Minerva McGonagall and the Confiscated Gourd of Sake
"What do you want?" Minerva McGonagall, Deputy Headmistress of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, was slightly taken aback by the abrasive, slightly slurred response as the door to the house was thrust open. The man's bloodshot eyes quickly glanced up and down Minerva before he seemed to shudder.
"Sorry, not my house, I'll get the owner."
The twenty something year old man turned around and left Minerva standing on the front porch staring into house that reminded her of the Gryffindor's common room after they won the Quiddich Cup all those years ago, smelled the same too. The Head of House's nose wrinkled as she nudged an empty bottle with her foot.
"Hey Jake, I think Jehovah's are at the door."
"Tell them to fuck off." Came the muted response from somewhere within the dwelling.
"Sorry Miss," The man came back around to the door trying to school their face into something neutral and failing; Minerva had seen too many seventh year students trying to nurse hangovers to not realise. "You seem like a lovely woman, but I think you might have to tr-"
"I'm looking for Suika Ibuki, I was informed that she was staying here." Minerva shot out in a stern voice, quickly silencing the Muggle.
Minerva could only watch in muted frustration as the man's thought process seemed to grind to a halt. She had seen this sluggish response too many times before, especially in her seventh year students after a trip to The Three Broomsticks. She could tell what the man was going to say seconds before the man even opened his mouth.
"Who?" If she had someone to bet against she would have struck gold.
It took several seconds worth of sluggish broomsticks raising slowly off of the ground before the man's eyes glimmered with newfound rediscovered knowledge.
"Oh shit! Yeah!" The man's shouted, finger's snapped and pointed at her. "That small chick who never seemed to run out..." The man seemed to trail off.
"OI JAKE! WHAT WAS THE SHIT SUIKA SOLD US LAST NIGHT?"
"Sake!"
"Yeah, the small chick who never seemed to run out of Sake. Last I saw she was passed out on the inflatable dolphin in the pool. You her grandma or som..."
Minerva stared at the muggle.
"errrrrrrr... I mean I have no idea who you are talking about?"
"Professor McGonagall? It's a pleasure seeing you again. What brings you of all people here to St Mungo's? Nothing to serious I hope?"
Minerva gave a thin lipped smile as she regarded the mediwitch sitting at the front counter as her eyes quickly gazed down to spy the the woman's name tag. "Thank you Mrs Cobblepot, I trust this career is suiting you well." She honestly couldn't remember the girl from what was most likely fifteen years and thousands of students ago, that was more up Albus' alley.
"Actually it's Ms Cobblepot now, Kevin and I split five years ago. Such a shame too, you know how we were in school, we were going-"
"As good as it is too catch up with the Alumni of Hogwarts," Minerva cut off the woman before she got going, thanking Merlin that the woman actually stopped talking. Must have been the woman's ingrained fear of a stern teacher. "I'm afraid I am here for slightly more pressing matters, such as Miss Ibuki here."
"Hcc...hiiiiiiiii"
The woman looked passed her former professor and spied the small child swaying in a nonexistent breeze.
"Are those horns?"
"That is a minor concern, that I shall look at later. What she needs at this point is a Sobriety Solution."
"nooooooooo"
"Hey Professor, can I have my gourd back?"
"Ah Professor McGonagall, what a surprise!
"Hey Professor, can I have my gourd back?"
"I was not expecting you. Your wand,
"Hey Professor, can I have my gourd back?"
"Fir and Dragon Heart String if I-
"Hey Professor, can I have my gourd back?"
"recall correctly. What was it, sixt..."
"Hey Professor, can I have my gourd back?"
Olivander stopped his speech mid sentence as he regarded blank look on the Hogwarts Deputy Headmistress' face and then looked towards the Brown haired child who was staring up at her, repeating the same question over and over as though she wasn't about to receive the most important tool that would assist her for the rest of her life."
"Hey Professor, can I have my gourd back?
"Err, why don't you leave the child with me while you go to the Leaky Cauldron. This might take a while..."
Minerva about faced and walked straight out the door, slamming it shut behind her.
The door was booted open by the horned girl as the word "HYPOCRITE!" was ingrained into Garrick's mind.
"Why isn't your money in lots of ten? Is it because Muggles did the whole maths and currency thing first and you wanted to feel like special snowflakes?"
"Are you here to do business at Gringott's or are you just here to make a fool out of yourself and a farce out of your entire species?"
"Oh... right. Hi, I'm reasonably certain my name is Ibuki Suika... I think. Wait does my first name come first even though I am currently a weaboo..." The small child sitting on a tall stool in front of Arnok, the Goblin bank teller who had the misfortune to be supervising this particular line of customers, seemed to trail off as she contemplated her own existence.
Arnok glanced over at the clock on the wall.
"No! My name is Suika Ibuki!" The child proclaimed as though she had just completed a four hundred foot parchment on Cauldron thickness. "And I am here to open an Adult-"
"Minor."
"Account. Hey! I'm twenty six!"
Arnok blinked, glancing between the child and her escort.
"She is Eleven."
"Twenty One?"
"A Minor's account," Arnok bulldozed over any possible shenanigan that the child could imagine. "Shall incur a Twenty Two Knut opening Fee with no additional charges until your reaching of Magical Majority. I am sure your current guardian shall be covering this charge?" Minerva nodded as the Goblin glanced towards her.
"If I put lets say... what? Five hundred thousand and twelve Galleons in my account and decided I wanted to withdraw some of it, would I be limited in how much I could withdraw?"
"You will be unable to withdraw more than 14 Sickles without a Guardian present.
"And what is that worth in common sense terms?"
"I assume you are referring to Pound Sterling."
"No, Australian Dollar. Obviously."
"You are testing my patience, child."
"Why are you giving me a test when I came to you asking for information about your currency? That seems pretty scummy if you ask me, what is the point of quizzing me when I clearly haven't had a chance to learn any of the answers?"
The teacher's eyes met the banker's, and Minerva knew in that moment that she had gained a confidant and true ally in these times of despair.
"So professor I am just going to come out and say it, I can probably save you some money if you only buy me about half the books; especially History. I can barely remember what happened last night, let alone shit that happened hundreds of years ago."
"Do you want everything to taste like soap for the next seven years? I am quite sure that my colleague can arrange for it."
Minerva would never admit it, but she took immense satisfaction in the look of abject terror that the horned girl shot in her direction.
"Professor, may I have my gourd back?"
The sun was setting through the grimy windows of the Leaky Cauldron where Professor and Student to be were sitting, sharing a meal.
Minerva glanced down at the girl whom had her chin resting on the table, the meal untouched other than the fork sticking up out of the potato from where it had been stabbed in, staring pleadingly up at her.
Seeing the utter despair in the child almost made the woman reconsider and open up her bag to retrieve the innocuous purple ceramic vessel.
Almost.
Minerva McGonagall, however, was not a rookie teacher who had not yet the puppy dog eyes and crocodile tears of many hundreds of students begging for extensions on grade deciding assignments.
"No."
With that one response, Minerva was completely on edge. The utter rage and indignation in the glare that she received promised retribution of the highest magnitude.
And then in an instant the look disappeared and the girl sat up straight in her seat and started eating her meal and washed it down with a...
Minerva quickly snatched the bottle of Firewhisky out of the girl's hands and promptly returned it to it's rightful owner, apologizing profusely to Tom the Bartender who was confused as to why he was pouring out of a glass of Pumpkin Juice.
The Hat didn't even touch Suika Ibuki's Head before it shouted Gryffindor.
Minerva considered reaching for the Confiscated Gourd of Everlasting Sake right then and there.