Farneze became a storm so storms would not scare her. She became a flame so the heretics burning outside her window would have no hold on her. She became a shadow so the night's terrors could be understood.
She embraced giving and taking pain so nothing could hurt her. She hid all her reasons behind the banner of God.
She followed Guts because he did none of these things and survived.
Everything changed when Guts made her Casca's ward. Farenze no longer needed something to cope with her fears. When Casca trembled behind her, when demons closed in on them, Farneze forgot her fears and fought only for Casca's safety.Someone to protect, someone's mind to ease, was reason enough.