Hey all!

Firstly, I do not own Gossip Girl.

this is my first attempt at the Gossip Girl world...only just new the this world infact.

This story is set in the first season, episodes previous to 14.

I know there are probably spelling and grammatical mistakes, I apologise in advance, and also you should know I'm Australian so that will also cause spelling differences. :D

Irony

She finally gave up, she dropped the fake smile, as a tear ran down her cheek, and she whispered to herself…I can't do this anymore.

She looked around her Upper East Side bedroom; this just didn't seem like her life anymore. How could one thing that made her so happy at one stage, make her so upset now. Everybody hates her, Nate for her sleeping with Chuck, Chuck for blowing him off like he was nothing, Serena because she was going to give up and go to France. At this stage, even the Humphrey siblings probably think their better than her.

What makes this worse is that there is only one person who could have sent that blast to Gossip Girl. The person that had made her happy. They say don't regret anything that once made you smile…obviously they lived in lower class America, or they are just a "words will never hurt me" type of person.

No, as far as she is concerned her life is over. If only she could find a way to still go to her father's vineyard…without anybody finding out before she is half way over the ocean. Not likely since Gossip Girl is always watching. Kind of like God if you think about it…no action is unseen, no word is unheard, no sin goes without punishment. Well at least she isn't pregnant, that would make things a whole lot worse. Which means her leaning over the toilet bowl losing dinner is a relapse. A bad one at that.

So bad in fact she is currently ignoring the fact that there is blood in the muck sitting in the toilet. She isn't letting that bother her, doesn't care if this is her end. It's either this or facing social stoning, quite frankly, this was easier to handle. Or so she thought.

As she sits on the floor, staring at the wall, she can't help but blame Nate's father for this whole situation…I mean if he hadn't been doing drugs Nate wouldn't have pulled away from her, forcing her to break up with him, then going to Victrola, in result losing her virginity to Chuck Bass. Ok, the last part maybe is a little bit her fault, and a little bit the champagne's fault.

As another round goes on in the bathroom, she starts to feel faint. Kind of like she is floating, her head is a little bit heavy, but other than that, she feels weightless. After she is finished once again, she stands up, brushes her teeth, and stares at herself. Still not quite understanding how this came to be. Even after all of her conclusions. She raises her hand to her forehead and closes her eyes. Wishing there was somebody to support her, but nobody would come for her even if she asked, even if she was lying in a gutter somewhere…in Brooklyn, would anybody come to her rescue. Even Dan Humphrey isn't that Chivalrous.

Opening her eyes once more, and looking into her bloodshot eyes, she hears the song in the background…she wants to go home, but nobody's home, its where she lies, broken inside...that seems like an understatement. Although why she has an Avril Lavigne song is beside the point. She once again starts to feel faint; there is no stopping her now. As she gracefully falls to the ground, hitting her head on the sink edge as she goes, she can't help but wonder if this is it, is this her end.

As she lies on the floor unconscious, skull cracked and head bleeding, a voice travels up the stair case, asking if she wants to come down and talk about what happened. But no answer will come, no answer can come.

As that somebody starts to climb the stairs to come into Blair's room, they will not be expecting what they see, when they enter her empty bedroom. As they decide to leave as she must not be there, they see her bathroom door cracked open, quickly turning back around they go to the door, and open it.

"Blair?" the voice whispers out. But she won't answer the call, she can't. As he carefully lifts her up, carries her down the stairs and takes her to the limo. He can't seem to find it but ironic at the song playing…I want you so much to open yours eyes, cause I need you to look into mine, tell me that you'll open your eyes…and he does, he needs her to look into his eyes, so she knows how sorry he is.

As the limo takes them quickly to the nearest emergency room, he can't help but think of this as his fault. All be it he is partly responsible, but he takes full blame. He must have tipped her over the edge. He looks over to her, and knows that it will most likely be the worst when they get to the hospital.

As they arrive, he slowly takes her into the emergency room, and hands her over to the doctors. He fills out what he can on the patient entry sheet, which is probably more than Nate could have filled out. He hands in the form and waits. Sits and waits, there is nothing more he can do…I sit alone and watch the clock, trying to collect my thoughts, all I think about is you…he waits until the doctor comes out.

"Her skull is fractured, and we've had to use stiches to close the cut on her forehead, about 16, it was a very large and deep cut, it will mostly likely scar. She has also suffered miscarried."

"No, she can't have, she wasn't pregnant, she took a test, and it was negative."

"Home test can be very accurate, but I'm afraid in this case it wasn't. I'm sorry. We're about to take her up to surgery, she has some very serious internal bleeding we must get to quickly. I'm sorry but I really must go, I just thought I should give you an update."

He watches the doctor run towards the elevator; it's worse than he thought, but also better. At least she isn't dead.

It is many hours later before he is allowed to see her, by that point everyone is there, well, just Eleanor and Dorota actually. Nobody else wanted to come, even Serena. He walks into her private hospital room, she is lying there, pale, a lot more than usual. She is awake, stares at him as he walks through the door.

"Why did you do that?"

"Because there wasn't anything left to live for, I couldn't do it anymore"

"You were pregnant"

"No I wasn't, I took the test, and it was negative"

"Doctor said they aren't always accurate, said you miscarried while in the trauma room"

"No, I couldn't have been, it said it was negative!"

"Well you were Blair! But you're not anymore. You scared me half to death, when I saw you lying there on the floor, lying in your own blood. I was so scared you…that you'd…you were…"

"Dead?"

"Yeah."

"Well maybe that was what I wanted, did you ever think of that, or do you always have to think of yourself first?"

"I may have been a jerk for sending that blast, but Blair, I'd be devested if you died. You're the only one that really understands me, as I understand you."

"No, that's the difference, I thought I understood you, but clearly I don't"

As she lies in the bed, she finally gives up, as a tear runs down her cheek, and she whispers to herself…I can't do this anymore.

But he overhears her. He walks slowly over to the bed, sits on the edge, leans over and wraps his arms around her, gently kissing her on the forehead.

"Then don't"

Songs:
Nobody's Home - Avril Lavigne
Open Your Eyes - Snow Patrol
Believe - Staind

This will most likely remain a one shot, I can't really see where I can continue this to.

I was also going to take this in a whole other direction, but this came out...and I hope it came out alright :D

Thanks for reading!