A/N: Hi everyone! CanDoAnythingNow here, with a first story! LE GASPE! Anyway, this is a story spawned off of LolliDictator's manuals, so yeah. XD

Rated T for cussing. :P

Disclaimer: I own nothing except for Catherine Blacke and John because this is a FAN fiction, so yeah.

I sighed as I clicked away pop-ups. Stupid things… who in their right mind would actually click "OKAY"? I thought, brushing my dark brown hair out of my face. Currently, I was trying to watch Hetalia Axis Powers, but the website that I used was riddled with viruses and pop-ups—good thing I had avast! Antivirus. I looked around the white-washed walls of my overly-large house in northern Montana, where the land was cheap and there were bears.

Looking back at what I was watching, which was Hetalia episode forty-three, my computer dinged, giving a warning of a pop-up. Strangely, it was something about Hetalia Units, which was something I'd never heard of. Moving my mouse to click the little "X", my cat decided that the mouse was an actual mouse and pounced on my hand, causing me to click the "OKAY!" button. So, once I had freed my hand from my cat, I was confronted with a quiz. This time, there was no cancel button or the little "X". Sighing, since I wanted to return to anime a quickly as possible, I filled it out. Once I'd finished it and submitted it, another pop-up came up saying:

"Congratulations! Your first unit will arrive in two to three business days!" I quickly closed it, waiting for a "Support our Sponsors!" page to come up. Nothing happened.

…

The fuck?

Shrugging it off as a scam, I returned to watching Hetalia. I finished the Axis Powers series—now to go onto World Series! Sadly, my favorite virus-ridden website didn't have it for some reason, leaving me to find another website.

I quickly forgot about that pop-up, since there was a surprise blizzard, leaving me to shovel my driveway and most of the road, since the snow plow didn't come this far out. I had to go into town some way, anyway.

A few days later, while I was typing more on my story—historical fiction which I claimed America would consider very "Un-American," since in some parts it seemed pro-Nazi-ism, the doorbell rang. I immediately looked at the door. Then at myself. I was wearing a simple black tee-shirt with black skinny jeans. You can guess what my favorite color was, right? I pushed my square-glassed further up my nose—and NO, I didn't get them because I was an America fangirl; they just happened to be the best frame there that wasn't pink.

I walked over to the door, and looked through the peep hole. All I saw was a giant box. The heck? I unlocked the door, and saw that there was also a delivery guy standing a bit to the side.

"Erm, hello?" I asked, somewhat confused.

"Are you Catherine Blacke?" he asked. I nodded quickly, causing my short hair to fall in my face. "Well then, sign here," he said, pushing an electronic-signing-thingie to me. I quickly signed something that looked like two scribbles that appeared to start with a "C" and a "B" and handed it back. "Do you need any help getting the box in?" he asked.

"Yep." I replied. He used one of those box-weeling thingies to get into into the main entryway of my home.

"Here," he said and handed me a manual. "And good luck. You'll need it. The next unit will arrive in two to three days, but there have been mishaps where one comes early." He then left to go to his truck, which I then noticed the logo on it—Flying Mint Bunny? I sniggered, slammed the door shut and looked at the manual.

GILBERT BEILLSCHMIDT: User Guide and Manual

Oh… shit…

I began to look over the methods for waking him up. "Let's see… don't want to be raped… don't any beer… and I want him to listen to me. Alright then."

I sat down next to the box and began to speak in my very-rusty Russian. "Давно не виделись,"* I stated to the box, smirking to myself. The box began to shake a little. I blinked; this was Prussia—the amazingly awesome Prussia, and I wanted to terrify him? "Stupid… half-Russian… ness…" I muttered to myself. I looked over the box. "Damn… how the heck do you open this… hey, can you hear me in there? I can't open it because I'm not awesome enough; can you?" I said to the box, feeling like an idiot. There wasn't any response from the box.

"Come on; please? I'll buy you beer!" I said to the box. To this, there were loud thudding noises coming from the box. I dove behind an open door, which happened to be a bathroom door. The box finally opened, revealing Prussia. He immediately looked around, confused. My cat, being the idiot that it is, ran meowing to me, causing him to notice me.

"Hey, why are you hiding from my awesomeness?" he asked, relatively confused.

"I was hiding from the giant SPEARS of wood that could've impaled me!" I replied hotly, making him laugh.

"Yeah, yeah…. Hey, where's Gilbird?" he said, looking around.

"He's probably in that small box over there." I said, pointing to said box, and still hiding behind the door.

"Why're you hiding still?" he asked finally. I shrugged.

"I dunno. Didn't really feel like moving. Besides, my cat is trying to… WHAT ARE YOU DOING, TIGER?" My cat, Tiger, was at the moment currently attacking Gilbert. "BAD TIGER! BAD!" I yelled and grabbed my cat. "Sorry, he attacks everyone, including me. And dogs five times his size. And a bear once..." I said apologizing and holding my cat.

"Whatever… just keep that physico cat away from my awesome self and Gilbird!" he replied, glaring at the cat.

"No promises," I replied, sighing and carrying my cat into a different room.

"Hey, what should the awesome me call the not-so-awesome you? Cuz I don't feel like referring to you as 'that girl'," he yelled from the entry with chirping that was apparently Gilbird.

"I'm Catherine Blacke, but friends call me Calvin," I replied. "And I'm not awesome—I'm epic!" I yelled back.

"Yeah right!" He said, walking into the room. Suddenly, he had this look in his eyes. He rushed over and grabbed my right breast. "Nice chest; you wanna see my five meters?" he said with an almost-deranged grin. I blushed, and stuttered out incomprehensible syllables. Suddenly with a caterwauling yowl, Tiger lept up and… bit Gilbert in… his… vital regions. He yelled and fell backwards. My hands flew up and covered my mouth.

"Bad Tiger, bad! No biting people there!" I said to my cat and grabbed him. He refused to let go. "Uh, damn, he won't let go..." I said and ran into my pantry and grabbed a can of tuna. I opened the can and set it down. Tiger flew over and stuck his face into the fish. Gilbert began to sit up, clutching his vital regions with both hands.

"That… fucking… hurt!" he grunted out.

"I am SO sorry! Tiger is somewhat crazy, and he attacked me a few days ago… making me… click… on that … pop-up…" I said, slowly lowering the bandaged hand that I had held up. I grabbed the manual and ran out of the room and began to read it. "Damn it… this is bad…" I said, reading over the modes. I left the hallway that I had run into and went back into the eating area where Gilbert was. He was sitting at the table writing in a journal. He looked up at me as I entered.

"Hey…. Didn't you promise me beir?" he said, looking at me. I sighed and smacked my forehead.

"That I did… come on, we're going to town." I said, walking over to the entryway. "And I'll mention: Don't be macho and say you don't need a jacket—you'll need one." I added, looking back as I pulled on a long trench coat. I handed him a somewhat-larger black jacket. "Here. I don't want you to freeze."

I grabbed my boots and pulled them on before opening the door, basically welcoming in the twenty-degree weather. I shivered, before running over to the closet and grabbing a scarf and gloves. We walked along the path over to the garage, and into my car—a simple-appearing minivan. I started the car and immediately turned on the heater. Gilbert was buckling himself into shotgun, when he had to ask a question.

"What's with all of the buckles?" He asked.

"This isn't a regular minivan—I messed with it, so now it's four-wheel drive, with a non-apparent roll-cage and a really cool sound system." I replied, turning out of my driveway. "By the way, it's a ten minute drive to town, so yeah." I added, simply, driving along the empty road.

The drive passed in silence, as I focused on the road and Gilbert looked out the windows at random fields. We pulled into the some-what small town, with a grocery store—Save Mart—a liquor store, who's name was just that, an auto parts store, a florist, a police station, a Cracker Barrel—a store/restaurant place that has the best French toast**, and various fast food restaurants, including an iHop, a McDonalds, a Carls Jr.***, and a few motels.

"We're going grocery shopping first, and then we're going to the liquor store, okay?" I said to Gilbert, who simply nodded. I pulled into the parking lot of the store, and we went in. I grabbed necessities—milk, bread, sandwich meat, random cheese—and other various things on the list that I kept in the pocket of my jacket. I paid for it all and we went back to the car, put the groceries in it, and drove to the other end of town where there was the liquor store. A line from the manual came to mind as I pulled into the parking lot.

"Hey, Gilbert—no groping my friend John who works at the liquor store, okay?" I said to him. He hadn't groped anyone at the grocery store because there was only the old dude who worked at the cashier and he was creepy.

"Fine—it's like you don't trust me," he said with a snort.

"That's because I don't. Come on—I'm heading into the store and have no idea what I'm going to buy because I don't drink." I said, un-buckling myself and opening the door. Gilbert muttered something and got out of the car.

I walked into the store, the bells on the door chiming. "Hey John!" I called to the cash register.

"Hey Calvin!" John called back, waving. "What're you doing here? You don't drink."

"I don't drink, but my… uh… tenant does." I replied, glancing at Gilbert who had immediately gone over to the beer.

"Hey, they have German beir!" he said happily. I face palmed.

"His name's Gilbert." I stated simply. As if on cue, Gilbert came back with a few cases of beer, which I paid for.

We waked back to the van, put the beer in the back, buckled in and began the drive back to my house. Upon arriving, I got a surprise. There was the Flying Mint Bunny truck again. "Gilbert, take stuff into the house. Put it in the kitchen. Beer goes last." I said to him, making him grumble. I turned fully to him. "I make myself clear, Да?" I said, smiling scarily.

"Uhm, yeah, yeah… groceries first, beer last, all goes in the kitchen…" he said, terrified.

"Molto buona!"**** I said, smiling. I opened the trunk of the car, and walked over to the deliveryman.

"Sorry, there was a mix-up at the post office… and so here's your second unit!" He said, obviously faking a smile. I sighed.

"Just hand me the signing thingie." I said. He handed me it, and I signed it again.

"Here's the manual." He said. "Do you need any help getting it in?"

"Yeah, lemme just open the door." I said, and unlocked the door. He wheeled the crate in again. "Do you want some hot chocolate?" I asked him. He looked half frozen, but he shook his head. "Alright then." He handed me the manual and left. I looked at the manual.

FELICIANO VARGAS: User Guide and Manual

"Damn it…" I muttered, now looking through the manual. "Hey, Gil, looks like we're having pasta for dinner." I called into the kitchen. I began to push the box into the kitchen, where Gilbert actually had taken the groceries in. I began to put the groceries away, some into the refrigerator and others into the pantry. I filled a pot with water and began boiling it.

From the box, there was the sound of someone hitting the box. Then it stopped, and sobbing about how the box was extremely hard began. I sighed and looked around for something to use to open the box. I ended up going into the garage and grabbing a crow bar to open the box. As soon as the box was open, the box's sole inhabitant lept out and hugged me.

"Yay! Thank you for saving me from the scary box!" Italy cried out, hugging me extremely tight.

"Uh, yeah, sure, whatever…" I said. "I need to get back to making dinner, so can you let me go?" I asked. The water was at a rolling boil now.

"Vee… Are you making pasta?" He asked, smiling.

"Yep." I replied simply.

"Benissimo!"***** He cried out, smiling widely. "Pastaaaaa!"

"Sure, whatever floats your boat," I said, pulling out the pasta noodles and breaking them in half before dropping them into the water, which I turned the temperature of down. I pulled out a kind of meat, which I began to chop into small pieces before sticking into a pan to cook. I pulled out a bowl and a few eggs, which I cracked and dropped in and whisked with a fork.****** After a while, I finished making the pasta, which I put into a bowl and on the table. I put three plates on the table, along with cloth napkins, forks and glasses of water.

"Here we go—Carbonara Pasta, my favorite!" I said, smiling. After dinner, I wandered over to my cat—whom had apparently slept all this time and was only just waking up. "Heya Tiger," I said, petting the cat and smiling. "Feliciano, if Tiger attacks you it is perfectly okay for you to come and get me. This is a little demon with fur, okay?" I said to the somewhat scared now country.

"Yeah, crazy cat attacked the awesome me!" Gilbert said. Gilbird chirped randomly.

"Hey, Gilbert, what does Gilbird eat?" I asked, looking at the bird. He shrugged.

"Anything, I guess." He said, and went back to writing in his journal.

I sighed and picked up my cat. "Come on, you're going in your room. Anyway, so do you two want to see your rooms?" I asked the nation and the ex-nation, to which both agreed to with differing levels of exuberance. "Well then, come on—all of the bedrooms are either upstairs or in the basement—which is probably infested with rats, by the way. So come on!"

We all walked up the stairs to what appeared to be a hallway with doors every few feet. "The furthest one on the left is mine, so choose among the rest." I said, pointing to all of the rooms. Gilbert picked the first one on the right, since it was the closest room to him. Feliciano chose the one next to mine. I looked at my watch. "Okay, it's only seven so put your stuff in you rooms while I think of something to do for the next three hours." Feliciano ran downstairs to grab his small box and immediately put it in his room. Gilbert went downstairs more slowly and grabbed his before throwing it in his room randomly. He then looked at me with a creepy grin. He grabbed both of my breasts and pushed me against a wall.

"You never answered my question—wanna see my five meters?" He said with a smirk.

I responded by saying a few incomprehensible syllables before smacking him. "No way, down to the ninth circle of HELL!" I yelled at him, a blush creeping over my face. Feliciano looked out of his room, but immediately hid again when he saw what was transpiring.

I stormed down stairs and sat on the couch. I turned on the television, and then turned on the DVD player and put in Hetalia English Dub: Season One. Feliciano looked at what I was watching before joining me on the couch. Gilbert went down stairs and over to the computer, intent on blogging. After we finished the disk, I looked at my watch. It was ten o'clock at night.

"Okay everyone, time for bed!" I yelled and grabbed a set of random toothbrushes and toothpaste. "Pick one, each of you." I said. Feliciano grabbed a blue one, while Gilbert grabbed a red one. "There's a bathroom upstairs—end of the hall. Go and brush your teeth now." I said, looking between both of the men. They went upstairs. I went into my room, where I locked the door and put on my pajamas—an oversized gray tee-shirt that I had won at a fairground years ago and a pair of black leggings. I then went into the bathroom, where I grabbed my toothbrush—green—and toothpaste out of a drawer. I brushed my teeth, occasionally glancing between Gilbert and Feliciano. They were both brushing their teeth at the other sink.

After we all brushed our teeth, I went downstairs to a panel in the wall. I typed in a nine-digit code, which caused the electric fence outside to turn on. "Alright everyone, no going outside now. The electric fence is live." I called to the other inhabitants of the house. I went into my bedroom and collapsed on my bed after closing my door and turning off the light.

I was exhausted. And the days would only grow longer as I got more units, my subconscious remarked as I drifted off to sleep.

A/N: Wow now that's long. XD

*Long time no see—I felt like it would fit. :P

**Don't own Cracker Barrel—it's a really amazing breakfast food place that, in my opinion, has the best French Toast. :D

***Own none of these

****Very Good! (Italian)

*****Very Good! (Same thing, Italian again. -_-')

******Carbonara Pasta exists—this is a summary on how to make it, with a few points missing. xD

Anyway, this isn't a one shot (I hope .), so there's a high chance of another chapter! See ya soon!

-CanDoAnythingNow out