potions test his class had had today by house while he bounced a ball against the wall and tried to see how many bugles he could stuff in his mouth at once. Then, all at once, something caught his eye....Ontop of a large stack of papers, there was a fruitcake.. Snape grinned cheesily. "Ah, Hello my friend!" he said, patting the fruitcake as he remembered the many adventures he had with said fruitcake.
He stared blankly at the fruitcake for a moment before a grin crossed his face. "I wonder how far I can kick it!" he said, remembering that there were still a few Professers he had yet to whale with the fruitcake. He grabbed the fruitcake and ran out of his office.
He dropped the fruitcake in the air and kicked it..unfortunatly, it bounced off the ceiling and hit HIM in he head and then began to smack him in the face. "OW! OW! DAMN! OW!! OW!!" he yelled as the fruitcake repeatedly hit him in the face.
He heard a sudden, mocking laugh of none other than Professer Minerva McGonagall, followed by laugter from Professers Trelawney and Sprout. If Snape wasn't being attacked by the fruitcake, he would have glared and givin all of them the "special" potions under his desk labeled with the words "For Potter".
Snape got a sudden idea..He pulled his face away from the fruitcake, and it stopped bouncing. McGonagall, Sprout and Trelawney's mouths gaped open. "HA! I got out of the fruitcake's death smacking! I am so smart, I am so smart! Everybody loves me, I am so smart!" Snape sand in a mocking tone. McGonagall glared.
"FRUITCAKE! Attack!" commanded McGonagall. The fruitcake sat there and would have been staring at them all blankly if it had eyes.
Dumbledore suddenly appeared and grabbed the fruitcake. "YOINK!" he said, racing off with the fruitcake.
"What the hell do you think he's doing with that thing?" asked Snape, scratching his head.
"Lord knows.." said McGonagall.
"I know.." said Trelawney.
"You don't count Sybill! You're a nutcase!" snapped Sprout. Trelawney turned around and sulked off.
~* Overheard in Dumbledore's Office.. *~
Dumbledore: Alright fruitcake, tonight is the night..
Fruitcake: .....
Dumbledore: What do you mean "What do you mean"?
Fruitcake: .....
Dumbledore: You silly silly thing...
Fruitcake: .....
Dumbledore: I mean that tonight is THE night..
Fruitcake: .....
Dumbledore: Still don't understand?! *SIGH* I MEAN that tonight is the night we have OUR Mission..
Fruitcake: .....
Dumbledore: YES. THAT mission!
Fruitcake: .....
Dumbledore: ...No, we are not joining the Chruch of Jesus Christ for Latter Day Saints...OTHER kind of mission...
Fruitcake: .....
Dumbledore: Alright, I'll explain it better......tomorrow night...I'm tierd now...
Later that night, Snape awoke with a start and could see and smell nothing more than fruitcake. "AHH!!! I'VE TURNED INTO A FRUITCAKE!! I'M DUMBLEDORE!!" he yelled, jolting up, the fruitcake that was sitting on his face slip off into his lap. "Oh....It's just YOU." he said. "What do you want, I was trying to sleep....." he said. The fruitcake just sat there."What was I dreaming about? Oh, I was just having the most WONDEROUS dream, I was in a field with....." began Snape, a dreamy tone in his voice before he stopped and glared at the fruitcake. "That is a personal question!" he snapped. The fruitcake just sat there. "Well, anyways, what do you want?" he asked. The fruitcake sat there some more. "Oh, a little kick? Sure.......let me put on some pants..." he said, getting up and setting the fruitcake on his bed, afterwards putting on some pants, thenafter picking the fruitcake back up and heading out the door.
He dropped the fruitcake infront of him, and kicked it, really hard! The fruitcake sailed across the hall and Snape waved goodbye to it.
On the fruitcake's flight, it smacked into the heads of McGonagall, Sprout and Trelawney who were obviously just headed off to bed.
"OW!" said McGonagall as the fruitcake bounced off her head.
"OW!" said Sprout as the same happened to her.
"I see the future...OW!" said Trelawney, following suite. The three professers whirled around and saw Snape standing at the end of the hall, wearing nothing but a pair of pants and a frantic look.
"Umm..Uhh...BYE!!" he said, running back into his room and pushing a magically conjured boulder infront of it. McGonagall and Sprout scowled.
"He's pretty hot without a shirt.." said Trelawney, nodding her head up and down and grinning. McGonagall and Sprout exchanged glances.
"Tomorrow, we put her in therapy.." said Sprout.
"Agreed." said McGonagall.
The fruitcake came to a stop outside of Flitwick's room, the door was slightly ajar, and the fruitcake somehow went in, and closed the door...
-- THE END!--
Baka Kitsune's Note:
Well, I hope you liked that one..Another Fruitcake ficcy is COMING VERY VERY SOON!!!
Severus: *raises his hand* BK? I got a question..
Baka Kitsune: just a sec Sevvy...*ahem* All questions will be answered in the next fruitcake fic!
-What is Dumbledore's "Mission"?
-Why does the fruitcake just keep appearing?
-How the HELL did it move?!
-Why did it go to Flitwick's office? Perhaps Flitwick is now going to have some good ol' fashion fruitcake fun now?
-Why does Dumbledore keep getting the fruitcake?
-Why does the fruitcake hit people?
And so on and so forth!
Severus: I still have a question..
Baka Kitsune: *sigh* What is it?
Severus: *shakes empty waffle box* When's mom buying us more waffles?
Minerva: *sweatdrops* Severus, I'm not your mom...