A/N- I'm taking a quick break from Tough Life to start this. I really like Abbie/Olivia slashes... so... shh. Here is my first EVER fem-slash

Summary- For every case we work on, we leave part of ourself there. And if we leave too much, it will tear us apart, slowly. Just try to trust me, and I'll help you get it back.

Spoilers/Seasons- After 'Loss' just no Alex... b/c she would get in the way

Categories- Angst/X-over

Rating- PG-13

Warning- Rape, but non-graphic; and language

Pairing- Olivia/Abbie and Abbie/other

Disclaimer- Don't own... Abbie and Olivia would be together

The bitter coldness whipped through the dark, neatly styled hair. The jacket tugged tighter to the petite, strong built body as her purse hung off her narrow hidden shoulders. A chill brushed up against her as a light flickered into a dim light. A jolt through her body told her someone needed her, but now, she didn't care. All she wanted was to get home and soak in a nice long bubble bath. The neighborhood drew a frightening picture to anyone, but she had had to make a stop and Jason left her to get his younger daughter from a friend's house.

She liked Jason; he was sweet, about three years older, and single with a wonderful four-year-old daughter. He was like her big brother, and really cared for her, more than anyone ever had before at least.

The new place she started working at was different than anything else she had done. For one, it wasn't a firm and Jason and her were the only lawyers. It was a private investigation with about every possible kind of clients. She loved the job, and everyone one around her she worked with, well most everyone. Some of the people she investigated, usually abusive husbands, were assholes and tried different things before Jason would come in, but for the most part it was okay. She met her best friend, Holly, a criminologist, through her job, and was very close to becoming something more.

For all purposes life was perfect. She had everything life took away from her. The past was gone; every single waking moment was she had almost forgotten. She still lived in New York, she couldn't imagination going anywhere else, but everything else was different. The DA's office she had only visited once, and at that time, she stayed so far away from everyone she used to know. Life was different now; she was different.

Turning down the street, her body shook, half coldness the other part scared. She was a smart woman and was very aware of what happened and could happen to her. Shuddering at the thought, she sped up her walk as she past a gang of guys standing on the corner, eyeing her deviously as she walked by. She heard footsteps start to follow her from behind causing her to speed up a little bit more but they sped up simultaneously. Turning the corner, she looked down at her pocket, patting it for her cell phone as they started speeding up, closing the gap slowly. She used her right hand to casually reached for her phone trying hard that Hell to not look back. Typing in seven numbers she hadn't used in a long time, she placed the phone to her ears, only to have a large hand pull it down and grab it out of her hand. She froze, scared to move a muscle as the phone was closed in front of her face as she flinched

"Who ya callin' babe?" a strong voice asked, whispering in her ear sending more chills through her body.

"Leave me alone," her voice shook. Five more men surrounded her; all of them double her size as they pushed her into an alley, blocking all her exits. She frantically looked around, thinking as hard as she could to come up with something to do. The first one grabbed her purse, pulling out her wallet he rummaging through her things.

Shoving the cash into his pocket he found her I.D.

"It's her," he said in a dark deep voice. Two of the lackeys grabbed her from behind, holding her tightly.

"Ya know who Alice Simmanelly?" he asked, grabbing her by the chin. Her mind raced thinking of every person they could be talking about, but her mind had erased the past and she had messed with so many people who could be in touch with these thugs.

"I… I uh…" she stuttered, the gripping getting tighter and tighter until she lost all circulation and goon one, who was standing right beside the leader, pulled a knife out of his pocket.

A tattoo on his arm suddenly jogged her memory, causing her to frantically pull against the two men holding her. The past events flashed passed by her eyes, haunting her again. Her muscles tighten as she shook.

"Well, my pretty little lady," goon two started, "my girl wants us to kill you, but you know, I think we can have more fun." The two men holding her pushed her down and forward so she was at the other three feet.

She pushed back, crawling away from them as they bent down to her level, staring into her hurt devil eyes.

"Go to Hell," she spat, only to receive a redden cheek from a hard backhanded slap.

"My baby was raped because of you, bitch. She won't have sex with me because of you. So now I'm going to get it from you!" the second goon spat, pushing her on her back.

"No, please, no…" she mumbled, trying to push him away only to get held by the back lackeys.

"Stay still you bitch!" he said, smacking her. Her body froze as he took out his knife and held it to her throat as he ripped her shirt off, exposing a white lace bra and tight abs. Her tanned body froze as he fixed on her, pulling down his zipper. He then removed her pants with a sly smile and started while the other guys stood watch. Her dryness made it hurt that much more as he thrust over and over.

When the eternity finished, each of the other men took their turns, but lucky for her she had passed out after the third guy.

They all looked at the pathetic woman lying helplessly on the ground with the Pagoneos sign craved deeply into her stomach.

Olivia Benson dragged herself out of bed, groaning at the sound of the alarm clock. She would be late if she didn't hurry since she cut her timing critically to get sleep. Sighing, she walked into her bathroom and started the shower, letting the water heat up while she started coffee. Returning to the bathroom, she took a half hour shower and was done with drying her short, off shade hair. Getting dress in black slacks and a maroon top that fitted her perfect curves, she finished with make-up and pour herself some bland coffee, because that was the only kind she could really afford.

She waited for Elliot's call, knowing he would be by soon. At exactly that moment, she got the "get-down-her-now-and-I'll-explain-on-the-way," calls.

"What's up?" she asked, sliding in.

"Rape victim. The Pagoneos gang left their tattoo on her," he said, driving to the hospital.

"Was she a member?"

"No, it was craved on her stomach. There is no I.D. on her and her money is gone, but I from the sounds of it, it was a bit more personal," Elliot explained, watching the road before turning into the parking place and upstairs to the room she was in.

"Can I help you?" a nurse asked.

"Yeah, I'm Detective Benson, and this is my partner, Stabler, we are looking for the rape victim," Olivia pronounced before getting pointed down the hall with a "239". The started off in a light jog, passing by two patients and about five nurses, until the reached outside of the room where a young ER doctor stood, waiting for them as he charted down on his folder.

"I'm Detective Stabler, this is my partner, Detective Benson," Elliot started, introducing them.

"Hello," he said, giving them a warm, family doctor shake.

"Can you tell us what you know?" Olivia asked as they walked towards the private room.

"She was given a good beaten, broken ribs, a broken arm, and a sprained wrist not to mention the amount of blood lost," he started, his face stern. "The craving is infected, but shouldn't be too bad."

"Rape kit?"

"Positive for multiple fluids," he said, pulling up a chart. "There was a lot of damage in her virginal area. She was ganged raped, but my guess only stayed awake through the first few men."

"How many men are we talking about?" Olivia asked, afraid of the answer, wondering how no one noticed multiple men raping a woman, no matter what the time.

"Five different men," he said, looking at them with sympathetic smiles as he led them to her room. They all knew how difficult it was to prosecute a gang, because the only ones who knew them were also in a gang, and never did they go against their brothers.

"Thanks doc," Elliot said, walking into the room only to stare.

Olivia walked up beside him and stared. Through the beaten, badgered face, she knew who this was, and she would never forget. The worn face she wore teared through her bloodied face.

"Isn't that…?"

"Abbie… Abbie Carmichael," Olivia gasped, not believing what she saw. She had known vics in the past, but not like this. This was different, completely different.

Abbie woke up, pain taking over, but it was better than the dreams she was haunted with. Letting out a moan, she expected to wake up in the alley, but felt the lumpy mattress and saw the off white walls as her eyes fluttered.

"Abbie?" a fimilar voice asked, but she couldn't find where the voice came from until the figure walked out in front of her. "Nurse, can you get Doctor Hampton, she's awake."

Abbie suddenly saw whom the voice came from and her mind raced. She was the only thing she hadn't forgotten.

"De… Detective Benson," Abbie muttered, looking at the beautiful woman standing over her bed.

"You're awake. How do you feel?" Suddenly Abbie realized what was going on. She remembered what happened and knew why she was here. She knew, that is the only reason they would call SVU. Damn, she must think she is completely pathetic.

"My head hurts," Abbie said with a smile, her eye finally focusing.

"Abbie, do you remember what happened?" Olivia asked, going into cop mode.

"You already know, so why don't you just…"

"Abbie, I know this is hard, but…"

"The hell you know!" Abbie yelled, suddenly getting very dizzy. She felt something get poked into her arm by a nurse she just noticed and an icey feeling afterwards.

"Abbie, please, you don't need to give it to me now, but…"

"Olivia, anyone else, please," Abbie asked, her eyes getting teary as she realized what she was doing.

"If you're sure that's what you want, I'll get…"

"I'm sorry, it's just… I hate having you see me like this," Abbie said, looking at her from the lofty bed.

"Abbie, I promise, I'm not judging you," Olivia said, sitting beside her. "You wanna tell me now, or do you want to sleep on it?" The thought of sleeping put chills through her whole body, and Abbie's eyes showed it.

"I… I was walking to home. It wasn't to far from where I was… These guys, they scared me, and I was about to call, but one pulled my phone away and shoved me into an alley where they blocked my exit. They asked me if… if I knew Alice Sim… Simmanelly, but I couldn't think of her. They threaten me with a knife, and that's when I saw the tattoo. I recognized it from when I procuted a Pagoneos a while ago. Then one said, her boyfriend I guess… he said that she was raped because of me, and he… that she wouldn't… she wouldn't have sex with him… so he was going to… he was going to get it from me. He held me down and… he… he raped me… then… the two others… I think I passed out…" By now Abbie was in complete tears, not able to look at Olivia. Olivia was also crying, silently for her friend. This strong woman was now broken because of what these assholes did to her.

"Abbie… honey, let it out," Olivia whispered, pulling her close into a hug.

"Olivia," Elliot whispered from the door, looking at the two beautiful women. Olivia beckoned him in, reintroducing him to Abbie.

"Abbie, we pulled up information on the Alice Simmanelly case you and Jack McCoy prosecuted. Did she threatened you then?" Elliot asked, standing at the end of the white bed.

"Na… no, she never… she was mad… I thought…" Abbie went off into tears again, holding Olivia's hand.

"Its okay, we can do this later," she said, looking at Abbie sympathetically and then turning to Elliot and giving him death glares. "Can you excuse us?"

Going out into the hall, she shut the door after Elliot followed.

"What the hell are you doing? Can't you see…?"

"I think you are to emotionally involved with this case, Liv," Elliot said strictly. They hadn't gotten over the fight they had a while ago, so their only relationship was a strained professional one.

"What?! How can you say that?"

"Olivia, you are obviously too involved with the victim," Elliot said, glaring down at his partner.

"Oh, and since when do you worry about being 'too involved"" Olivia sniped, looking at him, fighting on her own behalf with passion. Glaring at him, she backed down, acting like her own hands fascinated her.

"Olivia, I'm serious! You could be risking any chance at catching these guys," Elliot argued, though it was weak since the chance of getting them were pretty slim.

"How dare you," Olivia harshly whispered, going back into the room, knowing Elliot wouldn't follow.

The next week, Abbie was out the hospital. She was staying home, however Olivia was with her most of the time she wasn't at work, and even stayed the night, using the I-have-no-one-waiting-at-my-place line.

Olivia walked into the apartment, using the key Abbie had given her last week. She was surprised by the pitch black that consumed the room. Flickering the lights, she saw a cowering Abbie on the sofa. Olivia noticed she was sleeping, but from the looks of it, not very peacefully.

"Abbie," Olivia whispered, kneeling by the sofa to her head level. A slight scream slipped her lips as she awoke. Her eyes where frighten, but she smiled, glad to see Olivia there.

"Are you alright?" Olivia asked, brushing her hair out of her face.

"He raped me… he held me down… I said no… but he was bigger… I trusted him…" Olivia was shocked at the last comment.

"You knew them?" The look in Abbie's eyes said no, instead they told a different story. "It happened before… didn't it?" By this time, Olivia was sitting on the couch with Abbie's head in her lap as she brushed through the tangled hair.

"I didn't mean to… I wanted him to stop…" her voice stopped as she turned her head and looked up at Olivia. "Thank you." The simple statement meant so much to Olivia, and when she wiped away the tears running down Abbie's tear she wanted so much more.

"Abbie, I can't believe this… you are so… it should have never been you, do you hear me? I will get them, and they will never be able to hurt you again, I promise," Olivia said, holding her tightly, as if she didn't Abbie would slip away.

"Where are we on the Carmichael case?" Captain Cragen asked, looking at the four detectives, standing around, talking over something.

"We were just waiting on you," Munch said, looking smug.

"What do you have?"

"Well, Mecca turned against the rest and gave up Johnston, but we are going to need more than Mecca's word to get DNA sample," Olivia said, looking at the men.

"Well, go pick him up for questioning," Cragen order, looking at Olivia and Elliot.

"That's him," Elliot said, casually standing at the corner. "You want to, or together?"

"Let me first," Olivia said, "but you cover my back."

"Yeah," Elliot said, watching as she walked down the street. Olivia's mind raced as she remembered what narcotics told her.

"I'm looking for Johnston," she said, with her tight blue shirt being noticed by all the men.

"You a cop, babe?" one asked her, putting his arm around her neck.

"You touch me again," she said, moving his arm, "and you'll find out."

"Feisty…" he said, looking at her up and down. "He ain't here anyway."

"Hmm… that's funny, and I swore you were him," she said with a smirk, though a bit uncomfortable with the men surrounding her.

"For you babe, I'll be him," the first one said with a smirk as he closed the gap between them.

"Great, then you won't mind coming down to the precinct with me," Olivia said with a matching smirk.

"What, I didn't do no wrong," he said, inches from her face.

"And we'll clear you up there," Olivia said, in a thick tone.

"No way, bitch," he said, right up in her face.

"So you're not hiding something?" she asked, smiling as Elliot crossed the street, gripping his gun. "Johnston, please can you come with me?" she asked again, taking out her badge.

"Awe, boys, she is a cop. Cute," he said, brushing the hair out of her face, "You got handcuffs to hold me down."

"Actually, yeah, for the rape of Abbie Carmichael," she said right before he took off running and the rest of the group scattered quickly. Elliot took off running after him and caught up with him pretty easily, but not before he was punched.

Olivia grabbed him tightly and shoved him in the back of the car before he could do anymore.

"So you wanna tell me where you were Friday night, around 9 o'clock?" Olivia asked, looking at the man across the table who kept the sly smile pastered on his face.

"I was sleepin," he said, not flinching.

"At nine?"

"Yeah, you got a problem with that?"

"Actually, yeah, because we have witness saying you were out on the street," Olivia's shot back, her tone matching his new louder one.

"Well they're wrong," he said, looking at her with stone cold eyes.

"So you wouldn't mind giving us a DNA sample?" she asked, her voice a bit softer.

"What, you crazy bitch? I ain't givin' you nuttin," he said, and then looked into her eyes, "and I want my lawyer."

Olivia stood up at that comment and went outside to talk to the cap.

"There's someone who wants to see you," Elliot said as soon as the door was closed.

"Where at?"

"Interview two, she is Carmichael's friend," Elliot said, looking at her questionably. Olivia's look was stern and held on two words: shut up.

Olivia walked into the interview room to see a thirtish year old woman with a hair style like hers, but blonde. She was wearing a black business suit with a light blue undershirt that made her look very professional.

"Ms. Benson?" the lady asked, standing up.

"Yeah, and you are…?" Olivia asked, shaking hands with the beautiful woman.

"Doctor Simpson, but please, call me Holly," she said, "I work with Abbie Carmichael… I'm aware you are staying with her?" she asked formally.

"Yes, we…"

"Can I ask why? Do you stay with most victims?"

"Uh… no, I knew Abbie when she was an ADA," Olivia said, unsure why she was defending herself.

"Awe… well, I'm sorry if I come off as a bit hasty, but you most understand, I work with criminals all day… I'm just a bit wound up," she said, suddenly realizing she was talking to a cop.

"I understand, Doctor Simpson," Olivia said, offering a smile. "May I ask how you know Abbie?"

"I met her through work. We are… friends," Holly said, hesitating and looking into her hands.

"Well, Doctor Simpson, I'm on my lunch break in a minute, if you want to come with me to her apartment," Olivia offered with a sympathetic smile.

"Alright, thanks," she said, looking around the room.

"Okay, I'll call her and tell my captain that I'm leaving," Olivia said, getting up and leaving the room.

Olivia and Holly walked into the apartment, knocking softly before they did. Abbie had her files spread out around the room, working endlessly on a case to the point she didn't even notice them walk in.

"Abbie?" Holly asked, concern for her best friend.

"Holly!" Abbie exclaimed, getting up to hug her with a smile.

"Honey, you shouldn't be working, wait until atleast next week. I'm sure Jason can hold a case alone until then," Holly said, brushing through her hair as they hugged.

"It's just… Olivia has me under house arrest," Abbie said, suddenly pulling back, realizing that Olivia was in the room too.

"Abbie," Holly said, leading her to the couch as Olivia followed silently behind. "You wanna tell me what's wrong? I'm really worry about you," she said softly, completely concerned.

"I… I'm so sorry Holly, I was…" Abbie couldn't get the words out, and looked at Olivia for support.

"Honey, if you want to only tell her the basic, I will fill her in," Olivia offered from the oversized chair. Abbie nodded quietly and leaned on Holly, making Olivia surprisingly jealous.

Okay, done for now.