Honeymoon Period
Scotty stared at Kevin from across the room. He was bent over this laptop, books spread over the table in front of him. This was how they spent all their evenings now. For the past two months anyway. They had no honeymoon, not even a so-called 'honeymoon period'.
Kevin had left, on their wedding night. Scotty loved him, but Kevin just didn't understand how much that had hurt him. He remembered coming out of the phone call with his father, tears streaming down him face. A shoulder to cry, the least he could have expected. Hopefully followed by a night of cuddling, and then they'd make love until the morning.
Kevin hadn't been there. And his heart had broken. The panic that had run through him in that moment, he couldn't explain. The wedding was over, this was supposed to be the easy part. They were in love, they were married and they should have been happy.
Scotty had waited, had got Kevin's note. It wasn't enough. The note didn't make him feel any better. His heart rate was as high as could be. But 3am came, and he had not heard a thing. The constant phone calls, pacing and worrying in general had tired him out. He thought if he waited Kevin would return, and they would talk, and everything would be ok. The pain he felt could not be alleviated, he went to bed.
It was after five when Kevin crawled into bed beside him. He felt him arms slip around him, and heard Kevin sigh into his back. Normally he felt so safe in those arms, tonight he slipped out of them. Scotty could fell Kevin's shock, but he moved away. They didn't say a word, and Kevin slept with him back to Scotty.
"I'm ordering Chinese." Kevin said quietly, "Do you want some?"
Scotty shook his head. He would cook for himself. He missed cooking for Kevin, missed feeding him, he missed Kevin and he missed their relationship. Kevin nodded and left to order food in the kitchen. Scotty sighed. He couldn't continue like this, it was killing him, and he had no idea how Kevin felt.
Scotty got up, moving towards the kitchen to cook his own meal. He bumped into Kevin on the way. They paused in the doorway. Kevin looked at him, but he couldn't look him the eye. He saw Kevin reach out to him, and almost wished Kevin would just touch him, let him feel. Kevin's head dropped, he walked out.
Cooking calmed him, made his feel like he was in control, he wasn't. He could barely look at Kevin. They lived together, but they lived in silence. They shared a bed, but slept worlds apart. Kevin spoke to him each night as they lay in bed, explaining. He said the same things over and over and over, until the words meant nothing.
In some ways Scotty wasn't even mad at him for leaving. He was mad at them all, at the Walkers. Kevin had a family that loved him, but Scotty was supposed to be his new family. That's what marriage meant. Kevin would always put the Walkers first, and it hurt Scotty more than he had thought it would.
Kevin was now at the kitchen table, eating a greasy Chinese. He'd put on weight, quite a bit actually. Scotty didn't mind, but he wanted to sort this out. It was hurting them both. They were together, but they were apart.
Scotty put his plate down opposite Kevin. They hadn't sat together since their wedding. Kevin looked up, an odd mixture of surprise, hurt, sadness and hope blended into an almost puppy dog expression.
Scotty felt his heart melt. He sat down, and looked into Kevin's baby blues. "…" He didn't know what to say. His eyes returned to his food, shifting it on his plate. Kevin had the sense not to say anything. He just waited. Scotty looked up again. "I'm sorry."
Kevin looked straight back at him, and he looked so relieved. Scotty felt all the tension drain out of him. All the pent up pain, and anger, and hurt just drained away. "Kevin, I-" He started and paused, "I want us to talk," He held up his hand as Kevin went to interrupt. "After dinner." Kevin nodded, still not saying a word.
They ate in silence, but somehow they felt closer than they had over the last two months. There was so much more to say, but they felt better already. Scotty felt the need to apologize as much as he was ready to hear Kevin's apology. They would work this out, they had to.
Kevin finished before Scotty, and sat in the living room. His laptop was open, and his books spread in front of him. He didn't work though, he just waited. When Scotty entered he paused in the living room. There was tension, but it was not as thick as before and much less awkward.
Kevin opened his mouth to speak, but before the words had been formed, his phone rang. Scotty felt his heart break once more, and he knew Kevin could see, but for once he didn't care. He just shook his head, and walked into the bedroom.
He stood in the centre of the room, and looked round. Kevin's conversation with his mother echoed into the room. Scotty had hoped, beyond hope, that Kevin wouldn't answer, or that their conversation would be brief. It wasn't, more likely yet another Walker crisis.
Scotty sat on the edge of the bed and waited for Kevin to hang up. He walked in after a further ten minutes on the phone.
"I-" He started, but Kevin had no words to say.
Scotty looked at him, his face an open book of emotions. "I love you Kevin, but if you are planning to tell me you have to go again, I'm not sure I'll continue to do so."
Kevin was silent. "Ok, I'm not going." Scotty didn't look convinced. "I'm not." He joined him on the bed. "We need to talk. I love you, but I can't live with you like this."
Scotty was silent, gathering his thoughts. He looked away. "I'm only going to say this once." He looked back at Kevin. "You've hurt me, in more ways than I can count, but I'm here, and I'm ready to listen. And I want you to explain to me why you thought it was ok to leave." Scotty's eyes filled with tears, but he didn't brush them away. He continued to stare at Kevin.
"I worked out the picture." Kevin shook slightly under the intensity of Scotty's stare. "It's not Rebecca, but Ryan. Another child, possibly my fathers, possibly not. It seemed so important."
"Was it worth it?"
Kevin nodded, and shook his head. He sighed. "Yes and No." He looked at the ground so he missed the heartbreak on Scotty's face. He missed the tears that finally fell from his eyes. "Sarah felt so much better knowing, and we finally learnt who our father was. And what he had done, to mum and to us. But-" He paused, to look at Scotty.
As he took in Scotty's state, the look on his face, the tear tracks, he shook his head. "It wasn't worth it. Not if I lose you. Nothing is worth that."
Scotty didn't know how to feel. Should he take the words at face value? Or was Kevin just saying what he wanted to hear? He spoke from his heart. "I have no reason not to trust you, or your words. Yet I cannot help but doubt you."
Kevin leaned forward, but didn't touch him, he didn't dare. "Please don't say that. I love you and this … this is killing me."
Something in Kevin's eyes touched Scotty's heart, and suddenly it all fell into place. He pulled Kevin into a hug. The look in Kevin's eyes had told him all he needed to know. Kevin melted easily into the hug, and clung to him. Scotty returned it with the same fervour, the same passion, and the same hunger.
Kevin pulled back and looked at Scotty, not quite meeting his eyes. "I'm sorry." He kissed his cheek. "I'm so sorry." He moved down again. "Never again." He kissed Scotty's closed lips. "I love you." He looked into his eyes. "Please." His blue eyes were so desperate. "Forgive me."
"I'm not ready. Not yet." Kevin pulled away, he seemed to shrink. "But I do love you, and I'm not leaving you." He lifted Kevin's face in his hands. "It's not an option."
Kevin smiled slightly, but still didn't look too happy. "You wanted more, I know." Scotty said. "But…hold me."
"What?"
"Just hold me. Let me sleep in your arms again. I've missed you so much. Please?"
"Of course." Kevin answered without hesitation.
They lay down together, as they were, still dressed, with their shoes on, but both slept better than they had in months. Scotty curled in Kevin's arms, a smile on his face.
&
The next morning was normal again. They showered separately, dressed separately, but they spoke. Scotty made Kevin breakfast and they held a basic conversation. It was like starting over, trying to get to know each other again.
Once Kevin left for work, Scotty sat on the couch. He was so tired. The conversation had taken so much out of him. He wasn't sure what to do, or where to go. His next shift wasn't until next week so he was basically aimless.
That conversation hadn't gone quite as he'd expected. Until the moment he'd said he wasn't, Scotty thought he was ready to forgive Kevin. The words had shocked him as much as Kevin. He guessed it was Kevin's explanation that changed his mind. That on their wedding night, their wedding night, Kevin had put his family first.
Scotty shook his head. Those thoughts weren't helping. He needed to do something, anything to calm him down. He picked up the phone and started dialling. He needed a friend, preferably one with an unbiased opinion.
Annie picked up, "Hey Scotty."
"Hey." He wasn't sure what to say. "How are you?"
"Great thanks. You don't sound so good. What's wrong?"
"Can we go out? Hiking maybe?"
Annie laughed. "Sure. I'll be round in an hour. You're still at Kevin's right?"
"Of Course!"
"Just checking."
The phone clicked as she hung up. Hiking? Where had that come from? Well that was the plan now anyway. Some fresh air and a chat. He went to get dressed.
As he prepared to leave, he stopped to think. Should he leave Kevin a note? Like before, but he hadn't done that in ages. And Kevin wouldn't know who Annie was. He sighed, but pulled out a pen and paper anyway. On he wrote 'Gone Hiking. Be back for dinner. Scotty x'
It was not as personal as normal, but for now it would do. So there it was, he would spend the day with Annie, and Kevin would work. Their lives felt so separate at the moment, they were worlds apart.
Annie arrived and they drove to the foothills, but before beginning their assent. Scotty wasn't sure what to say to explain what was going on, so he asked about her Husband, Caoimhin. He was Irish, which explained the name.
Annie doubted that was what Scotty called her for, but she needed to talk to someone, so she talked. She explained the trouble that they were having. How they never saw each other because he worked so much.
As Scotty listened, he began to understand. Annie and Caoimhin loved each other, they had a great relationship, if they ever had the time to share it. And it hit him. He suddenly understood why Kevin had been working from home so often. Why he himself had worked so little over the past month.
They had spent as much time in each others presence, to be as close as possible, while they were so far apart. Annie and Caoimhin were falling apart because they couldn't spend time together; Kevin and Him were falling apart because they wouldn't.
"I have to go." Scotty said.
"What?" Annie looked confused.
"I just realised something. I know how to fix this."
"Fix what?" She asked, still unsure what he was talking about.
"My relationship." He looked at her. "Will you take me home?"
She nodded, and took his arm. "Explain it to me on the way."
Scotty talked as they returned to her car and headed home. He felt much better when he finally entered the apartment. He could hear the shower running in the bedroom, and paused.
There was so much he should, could do. He and Kevin had so much to say, but the words were beyond him. Scotty moved into the bedroom. He could see Kevin's reflection in the steamy mirror. His mind was made up.
Scotty undressed, and slipped into the bathroom. He glad to see Kevin had his back to him, and had left the shower door open. An invitation, even if it was an unconscious one.
Scotty moved forward, into the shower, and slipped his arms around Kevin. Kevin jumped, "Scotty?" He asked.
Scotty put his head on Kevin's shoulder, "I forgive you."
Kevin turned in his arms to face him, "What?"
Scotty kissed him. He couldn't explain this with anything but actions. Their kiss was gentle, exploring, loving. They pulled apart, gasping for breath.
"I love you." Scotty smiled. "I'm sorry. I forgive you."
Kevin grinned. "I love you too. And I'm sorry." He kissed Scotty. "I promise I'll never do anything like that again."
Scotty smiled, "You will. But I'll understand. Family comes first."
"You are family. You're my family. You come first." Kevin looked into Scotty's eyes, and saw belief there.
Scotty pulled Kevin too himself, and rested his head on Kevin's shoulder. They were together again. It wasn't over, but they were together. That was all that mattered.
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Hope you enjoy. Please let me know what you think.