So this was written for my good buddy Thordisx for her birthday. It's a little late, but hopefully you will still enjoy, so happy belated birthday, Thordisx! :D
One day, maybe a week or so after Steve woke up in the 21st century, it hit him that this was actually happening. It wasn't a dying dream or a vivid hallucination brought on by extreme hypothermia. When he opened his eyes in the morning and his calendar bore the year 2011, that was real. The mattress he rested on and the pillow cradling his head were all real. The sparsely furnished apartment SHIELD had provided him, the hard nosed, gravelly voiced therapist SHIELD assigned to him, the brand new 'laptop computer' sitting on his desk untouched for a week and purchased on SHIELD's dime. .
Real.
Real.
Real.
And since it was all real, he was going to have to get used to it. The first step was assimilating himself into the new modern culture. That was what Steve's therapist said, as much as he could tell through the man's thick Minnesotan accent. To that end, an agent arrived one day with a brand new computer complete with free internet access and a super advanced office suite. Steve had already read up on what most of that meant, but he said nothing as the agent slowly walked him through all the steps of booting it up and creating a user account. Five or six clicks, and Steve Rogers officially joined the information age.
After that, the agent left and Steve spent an hour or so looking through popular websites. An email account had already been set up for him on SHIELD's secure server. Steve folded up the sheet of notebook paper with his password and stuck it in the bottom drawer of his desk. Then he found a website called 'gmail' and made a new account.
He looked at Facebook and Twitter, thought about making accounts before noticing all the posts with his name on them. Being a public figure wasn't new to him. Total access to his personal history with just a few words in a search engine was. Within two minutes, he had his birth certificate, his parents' birth certificates, his health records from before Project Rebirth, even old baby pictures he thought had been lost forever.
Then there were the fan clubs. 'Captain America Fan Forums' was the third link that popped up when he searched his name. Scrolling through the forums, most of them looked harmless enough. 'Stories from Brooklyn' was dedicated to fans taking tourist trips through his old neighborhood. He snorted at one girl who swore up and down that she saw his ghost in a window.
The next sub-forum was less amusing. Full of old photos of him and Bucky, some of them doctored to remove the rest of the Commandos, the main poster went by the handle 'Stucky4Lyf' and was determined to prove that him and his best friend had been passionately in love and engaged in a sexual relationship.
'But what about that British woman, Agent Carter?' one person asked.
'I think she was just a beard,' Stucky4Lyf answered. Steve read it in an uppity tone. 'I've analyzed every photo up and down and Steve always looked uncomfortable with her. I bet he didn't really like her at all.'
Steve recalled how torn he used to be in Peggy's presence. He never knew if he should stammer, invite her out to dinner, or pull her into his arms and give her the best kiss of her life. If she was here to read this now, she'd probably laugh. So would Bucky. Steve kept that in mind as he closed out of the forum and went to look at literally anything else.
He found a chatroom site. He didn't know what that was other than what the name implied. A place for people to go and just talk? That didn't sound too bad.
The first link he clicked was for 'general chat'. It wouldn't let him access anything without a valid username. Judging from what he'd seen on that forum site, usernames had to consist of random letters and numbers forming words that aren't actually words. He'd figured out what 'Stucky' was supposed to mean a few seconds after leaving that forum site and he'd been reeling ever since.
After a moment's deliberation, he typed 'SteveR' and clicked enter. That should be good enough. Plenty of Steves in the world with the second initial R. One of the agents who escorted him to SHIELD's Manhattan branch was named Steve Robinson, and he was pretty sure the guy making beef chili in the mess hall was Steve Riccardi.
'Free dick pics here!' said the most recent commenter, with a link four lines long and full of numbers. Steve hit backspace. He tried a few more, looking for anything resembling proper conversation. The 'Movies and TV' chat talked about shows he'd never heard of using references he didn't understand. What the hell was 'only mostly dead' supposed to mean? You were either dead or alive. There was no inbetween.
As soon as he thought that, he wanted to smack himself. He closed out of that chat and clicked on a random one. This time, it was a science room.
'Who wants to go to Mars by 2020!' one poster asked with a smiley face next to it.
'Fuck mars i wanna go to saturn!' said the next person.
Steve tapped the keyboard. He should say something, but he'd only just found out about the moon landing two days ago and he was still processing that achievement. Now they were talking about Mars? What next, Pluto?
(Oh wait, Pluto wasn't a planet anymore. So much to keep track of.)
'Actually, you can't go to Saturn. At least you can't land a ship on it.' This new poster, Gemini81, went on to describe in intimate detail how Saturn, despite all appearances, didn't actually half a solid surface and therefore it would be impossible to land on it. Their grammar and spelling were impeccable, a welcome change from the so-called 'chatspeak' that seemed to permeate the rest of the internet.
They also seemed to know a hell of a long more about space than the average person. When the Saturn guy tried to argue with them, Gemini81 casually responded with their many years of studying the stars as an astrophysicist.
'Wow that's so cool!' one person said.
'Awesome!' said another.
'Pfft I bet he's lying!' said Saturn guy, whose username was just a series of numbers connected to a name that would make his devoutly Christian mother faint.
'I'm a woman, thank you, and I'm not lying,' said Gemini81. 'If you don't believe me, look it up. You don't even need a degree to know this. It's one google search away.'
If Saturn guy wanted to argue, he seemed to know better. His name soon disappeared from the list on the sidebar and conversation slowed to a halt. Steve watched the cursor blink in and out of existence, as constant as a clock, ticking away every second he didn't type anything. One would think the little line was mocking him. Steve furrowed his brow and wrote out the first thing that came to him. He didn't bother to check for errors and hit enter before he could think better of it.
SteveR: That's pretty interesting that you study the stars, Gemini81.
Twenty seconds passed, and Steve was certain he'd said the wrong thing or made her uncomfortable by singling her out. It was impossible to know who was behind another person's screen and for all she knew, he was a creep targeting her for some nefarious purpose.
He hovered over the backspace, ready to left click, and then a new comment came in.
Gemini81: Thanks! It's my life's work.
Two seconds later, she spoke again.
Gemini81: Are you in a different field?
Steve typed much slower this time, choosing his every word carefully.
SteveR: I'm not a scientist, but I do think it's amazing stuff. I can't believe everything we've accomplished in just a few decades.
That sounded okay. Vague enough not to give him away but still completely true.
Gemini81: Well, if my research goes the way I want it to, we're going to accomplish a lot more real soon.
SteveR: Oh yeah? What are you researching?
For the next hour, Gemini81 left endless lengthy comments about her research into traversable wormholes and the Einstein-Rosen bridge theory that had inspired her. A few other commenters left one or two word answers of intrigue, but nobody had anything to say by way of intellectual discourse. Not that Steve was one to judge. He discovered the magic of Google searches looking up every other word she said.
Once he had the gist of it, it was fascinating stuff. The idea of going not just to another country, but another dimension with ease seemed like a fairy tale come true. One of his earliest memories was his father laughing at a news report predicting that planes would become a common mode of travel in the next twenty years. Here they were now almost a century years later.
Gemini81: I had a huge break in my research about a month ago. Let's just say I met someone who knows a lot more about this than I ever will.
SteveR: I'd be surprised. You sound like a genius.
That might've been coming on too strong, but after glancing at the clock and realizing another hour had passed, it seemed the most appropriate thing. She didn't answer right away, but when she did, all residual fears of scaring her off faded for good..
Gemini81: That's not something I hear a lot, so thanks. You made my night. :)
The little smiley face beamed at him. Steve smiled back.
SteveR: You should, if you don't mind me saying.
Gemini81: :)
Gemini81: I have to go make some phone calls, but it was really nice talking to you, SteveR. Will you be in tomorrow?
Tomorrow, he had another therapy session and then Nick Fury wanted to introduce him to the members of the World Security Council, one of whom was a senior leader in SHIELD and Fury's old friend. Alexander Pierce was a huge fan and had been dying to meet him, or so he heard. If he could find a way out of it, he'd be home before the sun went down.
SteveR: Definitely.
In the end, he couldn't get out of the meeting, or the dinner Pierce insisted on treating him to. He was an older man with a gentlemanly way about him, soft spoken and polite, the sugar to Nick Fury's ice. There was nothing obstinately wrong about him, but Steve kept his distance all the same. He'd been doing that with most people lately.
By the time he got home, it was five in the afternoon. The one good thing he could say about today was that the food was delicious. And filling. He might not have to eat again for another day at least. Without the need to prepare a late snack, Steve grabbed a can of soda and adjourned to his computer desk. He had the chatroom tab up and ready to go.
At first, Gemini81 wasn't there. Four or five people he'd never seen before were in the middle of a heated debate about which historic female scientist had the best ass. A general consensus had yet to be reached when a text box popped into the middle of Steve's screen.
Gemini81 wants to private chat with you!
Underneath it were two buttons, 'accept chat' and 'decline chat'. Steve almost messed up and hit decline in his rush to accept.
Gemini81: Hey! Good to see you again.
SteveR: Sorry I wasn't in earlier. I had a meeting I couldn't get out of.
Gemini81: I only just got home myself. Tbh I don't have a lot of time for internet browsing lately.
Steve needed a minute to figure out what tbh was supposed to mean.
SteveR: Sounds like you have an important job.
Gemini81: Only according to some people.
Gemini81: More and more lately, which is nice.
Gemini81: So what do you do?
Steve's fingers hovered over the keyboard. He typed one letter, then deleted it. Then he typed a whole word, and then he deleted that. Obviously, he should've expected this question would come up. She'd already told him so much about herself. Of course she'd want him to return the favor.
SteveR: I just got back from military service. Not doing much of anything since.
Also vague. Also true.
Gemini81: Wow, that must've been rough.
Gemini81: I can't imagine having to come home after seeing combat like that.
SteveR: You learn not to internalize it. You just have to always do the right thing and save as many people as you can while you do it.
Gemini81: Well, thank you for your service, private. Is it private?
SteveR: Captain actually.
He hit enter, then wished he hadn't. That might've been too much information. Just Steve R. wouldn't mean anything to most people, but Captain Steve R. could mean a lot.
He held his breath as her response came in.
Gemini81: Is it okay if I just call you Steve?
He let it out.
SteveR: Yeah, that's fine. No need to be official here.
Gemini81: :)
She used that smiley face a lot, he noticed. It made him wonder what her real smile was like. What her face was like. She sounded like she'd be a beauty.
Gemini81: Sorry, I have to take a call. Important work stuff.
SteveR: That's okay. It happens. Do you need to go?
Gemini81: Unfortunately yes. I'd like to stay and chat, but if I don't go now, my intern will try to handle it herself and I really can't have that.
SteveR: We could talk by email if that's easier.
She went silent yet again, and Steve was sure this time he'd messed up said something rude or invasive.
SteveR: But only if you want to.
Gemini81: I have an older personal account I can give you. I still check it, but it's not my main account. That one has my real name.
SteveR: I understand. My email is just SteveR again at gmail.
Gemini81: Okay, but when I give you this, promise me you won't laugh.
SteveR: I promise.
She logged out of chat, and twenty seconds later, a new email was in his inbox. The sender was stargirlwaitinginthesky and came from Yahoo. Steve had to read that several times to make out all the words, and when he did, they still made no sense.
'Hi SteveR,
Sorry for leaving so abruptly, but I had to get in the car. Surprise work meeting (typing this in backseat so ignore the typoes). You can message me here anytime you want. Might not anwer right away but I promise I will get back to you when i can. Hope to hear from you soon! :)
-Gemini81
PS: remember your promise. No making fun of me for the name.'
Steve searched with the cursor for the reply button. It took him longer than he'd like to admit to find it.
'Hi Gemini81-
Not sure why anyone would make fun of your name. Seems fitting actually since you're an astrophysicist and all. Did you make it up or is it a reference to something?
I'm pretty much always around unless my friends want me to go out for dinner. Hope to hear from you, too.
-SteveR'
That was the answer he decided on after fifteen rewrites and one crash from overheating. He hit send and was suddenly more tired than he'd ever been in his life.
He woke up the next morning to her response.
'Don't tell me you've never heard of Starman by David Bowie. That's the greatest song ever written, and if you're going to be my friend, you'd better love it, too. ;)'
That was it, no sign off or greeting. If it weren't for the smiley face at the end, he'd think she was offended by his ignorance. That was the trouble with this online communication. You can't see anyone's face, so how do you know what they're really thinking?
'Sorry about that. Being overseas has left me kind of behind the times, and I was never much of a music listener to begin with. Thanks for the recommendation, though. I'm always happy to take them. :)'
Her next response was a long list of songs he should listen to post haste if he hadn't already. Most of them were by the same singer. Steve took out the five cent notebook he'd picked up at the store on his first solo grocery run. It had actually cost a dollar, but he remembered buy ones just like it for a nickel at the old corner drug store. On the first page were a couple of names he'd heard from various agents and medical professionals. First was Star Wars, next was Harry Potter. At the very top, he wrote Starman- David Bowie.
At some point, as the song played on a website called YouTube, it occurred to Steve that she'd called him a friend. He had a friend now. It might've been over a computer screen and he'd probably never meet her in person, but he still spent the evening feeling warmer than he had in a long time.
"Starman mmm mm mmm mmm… like to come and meet us, mm mm mmmm mmmm-"
"Captain Rogers?"
Steve fell silent. The agent before him was small and youthful, with a boyish face and shaking hands like he'd rather be anywhere else but on this helicarrier with a mass murderer in captivity. Steve didn't blame him.
"Am I needed?" he asked.
"Yes sir," said the agent. "Director Fury wants everyone in the meeting room right away."
Steve left his suit and his shield behind. He was going to need them soon (maybe sooner than he thought) but for now he was comfortable in his street clothes. Maybe because they didn't have armor, or because he would blend in, or because this was the shirt he was wearing when he first talked to Gemini81.
He spotted Coulson talking to Thor, his sharp ears picking up tidbits of their conversation. It involved a woman named Jane, a friend of Thor's, and keeping her safe while Loki was a threat. Steve hummed the opening chords and moved on.
The song stayed with him as he argued with Fury, and then with Tony, and then when Dr. Banner went on his rampage, all the way to the end of the battle when Loki escaped and a good man died trying to stop him.
The last thing Steve did before commandeering a plane to enter the final battle was email Gemini.
'Hi Gem,
Just wanted to check in and see how you're doing. I'm still busy with my new job, but I hope that consulting thing is going well. Not too nervous, are you? I know how much being in a new country can take some adjusting to, but I know you're blowing them away right now with how much smarter you are than everyone. ;) Message me back when you can.
PS: I finished reading that intro to astrophysics book you told me about. It was good, but I'm going to need you to explain about ninety percent of it to me.'
A week after the invasion was thwarted, Steve finally had a moment to breathe. Endless debriefings and interviews and celebratory dinners brought with them a decision that maybe New York wasn't the place for him anymore. He let Fury know and packed his bags the next day. He got set up in DC, close to the Triskelion where he could be easily reached for new missions. He unpacked his boxes, set up his furniture, made his new place look almost like somebody lived there. Then he got out his laptop.
One new message from Gemini.
'Hi Steve,
Everything is going well here. I'm pretty sure I didn't get this job based on my stellar resume, but whatever. I'll worry about someone pulling the strings for me in a week when I'm home. I'm glad at least one person has faith in my abilities. :) *hugs*
I'm not going back to New Mexico, by the way. I know I said I would, but I've been thinking it's been a long time since I visited my mom. She's always bugging me to come stay with her for a while, so I'm going to spend a few months in London.
Knowing her, she'll spend the whole time trying to set me up on blind dates. Have to figure out a way to get out of that…
Anyway, I'm free next Thursday night if you want to chat. 8:30pm your time (I think. Are you still East Coast?) I should have about an hour to myself. First time off in three weeks, but I'm not complaining (much ;)).
I hope you can make it!
-Gem
PS: Since when do you call me Gem?'
He read it again and only then remembered it was Friday. He checked the clock. 9:15. Cursing, he pulled up their private chat window, praying to God he hadn't missed her. The chat log announced his presence and her icon appeared as active.
Gemini81: Hi. Didn't think I'd see you. :D
She'd never used that smiley before. It looked brighter, happier. He kind of loved it.
SteveR: I only just read your last email. Getting finished with a move, so I've been busy, too.
Gemini81: You moved? Where to?
SteveR: Washington DC.
Gemini81: You moved from New York to DC in a week? You must've been planning this for a long time.
Steve started to type 'not really, it just felt like a good idea', but he backspaced on 'not'.
SteveR: I'd been thinking about it. I signed the lease and flew down here on Monday. It's nice. I miss Manhattan sometimes, but it sounds like we both needed a change of scenery.
SteveR: Looking forward to London?
Gemini81: Eh… yes? Yes and no.
Gemini81: I'm happy to see my mom again, and my intern agreed to come with. She's become more like an unpaid assistant at this point. I think she was supposed to go back to school four months ago.
SteveR: She sounds like a good friend.
Gemini81: Usually.
Gemini81: Mostly I'm just worried about my mom. She knows I had a guy in my life recently and she's been bugging me to find someone and settle down since forever. She supports me being a globe trotting scientist as long as I have a traditional nuclear family to go home to I guess.
SteveR: Mothers always want what's best for their children. :)
Gemini81: Haha, very funny mister. ;)
He winked back at the smiley face. Even though she wouldn't see it. He felt an unfamiliar pang in his chest, like the knowledge that he didn't know her real face or name was completely new to him. They'd been chatting for months, and never before had it brought his good mood down like this.
Also, the part where she mentioned a man in her life made him want to punch the wall. That was really strange.
SteveR: Why don't you tell her you're not interested?
Gemini81: If you knew my mom, you'd know that's not an option.
Gemini81: Unless I can present a man to her, she'll go on assuming I am in desperate need of her matchmaking skills.
Gemini81: Don't ask me about the guy she set me up with for senior prom. Seriously don't.
SteveR: I promise. :)
SteveR: Sorry I can't be there with you to set her mind at ease.
Gemini81: Are you saying you would fake date me to get my mom off my back?
SteveR: We are friends, and my mother taught me to always help a friend in need.
His heart raced as he made this daring move. Never before had they talking about meeting in real life. That she responded so well alleviated the tension in Steve's muscles, but only just. He had no idea how long he could keep this going before he made a misstep.
Gemini81: That's sweet of you, but I'm still waiting for my guy to come back.
His heart sank.
SteveR: Sounds like you really love him.
She didn't respond for a long time. So long, Steve would've thought she was gone if he icon wasn't still active on the screen.
Gemini81: It's more like we shared something really intimate for a really short time. Right now, I'm not sure if I'm waiting to get back together or end it. It's kind of a long distance relationship. Emphasis on long.
For some reason, he was reminded of Peggy, the years separating them. Seemed like a poor comparison to make. There was no space time keeping Gem and her guy apart, and they were probably closer in age.
SteveR: Either way, you know I'm always here to talk, Gem.
Gemini81: Thanks, Steve. :)
Gemini81: Now you didn't answer my question. I'm Gem now?
Gemini81: I'm not mad or anything. I kind of like that actually. I've never had a nickname before.
SteveR: I only wrote that because I was in a hurry. And I still don't know your real name.
Gemini81: That's true…
Gemini81: Crap. Colleague just arrived for a consult. I have to go now.
SteveR: Okay. Talk later?
Gemini81: As always.
Gemini81: My real name is Jane before I go. But you can still call me Gem if you want. ;)
Her icon disappeared, and he was alone again. He had no need of another chat room, nor a forum, nor anything the internet had to offer. It was barely ten, but he had nothing to do. Might as well turn in for the night. The mattress sunk under his weight, soft like a cloud and not in a good way. For once, it didn't bother him. It was almost comfortable.
"Jane," he whispered. It felt nice on his lips, but Gem felt nicer.
She'd never had a nickname before, she said. Now she was Gem, at least to him. That was the name he'd given her.
His nickname.
His Gem.
They talked consistently over the next year, by email and by chat. Steve read more books she recommended and listened to more music. He got through the entire David Bowie discography, sparking a debate over whether Changes or Heroes was his best song after Starman. Once they agreed to disagree the topic turned to whether Labyrinth or The Man Who Fell to Earth was his best movie.
Steve never found out more than her first name, but then, he wasn't about to volunteer personal information himself. He talked about his 'government job', not specifying what it entailed beyond frequent travel. He excused long absences with a massive workload taking up all his time. He tried to keep conversation steered in her direction, discussing her research and letting her bounce ideas off him. Even if he didn't get it, just writing it all out seemed to help her more than anything.
Sometimes, she didn't want to talk science. Those moments were few and far between, but Steve always came away with an aching chest and a somber mood. Especially if it came right after another bout of superhero shenanigans.
Gemini81: Hey, I got your message. :) I'm just getting back into the swing of things around here. Took a vacation, but I'm hard at work again (no surprise there :p).
SteveR: Are you okay?
Gemini81: I'm great! I had a break in my research like you wouldn't believe.
SteveR: But are you okay?
SteveR: Did you get hurt?
Gemini81: I didn't know you were so concerned about my health. Lol
SteveR: Gem, aliens just attacked London. Of course I'm concerned.
Gemini81: Didn't you tell me you were the type to run headfirst into fights like that?
SteveR: Trust me, it's not the same thing. Just tell me you're okay.
Gemini81: I'm fine. I wasn't near the attack site. I spent the whole time in my apartment reading a book.
He had a feeling she wasn't being honest, but he got no indication that she's in serious trouble and begging for help in code either. His TV was on and a news report about the attack was going into its sixth hour of broadcast. The only one getting as much press as Thor was a woman named Jane Foster, who apparently helped eliminate the threat. Something about devising a weapon to send the aliens off planet. She was a hero and probably some kind of engineer. He thought about asking Gem if she knew Dr. Foster, but then decided not to. Knowing Gem, she wouldn't care a lick about some celebrity unless they had something to do with her work.
Gemini81: If you keep this up, you're going to start sounding like my intern. She always thinks I'm too reckless and putting myself in dangerous situations.
SteveR: I had a friend like that once. He was dragging me out of trouble from when we were kids all the way to the army.
Gemini81: He sounds like a good friend.
SteveR: He was the best friend I ever had. We were like brothers.
Gemini81: Oh.
Gemini81: I'm so sorry for your loss.
SteveR: He would've loved you. It's a good thing I found you first because he definitely would've snatched you up if I hadn't. ;)
Gemini81: Oh? And what if I've already been snatched up? ;)
Steve closed his eyes and took a deep breath. The faceless image of Gem kissing a faceless man crossed his mind's eye, a man who looked like Steve, but better. Even if he had no idea what Gem's boyfriend was like, he pictured a tall, striking blonde like the covers of those paperback novels they had in supermarkets.
He suddenly had a strong urge to take a long morning run around the Capitol.
SteveR: Well, I need to head out and start the day unfortunately.
Gemini81: Real life is a bitch, I know. Lol
SteveR: Talk again tomorrow? I might not be in during the day, but I should be around at night.
Gemini81: Got a lot of plans?
SteveR: I thought I might visit an old friend. Maybe take a trip to the Smithsonian. They have some new exhibits I've been dying to see.
Some time later, Sam entered Steve's hospital room with a bag of essentials from his apartment. Mostly toiletries; a toothbrush, toothpaste, deodorant ('You need it bad, man.' 'Shut up…'). At the very bottom was Steve's smartphone.
"You have a bunch of message alerts," Sam said. He tapped a few buttons, but he wouldn't get through Steve's password. "Looks like they're all the same person."
Steve wordlessly took it and unlocked it. Gem had left him seven messages
'Hi Steve,
Just checking in since you weren't around last night. I'm not mad or anything, I've certainly disappeared enough times since we met. lol
Message me back when you can. Just wanted to make sure everything is all right. :)
-Gem'
'Hi Steve,
Forgot to mention, I had a hot date last night. ;)
I won't bore you with the details, but he took me to the most beautiful spot with so many stars. It was like a dream come true!
I only wish you'd been there to see it. I know you would've loved it.
-Gem'
'Steve-
Just had another breakthrough! Message me back so we can talk about it.'
'Steve-
Is everything okay? I don't mean to pry, but I have a funny feeling today. And usually you answer when it's about my research.
Just send me a 'Yes i'm okay' or something quick like that if you're busy. Please?'
'I'm not kidding, Steve. I'm really getting worried, and I keep hearing about something going on in DC. Just tell me it has nothing to do with your department and you're safe.'
'What the fuck. Steve? What. The. Fuck. Did you see all this stuff that just got dumped online? I traced the source back to a government building in your area that just got destroyed?'
'STEVE, WHERE ARE YOU?!'
He dropped the phone to his stomach, wincing in pain as it hit a bruise. The trouble with his injuries was that they were severe enough to keep him in bed for the next week, but not enough to let him sleep the time away.
"Got a friend?" asked Sam.
Steve started. He'd completely forgotten he was there. "No, just… I mean, yeah. Met her in a chatroom. We talk sometimes."
Sam grinned. "Gotta love the information age. You can find friends pretty much anywhere."
Steve nodded, bringing up the reply page and counting the cursor blinks.
"Just be careful she isn't a middle aged basement dweller with a shrine to you," Sam joked.
"She's not," Steve snapped. "She's a scientist."
He started typing, Sam leaving him to it as he flipped through the channels on the overhead TV. He stopped at a music channel running an old blues concerts. Steve could actually say some of the music was familiar to him, and it soothed his fraying nerves.
'Hi Gem,
Sorry for worrying you. I'm fine, nothing seriously wrong. The doctors say I should be back on my feet and ready to fight crime again as Captain America soon.'
Steve backspaced all the way to 'Sorry for worrying you.' Someone once told him that as long as you held onto your sense of humor, no amount of tragedy could keep you down. That person had never found their dead best friend alive and brainwashed into an emotionless killing machine before. Or had to destroy a powerful government agency created by their first love because it was infected by an enemy you once gave your life to defeat.
'Sorry for worrying you. I guess those news reports didn't help anything, but the attack knocked out all the power and the internet only just came back up. That's why I didn't answer you until now. Right now I'm just trying to think of a way to tell you all this without accidentally giving away that I'm Captain America.'
Steve dropped the phone again, the screen going dark after several minutes of inactivity. He kept his eyes shut until he fell asleep. Maybe he'd come up something better in the morning.
The next day, Steve sent her this:
'Hi Gem,
Sorry for worrying you, but I'm okay. Just working through the fallout. You don't have to worry about me. I'll message you again when things calm down.
-Steve'
If she answered, he didn't know. Weeks turned to months of searching for HYDRA, searching for Bucky, weeding out hidden bases and following leads on his best friend's whereabouts. The best they had was an underground bunker with a wrecked medieval torture device used to wipe his memories. Steve found that all out from the shivering scientists Bucky had almost killed in his rampage. Instead, he'd let them live. They had no idea why, but Steve had an idea. After that, finding Bucky became his first priority.
In his rare moments of peace, he checked his phone. Gem had stopped messaging him three months ago. Her last email was a single line:
'Where are you? I miss you. Please answer soon!'
It wasn't that he was ignoring her on purpose, at least not since they confirmed HYDRA hadn't tapped his phone and couldn't trace the origins of any messages he received. More that just… everything else was in the way. He could hardly sleep anymore, much less chat. The truth was, he probably could've used her cheerful emails on those rough, dark nights. Those moments when he was sure his time had come. If he couldn't defuse the bomb or he couldn't dodge a bullet fast enough, his final thought was always that he wished he'd said goodbye to Gem. He wished he'd said a lot of things to Gem.
They were at a party in Avenger's tower one night. Steve still thought of it as Stark tower, but Tony insisted. Said they needed an official domicile or something. He was chatting with Thor about his girlfriend, Pepper, determined to prove she was better than Thor's girl. Steve didn't want to get involved in that kind of fight. Seemed unfair to him without the ladies in question present. He'd only met Pepper once and Jane never, so he wouldn't be a good judge anyway.
"Jane's better," Thor said, and since he got the last word, one would think he was the winner of the fight.
'Peggy's better than both of them,' said a competitive voice in his head. 'So is Gem.'
His heart twisted.
"Are you well, friend Steve?" Thor asked, sitting next to him. "You seem troubled."
"I'm fine," Steve said, forcing a smile. "Just doing a lot of thinking…"
"More like brooding," said Natasha. She'd finished inexplicably flirting with Bruce and poured herself a new drink. "What's wrong, Cap? Your stars not in the right house?"
"My stars are fine, Nat."
"You sure? You're a Cancer, right?"
Thor furrowed his brow. "Cancer?"
"It's nothing, Thor," said Steve. "Just astrology. The day you were born is supposed to mean something about your personality, but I don't believe in that."
He kind of had until talking to Gem about it. Her scientific mind couldn't fathom the idea that something as trivial as the time of your birth had any bearing on what kind of person you were. An interesting statement from someone who took their screen name from their sign and the year they were born. (When he brought this up, she just told him to shut up.)
"Ah yes," Thor said brightly. "Darcy Lewis enjoys reading the horoscopes to Jane Foster, though she doesn't put much clout in it."
"She's a scientist, right?" Steve asked, playing with his napkin. "Scientists don't typically believe in that stuff."
"Yes, she is often exasperated by it. Darcy seems unwilling to stop since she and Jane share the same sign. Gemini, I believe."
Steve dropped the napkin. He looked up at Thor. He was too tall and too big. "She's a Gemini?"
Thor nodded. "Born June 9th, 1981 in your time."
Steve broke out in a cold sweat. His heart sinking fast. He hoped his poker face was as good as he needed it to be and took a deep breath. "Speaking of which, what was Dr. Foster's field again? Some kind of engineer, right?."
"She has prowess in that," Thor said, "but her focus is astrophysics. She has worked all her life to find bridges like the bifrost. Now she wishes to create one of her own for Midgard's use."
"That's great," Steve said dully. He stared at the bar top, not seeing anything except every picture he'd ever seen of Jane Foster superimposing themselves over every vision of Gem he'd ever had. "Really great."
He was almost happy Tony's robot went crazy and attacked. It gave him something else to think about.
In the aftermath of Ultron, Steve was once again alone with his thoughts. It might've been in a new place, with a new team line-up to train, and new government officials breathing down his neck, but everything else was still the same. Same responsibilities, same wars to fight, same phone in his pocket with Gem's messages.
He had a brand new laptop in his room. His old one had been destroyed by a bullet last year. 'By Bucky.' This new one had even more features installed, things he'd never use or care about. He went to the old chat website, opened his and Gem's old private chat box.
Empty.
Of course it was. Did he expect her to be there after all this time just waiting for him to come back?
He started writing, not sure if this was a good idea. It probably wasn't.
SteveR: Hi Gem. Are you there?
He hit enter and waited. He kept the page up as he read some emails from his 'official' email address. Then he flipped through the book he'd been reading. It wasn't as good as he'd hoped and he couldn't focus on more than a page at a time. One hour later, she still hadn't replied.
'That's what you get for cutting her off for so long, asshole,' he thought miserably to himself.
He went to bed that night wondering what she was doing right now. Was she thinking about him? Did she ever think about him anymore? She might be too busy with her real life, being a scientist, going to Asgard, being Thor's girlfriend…
He woke up before the sun and found a new message alert on his phone.
Gemini81: What took you so long? ;)
He scrambled out of bed, tripping in his sheets as he went. He had to crawl to the computer desk before finally kicking them off.
SteveR: How are you? Are you okay? I'm so sorry I disappeared like that.
Gemini81: Calm down, Steve! It's fine. :)
Gemini81: I'm doing great, and I'm not mad at you for not making contact recently.
SteveR: Really?
Gemini81: Believe it or not, you're not the first internet friend I've had. I know how this works.
SteveR: And here I thought we had something special. ;)
Gemini81: We do! I'm the one who taught you have to use emojis, aren't I?
SteveR: :)
SteveR: I missed you, too. I promise I'll stay in touch this time. I want to hear all about what you've been doing.
Gemini81: Mostly work. Lots of work. I'm pretty much married to my work.
Steve bit his lip. This was the moment he'd been dreading since the party.
SteveR: Don't tell your boyfriend that. He might not like it.
Ten minutes went by. Ten.
SteveR: Sorry, I didn't mean to upset you.
Gemini81: You didn't.
Gemini81: Just… yeah, you shouldn't tell him.
Gemini81: He wouldn't like it at all.
Gemini81: Sorry, I have to take a call. Talk later.
She went off. Steve's lonely icon sat in the corner, smiling up at him. It was a cartoon of a saluting brown puppy. Gem had picked it out for him. Said it suited him.
He moved to his gmail inbox and hit compose.
'Gem,
I have to tell you something, and I guess it's best I do it here. This is already hard enough to type when it isn't in real time.
I just wanted to say that I'm so happy to have known you. I'm so grateful to you. You've been a godsend to me since the day we met. I've gotten through some hard times because I knew you'd be there when I got back. You'd be there, and I could forget about my life and all my troubles for a while. Sorry to get serious on you now, I know I've been pretty mum about my private life. I'd like to tell you everything about me someday. I want you to know me like I know you.
For now, I just want to thank you for everything. I love talking to you, and I love listening to you, and I love'
He stopped there. He couldn't go any further. He knew what came next, but he couldn't say it. Not even in an email. He erased the last two lines and left a generic, 'talk to you soon' in their place. He didn't use a smiley face.
After the email was sent, he went for a walk around the building. The gym was locked this time of day, but he had a key for everything. He walked around the track field. For once, he had no energy to run. He thought about Gem reading his note, laughing at his stupid jokes and happy in the arms of a man who wasn't him. The final word he couldn't type fell from his lips.
"You…"
"Didn't know what time it was the lights were low oh how, I leaned back on my radio oh oh, some cat was layin' down some rock 'n' roll 'lotta soul, he said…"
Steve bobbed his head to the imaginary music. He would've had it, but he'd left his ipod at home when he became a fugitive from justice and went to hide in an isolationist African nation. Not his smartest decision.
Luckily, he'd sang this particular song to himself so much that he knew it by heart. He could serenade his unconscious best friend for hours if he wanted.
"You like it?" he asked. He pulled his legs up to his chest, craning his neck up to look at Bucky's peaceful blue features. "It's by this guy, David Bowie. He was great. I've listened to all his albums. When you're up, I'll show them to you. I think you'll like them."
A nurse came in to check Bucky's vitals. They did this three times a day and they all knew visiting hours never ended for Steve. "Do you need anything Captain Rogers?"
"I'm okay, thanks," he said. He thought about correcting her, because he wasn't really a captain anymore. Then she finished her work and left him alone and it no longer mattered. Not until she came back in the morning.
Steve tapped the cryo pod with his knuckle. "You know, the girl who introduced me is a really swell dame. You'd like her if you met her. You'd say, 'hey, what's a nice girl like you doing with a dumb punk like that?" Steve closed his eyes, filling his head with Bucky and Jane and the few things left in this world that were good and beautiful. "And I'd probably agree with you... Not that it's ever going to happen. She's already got a guy. A real good guy. Friend of mine, even. I know he loves her more than life itself, and that's what she deserves. She deserves the universe."
"She sounds pretty amazing, I'll give you that."
It was a female voice that spoke, not that Steve expected anyone at all to answer him. Heels tapped across the floor, a shadow overhead. Steve didn't turn around yet. He was not on alert and he'd known who the speaker was from the very first word. He stood tall, holding out a hand for Sharon. "Agent Carter."
She smiled. "Feeling formal today?"
"Just tired," he said. "I've had a bad week."
"No kidding." She sucked in air through her teeth. "Mine hasn't been so great either."
Steve nodded. He brought his feet together, shifting from side to side. There was no clock anywhere in the room except the one in his phone, but he could still hear ticking from somewhere. It got louder the longer the silence between them stretched on.
"So about that kiss," she said. It was times like this the resemblance between her and Peggy was most uncanny. Peggy had been a straight shooter just like that.
"Yeah, I uh…" Steve pursed his lips. "I've been thinking about it…"
"It hit me right after I left that Aunt Peggy's funeral hadn't even been a day ago," she said. "Kind of dampened the mood. Now the whole thing is just… I mean, it wasn't bad, it's just…"
"Awkward?" Steve filled in.
Sharon looked down, her smile turning apologetic. "Yeah. I mean, maybe if we'd waited it would be different… buuuut it sounds to me like you already have someone else on your mind."
Steve would've averted his eyes if he could, but it felt wrong in more ways than one. Like everything else, he had to face this challenge head on if he wanted to get out at least relatively unscatched.
"I'm sorry, Sharon," he said. "For everything. I've made a huge mess."
"You made half a mess. Stark made the other half. One day, you're both going to have to fix it, but for now, you're where you need to be." She took his hand again, patting the top in a friendly gesture. "Aunt Peggy be happy you found someone else, and so am I."
"I'm not sure I really did," Steve said, shaking his head. "I might never have anything more with her than what I have with you."
"That's not so bad," she said. "We did kiss."
Another doctor appeared, inclining his head to the pair of them, but addressing only Sharon. "We have all the preparations in order, Agent Carter. We're merely awaiting your official confirmation."
"Okay, be right there," said Sharon. She waited for the doctor to leave, then reached up to peck Steve on the cheek. "You did good, Captain."
She backed away towards the door. Steve called after her: "I'm not Captain America anymore."
"You're still a captain," she said.
The doctor and his staff were waiting outside. One man in a suit followed behind her talking about meetings and numbers like a good PA. The most important thing on the agenda appeared to be a foreign scientist flying in on Monday. Steve glanced at the closest nurse. "Sounds like something big is happening."
"His Majesty has invited a noted physicist who has a strong background in engineering and will assist on the construction of Mr. Barnes's new arm," she explained. "A representative of His Majesty's research department should officially give you the news tomorrow. Please don't let him know I told you?"
"My lips are sealed," Steve said. He'd have to remember to thank T'Challa again for everything he'd done. Granting Bucky asylum and remaking his lost prosthetic? It was more than Steve could ever repay him for, if he had access to ten times Tony's wealth. "So can you give me a name?"
The nurse was young and wet behind the ears, clearly still in awe that she had landed this job, so close to royalty. She checked quickly that the other nurses weren't listening. "I can tell you that she just won the Nobel prize and had a liaison with you friend the thunder god, though rumors say it's over now, and she is coming here not just to help your friend, but also to cleanse her own mind of the heartbreak. Now remember, you didn't hear it from me."
"I remember," Steve said, and it was a miracle he could even get those words out at all.
SteveR: Are you there?
SteveR: Gem?
Gemini81: Yes, sorry. Just getting my bags packed. I got another gig, and before you ask, it is just as classified as the last one.
SteveR: That's okay. You must be excited.
Gemini81: More than you know. It's just what I need to get my mind off things.
SteveR: Like what?
Gemini81: Well…
Gemini81: It's hard to explain, but the short version is that I'm single again.
SteveR: That's too bad. He ended it?
Gemini81: It was a mutual thing. I care about him, but our schedules didn't leave much time for dating. In the end, I think we both knew it was doomed from the start.
Gemini81: Let's just say him and I come from very different backgrounds.
SteveR: Well, my mother always said, love is fickle, but when you find the right one, it becomes beautiful.
SteveR: My mother was not a poet.
Gemini81: lol I agree with her though.
SteveR: She'd be happy to hear it.
Gemini81: :)
Gemini81: Steve, do you remember that letter you sent me? The one where you said what a great friend I've been to you?
SteveR: Of course.
Gemini81: I don't think I ever responded. Not the way I should have.
Gemini81: The truth is, I've probably relied on your these past few years more than you ever have on me. You are the best friend I've ever had. Sometimes, it feels like you're my only friend. You always know what to say to make me happy. I can talk to you about anything.
Gemini81: I can't put it into words how grateful I am. I just…
Gemini81: I wish I could tell you all this to your face. (But if I did, I'd probably cry lol ;))
SteveR: It's okay. I'd dry your tears. :)
SteveR: And you know, someday it might just happen.
Steve was officially introduced to Dr. Jane Foster on a cloudy afternoon when the sun was about to set. She looked tired from her long journey, rumbled in yesterday's clothes, and so skinny it was like she persisted only on force of will and the occasional candy bar. She was perfect.
"Captain Rogers," she said politely. "It's an honor to meet you, sir. I've been a fan for a long time."
"Likewise," Steve said, careful with his tone while the other scientists were in the room. "Thank you for coming on such short notice, doctor."
"Not at all," she said. "This is what I got into science for, the betterment of mankind. Granted, I never thought that would involve building robotic arms for supersoldiers, but I think we can all agree there are stranger things out there."
A smattering of laughter as the scientists began to excuse themselves. Jane started to go with them before Steve stopped her. "Can we talk in private for a bit?"
She blinked. "Yeah, if you want. I'm technically working for you."
The rest of her group filed out of the room, some of them waving to Jane before they left. She had a knack for making fast friends.
"Are you liking Wakanda so far?" he asked when they were alone.
"I've only been here for about an hour," she said. "It's nice, though. Really beautiful. I can see way they had their borders closed for so long. Who'd want to share all of this?"
"You mean the scientific resources or the scenery?"
Her grin split her face in two. "Both!"
She went to look out the massive windows. The clouds had parted to reveal a sky full of twinkling stars. They shined in her eyes as he stood next to her. He couldn't tell if the stars made her more beautiful or if she made the stars.
"You can see the view like this every night," he said, gazing outward. "It goes on for miles. Like what being in space is really like."
"It's close," she said, and she would know. She was the only human so far to ever travel on the bifrost.
Her fingers brushed against Steve and he ached to take her hand. Music played in his head that he could never contain even if he wanted to. He let the first notes drop in a hum, getting through the verse until it registered with her what she was hearing. She turned to face him as he reached the chorus.
"There's a starman waiting in the sky, he'd like to come and meet us but he thinks he'd blow our minds, there's a starman waiting in the sky he's told us not to blow it
Cause he knows it's all worthwhile," she half sang under her breath. "I love that song."
"I know," he said.
She frowned. "You do?"
He took her hand, a meaningful look in his eye that encompassed everything he'd kept bottled inside since he looked at her name on the screen and realized he wanted to hear it every day for the rest of his life. All the sadness and joy and laughter and pain she'd gotten him through. All the sadness and joy and laughter and pain he'd gotten her though. He touched her skin with his, and right then, he thought, she knew. Maybe she didn't believe it, maybe she thought her imagination was running away with her, but it was there in her grasp, just as she was in his.
If he spoke too loudly, his voice would crack and he might tear up, so he whispered to her. "Hi Gem."
She did cry, just like she said. She had no shame in it. Her jaw fell and her eyes wobbled, and twin lines slid down her cheeks to her chin. Steve would've kept his promise and brushed them away, but she had other ideas. Better ideas.
She was off her feet, dangling from his neck, her toes barely scraping the ground. She crushed her mouth to his, loud and insistent, needful in a way Steve had never before experienced. Her weight was nothing to him as he wrapped his arms around her, ready to kiss her back before she ripped her lips away as suddenly as they'd connected.
"Oh my god," she said. "I'm sorry. I am so sorry, that was way too forward. I've just been thinking about doing this for a long time and the last thing I ever expected coming here was to meet you… or that you'd be you… and we're going to have to talk about this later because I have one or two hundred thousand questions, but for now I just have all these emotions I have to get out and then-"
"Jane," Steve interrupted, his hand on her cheek. "Just let me kiss you back."
She did, and as it turned out, he was pretty good for a ninety something who'd only had one real kiss before now. Jane moaned and melted into his arms, her hands in his hair as he roamed up and down the length of her body. With the stars as their backdrop, they embraced like the world would come to an end if they let go. High in the sky, moonlight glowed over their heads, and somewhere out there, they knew their song was playing.
'There's a Starman waiting in the sky…'