Author's note" I never enplane muck of Max's appearance so here are some pictures of him from my art blog. post/136911541589/last-one-for-now
"You watch him." Cole said seemingly appearing out of nowhere and startling The Iron
Bull. Iron Bull was sitting where he normally did in the tavern and Cole popped into existence in the chair beddes him.
"HOLy shhh it Cole!" Bull yelled startled and jumping a bit.
"You watch him sleep. In his bed but not next to , no, looking, no, staring,
better, studying. Studying him how he is because you rarely see him like this."
"What the hell are you talking about Cole?" Bull asked leaning away from Cole.
"Asleep on your chest, head over your heart, the rhythmic beat lulling him to sleep. Normally. Not two days ago. Two days ago he slept away.
"Rolled on his side, arms holding the pillow like it was his chest. Needing comfort but not restraints. So you study." Bull looked away for a moment, thinking until he remembered the exact night Cole was reminding him of.
"Strong back free of scars but not of freckles, speckled like Robin's eggs. Small waist nice hips, built like an hourglass but with more muscle, much more. You studied for a while…"
From around the corner Krem was listening to what Cole was saying and laughed. Bull gave a look that said a distressful "reeeeally?" then he thought again. He lifted his shoulders and turned his head not being able to deny he was staring at Maxwell's ass.
"Back to his back." Cole continued. "Shoulders strong like his arms, but what's between them? Rough skin while the rest is smooth, brighter pink with no freckles. Burn. How? Memory still fresh but years old. Still sore still terrifying.
"It went to the back of his neck, covered by scarves but not now. Glimpse of his strong arms over his shoulder. Covered by gloves don't see light of day offline-. What is that? Carefully, skillfully leaning closer, better look. Scar.
"Horrible and heart breaking. Heart skips a beat at its sight. Large and darker than the skin around it, straight down from wrist, three inches long. How, why, when, how could he not tell me?
"Years ago and ugly feelings, desperation and-."
"COLE!" He was interrupted by Maxwell, his voice almost frantic by what he was hearing. "There you are! I've been looking all over for you!" Maxwell took hold of Cole's wrist and started pulling him up the stairs. "Come here." Once they were up the last flight of stairs, however, Cole started up again.
"You're never going to let go if you keep your fist closed!" He spilled. Maxwell let go of Cole's hand and moved them to the back of his head. He started nervously pacing and groaned in distress.
"Cole, you can't just say everything that comes into your head. Sometimes it doesn't help anything!"
"But if he doesn't know he can't help! He needs to help you!" Cole pleaded. Maxwell whipped around and snapped his hands on Cole's shoulders. He took a deep breath.
"I. Don't. Want. His. Help. That's what you don't understand!" Cole smiled and put his hands on Maxwell's shoulders.
"Yes you do." Maxwell's entire face frowned. "You beg for it without words. Wanting to be close to him when you're weak, needing his touch, his comforting words. To feel strong when you know you're not."
"Cole…" Maxwell dropped his arms and moved away. "Cole there are some things, most things, that Bull-or anyone-isn't ready to hear yet. That I' not ready to tell them. And yes it has to come from me. Not you. You probably know what the things you were ready tell the entire tavern do to me."
"Shaking shivering cold dark panic. Alone lost-."
"Yeah." Maxwell cut off. "The other thing is I'm supposed to be the big, strong, fearless Inquisitor and after people know those things, they look at me different and treat me different too. Sometimes the memories will start up my depression and gives me panic attacks and nightmares and anxiety attacks... But you know that."
"Yes. The Iron Bull still wants to know. Why the scar? How the burn? The questions race around his head." Maxwell patted Cole's shoulders.
"All in good time Cole."
"Yes, good time."
- that night -
Maxwell sat at his desk late at night looking over reports in the candlelight. He was half focused on the report, half trying to resist the temptation of his bed. He was snapped out of succumbing to the trance by his door opening and Bull coming up his stairs.
"Oh, hi Bull." He said happily and with a smile.
"Hay Boss." Bull replied just as pleased walking towards the desk. Maxwell lifted an eyebrow and looked him over.
"How ya doing?" He asked.
"Just saw lights on up here and thought I'd pop in." He leaned over Maxwell's desk.
Maxwell looked up at Bull and gave a small laugh through his nose. Bull regretted his word choice but smiled to himself and moved to Maxwell's side. He placed his hand next to his leaning on the desk. Maxwell stretched his pinky out to meet Bull's, Bull took Maxwell's hand in his and looked it over. It wasn't the arm with the scar on it but he wasn't sure if that was the only scar either. Maxwell knew exactly what he was doing.
"What are you doing?" He asked anyway. Bull's smile grew more devious and he moved to Maxwell's other side. He took the report and placed it on the desk then looked back to Maxwell. He was sitting as he was before when he had the report, only know he had an eyebrow raised again. Bull leaned on the armrests of the chair, inches from Maxwell's face, the smile on his face becoming more cocky as he looked into his strikingly bright blue eyes. Bull took his hand, the one with the scar, and stood him up against him. A pleased grin crossed Maxwell's face and eyes, he gave a small laugh from his throat. Bull smiled too and hummed happily, the placed his other hand on Maxwell's waist, pulling him closer. Maxwell gave a small giggle as Bull drew his head closer, Maxwell did as well and the two shared a loving kiss. A few repeated looking kisses. Maxwell leaned up onto his toes to get closer and slid his free hand over Bull's strong arms and around the back of his neck, then introduced his tongue.
Bull took this opportunity to use his Ben Hassrath training and take a better look at the scar. Skillfully he slid down Maxwell's sleeve and looked at his wrist. He saw the top of the scar. It looked deep and was brighter pink than the skin around it, it went over more than one visible blue vein. Suddenly Maxwell pulled away and ripped his hand out of Bull's.
"What the hell are you doing?" He asked clearly angry and holding his hand behind his back.
"What?" Bull asked.
"What the hell were you doing?" Maxwell repeated frowning his brow. "You were pulling down my sleeve. What were you doing?"
"... Taking your clothes off." Bull played coy. Maxwell stared Bull dead in the eye, piercing through his lie.
"Pig shit." He spat moving to the other side of the desk, distancing himself from Bull. "You were looking at my damn wrist."
"Yeah, I was. I worried, even more after what Cole said."
"Don't you start turning yourself into some big fucking hero out to save me Bull."
"Why not? I hear what you and Cole said upstairs. You want to tell me so just do it."
"I don't want to tell you! I don't want to tell anyone! It's not a big deal!"
"A scar that size seems like a big deal! What else was it, you said you have depression and anxiety and get panic attacks. Yeah the scar is a big deal." Bull moved to the other side of the desk as well.
"MAKER'S BREATH BULL! Can't you stay out of other people's business?!"
"NOT WHEN IT'S SOMEONE I CARE ABOUT AND THEIR TRYING TO KILL HIMSELF!"
"I'M NOT TRYING TO KILL MYSELF!"
"THEN WHY THE HELL DO YOU HAVE THAT!?"
"BECAUSE I TRIED TO ONCE!" Both men stood in angered silence. Bull's rage simmered faster than Maxwell's, who'se didn't. "Andraste's tit this is why I wasn't going to tell you-.
"So you-."
"YET." Maxwell turned away, closed his eyes and ran his hand through his hair. Bull knew he wasn't finished so he let him. "I wasn't going to tell you yet. I knew you were going to find out eventually, you being, you and I knew I couldn't hide it forever. But I really didn't want you to find out yet."
"... When did you want me to find out?" Bull asked walking toward him.
"I don't know. When everything with the Inquisition settled down. I guess I already said too much though." Bull turned him around, Maxwell avoided his eyes as tears welled in his eyes. "Don't flatter yourself I'm not crying because of you." He said wiping his eyes on his sleeve.
"Do you want to tell me anything?" Bull asked brushing a strand of hair back into place.
"Maker." Maxwell breathed. "Yes but-... It's a long story I don't want to tell."
"Tell me anything you want, I wont ask questions." Maxwell looked Bull dead in the eye again, his eyes grew brighter blue from his tears.
"Promise?" He asked sternly.
"I swear on Krem's life." Maxwell tried to smile but couldn't muster up anything. Bull didn't care, he just wanted Mawell to feel better.
"You don't have to worry about it because it happened, what, nine, ten years ago?" Maxwell moved to the fireplace and stood in front of it with his arms crossed. "My parents were going to marry me off to some girl with a powerful family the next day. I had a boyfriend already, they found out about him When they told me I felt my entire world crash. Just when I had finally had my life under control in one instant, with four words, it went spiraling out of control more than it ever had. You're. Boyfriend. Is. Dead." Maxwell motioned with his hands something dropping and made a crashing sound. "I was scared of what my life would be like without him. I don't have one without him. He was the first person to show me any kindness in years, even his parents said we had a bond stronger than Paragons luster." a small smile crept over Maxwell's lips, it was short lived and replaced with a sober look. "My parents hated that their ticket to the king was running off with some broke, apostate, half breed, boy.
"The night before my eighteenth birthday, the day I would be married, my parents locked me away in my room. I was alone and desperate, I didn't see a life worth living ahead of me and nothing was stopping me from ending it. So I tried, almost succeeded to." He rolled up his sleeve and held it out for Bull to see. He looked the scar over, it was even more heart breaking up close and left an indent in the skin. "I knew exactly what I was doing when I did it. Quick and silent, the pain would only last a moment." Maxwell snapped his arm away and rolled his sleeve back down. "As you can guess it didn't work. I was saved… By him. He snuck into my room through my window and instantly started healing the cut. That's why it looks like that, kinda messed up, because he didn't actually know how to heal a cut like that. But he saved my life and I'm still grateful for it. I told myself that no matter what happens, no matter how bad, I would never try to kill myself again." He spoke under his breath quiet enough so Bull couldn't hear. "How hard that was two years later."
Maxwell continued to stare into the fire, he grew angry and stormed over to his desk and took the picture of water and threw the contents into the fire, dousing it instantly in a cloud of smoke. Bull jumped at how sudden the mood changed.
"Sorry." Maxwell said tightly holding the handle of the picture in his fist. "That, that is something else…" Bull looked at Maxwell with a somber expression. Maxwell looked up at him and shook his head. "Another reason why I didn't want to tell you. You're going to treat me different, think I'm weak or a coward or something."
"I don't." Bull said holding Maxwell's shoulders. "I think you are one of the strongest men I know. I thought you were before for going through all that bull shit at haven and with corypheus, but now? Yeah, I do look at you differently. I see you as the man you are. The strongest man I know." Maxwell felt as if two ton weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He felt tears of joy well in his eyes and fall down his cheek he hated them, Bull didn't. He leaned over and kissed the escaped tear away.
"Thank you Bull." He said leaning his head on Bull's shoulder. Bull wrapped his arms around him in a tight, safe embrace.
"Of course Max." He whispered back.