1 Kings 18:25-27
David was the biblical casanova, a real good fuck. One day, he felt a bit randy and wanted to drill someone till they bled. Then, he saw Michol, the daughter of Saul, the king. "Well, aren't you a sight for a sore japs-eye!" David said to Michol. She looked at him, and knew he wanted sex. "No!" She said, "only when you marry me! But first, you'll have to get permission off my dad..." David sighed and walked to the nearest jeweller's where he bought a ring and got it fitted to his shaft. Later that day he went back to Michol and presented his cock. "Will you marry me?" He cried. Michol nodded and crouched down, in order to pull the ring off. "I-its stuck!" Michol said. "Use your teeth!" David replied. "Oh no wait! It's come off :)" Michol said to David's grief. Saul, the king walked in and noticed the ring. "So David! You wish to marry my daughter hmm?" He snouted, "to do that, you'll have to get me something." David looked at him, "what is it you want? Money? A horse? Clothes... Anal beads?" Saul chuckled an replied, "no, that would just be weird! Go and get me 100 foreskins by tomorrow, all Philistine ones too! Then you shall recieve my daughter!" David accepted and walked away to begin his challenge.
He waited untill all of the Philistine's were asleep in their scummy council houses, then he approached their nobs. He brought out his sword and began his mass-slaughter of foreskins. He ripped off the Philistine's pants and dug his long sword into each of their dick's skins and yanked their foreskins off, one by one. Foreskins flew, left to right, up and down, in and out and covered the floor. After a few hours, he came out with 200 foreskins but was asked for 100 :S. So, he was either raped in the brains when he was a child, or, he just wanted 2 of Saul's daughters, greedy fuck! Then, he dragged his sack of bloody forekins to the the palace. He approached Saul with a smug look on his face. "Here you go!" David said, "so now, I will marry your daughter!" Saul looked inside the sack of foreskins and was amazed, but also felt like it was time for some joke. "What happened to the short-sighted circumsiser?" Saul chuckled to David, "he got the sack!" David looked at Saul in disgust. "You are disgusting! People like you should be ashamed!" David said whilst wiping the foreskin-blood off of his hands. Then, he returned to his new wife and whipped down her skirt. He then banged his wang on her fanny flaps and then left her forever... THE END