A/n: Hello everyone! Welcome to my first deannon from the Kink meme. The request was "nation family dinner disaster" and I had too much fun writing Italy to just leave this on LJ. Also, it's the only thing I've been writing recently, since it's test season. Enjoy my paltry offerings~
Warnings: Some language. English, to be exact.
Italy didn't think that the G8 had ever had one meeting Germany would call a success. Sure, they were a lot of fun, but nothing really seemed to happen to appease his wonderfully macho German friend. It was sad, really, but what could you do?
Today they hadn't even all gotten there before a fight broke out. Germany dragged Italy in super early. They had at lest fifteen minutes before they were supposed to be there! Italy felt so cool; he was sure they would be there first.
But then he saw that England and Japan were already sitting at the table talking about tea or cooking or pornography or something like that. Italy was kind of sad, since he and Germany weren't the quickest, but Japan and England were always so well put together so it sort of made sense that they would be ready super duper early. They might have even been there twenty minutes before it started! Wow, that was a long time, especially since the conference was all the way on the first floor of the hotel when they were all on the sixth.
Germany took the head of the table and Italy sat down next to him so that he could poke him when he got bored and beg him for pasta and draw adorable hearts and kitties all over his notes. It would be great!
A few moments later, America entered. He immediately made his way over to Japan saying, "Yo, Japan! You'll never guess this awesome videogame that's coming out soon at my place!"
England cleared his throat, "America, Japan and I were talking about-"
"Oh, who cares what you were babbling about? It was probably stupid anyway."
England bristled, "As if Japan and I would ever speak about anything as unrefined and stupid as whatever gore-filled video game you're obsessed with this time."
"I bet it was all about that stupid wedding, huh?"
"The royal wedding was not stupid!"
"Yeah it was."
"Just because you weren't invited-"
"I couldn't have come anyway. I was too busy killing Bin Laden. You know, the guy who was almost as evil as Hi-" At the last moment he seemed to remember Germany was in the room, "-Stalin."
"You knew where he was for months, you wanker! You just did it that weekend so that you could take away my special day!"
"Dude, I didn't know you were getting married. I thought it was… those royal people."
The two began shouting at each other. Italy probably should have been paying attention more to what they were saying, but he was too distracted by the fact that America was making his hair-thingie move back and forward. Italy squeezed his eyes and tried to do it, but he failed. Maybe America's was stronger because it was thicker and not as long? That made sense.
He made his eyes relaxed-closed again just in time to hear America call England a cigarette. He didn't understand why England seemed so upset about it, or why France appeared with his voyeur magic and said, "Don't be silly America, with a face like that he cannot coax any human into his bed."
"Well," England said, "At least I don't go out looking for non-humans to copulate with!"
"I have never done such a thing!"
"Oh really, frog?"
"Yes, really!"
America snorted, "Who cares, it's not like either of you get anywhere near as much pussy as me."
Italy gasped and turned to Germany, "Can we get a kitty, Germany? Can we? Please, Germany, please! It's not fair that America gets a whole bunch and I don't even have one! Oh, do you think Greece will let us adopt one of his? He has more than anybody!"
Germany sighed, and had a look on his face that said, "Italy, you are obviously not reading the atmosphere and I don't know if I should explain or let you remain innocent."
"Yes," He finally said, "We can get a cat."
"Wonderful!" Italy cheered, "Can we name him Linguini?"
Germany was about to answer, but America must have said something especially rude, because England pounced on him and started beating him with a chair. Japan and France switched places, the later not passing up and opportunity to fight with England and the former wanting to avoid being crushed between the larger men.
What's-his-name with the cute bear came in next, and as soon as England saw him he pulled the unfortunate nation into the fight. The man accidentally dropped his bear, and Italy caught it before it hit the ground.
"I'm so glad you came, Mr. Bear!" He said.
"Hi, Italy!" The bear replied, rubbing against him, "I've missed you while that weird guy was taking care of me."
"I-Italy, how did you-" Germany asked.
"How did I what, Germany?" Italy asked, stopping his petting the bear for a moment.
"Never mind."
Russia entered last, carrying a very large backpack. It seemed to be wiggling.
…That was so cool!
"Good morning, comrades," He said, smiling, "It is nice to see you so well," he turned to the four men fighting on the other side of the room, "And to see them so… lively."
Germany sighed, "Yes, good morning, Russia. Why don't you set your bag down?"
"O-of course." Russia said.
He gently set the back pack down, although it did wiggle more and say "Aiyah!"
Wow, that was a cool backpack. It sounded just like China!
"Hey Russia?" Italy asked, "Do you have pasta in there?"
"No, I'm sorry Italy. Perhaps I shall bring some stroganoff for you tomorrow."
"Hooray! Thank you so much, Russia!"
A chair went flying right towards them and hit Russia's backpack. It fell over and started shouting things in Chinese that Italy didn't think sounded very nice.
"Wait a moment!" Germany shouted. He went to the bag and undid the drawstring.
"Please do not go through my things, Germany," Russia said.
He had purple fire around him, so he meant business, but when Germany was determined, nothing could stop him! Except for trenches. Or bad winters. Or America and England double-teaming him. Or England just acting like a really mean hard-to-push-over wall. Or…
Okay, a lot could stop Germany, but not Russia's scary face. He was too strong for that!
So the bag came open, and out popped China! Italy gasped. How could Germany have guessed?
The Asian nation laughed sheepishly and stood, "Hello, how are you, Germany?"
The prettiest nation sighed, "Russia, normally I would be angry that you brought China, but seeing as those four are well on their way to destroying the conference room, let's just call for a break until they're done."
"Sounds good, comrade."
"What ever you say, Germany!"
"I am inclined to agree with Germany-san," Said Japan, who Italy had kind of forgotten about.
"Sounds great! The meeting will start in thee hours, aru!"
"You're not coming," Germany said, "But I officially declare break."
Later that night, still nothing had gotten done.
Italy sat on the side of Germany's bed, never having bothered going into his own room. Germany himself was laying tummy-down on top of the comforters, reading some sort of boring magazine about recent technological improvements.
"Italy," the blond finally said, "Why is it that we never accomplish anything? We're the eight most powerful nations in the world. Surely we should be able to solve problems. But all we do is fight! World meetings are even worse. I don't understand why we can't all sit and talk through our issues."
"Amore!" Italy exclaimed, pumping his fit in the air.
"You already have my attention, Italy," Germany said.
"No, that is the answer. Grandpa always said that anything could be done with enough love!"
Germany stopped reading and stared wide-eyed at the wall.
"Oh, Germany, I'm sorry. I said something stupid again, didn't I?"
"No, Italy," The larger man said, "You said something positively ingenious."
"I'm sorry!" Italy said, "Don't call me dumb in words I don't understand."
"No! It's good!" Germany said, looking at Italy and smiling, "That is the answer! East and I do not get along, but we have run the country together successfully since the wall fell. Why?"
"Because you both drink a lot of beer?"
"Because we are brothers and love each other." He continued, ignoring the brunet, "If we make the G8 feel like a family, we will be able to fix some things!"
He bounded over to the desk and began scribbling all over the complimentary paper with a hotel pen.
"Germany, I don't know if you can force love with a plan…"
"Quiet, Italy. I'm working. If you don't disturb me, I will buy you all the pasta you can eat tomorrow."
Italy was about to cry out in happiness, but realized that that would cost him pasta. Since he was only in his boxers and unbuttoned shirt anyway, he climbed under the covers for a nap.