101 Stupid Things in the Harry Potter Series
You may have read 101 Ways to Sabotage a Deatheater Meeting, also a collab between myself and Siriuslegolasmad. If you liked that then we hope you'll like this. We do intend several others, over time, to appear and attempt to amuse you. :P
Just a note, we do love the Harry Potter world very much, have taken a number of references from the books and films and we also have nothing, whatsoever, against heterosexuals, bisexuals, homosexuals, transgender etc. Please don't be offended.
The Hermione's…
"Harry, no way! You heard what madam Hooch said! Besides, you don't even know how to fly…what…an…idiot"
"You could have got us killed, or worse, expelled"
Hermione 'punching' Draco Malfoy…no…just no
"Honestly , Ronald…"
Hermione in PINK, with BLONDE HAIR and NO BUCK TEETH
Hermione's attempted werewolf howl in film 3.
"(sigh, book slam) Because – (sigh, book slam) – you see this? This is an age line. Dumbledore drew it himselfffff (sigh)" Roughly referenced from GOF.
Viktor Krum and Hermione Granger?
Emma Watson FULL STOP.
The Harry's…
Moody's flask does not contain pumpkin juice…do not even suggest it…this is not amusing
Roaring Harry in book 7 – doesn't J.K own a Thesaurus. Free internet ones ARE available!"
"Bubblejuice, sir"
Distinct lack of Harry Beating. Way to go Remus for blasting him in Book 7!
Harry's steaming ears
Harry's forehead orgasm
Harry is a secret sufferer of epilepsy
Harry has yet to master the art of swallowing
Daniel Radcliffe took acting lessons from Elijah Wood (Frodo) watching Lord of the Rings over and over again
Daniel Radcliffe in general
Harry is still not dead.
The Dumbledores…
Dumbledore's Queer Clap – no, this is not a disease. That would be aids…Although…
Dumbledore's twinkling blue eyes… "Would you like some sweets little kiddies…"
Michael Gambon as Dumbledore. Cool actor, just not dumbly-dore enough.
J.K. Announced Dumbledore was gay. Way to spoil AU shippers of young Dumbledude and Young Grindelwald, Minerva, Snape, Tom Riddle etc.
Dumbledore gets angry at Harry in Film 4. Dumbledore loves Harry. Dumbledore does not want to shout and grab Harry in a violent fashion. At least not in front of other people, he could loose his job if they knew.
The Marauders…
Gary Oldman as Sirius Black – great actor, great Dracula – he is just not Sirius Black.
David Thewlis as Remus Lupin – Again, great actor, great nazi, evil American Time Scientist, spoilt prince/king, London cabbie – he is just not Remus Lupin.
Sirius's paedophilic wink
Sirius' lack of style. Open shirts were so 1970s man!
Sirius dresses like a woman at the station…fur?!?!
Sirrrrius rrrrrolls his rrrrrrrs
Remus' pet caterpillar – his attempt at a moustache
The werewolf in Film 3. 'nuff said.
Remus' constant 'Rock On!' gesture
Remus and Tonks. Emotional blackmail! It is now an actual verb, to be Tonksed.
Gary Oldman/David Thewlis Screen Love
Peter Pettigrew's hair
James Potter is a weedy stag-boy
Was James Keeper or Seeker?
The Deatheaters…
The fact that Tom Felton is hardly in the films
Draco has a receeding hairline aged 37(ish)
Lack of Harry / Draco screen time
Greyback did not get to eat Hermione Granger. Not even a little nibble.
Greyback got taken out by crystal balls, then Hermione hexed him
Voldemort is now an ugly snake-thing…where did the pretty pretty Tom Riddle go?
Lack of Lucius Malfoy
"I Can Touch You Now!"
Snape called Lily a "filthy mudblood" – idiot
Severus' Patronus is a silver doe…you poofta
Macnair is not in a kilt
The IMPENETRABLE Azkaban got struck by a big zap of lightening…you'd think they had spells against that sort of thing.
Why didn't the Deatheaters get put in Nurmengard? This is clearly a better prison.
They lost.
Crap Death Scenes…
James' wand was on the sofa…
Sirius was eaten by drapery
Peter strangled himself
Remus didn't even get a death scene
Cedric Diggory didn't get a chance to fight. Oh well, we know now what happened to him – he moved to the US, changed his name to Edward Cullen and became a Vampire.
HEDWIG! Heartless, cruel…J.K's a big meany.
George's Ear RIP
Fred. Why? WHY?
Harry's resurrection
Dooby died too.
Tom Riddle the Younger Image got pwned by his diary and basilisk tooth. Ok, it was a pretty awesome death scene, but he died. Died.
Miscellaneous Film Stuff…
No Bill (yet)
No Charlie (yet)
No Peeves (Rik Mayall come on!)
Stupid Film 1 wizard hats
Draco's tango-tan in film 1
Draco's lisp is a great source of amusement "Red hair, freckles and a hand-me down robe? You must be a Weasley."
Johnny Depp has yet to appear in any of the films. I have heard rumours about film 7…this source is unreliable.
The Ever Changing Castle through the films…
Film 3 werewolf transformation was…bizarre.
Not enough Quidditch
What happened to the Veela?
No gratuitous nudity shots or suggested naughtiness (dude, even Shrek managed this…)
The KKK Deatheaters in Quidditch Cup scenes of Film 4.
No Firenze! In the films(other than the 1st one)
Dudley the CHAV (they should all be lined up and shot. They are inferior, illiterate, unbearable ragamuffins.)
The Marauders Map in the 3rd film is not explained clearly enough. Us clever lot who've read the books too, know why Remus can use it and what it is and who the marauders are, but the 'we just watch the films' lot don't know.
That the Durmstrang boys all had skin heads. This would not happen. And they were not attractive. Skin-heads have a way of doing that to even the most attractive e.g. tom felton and his lightbulb-head
More scary bad-slash images of Moody and Neville…meep. (there is good-slash and bad-slash, good-slash in this instance would be barty jnr and any attractive male.)
Miscellaneous Game Stuff…
Harry's "huh-ah" jump noise
Harry Potter 4 Game was 'Queer'
CG Character Running
Puffskeins!
The characters bounce up and down when they stand still
Miscellaneous Book Stuff…
Scorpius
Albus Severus Potter – named after a queer and a bat? Poor kid…
Just because they were dating at the end of the school year, does not mean they would get married and have lots of babies.
Ernie Macmillan
Blaise's transsexual, transracial traits. Black, white, brunette, red, tall, short, boy, girl?
Ted Tonks the Squiby Muggle-born (Aka a MUGGLE!)
Ginny dating ALL of her brothers mates. And then Harry.
Winky the House-elf is a wet-blanket.
Albino peacocks. The Malfoys are stupidly rich yes but albino peacocks?
Lucius is such a wimpy-cop-out in book 7.
The fact that the Weasley boys or Harry do not get drunk or do anything 'bad' (smoking, sexy time, etc) at all. Ever. A kiss does not count.
Buckbeak lives in Mrs. Black's room. Why would a hippogriff be able to live in a bedroom?
Wizards do not seem to have their own religion. Are they Christian? They celebrate Christmas, yes, but to what end? Witchcraft is evil according to the bible…why? Or is it Yule?
"All was well."
AN: I think this is 101, let me know if we're missing any. And please, let us know what your favourites are!