Monster vs Monster
an Aaaah! Real Monsters Fanfic
by Save Fearow
Author's Note: The Krumm backstory has been hinted at for awhile. While Krumm's mostly a happy-go-lucky guy, he gets kind of depressed if he's ignored too much (Krumm's Pimple) but is still capable of being on his own (Krumm Goes Hollywood). He loves his Dad and gets along well with Horvak, and although Krumm knows he can always go home, Krumm maintains that he'd rather find his own path which is partly why he doesn't ever leave the Academy for good despite the hardships he sometimes encounters. The friendships he forms with Oblina and Ickis also go a long way towards explaining why Krumm ultimately rejects the idea of becoming a drop-out. At the end of the day, he'd rather be with his buddies even if he's not the center of attention like in A Perfect World.
Krumm loved his parents. He loved the way Horvak would tickle him under the armpits. He liked riding around in the wheelbarrow when he helped Dad harvest the mold. He'd gotten very good at pulling up the durn flowers that threatened the crops (and Horvak never yelled if Krumm dropped an eye a couple times and they had to stop doing chores so they could find the eyeball.) Krumm wasn't afraid of hard work but he -really- liked when Horvak took time off so they could watch the hissing cockroaches fight (and it was always strictly a father-son outing, because Krumm's mother insisted that sport was cruel and wouldn't watch.) Krumm loved his Mom too. Shlumm was great at cooking. She still catered events now and then, although Horvak didn't feel it was right for the woman to earn toenails, even if she did stay in the kitchen most days. Krumm was never happier than when he was eating a slopwich his mother made just for him. Shlumm always reminded him to comb his pit hairs before going to the Farmer's Market because it was important to look like professionals. Krumm was just glad to see other monster buying their mold and enjoying a quality product. A red monster came to their booth once and bought EVERY mildew cookie Shlumm had baked. She and Horvak had argued briefly over whether they should have given the customer a discount (Horvak claimed that the red guy could afford full price now that the biography was a best-seller. Shlumm had made several angry comments about loyalty and how you couldn't put a price on friendship. Horvak had retorted that 5 dozen mildew cookies retailed for 50 toenails, plus tax.)
Krumm was used to those arguments. He'd heard his parents squabble for the entire 43 years he'd been alive and he didn't expect them to stop anytime soon. But he -also- hadn't expected them to go to court, where lawyers had joined in on the fights. Everything on the farm had been labeled an asset and was up for grabs, including him, it seemed. Krumm had to wait outside the courtroom standing next to a very scary-looking security guard. The guard was named Jorch and he didn't talk much, although Krumm could tell from the way he scowled that this was NOT a monster who would tolerate any misbehavior.
So Krumm tried to be as quiet and unobtrusive as possible. The door hadn't quite closed all the way, so Krumm was able to see through a crack and watch a little of the court proceedings. Horvak's attorney had just called somebody to the stand and Krumm noted with mild surprise that it was the same hungry rabbit-like monster from the marketplace.
"Please state your name and occupation for the record." the attorney requested.
"Slickis. Professional scarer, loomer class. Graduate of the Monster Academy, 1872. Amateur athlete and subject of the biography, 'Tales Of The Great Slickis'. There's a sequel planned, but I haven't had as much free time to work on that as I'd like." Slickis detailed.
"Can I get your autograph?" the attorney blurted out.
"Sure, why not?" Slickis replied.
"Da-ad! You're always doin' that!" a small bonsty complained.
"Oh, Ickis. It'll only take a few moments. It's important to treat fans respectfully." Slickis insisted.
"You heard the Great Slickis. Move it, bonsty." the attorney ordered.
Ickis scowled. "I'm not a bonsty." he snapped.
"Be polite, son. This isn't going to take long so jus' sit up front and wait for me to finish giving my testimony." instructed Slickis. He ruffled the bonsty's fur and sent Ickis on his way. The judge waited somewhat impatiently for Slickis to finish signing a paper for the attorney.
"You know, you could have just gotten him to sign an affidavit." the judge observed.
"Where's the fun in that?" wondered the attorney.
"I really don't mind, sir." Slickis remarked.
The judge banged the gavel. "I do! This is a courtroom, not a meeting of the Great Slickis Fan Club!" the judge boomed.
Ickis' ears drooped. "There's a Fan Club now? It's bad enough that groupies randomly follow Dad sometimes, I don't want them to be organized!" Ickis whined.
Slickis looked rather thoughtful. "I don't know, a Fan Club -does- sound rather appealing." he mused.
"Order. Order. The defense needs to start questioning the witness, or call someone else to the stand." the judge demanded.
"Yes sir. Slickis, how are you connected to the case?" asked the attorney.
"Horvak was my best friend and roommate at the Academy." Slickis answered.
"And how well do you know Horvak now?" the attorney questioned.
"Not very. I haven't had much cause to go to Fieldston recently." Slickis admitted. "I've seen him a few times at the Farmer's Market. And Horvak -did- do a tremendous favor for my bonsty once, that's what I'm here about!"
"I see. Would you care to elaborate on that?" the attorney inquired.
"Of course! Bonstys are wonderful, I could talk about my son for hours! Ickis is a great boy, very energetic." Slickis responded. "I know it's customary for the mother to get custody of the bonsty in a divorce settlement and I'm sure Shlumm -would- do an excellent job or raising Krumm. But I firmly believe that every son needs a positive male role-model in their life to teach them right from wrong. Being a father is more rewarding than anything else I've done so far, and that includes scaring atop Mount Everest- which would have been EVEN more fun if those British explorers had been willing to climb further, but there's always next time! Fatherhood is alot less forgiving than that, so if you make a mistake, you always have to deal with the consequences. It's a learning process, and while it's not always easy, it's well worth the effort. I really can't describe how amazing it is to watch a son reach all those little mile-stones... first words, first steps, first time they eat garbage without spitting up on your chest... it's something special that a monster has to experience to understand. I wouldn't trade those memories for anything!"
"That's a rather unusual sense of priorities." the attorney noted.
Slickis shrugged. "That's jus' how it is. Being a parent makes you re-evaluate your decisions. If you aren't the kind of monster a son can admire, then something must have gone wrong somewhere, and it's up to you to figure out what that is, and adjust your behavior accordingly. Bonstys need guidance, and love, and acceptance in order to become fully-functioning members of monster society. I've done my best to help Ickis grow into the bonsty he is today. I'm proud of m'boy, I think any father would be pleased to have a son like him." Slickis asserted.
"Really?" the attorney pressed.
"Absolutely." Slickis maintained.
"No further questions." the attorney decided.
"You may step down, Slickis." the judge stated.
"Dad! Dad!" Ickis rushed to greet his father.
"Hullo, Ickis. I didn't keep you waiting long, did I?" Slickis inquired.
"It -felt- long." Ickis replied sourly.
Slickis laughed. "I'm sorry it felt that way, but we have the whole rest of the day to do something fun together." Slickis reminded his son.
Ickis beamed. "I wanna go to the zoo." Ickis suggested.
"Alright, but stay out of the cages. Tigers don't make good pets." Slickis maintained.
"How would you know if you've never petted one?" Ickis countered.
"Call it a father's intuition." Slickis claimed.
"No way! You can't know somethin' jus' cause you're the Dad!" Ickis retorted.
"Yes way! I do it all'a time." Slickis insisted.
"Maybe it's time you quit, then." Ickis grumbled.
"That's impossible. Once you're a Dad, you're appointed for life, no resignations allowed." Slickis asserted.
Ickis' eyes widened. "Wow. They should pay you over-time for that." Ickis commented.
"It's okay. I still get plenty of job satisfication." Slickis replied. He grinned as he picked up the bonsty. Ickis squirmed briefly before submitting to his father's embrace. "C'mon, son. As long as we're going to the Bronx, let's swing by Yankee Stadium. You can hide under the bleachers while I scare the baseball players." Slickis offered.
"Yeah! You're the best, Dad." Ickis decided.
"Thank you, Ickis. It helps when you have a very good bonsty." Slickis remarked.
"I love you, Dad." Ickis whispered.
Slickis smiled. "Love you too, son." he replied.
"Aww, that's so nice. Maybe I -should- let Horvak watch over Krumm. Mold farming is all Krummy has ever known, he might not adjust well to new surroundings." Shlumm mused.
"A-yuh. I been saying that fer months, 'bout time you reckonized my wisdom." Horvak stated.
"Don't you start!" hissed Shlumm.
But Krumm wasn't really paying attention to his parents' latest squabble. It was far more interesting to watch the loomers leave, the son babbling about whether the seats near the fences offered the best vantage point or if he should position himself further out in "Ruthville", while the father cheerfully suggested the area under center field might make a good compromise. Krumm wasn't sure what a center field was, but that sounded kinda intriguing too and his eyes followed the path of the loomers as they exited the courthouse and headed topside. If Krumm had been feeling bolder he might have called out to them, and asked if they could describe the stadium in more detail, but instead he waited for the judge to reach a decision so he could finally go home with HIS parents. It took another hour for the closing arguments to be presented, and then the judge announced that court was adjourned. Krumm grinned, he'd been told that 'adjourned' meant that everything was over.
Shlumm blinked back tears as she walked up to her son. "Oh, Krummy I am really going to miss you. Be a good boy for your father." Shlumm instructed.
"Okay, Mom." Krumm agreed.
"Course he'll be good! Krumm's a great bonsty, got alot of my best qualities!" Horvak boasted.
"Hmm, so -that's- where they all went!" Shlumm exclaimed. She kissed Krumm on the nose. "Goodbye Krumm. I know you'll grow up strong." Shlumm predicted.
Krumm looked confused. "Why is it goodbye?" Krumm wondered.
"She's leaving, that's why. I won the farm, and the bonsty, and ev'rything else! So from now on, it's gonna be Horvak and son ag'inst the world, and we won't hafta worry none about yer mother stickin' her nose where it don't belong." Horvak maintained.
"I think it's s'posed to be on her face, just like it's always been." Krumm commented.
"You're such a wonderful boy." Shlumm cooed. She turned towards Horvak and glowered. "Unlike certain monsters I could mention. You had better do a good job of raising Krumm because I'm going to visit with MY son twice a year and if I -ever- suspect you are neglecting him in any way, I'll get that judge's decision overturned so fast, it'll make your eyeball spin!" Shlumm threatened.
"Ooh, you got me so scared I'm sweating." Horvak drawled.
"Dad, you're always sweating." Krumm pointed out.
"Then I guess what she said didn't make no diff'rence." Horvak replied.
Shlumm sighed. "It never does." she mumbled. Shlumm smiled at her bonsty one last time and walked away. Horvak and Krumm lingered in the hallway for a few moments, before heading back to the mold farm. When they got there, Krumm was surprised that his mother wasn't already waiting for them at home. He looked all over the farm, including the mold silo, but didn't find her. He couldn't even find any trace of Shlumm's belongings on the property. Krumm thought about asking his Dad to help, but Horvak was busy pulling up flowers and moistening dirt so they would have a bigger crop of mold. Horvak didn't say a word to Krumm until he told the boy to come inside for dinner, and by then Krumm had reached the sad conclusion that Mommy wouldn't be coming home, after all. Sure enough, Horvak had only set 2 plates at the table.
"Et your slop, Krumm." Horvak advised.
Krumm frowned. "I thought Friday was greaseburger night." Krumm recalled.
"Your mother makes that, but we don't need no fancified garbage. Slop is good fer you, puts hair under your arms." Horvak affirmed.
"I like being hairy." Krumm admitted as he started to eat. Somehow though, it wasn't the same.
"Good. Et as much as you like, there's enough slop left in the pot fer seconds." Horvak detailed.
"Okay Dad." Krumm acknowledged. He always tried to be obliging, but his heart wasn't in it. For the first time in recent memory, Krumm didn't feel like cleaning his plate.
"Maybe you'll like it better in the morning?" Horvak offered.
"I'll try." Krumm responded. He glanced around the room and sighed. "Dad, can I be excused?" asked Krumm.
"Sure. I'll put the leftovers in the kitchen, if'n you get hungry in the night, come on down and have a snack." Horvak suggested. "I got some chores left to do, but I'll check on you later."
Krumm shrugged. "If you want to." he replied.
"Might take me awhile, though. Your mother shoulda done more a'fore she left, 'stead of sticking me with ev'rything." Horvak muttered.
Krumm's lip trembled as he walked towards the bedroom. He wasn't sure if he was part of the everything that Shlumm should have taken care of, but Krumm strongly suspected that he might be. He dropped his eyeballs into a glass of water and curled up in bed, but he didn't fall asleep right away. Krumm had never felt so lonely in his life, and he wished more than anything that he had someone he could talk to at night, like a brother or a roommate or a friend.
~~~The End
Author's Note: Horvak really needs to think before he speaks. He's quite lucky to have loyal friends and a loving son in spite of everything he says. Horvak's good at farming, (it's a dirty job but somebody's got to do it) and in the ensuing years bonds with Krumm over the sheer amount of work it takes to run even a small-scale agricultural business. It's possible that they come to rely on each other TOO much, since Krumm seemed absolutely devastated during his first week at the Academy (the Rookie Monsters flashback in Season 4) and repeatedly expressed a desire to go home. Krumm's a great guy and when something upsets him, he tries to bottle it up and be stoic, although that behavior backfired in Krumm Rises To The Top when he passive-aggressively started raging at his friends. Lucky for everyone, Krumm is quick to recognize his errors and ends up talking through his problems with Ickis and Oblina. Rooming together is probly the best thing that could have happened to the Ickis, Oblina, and Krumm because they ALL had some pretty big issues before they started at the Academy it's just that Krumm's problems don't get referenced quite so much. Reviews are encouraged!