Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters.
JUST UPDATED AS OF 2/7/08. NEXT CHAPTER IN PROGESS. :)
This story…isn't exactly "planned" out, it'll just develop on it's out. I have a few ideas here and there, and we'll just see if they flow with the story. And as for the title…subjected to change maybe?
Most chapters will probably have song lyrics incorporated into it because I think they really help "set the mood" and help you understand the feeling of the characters. And I just like finding the perfect song, ha ha.
Background information: Well, the characters for now are not exactly a secret…that's just how it ended up. Next chapter you can probably guess.
Song: Steel by Charlotte Martin
Oh, and I picked this song because it is full of anger because she's been hurt over and over again.
Lyrics are in bold,every few paragraphs or so. I know it looks kind of awkward, but that was the best way the site would let me do it.
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The lost and insincere
They think I need to hear what's in their empty eyes, eyes, eyes
We're few and far between
We've hardly been serene
But we stand up to their lies, lies, lies
We are steel
We don't feel anything at all
"I can't do this…I can't do it."
"Baby, I'm sorry-"
"Don't even. Don't even lie anymore. Don't even pretend I'm still your baby. Don't…even."
"I'm not lying…I wish I could take it all back. Everything that happened."
"Everything?"
"Everything." Slowly, and gradually he put his arms around her, as an act of comfort.
He took me in his arms
But then he squeezed too hard
He wouldn't let me breathe, breathe, breathe
For a solid minute she cried uncontrollably into his shoulder, before a fierce inhale and pushed him away violently. "No."
"I thought…"
"You were wrong. I meant what I said before. I can't do this to myself."
"You know I didn't mean too…it just…"
"Happened?" she spat.
He looked sadly at the ground, and finally looking up with an expression of pitiful ness and sorrow.
But she looked right through him and continued on in her tone of malice. "Once I looked over it, twice I forgave you. But three times…"
It's been too many years
I've hurt too many times
To give up everything, thing, thing
"I didn't mean too…"
"No one ever does. But once is an accident, twice…a coincidence, three times: a behavior. What happens next time? Did you think about that?"
"I swear it won't happen again…"
"Déjà vu? Or have we had this conversation before?"
"Just give me a second chance…"
"Or a fourth one? A fifth? I'm SICK of second chances."
"Just give me something…"
She shook her head and wiped her eyes.
"Anything…"
Her voice shook and her body was trembling. "I've given you everything."
I am steel
I don't feel anything at all
"Just one more…once more and I won't screw things up."
"Why should I believe you?"
"Because…you're the reason I'm still here. The reason I wake up in the morning and go to bed at night. The reason why my world is so much brighter. You're the reason."
"It's not enough. Not this time."
"I don't know what I could say then! What do you WANT me to say?"
"This is something I can't hold your hand through. THIS is something you need to figure out for yourself."
"I'm trying here…I'm trying so hard but you're not giving me anything."
"I don't know what I want you to say…and I'm not sure if there is anything to be said."
"Then how is this going to work? How do I know what to do?"
"You'll know. You'll feel it and I'll feel it."
"Feel it? Are you kidding me? What if I don't?"
"If you can't put your OWN emotion into it…you're not really sorry. Not really."
The way I've been confused
The way that I've been used
And spit out on your dime
And still you lead me on
And still you take me down
And say it's in my mind
"Look-"
"No, I'm done looking. I'm done arguing. I'm done…with you. Just leave."
"But-"
"Please just go," she whispered looking down at the ground, tears pouring down her face.
"Don't think you can run away from me forever…from us. You'll have to face it someday," he said walking towards the door.
"What's there to face?" she spat, looking up, her eyes shooting daggers at him. "A failed relationship? Full of broken promises, cheating, lying, and deceitfulness? A boy who needs to step back and look at the damage he's inflicted. A boy who needs to stop what he's doing and figure things out. Figure HIMSELF out. A boy who is so messed up…he doesn't KNOW what he's doing anymore."
She collapsed to the ground in a mess of emotions. Tears and swear words came pouring out of her until there was nothing left inside. Lying on her back she stared at her ceiling, with absolutely nothing going through her. No emotions, no thoughts, not anything.
It wasn't until the first few rays of sunlight burst through her window when she finally showed signs of life. Slowly got up to her feet; with as much energy as she could muster she walked into the bathroom. She walked past the mirror, not daring to look in her reflection. She lowered herself into the cold, stone bathtub. Fully clothed she turned on the faucet, a freezing rush of water hit her like ice. She let out an inaudible gasp and turned the faucet to scorching hot and fully submerged herself underwater, the noises of the early risers in the common room disappearing almost instantly. She held her breath, enjoying the silent emptiness underneath the water. It wasn't until she thought she was about to pass out when she came up again, noises greeting her like the beginning of a war.
Well I've seen hell and back
I've hidden in the dark with
No one there at all, all, all
She floated solemnly in the bathtub, the events of last night finally processing through her. She narrowed her eyes. She had no empathy. No compassion. In a bathtub so hot, it was hard being so cold. She finally shed her waterlogged clothes and picked up a bar of soap and rubbed her skin raw, as if trying to wash away all of her pain. It wasn't until she started shivering when she stopped scrubbing her body. She covered her red, irritated skin with a towel and stepped out of the tub.
She looked at her reflection in the mirror and winced. The veins in her eyes were red from lack of sleep, and the deep bags beneath her eyes made her jaw clench. She grabbed her damp clothes and walked into her now empty dormitory. She quickly changed into her robes, grabbed her book bag and ignoring any call of her name she raced down the stairs and through the common room. Now wasn't exactly the best time for small talk, or anything else they wanted. She finally got through the portrait when she heard footsteps following her, not pausing to look behind her she sprinted across the corridor and didn't slow until the footsteps disappeared.
Breathing heavily, she stopped and leaned against a window, looking out she realized the weather was the exact opposite of her mood, a piercing brightness making her frown. She regained her breath before heading down to the Great Hall, hoping to grab a few slices of toast and eggs before running into any familiar faces.
Keeping her head down, she walked into the Hall and sat herself at the second table from the right. Her plate with a profuse amount of toast, bacon, and eggs, she quickly started to scarf down her food when she heard a voice behind her, the one she was trying so hard to escape from.
I've scraped us back to life
I've laced up both my boots
So try and twist the knife, knife, knife
"We need to talk."
Swallowing a large amount of eggs, she pushed the bench back and stood up. She grabbed her bag and marched towards the doors.
"Now."
She kept walking, not daring to turn back knowing that she will only be weakened by the sight of him.
"Stop walking and listen to me already!"
She turned around sharply, "What more could you possibly have to say? What more could you possibly do? I'll tell you what…there is nothing. Nothing." She turned around again and stumbled towards the Grounds.
"You just need to hear me out, I've been thinking-"
"There's a first!" she scoffed, not bothering to turn around.
He laughed through his nose and started again, jogging to catch up with her. "I'm willing to take full responsibility for what I did."
She reeled around, "What are you trying to say? That this is MY fault?"
He faltered, "Well…"
"HOW do you reckon that? Enlighten me because in no way can I reckon that I had anything to do with this!"
"It's just that-"
"You are ridiculous! I can't even fathom how you have can even think that I did this!" she exclaimed.
"If you had been-"
"Been what? BEEN WHAT?"
"Never mind. You're right. This is my entire fault," he said with a hint of sarcasm.
"Never in my life have I heard such insincerity," she spat. "Get away from me before I am forced to do something I really would like to do, but as I am a civil, humane person, and don't like to hurt people on purpose, I haven't. And maybe that's something you could learn from."
"Please, I need you back…I can't stop thinking about you. We worked, and we clicked. You know that. And I know it's not enough but," he pleaded, "if I had known the last time I saw you would be the last time, I... I would have stopped to memorize your face, the way you move, everything about you. I would have memorized the feel of your tongue and the touch of your lips. If I had known the last time I kissed you would have been the last time... I never would have stopped."
I am steel
I don't feel anything at all
We are steel
We don't feel anything at all
We don't feel anything at all
Anything at all
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Please review! It's kind of rough, but I just wanted to get the first chapter out there. Hopefully I can get the second chapter up soon! But I'm not going to lie; I am a very busy right now. But reviews would inspire me to help write more. ;) THANKS – SARAH!