Whinny the Grimdark Poo
Out in the forest, a huge fearsome bear in a red shirt was messily eating the intestines of a dead homeless man, scratching at his fleas behind his ear with his hind leg as he did so. The bear was mangy and immense, and very VERY hungry!
A small fat piglet in a pink boob tube emerged from the nearby undergrowth and stammered nervously.
"Oh deh-deh-deh-dear! What are you eating Whinny the Poo?," the piglet stammered nervously.
The huge fat bear Whinny the Poo growled savagely, and then affected a surprisingly effeminate male accent.
"Why my dear Piglet, I am eating this YUMMY homeless man. He was asleep when I found him haha," the bear joyously chuckled effeminately.
The piglet trembled anxiously, but then sniffed hungrily at the fresh meat.
With cautious trepidation the timid piglet joined the bear in eating the cadaver, burying its snout in the red raw meat, chewing off chunks of the deliciously rancid flesh.
Together the bear and the piglet gorged themselves on the meat, snouts now smeared red with blood.
When only bones were left the satisfied friends sighed contentedly, and waddled off together through the undergrowth, bellies full to bursting.
The pair waddled in silence for a time and then came to a clearing in the forest that contained a bizarre settlement of houses inside huge trees, inhabited entirely by animals.
A huge snarling tiger leapt down from the canopy in front of the pair, and bounced derangedly like a terminal drug addict, something obviously very clearly wrong with him.
The tiger jumped up and down on top of both of them like a lunatic, laughing with derangement.
"Hello Tigger," the pair said happily to their mentally ill friend.
"TTFN, ta-ta for now," the tiger said hyperactively, and ran off to spread fresh mayhem elsewhere.
"Goodbye Tigger, go take some Ritalin," the friends farewelled him.
The pair entered a vast carrot field, and dutifully took a huge dump all over the carrots to fertilise them, before continuing on to find a pile of sticks with a donkey laying miserably beside it.
"I'm so depressed, I might commit suicide tonight," the donkey moaned, clearly in desperate need of psychiatric help.
"Oh really?, Well be sure and let us know what time, we will eat your body while it's still fresh," Whinny chuckled joyously.
The donkey groaned in utter despair at this, and started to moan uncontrollably until the pair got bored and left him.
The pair finally entered into a house that was constructed inside a truly colossal tree, filled with bear shit and shed hair and a multitude of empty honey pots.
Piglet sat down comfortably in a clearly stolen padded chair, and Whinny the Poo sat on the floor and messily licked his own balls clean with his tongue.
"I'm getting hungry..." Piglet said after a while.
"Me too Piglet! Let's go eat another homeless person..."
***...
To be possibly continued...