Boneless
I am so terrified right now.
My fears have manifested into fires, whisking at my elbows burning reminders into my skin like permanent ink. The belligerent stares of many around me are melting into my neck and choking up my objections. The metallic taste runs down through my bloodstream and threatens to poison my very soul.
My knees are clacking together and I swear to you every time the caps meet they scream
failure
failure
failure
Screaming and squealing and shrieking until my eardrums become weary with cavities and I try to shred them apart with my bare teeth. My breath has become colder than ice; the light in my heart is flickering with anxiety. I want to run, I want to run so bad but I can only watch as the vines coined "duty" meander around my legs and arms as they drag me back into the abyss of my bare emotions. I remain silent as the green venom accumulates up and down my spine. Not a word when bending my head grows difficult with each passing sun. Nor when the realization has come to me; once more I am becoming something that is not human.
I am so terrified right now.
Just once I wish I could manage to scream out before my destiny regurgitates itself out of company.
I know you don't understand anything about this pain. But the fact that you know is enough to calm my agitated stomach and keep this broken spirit from going insane.
Your arms always moved like earthquakes, creating tidal waves that could crush down cities of my worries as they advance around my weakening back. Your low voice that was always laughing along to the rhythm of a soft gale would suddenly gain weights that always led your reassurances down my way.
You would ask me what was wrong.
Before I knew it, the clouds in my head would gather like magnets and pour out all their tensions down my nose and chin. The materialization of my stress blurs my vision, leaving me nothing more to see than red and pink.
My voice was always quivering at this point; still I would try telling you. Tell you about the phantoms grasping at my face. About the crystals advancing into my throat, threatening to rip my voice to shreds. Beg you to save me, drag me out of this bottomless hole my heritage dug for me. That I need salvation.
But as always my throat seems to become animated and twists itself into knots, and I cannot say more than pathetic squeaks that look like they're just breaking your heart.
You would raise your hand and softly wipe away one of the boiling rivers burning away at my cheeks. Your fingers feel like a medicine. After my panicked breaths become regular beats and I can feel the oxygen seeping into me at a regular rate, you lean over and quietly press your lips at the top of my head. Icing on cake. A cherry on ice cream. As if you implanted yourself into my soul and split a mountain.
Then we both say goodnight.
Eventually your eyes allow yourself to be taken to the apparition of fantasy and as I listen to your lullaby of rhythmic breathing I look down at my shoulder.
The poison is still there. Advancing faster this time. Wearing and eroding at my heart more, day by day. Tearing apart at my essence. Grabbing me and dragging me back down to drown in an ocean of the world's obligation.
The frequency of my break downs in front of you has been increasing over the months. You never know what's going on but without fail you are always there to comfort me…in a way, living up to your name.
The emulated one.
Protecting the people's victory.
End