Jealousy wasn't something that Rukia dealt with every day; she didn't need to, she had everything.
Rukia-sama is so pretty!
Rukia-sama so powerful and brave!
Rukia-sama is so rich!
Rukia is a noble so she must have everything. She didn't.
Yes, she did get lucky and got adopted into the Kuchiki clan.
Only because you look like Hisana-sama! She seemed to get reminded of that fact every month.
She got lucky and rich, has a huge home and a handsome brother who is powerful and would protect her against everything, with people to serve on her every need and to make sure she fit perfection so easily.
She didn't want any of that though; she had been content in doing her exams and studying hard with Renji to become a Shinigami. She was happy with Renji and she didn't want anything else.
But… but now that she has everything, the only thing that she ever really wanted, she couldn't have.
Because he is married.
Rukia watched Kaien from the corner of her, her violet eyes tracing over his strong jaw, pointed, aristocratic nose and aqua green eyes. He was talking happily, completely ignorant of her staring at him, and sipping at his glass of sake.
'I went to the living world once.' Rukia started, cutting him off. She shifted her eyes from his when they locked and she looked out at the green grass. 'I saw the ocean. It was very… peaceful; the waves, the salty smell and the sounds… I was very calm.' She finished, still not looking at him.
'And?' He asked, staring at her now. She turned her eyes to his and smiled softly.
'It reminded me of your eyes.' She grinned, as if it were normal to say something like that to her superior.
'…Eh?' He looked at her, completely dumbfounded. She grinned and smacked his arm softly.
'Don't be so serious all the time Kaien-dono!' Rukia laughed, falling back on the soft, green blades of grass and looking up at the cloud littered blue sky. 'Sometimes I wish I could run away, Kaien-dono.'
'Why?' He asked, leaning back to rest on his left elbow, his right hand holding his cup of sake as he peered down at her.
'To a place where everyone is happy and everyone gets what they want. No tears, no pain, everything is… perfect.' He was silent for a moment, contemplating what she had just said.
'What do you want, Kuchiki?' He asked. Rukia looked up at him then, their eyes locking. The look he gave her made her realize that he knew… he knew everything. Her feeling for him, her jealousy for Miyako and how happy they were.
She didn't know what to do! Admit her feelings, or lie her way out of it. The later sounded better; at least if she couldn't have him the way she wanted him, she could at least have him as a friend.
'…You…' She whispered softly. He didn't look surprised, or angry or disappointed… he looked sad. Why sad? Tears stung her eyes and she broke contact with him, her eyes going back to the sky.
For a minute, they laid on the grass in silence while Rukia held in her tears. She didn't want to be weak.
Suddenly, his large hand rested on her chest, making her look at him. He looked down with soft, sad eyes. He leant down slowly and placed a kiss on the side of her mouth; not a proper kiss, but close enough.
'I'm sorry.' Then he was gone. Tears weld up in her eyes as she touched the place he had kissed.
'So am I.'
xxXxx
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