Author Notes: I tried not to do this. Really, I did, but it seems this just had to come out.
...
It's not that I never had feelings for Kurt, just that I'm now getting what it all means. Like when you're trying to solve one of those jigsaw puzzles without the picture on the box. You know when you're
done, when you're placing those final few parts, it'll all make sense. That you'll finally see the little pieces for the big picture that it really is and understand. Maybe even think 'oh, why didn't I see this
before?'. But the problem with that is you never know when, or how that will happen. That's how I feel, like I'm standing over a jigsaw with 999 of the 1,000 pieces in place and I'm holding the last one
in my hand and I get it. I finally get it.
...
And I have to think, what took me so long? Looking back, I wonder how all this time I couldn't see how much I adored Kurt, how I could notice anyone else with him standing right there, how the one
person that means the world and more to me was. Right. Fucking. There. And I didn't even notice. But now that I do, oh god, I can't help but notice everything. I can't get him out of my head, I can't
think when I'm around him, and I want to stare at him all the time, just because I can. I can't… I don't know how to feel this way all the time. It terrifies me, it excites me because I think I'm in love with
him, or at least pretty damn close.
...
If this is even 1/10th of what Kurt felt, and I hope still feels about me, I can't even begin to understand the strength he had to have to put up with me and everything I did, while he felt like this for
months. It's only been three days and I feel like everything fucking hurts. I can't breathe because he literally took my breath away. I really don't even care because I never thought it would feel so
amazing, nerve-racking and freeing all at once. Because it's always been you hasn't it? From the moment I met you, even though I didn't know it yet, I was done for. I'm in love with you, Kurt. The kind
of love that physical hurts when I'm away from you, the kind that makes me feel like I'm floating on air, the kind that makes me melt when you smile at me. It has been, and it always will be you, Kurt.
Always.
...
"What's that?"
"I'm decorating Pavarotti's casket."