Fear
By The Inspector
One Shot
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Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Naruto characters and I don't make any money, so please don't sue me. Gracias!
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Author's Note: The person that this story is about is Haku and every time a person is referred to in CAPITAL letters, that person he's talking about is Zabuza. This was origionally a short blurb to test my writing skills for an RPG, and I expanded it to a one shot.
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He does not fear his own death. Dying is a part of living and must catch up with everyone eventually. That is not to say that he wishes for death, because he is perfectly happy with living. But he will not run from his death when it comes and will meet whatever is waiting for him after death, come hell or heaven.
He does not fear pain, for what is the physical hurt compared to a broken heart and shattered mind? The body can heal and repair itself until the pain is gone. Little can be done for one whose mind is gone, nothing can call them back.
He does not fear old age, for somehow he knows he will die young. He does not fear sickness, famine, or road thieves. Sometimes, it seems to the outsider that all fear has been stamped out of him.
But he does fear. Oh, he does. He fears being alone. To be left alone with no one in the world who knows his name or cares what it was. To wake up screaming in the night and have no one to run to and whisper the bad dream, knowing that they will take it away. To disappear into the mist, a shadow and phantom without memory or future.
He doesn't like that fear. It makes him feel out of control until it consumes him whole leaving an empty shell behind. It's cold in that existence, numb and still, like a puppet with no master pulling the strings.
He needs to have someone need him. For how can he be sure that he really lives if no one depends on him? Whatever the use he is, weapon or companion, he still has a use. And that is a reason to live.
If that reason was taken away, who would pick him up? He knows and fears the truth. The truth, no one. So he protects the One who gives his existence meaning with every breath in his body and as long as he has use, he has no reason to fear.
He knows they stare at him, wonder why he follows a man like HIM. But he only smiles. They don't understand that he was raised by HIM. Where they see a monster, he sees the one who nursed him when he was sick, who taught him to read, who took care of him even though HE himself was barely an adult.
They do not see what he sees, because they do not want to see. Maybe Naruto sees, but he has his own fears and can't sacrifice his hope for another's. They are kindred spirits, perhaps, each knowing the pain of not being wanted, and that is why they don't condemn each other. He expects that privately, Naruto cheers him on and wishes him luck in keeping his fear away.
But the fear is always there, lurking under the surface. He can never fail, he can never lose. Because if he loses, HE is lost as well. And he can't go on without the One who has given him his life back. He owes it to HIM to protect him, as HE did when he was a child, unable to protect himself.
He knows that he should have died. That abnormality in his blood has been rooted out of so many. But he is still alive, living on barrowed time, maybe, but still living. He knows that he should have been dead again after his parents' deaths, frozen from the cold and slow starvation. He thinks that is why no one bothered to come after him after his parents' demise. They expected him to fade slowly until he was no more, for what child can properly take care of themselves?
But HE found him, a miserable, forgotten child, and HE took him home. He had never been so happy. To one that has been lost, there is nothing more wonderful than to be found. HE did not spit on him like the others had. HE did not shout curses at him. He fed him, talked to him, and let him follow him, never to be alone again.
And he grew. His old life fell away and he realized his potential. How odd, really, that by trying to kill him so that his powers would never be used, they only made it so that HE would find him and teach him how to harness the abilities inside him.
He is forever grateful. And he is happy. He can never fully repay the kindness shown to him in his most fearful, dark hour. He will then give HIM his life, to do with as he needs. To be whatever it is he requires.
And he promises to take care of HIM. It is the least he can do for HIM. For teaching him, for raising him, for protecting him, for loving him like the child HE will never have HIMSELF. For turning HIS back on the world and taking in the lonely orphan. For all this, he will fight.
They don't understand, those who call them rogues and mercenaries, but maybe they aren't meant to. They wouldn't understand his fears. They who were accepted by their people and grew up loved and wanted. Only HE does, because they are HIS fears too. HE knows the pain of being hated and abandoned in the world. And without him, HE would be without use as well.
For life, for glory, for use. They may never win, but that won't stop them. And should they die in battle, they will die side-by-side. They will kill to exist and fight to live for the right to be acknowledged by the world that rejected them.
And Haku doesn't fear because as long as Zabuza-san lives, he will never be alone.
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The End
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The Inspector
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