Old Habits

Summary: During End Game Chakotay and Janeway have a midnight chat.

Staying up late in the mess hall with a hot mug of coffee and a pile of padds to work through until the early hours of the morning had been a hard habit for Kathryn Janeway to break. It was also a habit that she slipped easily back into now that she was back aboard her ship, and as she took a sip of the hot black liquid she wondered how she had ever given it up. As she read through a detailed report on the progress that was currently being made to Voyager's shields, the mess hall doors opened to reveal her first officer.

Casually she glanced up at him to gauge his mood, and from his expression and stance she could tell that it wasn't good, but deciding to allow for him to make the first move, she shifted her eyes back down to the padd she was holding and relaxed back against the couch where she was seated. Although she couldn't see him she could tell that he was still standing by the door, probably watching her; waiting for her to ask him why he was there. Eventually his patience ran out, as she knew it would, and he crossed the room over to her, stopping when he was a couple of meters away.

"What did you say to her?" he demanded in a accusatory tone.

Taking her time to put down the padd she had been reading on the table in front of her she eventually met his gaze and pulled a confused expression. "Who are you talking about Chakotay?"

He narrowed his eyes at her and placed his hands on his hips, "you know who I'm talking about: Seven."

"I've spoken with her on several occasions since I arrived on Voyager commander," she replied smoothly and calmly, "you'll have to be more specific."

"This morning," he said tersely, slowly losing the little patience that he was holding onto, "I want you to tell me exactly what you said that had her coming to me with doubts about our relationship."

Kathryn rolled her eyes as she took a sip of her coffee, "two weeks Chakotay, I'd hardly be calling that a relationship."

"What happens between Seven and myself is none of your business," he shot back.

"And what Seven and I discuss is none of your business," she was quick to counter, "if Seven has doubts, it's nothing I said that gave her them, they must have been there to start with."

"Who the hell are you?" he demanded with a sudden outburst of energy, "I refuse to believe that Kathryn becomes the cynical and bitter woman that you are now."

"Twenty three years in the delta quadrant will do that to people," she gave as way of explanation.

"Not to you," he insisted.

She looked up at him sharply, wondering if he was blind or just stupid, "do you really think that your captain is the same woman she was seven years ago?"

"She's not on her way to being you…" he replied adamantly. "I think this all comes back to Seven, you couldn't stand me finding happiness with another woman especially in the knowledge that you had missed your chance with me." He shot her a cold look, "I never took jealousy for you thing admiral."

He had expected her to be somewhat stunned at his words, but she looked back at him with the same cool and calm expression that she had been wearing since he had entered the mess hall. "Do you really think she'll make you happy Chakotay?" she made him question his own assumption.

"Yes," he said simply.

"Then I hope you have more luck in this new timeline that you had in mine." Her words were enough for him to pause for thought.

"What do you mean?" he asked with a confused look.

"It doesn't stop," she replied, "at least not in my timeline. I think you were happy for a while with Seven, you even loved her enough to marry her at one point, but soon the thrill of a new relationship faded and it wasn't long before you and I were picking up from where we had left off." She looked up and met his gaze, "you didn't hurt me by moving on Chakotay, I would have been genuinely happy for you if you had have found what you were looking for in Seven. You hurt me by not moving on."

"We had an affair?" his voice grew quiet as he struggled to speak, his form almost collapsing into the couch opposite her.

Kathryn nodded, "Seven found out shortly before she died, we never forgave each other for that, and neither our command or personal relationship was ever the same, but by then the affair had become so habitual that we didn't stop, the only difference was that we made no secret of it."

He looked across at her, "I'm guessing we didn't have a happy ending."

She shook her head sadly, "we still loved each other, but we resented each other too much to be in love. I'm hoping on Earth you'll both have the chance to go your separate ways and move on the way you should have years ago."

"Is that why you came back in time: to prevent an affair?" he asked, his voice now its usual calm having forgotten his initial anger towards her.

One of her eyebrows arched ever so slightly, "I came back to save us from each other."

Chakotay nodded slowly, contemplating her words, still unsure what to make of the revelation that he and Kathryn had engaged in affair in the admiral's timeline. He hardly noticed the silence drag until the older Janeway in front of him spoke, "I didn't say anything to Seven that will jeopardise your relationship with her," she finally explained to him, "she was asking about her potential future with you, and when I struggled to answer her questions she filled in some of the blanks herself."

"From what you've told me, Seven's doubts seem quite ominous, even if she doesn't know why," he hesitated a moment, "it seems I over reacted by accusing you of meddling."

"Seven deserves a lot better than what we did to her in my future," she said with a warning tone.

"I realise that," he bit his lip, "but so do you."

There was a moment where she glanced away to avoid his gaze, and he was clueless as to what was going on behind those steel blue eyes, then she looked back across at him with a fresh and confident expression that gave no hint as to any affect he had had on her. "Goodnight Chakotay," she deliberately ignored his last words.

He watched as she reached out to pick up another report, obviously determined to end their conversation there. He probably would have probed his Kathryn for more information, taken the time to better understand her new mood, but he didn't know this woman who sat before him, she was unpredictable and had changed so much from the Kathryn he knew so well, so he thought it best to let it go. "Goodnight," he nodded curtly as he stood, before making his way over towards the mess hall doors, turning just before he left to watch as she picked up her mug of coffee and adopted the same position she had been in when he had entered the mess hall.

As a dark and unfortunately familiar expression consumed her face he was reminded of the captain who now commanded Voyager, compared to the woman who had started the journey through the delta quadrant with him seven years ago. He then realised that Kathryn had already changed, and in that moment he feared he may have lost her. Before the admiral could look up and question why he was still standing in the mess hall, he stepped through the opened doors and headed in the direction of turbo lift. All the time as his feet took him to his quarters his mind was on Kathryn and all the things he could have done to keep her.