A/N: So this is just something I wrote while bored (granted I probably should have been studying...) I would love reviews!

*Disclaimer* I feel it's obvious, but I don't own N2N

She had known when she first held the envelope in her hands what it meant. It was heavy, not thin. Not a rejection. She wasn't sure whether this was a good thing or bad. A rejection would have been easier, simpler. It would take away that dreadful decision she'd have to make. It would take away the choice that she knew she'd have to take, even knowing what it meant. Miss Natalie Goodman, we are pleased to inform you… She was supposed to remember reading these words forever, remembering excitement. But now all she felt was dread. How could she choose? Yale or Henry? She knew it wasn't black and white like that. She could still go to Yale and have Henry. But she had to think seriously, how many relationships lasted long distance through college? Henry said he was transferring next year to Connecticut, not Yale or anything, but once he got his GPA up at the local community college he'd be able to manage getting into some school near New Haven. But Natalie had been forced as a child to accept the truth of reality, and all she could think of was her and Henry drifting apart, about how unrealistic it was to think that she and Henry would grow old together, despite the fact that that was what she wanted more than anything.

Natalie thought of this three years later as she lied on her bed crying, she couldn't believe she'd actually convinced herself that they could make this thing work. She stared at her phone. Should she text him again? No. She lied there, wondering what she'd done.

"You okay?" Beth asked, Beth who'd been roommates with Natalie all throughout college and knew her better than anyone, well besides Henry.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

Beth sat down on the bed "You really miss him, don't you?"

"He saved me." Natalie turned to face her "I loved him. Without him I wouldn't be here. So yes, I miss him."

"But you broke things off, and I don't know. Maybe you two need a break from each other anyway." Beth smiled weakly "Maybe you both need to learn to be less dependent."

"I'm not." Natalie argued "I'm the one who told him he didn't have to come out here when he admitted he didn't want to transfer after all." She said this bitterly "I'm the one who broke up with him."

Beth rolled her eyes "Face it, you were always too dependent on him, and when he became more distant you got scared and panicked." She stood up "Brad's waiting for me outside, I'll see you later. Don't stay in the apartment all day. The offer to come to the movies with us still stands."

"I have to study," Natalie lied easily, ignoring the look Beth gave her as she left the room. Even if she did want to hang out with Beth and her boyfriend, she wouldn't. She stood up and dug through her bag until she found the bottles of pills she'd been looking for, the ones she'd swiped the last time she'd been home. She then searched under Beth's bed where she knew Beth had a bottle of wine hidden, opening it and taking a sip straight from the bottle. She sat on the bed dumping the pills into her hands and shoved them into her mouth washing them down with more wine. A pounding at the door sent her heart racing. She didn't say anything, just continued to lie on the bed.

"Natalie, it's me. Open the door." That voice. It was Henry. She was hallucinating she quickly decided. But for some reason she decided to humor herself and stood up, steadying herself as she walked to the door and opened it to see Henry standing there, soaked from the rain outside and looking worried.

"Henry," She said to him, was he really there? "What are you doing here?"

"I came to surprise you. I miss you, and I just talked to Beth and she said you're falling apart." He looked at Natalie who was now staggering to stand up "God Natalie what did you do?" He put his arms around her to help steady her "What are you on?"

"I don't know," She admitted truthfully "A handful of my mom's old medicine and some wine."

"Oh god," Henry held onto her closer pulling out his cell phone to call an ambulance Natalie only caught pieces of the conversation as she faded in and out, Henry still helping to keep her steady."Yeah, she's pretty out of it but she's still conscious. Okay thanks." He hung up and turned to her and helped her over to her bed as she couldn't stand anymore "Why would you do this?"

"I was scared." She told him, her eyes now drooping "I can't live without you."

He looked at her confused "You're the one that said things weren't working out." But he held onto her as tears streamed from her eyes and kissed her "I'm here, okay? You don't have to live without me. I'll always be here. Just stay with me until the ambulance gets here, don't leave me. "

"I'm sorry." Her eyes closed completely.

A/N: What do you think? Should I continue? I'd appreciate your thoughts!