I waited in the hall for Bella to come out of Alice's room. I'd already seen the dress, which both of them knew, yet Alice was keen on keeping the tradition of me not seeing it on Bella before the wedding. Our wedding. The thought made me smile. As much as she resented Alice and I right now, Bella would no doubt love whatever Alice put together for her - judging by the images that had been running though her mind since the vague possibility of such an event as our wedding occurred to her.
My thoughts were confirmed as Alice's high pitched squeal of joy reached my ears from behind her closed doors. A second later she breezed out of her room, calling Esme's name. I caught her mind going through possible ideas for a bridesmaid dress for herself, and grinned at Bella as she walked through the door.
"That was very, very nice of you." I said to her.
Her rather flustered face grew soft. "She seems happy." She agreed.
I stared deep into her eyes for a moment, taking in the warm chocolate affection that shone there. I touched her silken cheek, overwhelmed as usual by her benevolence.
"Let's get out of here. Let's go to our meadow." I wanted her to myself, away from Alice's general peskiness.
Her eyes lit up. "I guess I don't have to hide out anymore, do I?"
"No. the danger is behind us." Thank god. If there was one.
The day was warmer than those of recent – now that the storm ad passed. And I listened to Bella's steady breathing as I ran. What was it that made her so eager to please everyone but herself?
When we arrived at the meadow, I laid next to Bella on the damp grass. The clearing was dotted with daisies that gave it a bright, cheerful tone. I looked at Bella while she stared up to the clouds.
"August thirteenth?" I asked about the date of the wedding, eager as always to unravel her thoughts.
"That gives me a month until my birthday. I don't want to cut it too close."
I sighed, frustrated. Again with the age. "Esme is three years older than Carlisle, technically. Did you know that?" Hoping this little bit of trivia would reassure her doubts. It wasn't as if two or three weeks made a difference.
She shook her head, making a face.
"It hasn't made any difference to them." I hinted.
"My age is not really important. Edward," She said, her voice calm and decided. "I'm ready. I've chosen my life – now I want to start living it." The way she said it, I almost understood her point.
I rolled to my side and propped my head up on my elbow. I reached out to stroke the damp hair that was spread on the grass around her head.
"The guest list veto?"
Her face twisted, I could see so plainly that she wished I hadn't asked that.
"I don't care really, but I…" It took her a second to continue. "I'm not sure if Alice would feel the need to invite… a few werewolves. I don't know if Jake would… feel like he should come. Like that's the right thing to do. Or that I'd get my feelings hurt if he didn't… He shouldn't have to go through that."
I listened silently. I just couldn't understand where all of this had come from. Bella gasped when I grasped her waist, pulling her delicate from onto my chest and rolling so that she was perched above me, where I could easily read her face.
"Tell me why your doing this, Bella." I said, letting all my frustrations spill out. "Why did you decide, now, to give Alice free reign?"
It took her a moment to answer "I talked to Charlie last night. About… the future. And he said he felt like he would lose me soon. He told me not to just take off without any notice… and it made me think more about how my decisions were affecting everyone else. It wouldn't be fare to keep Charlie out of this." She stated "And that means Renee and Phil. I might as well let Alice have her fun, too. Maybe it will make the whole thing easier for Charlie if he gets his proper good-bye. Even if he thinks it's too early, I wouldn't want to cheat him out of a chance to walk me down the aisle." She grimaced and blushed, then continued. " At least my mom and dad and friends would know the best part of my choice." She said, her eyes softening, "The most I'm aloud to tell them. They'll know I chose you, and they'll know were together. They'll know I'm happy – wherever I am. That's the best I can do for them."
Her eyes had misted over by the end, but her face was determined with the strength of the conclusion she had come to. The conclusion that had nothing to do with her own happiness. I wouldn't stand for that.
"Deal's off." I informed her. Everything she wanted. I would give it to her now, without her having to make ridiculous sacrifices.
"What?! You're backing out? No!" She shouted, dismayed.
"I'm not backing out, Bella. I'll still keep my side if the bargain. But you're off the hook. Whatever you want, no strings attached." I let the bait dangle there.
"Why?" she said after an infinitesimal pause.
"Bella, I see what you're doing. You're trying to make everyone else happy. And I don't care about anyone else's feelings. I only need you to be happy. Don't worry about breaking the news to Alice, I'll take care of it. I promise she won't make you feel guilty." Ugh. That would be difficult.
"But I-"
"No." I interrupted. "We're doing this your way. Because my way doesn't work. I call you stubborn, but look what I've done. I've clung with such idiotic obstinacy to my idea of what's best for you, though it's only hurt you. Hurt you, so deeply, time and time again. I don't trust myself anymore." I realized. "Your can happiness your way. My way is always wrong." I shifted, my confidence growing in my speech "So. We're doing it you're way, Bella. Tonight. Today. The sooner the better." The words were coming out in a rush now. "I'll speak to Carlisle. I was thinking that maybe if we give you enough morphine, it wouldn't be so bad. It's worth a try." The thought of her pain made me wince…
"Edward, no –"
I shushed her. "Don't worry. Bella, love." If I had a heart, it would've been pounding. "I haven't forgotten the rest of your demands." And I kissed her. Gently, gently, I threaded my fingers through her warm hair, holding her in place, conveying the things I hadn't said aloud with the intensity of the caressing kiss.
Bella's hands gripped at my arms, her rather feeble grasp tangling her fingers in my shirtsleeves. Then her fingers threaded through my hair, and a shiver ran down my frame. I wanted every inch of her body touching mine. The contact of her light weight atop of mine was not enough, so I rolled, tenderly, pressing her into the grass and relishing in her warmth…
Bella shook her head, trying to free her lips. I moved my own down to her throat.
"Stop, Edward. Wait." She half- whispered.
"Why?" I asked, mildly surprised. This was what she wanted, after all, and what I wanted as well.
"I don't want to do this now." Her voice was a little stronger.
"Don't you?" I asked. I covered her lips with my own - muffling her complaints.
Her hands slid from my hair, down to my chest. It took me a second to realize she was trying to get me to move. I drew back slightly, almost angry with her for being such a hypocrite.
"Why?" I asked, my voice a little harsher than necessary. "I love you. I want you. Right now." Her eyes widened, and I pressed my lips against her one more time, almost so I couldn't understand her asking me to wait.
"Not for me." I said. No, I wouldn't make her give up something she wanted again…
"Please?"
I gave up, pushing back and rolling off of her.
"Tell me why not, Bella." I demanded. "This had better not be about me." She had better hope it wasn't.
"Edward, this is very important to me. I am going to do this right."
"Who's definition of right?"
"Mine." Sure.
"How are you going to do this right?"
She breathed in, relieved. "Responsibility. Everything in the right order. I will not leave Charlie and Renee without the best resolution I can give them. I won't deny Alice her fun, if I'm having a wedding anyway. And I will tie myself to you in every human way, before I ask you to make me immortal. I'm following all the rules, Edward." My rules. "Your soul is far, far too important for me to take chances with. You're not going to budge me on this."
"I'll bet I could." A flash of a smile crossing my face as I stared at her threateningly.
She looked satisfyingly alarmed. "But you wouldn't" she said with resolve. "Not knowing that this is what I really need." No, I wouldn't.
"You don't fight fair." I accused.
"Never said I did," she grinned.
"If you change your mind…" I smiled back, happy because she was.
"You'll be the first to know." She swore.
Rain was starting to fall. Bella glared at the sky.
"I'll get you home." I said, brushing water from her cheeks wistfully.
"Rain's not the problem, she glowered. "It just means that it's time to do something that will be very unpleasant and possibly even highly dangerous."
I widened my eyes in mock alarm. Nothing was dangerous for her, not with me around.
"It's a good thing your bulletproof, I'm going to need that ring, it's time to tell Charlie." Ah, Charlie. I laughed.
"Highly dangerous." I agreed, then pulled the ring from my pocket as we stood. I had brought it with me as per request from Alice. "But at least there's no need for a side trip."
I took her warm hand and slid the ring gently onto her finger.
Where it would stay – conceivably for the rest of eternity.