Episode 1: The One Five Minutes Later
Scene opens in Central Perk. Monica, Chandler (who is pushing the twins' stroller), Rachel, Ross, and Phoebe enter.
Chandler: Can you believe this might be our last time coming in here for coffee?
Rachel: You guys aren't going to come visit?
Chandler: No, we will… just… I mean, not all the time.
Phoebe: So you're going to forget about us when you go to those nice, suave suburban coffee houses? I see how it is.
Chandler: Okay… pulling out my larynx, never speaking again…
Monica (glaring at Chandler): We will visit. But, we want you guys to come visit us in Westchester, too.
(Everyone smiles and nods in agreement. Suddenly, Ross looks around, confused.)
Ross: Where's Joey?
(The scene opens in the hallway between Monica and Chandler's old apartment and Joey and Rachel's apartment. Joey is sitting in front of Apartment 20.)
Joey (yelling): No more J-Man and Channy! God, why do you do this to me? Why, God, why? Is this what I get for not sharing my sandwich with Chandler? Because if it is…
(End scene.)
Opening Credits
(Scene continues in the apartment hallway. Enter Ross and Chandler.)
Chandler (to Joey): Should I ask?
Joey: I just realized that this might be the last time we ever get coffee together! And I couldn't handle it! I don't know what I'm going to do without you, Chandler! Can't Monica go without you? You're good at long-distance relationships, right?
Chandler: Joey, Monica's my wife. I have to go. But you saw how close the new house is to here. We're gonna come here and visit. And you'll be able to visit us whenever you want.
Joey: Great! I'll go with you today! Maybe I should just, you know, grab my mattress and stay for a few days…
Chandler: Okay, maybe not whenever you want. But you'll see… you'll come a lot and Monica and I will come here. It's not like we're moving to another country.
Joey: Westchester isn't another country?
(End scene. The scene opens in Central Perk. Monica and Rachel are on the couch. The twins' stroller is perched next to Monica. Phoebe is in the chair at the end of the table. Ross, Joey, and Chandler enter. Ross sits on the couch and puts his arm around Rachel. Chandler sits in the armchair. Joey stands behind the couch.)
Monica: Everything okay, Joey?
Joey: Oh, yeah, you know my friends are leaving and I'm never gonna see them again. But other than that…
Monica: Joey! You know we're going to visit you, and you can visit us whenever you want.
(Joey smiles and starts walking towards the front door to get his stuff from his apartment. Chandler pulls him back and glares at Monica.)
Chandler: He can visit a LOT. Not whenever he wants, a LOT.
Joey: Yeah, but you say you're gonna visit, and then you're never going to, because you're gonna make new friends who are married and have names like… like Linda and Felix and all these proper names, and when I come to visit you, you won't even recognize me. You'll be like who is that and I'll be like…
(Joey pauses and glares towards the door where a blonde woman enters.)
Joey: Who is that?
(Joey wanders towards the woman, while the others shake their heads. The sound of one of the twins crying can be heard. Monica leans towards the stroller, and lifts one of the babies out. She holds the baby close.)
Monica (patting the baby's back): What's the matter, gorgeous? What's the matter?
(The other baby starts crying. Chandler lifts the baby out of the stroller.)
Rachel: I don't know how you guys can handle two at the same time.
Monica: It may be hard, but we waited so long that it doesn't even matter. I am so excited for every moment that I get to spend with them… even if it is them crying.
Ross: And you really going to love it, parenting is really so rewarding.
(Monica smiles down at the baby in her arms, then smiles at the one Chandler is holding.)
Monica: They are just the most beautiful babies. I can't believe how lucky we are.
(Rachel looks over at the baby, and caresses its face lovingly.)
Rachel: You are so adorable, yes you are. (Turns to Monica.) Which one is this?
Monica: Well this is, uh, Jack… (looks at Chandler). Or maybe it's… Erica?
Phoebe (folding her arms): Monica, you can't tell your own babies apart?
Monica: Of course I can! What kind of mother do you think I am? I was just, uh, testing Chandler. Seeing if he would correct me if I said the wrong name.
Phoebe: Ah, okay. (turning to Chandler). So which one is it?
Chandler: So... Ross... That lecture you were preparing a few days ago sounds really interesting. Why don't you tell us more about it?
Ross: well, see, I talk about how—
(Rachel puts her finger on Ross's lips to quiet him.)
Rachel: You really can't tell your kids apart?
Monica: Oh, stop. You... You tried to feed Emma a strawberry the other day and Ross had to remind you she doesn't like them.
(Scene shifts to Joey standing by the table where the blonde woman is sitting. He smiles and walks over.)
Joey: Hey... How you doin?'
(The woman does not even glance up.)
Woman: Joey!
Joey: You know my name? H-how do you know my name?
Woman: Don't play dumb with me, Joey. You know who I am. Now get away from me. I don't want to see you.
(Phoebe walks over the counter and passes Joey. Joey walks over to her and grabs her arm.)
Joey (whispering): Who is that?
(Phoebe looks over at the woman.)
Phoebe: Did she and I fight over a sandwich once?
Joey: What?
Phoebe: Oh, when I was living on the streets this guy threw out a vegetarian tuna wrap and I was about to get it, and this chick who looks just like her tried to take it. I got it though. I broke her wrist.
(Joey looks freaked out.)
Joey: She knows my name but she won't tell me who she is and she won't talk to me. She told me she didn't want to see me.
Phoebe: I'll take care of this.
(Phoebe walks over to the woman.)
Phoebe: I'm sorry about the sandwich okay, Zelda, but will you just talk to my friend?
Woman: what are you talking about? Who's Zelda?
Phoebe: Oh, you're not Zelda? My mistake.
Woman: I'm sorry... who are you?
Phoebe: Regina Phalange. And now that I've told you who I am, maybe you should give me the same courtesy.
Woman: My name is Annabella. Now can you let me drink my coffee?
Phoebe: Okay, calm down, Zelda.
(Phoebe runs away, receiving a dirty look from Annabella). She goes back over to Joey.)
Phoebe: Her name is Annabella.
Joey: Annabella... Annabella... (A nervous look appears on his face) Uh oh.
Phoebe: What, what?
Joey: No, no… I just. I met her at a party. We hit it off and she invited me to go away with her and her family. I had a drunk night with her, apparently proposed to her because I was out of my mind... Then I broke off the proposal and…
Phoebe: Tackled her to the ground until she (Phoebe starts screaming) DROPPED THE DAMN SANDWICH?
(Joey pauses for a moment and glares at Phoebe.)
Joey: no! I.. I.. I slept with her sister and...
Phoebe: And?
Joey: And her mother, okay?
Phoebe: Joey!
Joey: What! She was hot! She did not look like a mother! Oh, and I might have told Annabella she had the body of a man.
Phoebe: What? Joey you never say that to a woman!
Joey: I was drunk!
Phoebe: well, go talk to her. I'm sure she will forget about it when she sees how charming you actually are.
Joey: You're right; it's worth a shot. She is hot!
Phoebe: Go get him tiger!
(Cut back over to the couch.)
Monica: I'm gonna go get a muffin, does anyone want anything?
(Everyone shakes their heads. Monica walks over to the counter and sees Gunther.)
Monica: hey, Gunther.
(Gunther nods in acknowledgement.)
Monica: Oh, Gunther, thanks for everything you've done for us. We'll try to visit you here as much as possible.
Gunther: Wait? Where are you going?
Monica: oh, Chandler and I are moving to a house in Westchester.
Gunther: wow, your gangs really leaving, huh? You guys... (He pauses and looks sad.) Rachel...
Monica: Rachel didn't leave. She decided to stay.
(Gunther brightens.)
Gunther: Really? For good? How did that happen?
Monica: That's what people sometimes do for love, Gunther.
(Monica walks away, leaving Gunther standing there with his mouth wide open.)
Gunther: Rachel loves me back?
(Cut to Joey at Annabella's table.)
Joey: Hi, Annabella.
(Annabella ignores him and sips her coffee.)
Joey: Annabella, I'm sorry about what I did. I had so much to drink and I didn't know what I was doing...
Annabella: Joey, I don't care. I moved on. I realized don't need a guy who doesn't know how to be a real man.
Joey: a real man! What are you talking about? I'm a real man!
Annabella: Real men don't sleep with every female in one family! Real
men know how to commit and make women feel good about themselves.
Joey: I can do those things!
Annabella: You, Joey Tribbiani, committed? The Joey Tribbiani who cheated on me with my sister, cheated on my sister with my mom, and then went home with one of the hotel maids?
Joey: well, I'm different now!
Annabella: You... You will never be different.
Joey: Oh yeah? Well it just so happens I AM committed to someone. I'm.. I'm married, and I tell my wife I love her every day!
Annabella: Really? Well then why were you flirting with me?
Joey: That's just the way I say hello! I really wanted to know how you were doing! I really am
married!
Annabella: Well, who is this lucky woman?
(Monica walks past Joey and Annabella, carrying a muffin.)
Monica: Hey, Joey.
(Joey races over and puts his arm around Monica, who looks confused.)
Joey: She is! This is Monica! (Turns to Monica.) I love you, honey.
Monica (still confused): I... Love you too?
(Scene cuts over to the couch. Chandler is holding one of the babies, and Rachel is holding the other. Ross is sitting next to Rachel and Phoebe is in the armchair.)
Rachel: Hi, cutie. You're the most beautiful little boy... Or girl
(Rachel glares at Chandler.)
Chandler: Alright, let it go. But… this is bothering me…
(Chandler rummages under the baby's blanket .)
Chandler: This one's Erica. You have Jack.
(Gunther wanders over to Rachel, holding a flower.)
Gunther: Rachel... I know this isn't that great a gift, but I promise ill get a better one.
(Rachel tentatively takes the flower.)
Rachel: Well, thank you, Gunther. But remember I told you I didn't have the same feelings...
Gunther: It's okay, Rachel. You don't have to pretend just because he's here (Gunther glares at Ross.) Monica told me the truth.
Rachel: She.. She did, huh? Gunther, what exactly did she tell you?
Gunther: She said you didn't go to Paris because that's what people do for love.
Rachel: Oh...
(Rachel looks towards Ross.)
Ross: Gunther, I- I am sorry to tell you this, but the reason why Rachel didn't go to Paris… is because she loves me.
Gunther: Oh...
(Gunther starts to walk away and spills a pitcher of coffee on Ross's lap, pretending it's an accident. Ross stands up with a start.)
Ross: Ow! Gunther, what the..?
(Gunther chuckles.)
Gunther: I'm sorry, did I ruin your day?
(Monica enters.)
Monica: What's going on?
Rachel: Well, I think Gunther's jealous that Ross and I are together.
Monica: Why would he be? (She pauses) oh my god...
Rachel: Yup.
Monica: That's crazy
(Monica sits down and Rachel hands her Jack.)
Chandler: I think Erica missed you.
Monica: Ah, so you did some cheating. This is Erica! Unless you're messing with me...
Chandler: Am I?
Monica: Yes! I mean... No! God I don't even know. What is wrong with me chandler? Why can't I tell my own children apart? I'm the worst mother ever!
(Monica hands Jack back to Rachel, and leans on Chandler, crying.)
Chandler: It'll be okay, Monica. We will figure out how to tell them apart. We'll just, you know, get one of them a tattoo or something...
(Monica glares at Chandler.)
Chandler: Or, you know, once they get older it will start being obvious. Unless of course Jack is anything like me and everyone thinks he's a girl...
Monica: Not helping...
(Scene cuts to Joey and Annabella.)
Annabella: Maybe I was wrong about you... You do seem like you've changed.
Joey: That's me. I'm a gentleman.
Annabelle: Maybe we can even double sometime.
(Her gaze shifts to the couch, where Monica and Chandler are making out.)
Annabella: Uh, Joey, you might not want to see this, but your wife is, uh...
(Joey glances over.)
Joey: Oh, uh... You know what? She cheats on me all the time. It's no big deal.
Annabella: Well of course it is! Why do you let her treat you like that?
Joey: It's no big-
(Annabella storms over to Monica and Chandler.)
Annabella: Hey, Romeo and Juliet. Why don't you stop doing that, cause she's married.
Monica (puzzled): Well, yeah...
Annabella: So why don't you be faithful to your husband? He's come such a long way and he treats you so well and this is what you do to him?
Monica: I-I- that's what I do. I'm a slut. I cheat on my husband with my husband (pinches Chandler's cheek.)
Annabella: You have another husband?!
(Monica stares, confused.)
Annabella (to Joey): You certainly don't deserve a woman like this. If you ever want a real woman (Annabella squeezes joeys side and slips something in his pocket.)
Annabella: Call me.
(Annabella exits and Joey nearly collapses on the couch.)
Joey: I got her number, I got her number…..
Monica: Joey... What the hell is going on?
Joey: Oh yeah, I kind of told her we were married.
Monica: Do I wanna know why?
(A pause. Joey shrugs.)
Monica: You know, I'm really going to miss this. These crazy… antics.
(Everyone nods solemnly.)
Rachel (looking at her watch): Have we really been here for a half hour? Wow... I hate to say this but, I have to go. I have to go pick up Emma.
Phoebe: Yeah, and I should probably go untie Mike from-
(Everyone stares.)
Phoebe: Never mind.
Monica: I guess we have to get going...
Chandler: Awkward crying and hugging time?
(Everyone stares. Phoebe, Rachel, and Monica slowly start crying again. Then Ross and Joey join in. They gather into a group hug.)
Monica: I promise we're gonna see you guys! We're only going half hour away. This isn't goodbye, this is more like a... See you later.
Joey: Not as soon as we usually do.
Monica: You'll see, once we get used to it, it won't feel so different not seeing each other every day. We can see each other almost every day.
(The gang starts to walk towards the door.)
Phoebe: So I guess we'll see you guys...
Chandler and Monica (shrugging): Tomorrow?
Credits roll.
(Scene opens in Central Perk. Joey and phoebe are sitting on the couch. Rachel is sitting in the armchair with Emma in her lap. Ross is in the chair by the counter. Enter Gunther. He passes out coffees to Rachel, Joey, and phoebe and walks away.)
Ross: hey, Gunther? I, uh, ordered a coffee.
Gunther: Didn't anyone tell you that we have the right to refuse service to anyone?
End show.