Xandra: This is the first of many of my new stories which I call the Jacked- up Classics, which will include this one, Tarzan, possibly Snow White or the Hunchback of Notredame, Cinderella and Beauty and the Beast. Sleeping Beauty is played-out. Hey, I'm bored and I have no life, so forgive me for my bad humor. I own nothing except my computer, the box it sits on and my own demented mind, along with my chibi muses Rie (Sha-Rie, Tah-Rie and Cai- Rie), though I'd LOVE to have Quatre in a cage under my bed. Hee, hee. What can I say, I'm a perv (and if I wasn't, I wouldn't write such great lemon/yaoi stories!). Humor, romance, RDP bashing and bad jokes ahead, so be warned. Oh, and one more thing...nah, forgot. When I remember, I'll tell you. Enjoy!

Oh, and FYI: I based this sorta on the Disney version, but most of it is from the original story, which kicked ass, I might add. I added a few things here and there--well, more like a LOT of things...I did a bunch to it--and changed the character names, as you'll see below. Oh, and an extra little tidbit: a genie is actually called a jinn (pronounced ZHIN [zh = a sound like J and Z at the same time, or like J in the French word je]), and a female jinn is a jinnaia (no clue how to spell it, but I tried). Also, for future reference, a chibi in this story is about a half-foot tall, normal-looking version of a guy, while a child-chibi is an adorable little bug-eyed version of one of our pilots, like a little kid with big eyes. I had a lack of characters, so I will be using chibi versions as extras.

The characters of the original story, my characters for this one and who plays them:

Aladdin the orphan is replaced by Duo as himself

Abu the monkey is replaced by Chibi Trowa as Gabriel the serendipitous elf (he looks like an eight-inch Trowa in rags)

Princess Jasmine is replaced by Heero as the sassy Prince Jasper

Prince Aucmed (Jasmine's suitor with the heart boxers [Disney...HA!]) is replaced by Relena as the snotty Princess Aucmeda (sorry, I'm out of ideas)

Jafar is replaced by Wufei as the dark sorcerer Xhen-Phi

Iago the parrot is replaced by Chibi Duo as Din the changeling imp (Seen those little chibi Duo shinigamis that have no noses and bat wings? That's him!)

The Sultan is replaced by Doctor J as the Sultan

The Genie of the Lamp is replaced by Trowa and Quatre as Gin and Gene the jinn/genies

The three ladies in the market are replaced by Lucretzia Noin, Lady Une and Sally Poe

The guards are replaced by Treize as Cassíme and Zechs as Razul

The orphan children Aladdin saves are replaced by Mariemeia as Vita (VEE- tuh) and Child-chibi Quatre as Roque (Rowk [little big-eyed QRW {God, that's cute!!!}])

[Oh, I made an extra character out of necessity, named Jean Claude {like Jean Claude Van Dam, pronounced Zhahn, not John. You'll get why I did it later.}]

There, now on to my story! Thanx!

****

Jacked-up Classics: Aladdin

By Xandra

****

"No one I have found can breech that cave," Xhen-Phi muttered to himself, "But I MUST have that lamp."

The annoying changeling perched itself on his shoulder, looking into the foggy sphere of swirling copper liquid. "Maybe you should just give up!" he peeped.

Xhen-Phi smacked the aggravating creature away and watched it sprout little black batwings, trying to keep from hitting the floor far below. "Ignorant little thing, I refuse to forfeit my chance at ultimate power! How dare you be so stupid in my presence?!"

Din shrugged. "Sorry. You got a plan yet?"

"IF I *HAD* A PLAN DO YOU THINK I'D BE SO ANGRY?!"

"When AREN'T you angry?" Din muttered. Then, aloud: "Sorry."

Xhen-Phi sighed, then looked into the crystal ball mounted on the top of his staff. "Show me the Cave of Wonders."

The foggy, copper liquid started to spin, creating a funnel within the sphere, then the funnel seemed to collapse with a flash. When the light cleared, an image of a pentacle carved into a slab of sandstone hidden within a sand dune appeared. It was ancient, and carved in the center of the black pentacle was a handprint that burnt the palm of any person other than the one chosen to use it. The problem was, he had no idea who to con into using it at the risk of losing their palm. He'd tried every person he could find that was corruptible, but it seemed that the person had to be pure of heart and soul in order to open the cave. That was annoying, especially because the pure of heart were incorruptible. Any innocent that was corrupted was no longer innocent by definition, and that made this scheme of his impossible. "There it is," he muttered to himself. He slowly looked down at his gloved hand, scowling. "So close, and yet I cannot get that door to open, not even with my most powerful spells..."

Din flew up and landed on the crystal, looking down. "Does this magic dingus show you anything you want?"

He rolled his eyes. Honestly, why hadn't he got a parrot? Perhaps because Din was at least housebroken and somewhat useful, if not annoying and stupid. Ah, well. Changelings weren't supposed to be intelligent, because if they were, they would be dangerous. "Yes, ignorant one. It shows whatever I wish to see within reason."

"Then why not ask it who can open that door?"

"I've attempted that. It couldn't show me, because there is a myriad of people who could open it. Too many to show at once."

Din shrugged his little shoulders, then looked at the door and jumped. "Why not ask it to show you the closest pure person that can open the door?"

Xhen-Phi paused. "Maybe...no, most of those who are pure of heart are too wise to fall for it."

"Then ask for the purest SAP that can open the door!"

He blinked, then patted the little urchin on his cute little head. "I knew you were worth something," he said, nicely. Then, he scowled. "Now get off my staff."

He sprouted batwings again and quickly got out of the way.

"Show me the most gullible innocent capable of opening the door."

~

"Trippin' over bread," Duo muttered. "Christ, these people have no lives!" He leapt onto the next rooftop and quickly dashed to the other end, then tight-roped across a clothing line to the next.

"Come back here, thief!" the taller of the two guards snapped as he and his partner reached the building he had just left. This was Razul, the captain of the guards and president of the 'I-hate-Duo' club. "You are under arrest for theft and you're coming with us, dead or alive!"

Duo managed to duck as a knife flew at his head, nearly trimming his braid. He blinked. "Hey! Why aren't you guys worrying about a bank robbery or something?! Is a loaf of bread THAT important?!"

Apparently so! The guards weren't listening to what he was saying, and evidently, they didn't care. That left him no choice but to do what he did best--run, and run FAST! Duo stopped on the edge of the rooftop, looking down to the ground three stories below, then shuddered. //Long way to fall...but it's a long time to spend in jail, too, for nothing...screw it.// He looked back at the blonde and platinum haired guards, both of which were wielding large swords and scowls. He held up the bread. "Yoo~hoo, boys! You lookin' to arrest me?"

"Stand still and maybe we won't throw you off the building!" the platinum- haired, bronze-skinned Razul hissed.

Duo shrugged, smirking. "I'll save you the trouble!" With that, he back- flipped off the building and plummeted downward, managing to catch onto a laundry cord. He paused as his eyes hit a big, red, lacy bra and he couldn't help but wonder where the woman was that wore that.

The guards looked over the edge. "You'll not get away so easy!" the dirty blonde exclaimed. This was Cassíme, Razul's lackey. He was a doofus, but his sword did the work for him.

"Easy?" Duo exclaimed, indignantly. "Does this LOOK easy to you? YOU get down here and try this, fat-ass!"

The guards growled and disappeared back onto the roof.

He sighed, then grabbed a sheet and dropped down, using it as a parachute to land. //I wonder where that damned elf is! He should be here!// On his way down, he grabbed a robe and scarf, throwing them on, then wrapped the parachute around the bread and shoved it inside the gown to help him resemble a woman. He quickly ducked into a group of women he knew well.

"Why," Miss Noin commented, "Good morning, Duo! I LOVE the new look!"

"Thank you," he said, grinning proudly. That was the good thing about being shameless--you had no shame!

"Isn't it a bit early for you to be getting into trouble?" Miss Une asked, archly.

"Nah, it's never too early to do a little shopping," he said, showing them the bread, then hiding it again. "My stomach never waits for fortune."

Miss Poe smirked. "And I see you're alone."

"Gabe dropped out on me, little snot. When I get my hands on him--"

"Where is that brat?!" Razul spat. "I'll cut his hair for him, little street rat!"

"Oops," Duo whispered. "Could you do me a favor, ladies? Could you possibly keep Razul and Cassíme busy while I make an exit?"

"No problem," Miss Noin said. "I got the one with the long hair, you get the other one, Miss Une."

She nodded. "With pleasure."

Duo saluted, then quickly skidded away, thankful for the help of the city's three most evil widows. They were like his mothers, really, and just as devious as he.

Suddenly, another guard came out of no where and put a sword to his nose, surprising him. "And just where are you going, STREET RAT?"

Well, so much for disguises! He scowled. "What's a loaf of bread to you? It's not like I wasn't gonna pay it back."

"You'll pay for it now, with your HEAD!"

He backed slowly up to the wall, then looked up as he spotted a glimmer of green appear above the guard's hat. "You'd better look up, man."

"HA! I'm not that foolish!"

He shrugged. "Suit yourself. Let 'er rip, Gabe!"

The eight-inch imp waved his hands and a brick suddenly fell from the building above and came crashing down over the guard's head, knocking him out. He smirked, then shrugged.

Duo sighed, then grabbed the little elf from the air. "Gabe, you left me high and dry, you little ass! How dare you just ditch me?!"

Gabriel shrugged, then disappeared from his hands, reappearing on his shoulder. He was a strange little elf with strange hair, but he was useful in his fashion.

Duo scowled. "Damn, I forgot you're a mute." He shrugged, then quickly ducked into an alleyway and pulled the bread from his robe. He took a chunk off and handed it to the little elf on his shoulder, then took a chunk himself and crammed it into his mouth. "Too bad you can only make things happen by coincidence, or we'd have more food," he said through the mouthful.

He shrugged again and jumped up onto Duo's head, getting comfortable on the thick hair of his scalp and munching gingerly on his bread. He waved and a brick fell from above, tearing a few strips from the wall across from them. It left a message: BE THANKFUL.

"I am, smartass. I am." He went to take another bite of his bread, then paused as he heard a shriek from nearby followed by a long string of cuss- words. He blinked. "Gabe, check that out for me, will ya?"

The green-eyed elf scowled, then disappeared, only to reappear with a surprised look on his face. He quickly started scratching in the sand with his feet: KIDS IN DANGER

"What, goats? What do I care?"

Gabriel smacked a hand to his forehead, then put his hands on his elbows as if to cradle something.

"Oh, KIDS!" Duo sighed, then put the bread back in the sheet and crammed it back in his robe. "Well, duty calls. Let's go, Gabe." He pulled the scarf back up over his head to help conceal his identity, just in case the guards were still around, then ducked out the other side of the alley and paused at the sight.

It was a little girl with red hair and a smaller boy with blonde, both of whom were shaking in the shadow of a very large man with a sword.

"Please," the little girl said, pushing the boy behind her, "We're hungry. I...I can try to pay you back for it later..."

"The price of stealing is to lose a hand, little waif," he hissed. He grabbed the girl's thin wrist and put it on the counter of his stand in the market place, then aimed his sword at her hand.

She gasped and her little brother burst into tears.

//Uh-oh!// Duo quickly pulled his braid out of the robe and threw it out over his shoulder to make himself look more feminine, then rushed out and snatched the little girl from the fat man's grasp as the sword came down, just missing her fingertips. "Vita, Roque," he exclaimed in a high tone. "Where have you two been?!"

The boy and girl exchanged glances, looking confused. He winked to them and the girl got the picture. "Mommy!" the girl cried, clinging to him. The boy followed suit.

"You know these thieving children?" the man demanded.

"They're MY children!" he exclaimed, shrilly. He looked like a woman thanks to the robe, stuffed shirt and hair, so it worked. Anything to make sure they got out of this intact! "They disappeared last week and I have been SO worried!"

"They've stolen from me."

He scoffed. "Oh really? Hand it back, now."

The little girl looked upset, but she handed the apple to Duo, who put it on the pile where it had been. These children were skinny while the man was huge, and they were in rags while he wore good clothes. It wasn't like he couldn't SPARE a single apple! The man could spare ALL of his apples plus more with how FAT he was!

"There, no harm done, now you two come with me right this instant. You're in for a good lashing!" He took them both by their hands and carted them back to the alley, out of the sight of the fat man, then removed the scarf from his head and looked at them. "You two all right?"

The girl gasped. "You're a man!"

"And YOU'RE lucky!" he retorted. "You almost lost a hand! Why were you stealing in plain sight? That's the dumbest way to steal, and if I hadn't heard you, you'd be a lefty instead of a righty."

"My brother and I are hungry," she said, flatly, "and we haven't got any money. I just wanted him to have some food. I can get by, but he's still little."

Duo sighed, smiling good-naturedly at her, then reached into his robe and produced the wrapped loaf of bread. "Here, and next time, be more careful."

She unwrapped it and gasped, then practically glomped him. "ThankYouThankYouThankYou!"

He smiled, then pried her off, setting her on her feet and patting her on the head. "You're welcome. It's fresh, and you two can share it."

The shy little boy hugged him too, then the two children turned and took off.

"Thank you, sir!" the little girl cried. "We won't forget this!"

Gabriel appeared on his shoulder and smiled at him.

"Yeah, yeah, don't get cocky over it," Duo sighed. "I can't help it. I mean, I can steal more food, but they're little. They still have to learn. After all, I remember being a kid and not having anything. It was hard." He stood up, then paused as he realized that he had something in his pocket. Curious, he reached a hand into his robe and smirked, then pulled out an apple. "Sneaky little elf," he muttered.

Gabriel smirked and shrugged. He was a good friend, mute or not.

"Had it not been for you showing up, I might not have survived this long. Thanks, Gabe." Duo sighed with a smile and stripped out of the robe, then adjusted his braid and inspected his vest. "I'd better wash my clothes." He paused and smelled himself, then scowled. "Bleck, I'd better wash ME too."

Gabriel nodded fervently, clamping a hand down over his nose and coughing.

"Little asshole, I hate you."

He shrugged again, then yanked a hair from his braid and waved it.

"Yeah, I get it. Wash my hair too. Okay, thanks, MOM." He jumped as the elf bit into his ear. "OW! Damn it, you sonofabitch!"

He heard soft snickering and scowled. "Yeah, you keep laughing. You won't be so jovial when I dunk you in the river, you little shit."

The snickering stopped and Gabriel tried to disappear, but Duo caught him first.

"Oh no you DON'T! You're gonna pay, ELF."

****

Duo glanced around carefully to make sure no one was in the area, then stripped down and quickly rinsed his clothes out in the clear water of the river by the palace. This place was for the bathing of royalty, forbidden to commoners, but he was dirty and he needed his clothes and himself clean. Besides, it wasn't like anyone was there NOW.

He hung his clothes up on a high palm tree to dry, then carefully waded into the water and sighed, taking his hair down and wrapping the band around his wrist for safe measure. It'd been a while since he'd bathed, because the only river in this part of the desert had been reserved for the prince, whoever the hell he was. Duo didn't care, personally, as long as he got to bathe. Unlike most common poor people, he hated smelling too bad.

There was a tiny splash and Duo looked down to see Gabriel floating on the surface of the river, sighing softly. He smirked. Hey, even elves liked to wash every once in a while, and he was barely noticed by most, considering that if he sat perfectly still he could be mistaken for an eight-inch twig with a dead leaf on it. The elf saluted to him, then dived under the water and disappeared.

Duo shrugged, then dunked himself and sat on the floor of the river, enjoying the view of the underwater flora and fauna just living there. It was a rare sight here in the desert to see things living happily, but the fish and other creatures seemed perfectly content here. God knew he would love to stay here forever.

His eyes caught on some reeds nearby and it took him a moment to remember that the river was surrounded and bisected by these strange floral pipes all over the place, thanks to the richness of the water. That would have been fine, if it weren't for the fact that they made it hard to see the other side of the river. Oh well.

Duo then remembered the burning sensation in his chest and realized that he wasn't breathing. Because he was under water. He had been for several minutes. Oops. He quickly surfaced and was met with the soft snickering of his companion. "I bet I just ACCIDENTALLY forgot I was down there, huh?"

Gabriel shrugged and he shook his head. Little asshole. That was the bad thing about his little serendipitous elf--his abilities allowed him to make things happen by seeming coincidence, which meant that he could do things like that if he wanted to.

Duo reached over toward the little creature, then paused as he heard another splash, and it made his elf's laughter stop cold. That meant that someone else was in the river now, and they were not supposed to be there.

"Uh-oh," Duo whispered. "This might be bad."

Gabriel disappeared and reappeared atop one of the tall reeds a few feet away, peeking into an enclosure of them. He jumped and gestured to the braided teen, who blinked.

He quietly dunked himself and swam over to the reeds, then carefully separated them and peeked in, keeping only his eyes and nose out of the water so as to keep hidden. His eyes widened.

It was a young man with a golden tan bathing there, his waist submerged in the water while he slowly and painstakingly washed himself. His hair was dark and wild, and the rippling muscles of his back shone with perspiration and condensation from the water as he slowly rubbed his large, strong hands down his front, then his back.

"Wow..." Duo breathed, rubbing his eyes and looking at the man's back again. He was real all right, but man, he was a dream too!

Gabriel yanked out one of his long hairs and poked him. Then, he made a circle by putting both hands together and stuck them on his head.

Duo's heart jumped into his throat. //Prince Jasper?! Oh wow, he's a babe! God, what I wouldn't give for some of that!//

The elf growled and yanked two more hairs, then kicked his chin.

"I know, but look at him! He's perfect!"

Gabriel smacked a hand to his forehead. Of COURSE he was perfect, he was a prince!

Duo wasn't paying any attention to the elf anymore. He was too busy watching that beautiful, lithe body moving in the water so gracefully. He just wanted to...

NO! NO! Bad thoughts! That was a prince, damn it! He wasn't aloud to touch a prince, especially not Prince Jasper!

Suddenly, the godly form paused and started to turn in his direction.

Gabriel kicked him, but Duo didn't need the prompting. He dunked himself and quickly retreated away from the reeds, hoping to stay under long enough for the prince to lose interest. Thankfully, he hadn't been seen.

Or so he thought.

He surfaced a few feet away and found his own amethyst eyes equal with a pair of sapphire ones. Now that the prince was facing him, he was able to see that he was a living work of art. He was handsome--no, beautiful--and his body wasn't bad either! His chest was chiseled like that of a perfect sculpture, and his perfect face was painted with such adorable confusion...he was amazing!

Duo realized that he was standing in the royal river naked with the beautiful crown prince, staring at him silently with his mouth open. He blushed and smacked his jaw shut, keeping his hand over his mouth silently. "Um..." he muttered, lamely. He brushed his bangs back out of his face, looking down at the surface of the river, sighing bashfully. "I...I'm sorry, I didn't mean to invade your privacy, but I really needed to bathe and I couldn't afford to use the public bath, and--"

The prince raised a hand, silencing him, and a handsome smile crossed his lips. "I thought you were a woman."

Duo scowled, reflexively. "Disappointed?" he asked, flatly.

"No, relieved."

He blinked. "Why?"

The prince shrugged. "I've never been seen this way by anyone, especially not a woman."

"Oh..." Duo looked away, feeling ashamed as he wrapped his arms around his torso. "I...I had better go before your guards show up and arrest me...I'm sorry." He turned to get out, but a pair of strong, large hands stroked against his hair, surprising him. He paused and held his breath.

"I--" the prince paused, sighing. "Why is your hair so long?"

"I don't want to cut it," he said. "My...my sister used to say it made me unique, before she died." He felt the back of the prince's hand stroke down his hair again and sighed. "What are you doing...?"

"I've never met anyone like you..." he breathed. "I..." He didn't finish.

Duo turned back to him again and observed the nervous look on his face. He had heard that it was tradition for the crown prince to never be touched or seen by anyone by his nursemaid until he was ten, and then he wasn't touched or seen naked at all. This was obviously very new to him. Shyly, he reached out a hand and touched the broad chest.

The prince gasped. "You aren't supposed to do that..." But he wasn't fighting it either. It seemed that even that gentle contact was enough to make him supremely happy. "Who are you...?"

"I'm Duo," he said. "I'm worthless, but I never lie, so there's a good thing on my side."

"You apparently don't know who I am."

"Sure I do. I think you're Prince Jasper."

He nodded. "I hate that name."

Duo smirked. "No offense, but I don't blame you. I mean, a jasper is red, but you're eyes are blue and the rest of you as far as I can see is gold, so it doesn't fit." He kept his hand exactly where it was, and watched as the prince took his own from the water and clutched it to his chest, sighing. He really DID like being touched, and who didn't?

"What do you suggest I do about it?"

"I'll call you Heero, then. My sister liked that name, and it fits you."

The prince smiled at him, still holding his hand, and that smile was worth a thousand years in jail. He was beautiful, and the smile made him glow. "Thank you."

"Prince Jasper!"

They both gasped and Duo dunked himself, then sat down on the riverbed again as a familiar voice rang out. Now he had a great view of the muscles of his legs, among other places. //I like this.//

"Close your eyes!" he heard Heero bark at the guard. "What do you want?!"

"Your father calls you."

Duo scowled. Now he'd have to go and he'd never see him again! //Damn it!//

Heero made him go away and Duo surfaced again, only to be embraced by the godly prince. The feeling of his bare, wet skin pressed against another's was amazing. Apparently, Heero enjoyed it too. "Ohhh...I thank you, Duo..."

"For what?"

"I just do. I wish to see you again, but I assume I cannot."

"I don't think your father would approve," he sighed. "I mean, you're a prince and I'm just a street rat. I don't think we can be around each other very often that way, considering I'm not only poor, but male too."

Heero released him and sighed, taking his hand from his side and pressing it to the spot on his chest again. "Thank you," he repeated.

Duo smiled, then took his hand back and quickly retreated, feeling awful but glad at the same time. Oh, how he wanted that guy! He was perfect, and sweet, and he liked to be touched, which was no problem with him! Too bad he was a damn prince, or he'd love him!

He got out and wrung out his hair, then wiped the water from his skin with his hands and scaled the tree, getting his dry clothes and climbing back into them. With a sigh, he headed off.

Gabriel appeared on his shoulder and he smiled, patting him on his soaked head as he set to braiding his hair again.

"What, you think that was cute or something, you little perv?"

The elf nodded, then smirked at him and made a heart with his hands. He made the crown sign again, then smacked his hand to his forehead.

Duo sighed. "Yeah, stupid me...I love a prince."

~

Heero liked his new name. Hell, almost ANYTHING beat Jasper! That, and it was from Duo.

He remembered the feel of being touched for the first time in years, and the electricity that had shot through him had been wonderful. It was a pity he had to marry a princess in order to rule his kingdom, or else he'd have dropped his crown in the dirt and left with the copper-haired, tactless young man.

He dried himself with a towel and dressed in one of his many ruby red metallic uniforms, consisting of a pair of baggy Arabian pants and a vest with pointed sleeves, then pulled on his gold boots and his crown. With a sigh, he entered the palace, passing the large, white Siberian tiger that had been his friend for so long. "Hi, Zero."

It purred and quickly followed him into the main throne room, where his father was getting ready to leave. "Did you summon me, Father?"

"No, son," the old man said, shrugging. "I believe Wufei did."

Heero rolled his eyes. The creepy Chinese advisor was the number one most annoying person in the palace, with his strange little imp and odd dark powers. His father didn't believe him when he told him that he was evil, but he knew it was true. He could just feel it. "Spectacular."

"Prince Jasper."

Zero turned and growled fiercely, stepping forward and blocking the path of the figure that had spoken.

Heero turned to see the black-cloaked Asian advisor standing a few feet away, where he hadn't been a second ago. It was rather annoying how he did that. His little fairy creature was sitting on his shoulder, wearing angel wings and smirking at. Unlike his father, who had no idea what it was, Heero knew very well that Din was a changeling, not an angel, the way the Sultan thought. "What do you want, Wufei."

"Simply to have a word with you, Your Highness," he said, reasonably. He had a way of making himself sound reasonable no matter what he said. He strode up to him, his long, golden staff in his right hand. That multi- faceted crystal sphere was glowing the way it did usually, and Heero got a bad feeling that something was wrong. "Princess Aucmeda is coming today, and I sense that you will turn her down once again. You know, if you do not marry before your eighteenth birthday, you will..." Wufei cleared his throat. "Lose your birthright to the kingdom to the most eligible Rajah or lord that lays claim to it."

"I did not need you to tell me that, Wufei, because I know. I have a month yet, and I will choose in this time, thank you."

Din stood up and transformed into a miniature pretty girl. "Maybe if you marry someone with a little KICK you won't be so bored, prince, and that Aucmeda may be snooty, but she's got curves like an hourglass!" It cackled evilly.

Zero growled at the imp and it blew a raspberry at him.

Wufei flicked the little creature and it changed back into itself again, being silent. It looked like a six-inch child usually, shrunken with cute purple eyes and brown hair that was neat and adorable. Though it seemed innocent, it was evil, just like its master. "Forgive him, Majesty. Now, as I was saying, this is not the reason I have come to speak with you. I have located a beautiful princess that I believe you would possibly get along with..." He held up his staff and the orb lit up, showing him a form of a stunning young woman with black hair and brown eyes, thin and tan with a beautiful smile and perfect body. "This is Princess Joséka, and my sources tell me that she is by far the best prospect for a queen you may have. Beautiful, kind, talented and rich."

"Thank you, but I am not interested," he said, simply, passing him. Zero followed closely, keeping an eye on Wufei. He wasn't lying; she was pretty, but not only had the advisor not mentioned her having any real intelligence quotient, he was already interested in someone. Impossible or not, his heart was taken. "I have things to attend to, so please excuse me."

~

Xhen-Phi bowed his head, then turned to the Sultan, who was readying for his trip to Egypt. He had to make sure the old man was away long enough for his plan to come into effect. "Sultan, your son is being difficult once again, and I feel it necessary that we have a defense against the inevitable, just in case he decides not to marry on time."

The old sultan turned to him and looked up. "Yes, that does seem very vital with how Jasper gets sometimes. What do you suggest, Wufei?"

"Din."

"Yessir!" The little imp quickly zoomed away, returning moments later with a scroll, which he unrolled. The winged changeling landed on his shoulder again as he inspected it. He had sprouted angel wings to look innocent.

Xhen-Phi showed it to the sultan, who looked interested, though he was half blind anyway. "I have discovered that the Ethiopian prince is looking to take our fair city from Jasper if he does not meet the deadline, and his armies far exceed our own. I believe the time has come for us to appoint a working sultan to replace yourself in the event that your son fails to marry--someone that can protect the city and even rule it if the need comes."

"Who do you suggest?"

He smirked. "Well, I have done a vast search of the surrounding princes, lords, kings, rajahs and warriors, and I have found many good candidates, but I have only found one in the general area that would be more than happy to take the job, and very capable of executing it perfectly."

"Who?"

"Myself, of course."

The sultan blinked. "But you're the sultan's advisor, and in order to be sultan, though you have the education and the power, you would have to be married and have to find a place for my son. What would he do?"

Xhen-Phi looked at Din, who snickered. "Already taken care of, my lord. I have found the woman that will carry out the role of queen perfectly, and I am prepared to help and train your son to be sultan while in the position myself. All I need is your signature..." he showed him the scroll. "Here."

"Well..."

He lifted the staff and it turned red, and the sultan nodded, pulling a pen.

"Of course...Wufei...In the event that my son does not marry by his eighteenth birthday, you will become acting sultan on his behalf...and if he lives another year without marrying, you will retain the position...permanently."

"I thank you for your trust, Sultan," he said with a smirk, glancing at Din.

The imp immediately zoomed from the room, and moments later, the doors opened and Razul entered, looking worried. "Sultan! The caravan is here, Your Highness!"

The Sultan snapped out of the daze and quickly raced off. "Take care of everything for me, Wufei!" And with that, the old man was gone.

The moment he left, the captain of the guard shrunk and changed form and color, becoming Din again. "That was easy!" he cackled.

Xhen-Phi nodded, then ascended the steps and took a seat on the throne. "Of course it was, Din. Now all I must do is persuade this boy called Duo into getting me the lamp and I will be sultan, and the prince will be reduced to nothing but a slave."

"How you gonna convince him, Master?" the little brunette asked, his angel wings turning to batwings and his white clothes turning black. He landed on the arm of the throne.

"Simple. I will lie to him. A foolish innocent thinks with their heart, so believing a lie will only leave them innocent. The trick is creating the perfect story to tell him. Luckily, I have just the thing..."

**** ~

Duo approached the growing crowd and managed to get through to the front in time to see a giant caravan pass by. A giant canopy-covered throne was being carried by four brazen men with ripped chests and rippling muscles, and the woman inside was dressed in a tight, purple belly-dancer's outfit with jewels glittering from every limb she had. Ahead there were beautiful white horses carting a large cart of jewels and gold, and personally, Duo found the servants carrying her more attractive than she.

"Princess Aucmeda," one man said, softly.

"I hear she's come to try and win Prince Jasper again. Allah save him if he accepts."

Duo raised an eyebrow. "Looks like a priss to me." Gabriel, who was perched on his shoulder, nodded his agreement.

Suddenly, a fuzzy snake on feet ran past squealing and Duo recognized it as a ferret, a foreign creature. It zipped through the crowd and rushed out in front of the men, and was followed closely by a little boy in rags with pale hair...

Duo gasped. //It's that kid! Where's his sister?!//

She appeared seconds later, running after him. "Stop! Come back!" she cried. They all rushed out in front of the large servants, who jumped and stopped all at once to avoid hurting them, in turn dumping the princess right into the sand.

The crowd laughed, but Duo was too busy watching the kids to do the same. He watched as the angry princess climbed to her feet.

The little red-haired girl grabbed her brother and held him tightly, trying to keep him still as the purple-clad bitch marched up to them, steam almost literally coming out of her ears. Both of the children looked terrified.

"You little brats!" she exclaimed, snatching a whip from her mobile stage and hauling it back. "I'll teach YOU to embarrass ME, you filthy little urchins!"

Duo gasped and shoved out of the crowd, putting himself between the quivering kids and the whip. He let it wrap around his arm with a smack that hurt and held it tightly, then yanked it from her hands. "Who are you to pick on a couple of helpless children?!"

"How DARE you! Do you KNOW who I am?!"

Duo scowled at her, then tossed the coiled whip back into her face. "I frankly don't care. Even if you were Allah Himself, you have NO right to hurt these children!"

She growled and snapped and one of her servants grabbed him by his neck, lifting him off the ground as the other three put her back on her throne. "Worthless street rat!" she hissed. "I may do what I wish, because my wealth is my power, and no matter what, unlike me, you will forever be POWERLESS. You were born a street rat, and you will die a street rat, and only your FLEAS will mourn you!" She cackled evilly as the servant threw him into the mud, making him groan. The princess and her crew continued forward. "Stay down in the muck where you belong, riffraff."

He growled. "I may be riffraff, but at least I can fight my own battles and at least I have a heart, you horrible BITCH!"

She scowled and he gasped as her whip cracked against his bare chest, marking it painfully. "Worthless dog! Continue on, men! To the palace, and my future husband!"

Duo watched as she and her crew of servants marched off and grunted as he sat up, his chest hurting awfully. "Bitch," he muttered. If she married Heero, he would kill himself. What a dirty slut.

The children ran to him and the girl whom he had named Vita hugged him. "Oh, you saved us again!" she exclaimed. "You're so wonderful!"

"Too bad everybody else thinks I'm slime," he muttered.

Gabriel appeared again holding up a purple strip of something and smiling brightly...

Her panties! He had her panties! HA! He'd forgotten about that aspect of his elf's abilities. Mostly, he controlled fate and made things happen when he could, but when someone was cruel and mean, he could usually do something to get back at them, which wasn't surprising, because it was a natural law that Fate always bit you in the ass. Duo smiled, weakly, then looked down at the little boy, Roque, who was squeezing the life out of the ferret he had caught. He smiled, then hugged him too, squishing the little creature to his injured chest with him. What a cute pair of children. "Thanks, kids."

"No, thank YOU," Vita said.

Gabriel jumped onto Roque's shoulder and healed the bleeding welt with a touch (that was an average elf talent), then smiled up at him. Apparently, he was proud of him too.

Duo got up and dusted himself off, scooping the sprite into his hands. "You kids get outta here before she comes back to bitch at you some more."

Vita nodded and grabbed her brother's hand, then smiled. "Thank you again, sir. We owe you so much." They quickly scampered off.

Duo sighed, then held his stomach as it growled. "C'mon Gabe. Let's get home." //And I just bathed today, too...// he thought, looking at his ruined clothes. He sighed, then lowered his eyes and marched off toward the old abandoned apartment.

****

"Gabriel, we're going to starve," he muttered as his stomach roared again. "We're going to starve, and we're going to die."

The elf sighed, shrugging. He couldn't steal directly for some reason, because his powers didn't let him, and that meant that unless Duo stole the food, they would indeed starve and die. The little elf climbed to his shoulder and held his stomach, whimpering.

Duo sighed too. "I know, I know...but I can't manage to get anything if my stomach won't stop growling every ten--" he paused as it happened again. "...seconds."

A knock came on the door and he jumped up instantly, surprised. Who would come to see him? Curious, he cracked his knuckles, then opened the door and looked out. No one. It figured, but there was a note. He grabbed it and read it to himself, slowly because he barely knew how:

I AM IN DESPERATE NEED OF YOUR HELP. MY FAMILY IS POOR AND MY FATHER IS DYING OF A MALADY ONLY CURABLE BY A SPECIAL OIL MADE BY MYSTICS. I HAVE LOCATED A SUPPLY GREAT ENOUGH TO SAVE MY AILING FATHER, BUT CANNOT REACH IT, FOR IT IS LOCKED BEHIND AN ENCHANTED DOOR THAT CAN ONLY BE OPENED BY A STRONG, GOOD MAN. BEING THAT I AM BUT A WEAK GIRL, I CANNOT REACH THE OIL, BUT I HAVE BEEN TOLD THAT YOU ARE CHARITABLE AND I BESEECH YOUR ASSISTANCE. I PROMISE YOU, THE PAYMENT FOR YOUR TROUBLE IS FAR BEYOND YOUR WILDEST DREAMS. I AWAIT YOUR HELP, AND IF YOU WISH TO ASSIST ME, YOU CAN FIND ME TONIGHT AT THE CITY WELL. SIGNED, A NEEDY YOUNG WOMAN.

Duo blinked. A needy woman...and her father is dying...

He remembered when Helen had died and how he had wanted to help her, though there was no cure for her malady. He felt a need to help her, reward or not. That, and a reward would buy them both food, and maybe even suitable clothing. He nodded, then showed the note to Gabriel. "What do you think?"

He nodded instantly. He was a good elf.

"Then we'll do it."

****

Duo shuddered against the cold wind and clutched his moth-eaten old cloak closer to his skin, wishing he had kept that robe he had borrowed. Gabriel was clinging to his chest within the cloak, shaking. It was so cold tonight!

They reached the well and were met with a lovely young woman in a black cloak holding a basket. She was very pretty, with long black hair and brown eyes, but she looked very sad and ravaged by her grief. She greeted them warmly and offered him her cloak.

"No, no," he said, quickly. "I'm used to this. It's fine."

"As I said in my letter, I need your help," she said, softly. "Come with me." She turned and headed off into the open desert, surprising him.

"The cave's out there?"

"Of course. Please, come with me so I can explain. I am Joséka, and as you know, my father is very ill and can only be cured by a special healing oil locked within a cave called the Cave of Wonders. It is called this because there is said to be the ransoms of ten sultans buried within it, but at the heart of the cave is a golden lamp filled with the blessed oil, and I need it so my father may live."

Duo nodded. "You said it needs to be opened by a man? Why not a brother or friend?"

"It has to be a brave, daring young man with a pure heart, and no man I know has all of those traits, but a pair of children calling themselves Vita and Roque told me of you, saying that you were both and more."

He smiled. Those orphan kids had kept the names he'd given them. "Well, I'll do anything I can to help...but I'm not gonna be much help. I haven't eaten since early this morning, and that was maybe a bite of bread at most."

She handed him the basket. "I had a feeling you were going to been hungry, so I managed to scrape this together."

"Oh, no," he said, handing it back. "I can't take it from you. I mean, you have a family, and I just have me and my elf." He pulled Gabriel out for her to see.

She blinked. "Oh, he's starved! Go ahead, we have enough food, but that oil is all I need right now. You can have the food, and as much of the treasure as you like, as long as you get me that oil for my father."

"No prob," he said, reaching into the basket. He pulled out some bread and handed it to Gabriel, who inhaled it, then pulled out a chicken leg and grinned. //Job or no, food is food!// "But how do you know I can get in to this special cave?"

"I have a feeling."

In due course, they arrived at a large dune of sand and she paused, then walked up to it and started moving the sand aside, surprising him.

"Wha'cha doin'?"

"This is the entrance to the cave," she said. She uncovered a doorway within seconds, then moved aside. "Here is the door you must open."

Duo inspected it. It was a sandstone door, so pale that it was almost invisible against the sand. It was engraved with ancient Arab hieroglyphics encircling a large black pentacle with a handprint in the center. It didn't look too promising. "What do I do?"

"Put your hand there and it will open," Joséka said, pointing to the handprint. "You must first get me the lamp, and then you can take all you want of the treasure."

He nodded, then put his right hand in the impression indicated and felt a warm sensation thrill along his spine as the pentacle lit up. The door disappeared.

"Excellent!" she exclaimed, clapping. "Please, hurry and get the lamp! I fear my father may not last much longer!"

Duo nodded, then slowly stepped into the stairwell leading downward into the darkness. The well was illuminated by a dim green glow, emanating from the very stone walls of it. As he descended downward, he realized that this was the case throughout. He reached the bottom step and froze, his mouth falling open.

He was in a chamber, seven feet high by twenty wide and forty long, with a wide, glowing silver path leading right down the center. To either side of the path was a glittering creek of silvery water, and growing up from it were bushes of beautiful flowers and trees bearing great fruits of all types...made of jewels.

His eyes popped and he quickly zipped to the edge of the large path, inspecting a large, plump orange that hung from a branch within his reach. It was made from a large orange garnet, and the leaves were jade. Nearby was an apple tree with ruby apples, and near that was a blueberry bush with diamond thorns, sapphire blueberries and emerald vines. It was amazing.

"Just one of these would make us rich, Gabe..."

The elf shook his head, then floated out, catching Duo's hand before he could touch a golden banana. He shook his head violently, lipping "NO!"

"Okay, okay, I get the girl her lamp first, okay?"

The elf nodded and floated back onto his shoulder and he continued forth. His eyes darted over bunches of opal grapes, rose-quartz roses, platinum peaches and watermelon patches made completely from emerald and big enough to weigh at least one hundred pounds each. He resisted the urge to snatch everything in sight and continued on to the other end of the chamber, where a pair of jeweled curtains blocked the path.

He brushed them aside and entered another stone chamber, resembling the first in all respects except for the creeks and plants, which were not there. Instead, there were suits of bronze armor, weapons fit for any king and a sultan's ransom in golden coins lining the walls, stacked up to the roof so that it seemed the very walls were made of thin pillars of gold. The path in this chamber was gold, like everything else, but it was brighter than the rest, marking his path. It was slightly thinner than the last, but still very wide. He had a feeling that these paths were here for a reason, so he stayed on it, though he was sorely tempted.

He reached a curtain made of solid golden coins strung in chains and walked through, entering yet another amazing chamber. This one was decked with beautiful types of cloth, silk and satin from all parts of the world, carpets, dresses, uniforms that would put the wardrobe of a royal to shame. Tapestries depicting gory battles, beautiful weddings, fabulous scenes that were so real one would think they could walk into it. The path in this room was copper and wound around the many beautiful hand-made cloths, and though Duo was no fashion critic, the stuff was just as tempting as the golden weapons and jeweled fruit to him. The path here was thinner still, maybe one third as thick as the room was wide.

He came to colorful curtains that he found to be so soft that he actually didn't want to let go as he passed through them into the next temptation. This one was a chamber of silver vases and pictures, goblets decked with diamonds and crowds that would make any princess faint with desire of it. At the center of it all was a great fountain, and geysering from it was the a shining liquid that drew the attention of both he and his elf. Each drop shone like it were made up of billions of microscopic diamonds, and tumbled down into the main basin, which was slowly draining off into the floor and out tiny channels that snaked there way through it. Engraved on the side were the words Fountain of Immortality.

"Wow..." he whispered, staring. Slowly, he looked down at the floor and noted that the white path was thinner than the others and circled the fountain on both sides, allowing the traveler to touch and even drink the elixir of eternal life. Though this had to have been the number-one most sought-after object, and it was right within his reach, something told him that this was not a good thing to come into contact with.

Gabriel yanked his hair, then pointed to the silver-curtained doorway at the other end.

"Maybe we should just get some of that immortality stuff for her father and leave..." he muttered to himself. No, that didn't sound right. He continued on past the silver wares and fountain, then parted the curtains and had to close his eyes in order to keep from going blind.

This chamber was made completely of gold, with a diamond podium standing at the center issuing a beam of blinding white light up to the ceiling, encasing an object seated there. It was atop a circular altar, calling to him, and this was the final chamber.

Duo looked at Gabriel, who nodded, then ventured forward, following the glowing white path that led up to the podium. He stepped up to it and reached into the light, finding it to be warm and relaxing. His hands passed over something smooth and cool and he grasped it, then drew it out and inspected it.

It was just an old lamp! After all of those treasures and temptation that all led here, it was a rusted oil lamp!

"That's it?!" he exclaimed.

Gabriel nodded to him and pointed back toward the door. Apparently, his elf senses were warning him of something wrong, so he listened.

Duo turned back and passed from the golden chamber, then passed through the silver, cloth, weapon and jewel fruit ones and got to the top of the stairs, where Joséka was awaiting him, wrapped in her cloak and grinning. "This is what I found. Is this want you wanted?"

She nodded, putting out her hands. "Give it to me."

He shrugged, holding it out. "Go ahead and take it; good luck with your father."

"No, hand it to me, please."

Something nagged at him from inside and he held it firm, pausing to wonder. A chamber of jeweled plants, a chamber of golden armor, a chamber of great fabrics and a chamber of silver with the fountain of immortality all lead up to a rusted old lamp with medicine in it? That didn't sound too right. This thing had to be important, and yet, she wouldn't take it from him. He had to PUT it in HER hands. Why? "No," he said, finally. "TAKE it from me."

"Please," she said, softly. "You must hand it to me so that I may accept it and give it to my father."

He sighed. Well, she needed it for her father, so... "Okay, fine." He set it in her hands.

She clasped it in her palms for a moment, grinning widely, then looked at him. "My father thanks you. Oh fa~ther!"

A man appeared from the darkness nearby, wrapped in a dark cloak with his head down, then took the lamp from Joséka and removed his hood. He was Asian and looked rather dark, and something in Duo's mind cursed him for handing the worthless lamp over. Something told him that he had made a grave error. "I thank you, Duo," he said. He produced a staff with a faceted, shining jewel mounted atop it and pointed it past Duo into the stairwell.

A ruby apple appeared from the darkness and hovered before him, making him blink.

"Here is your reward." The man waved the staff and the apple landed in Duo's open hands. "Thank you again." With that, he hauled the golden rod back and with a painful thunk, the brunette was falling down the stairs.

He hit the floor in the center of the silver path and he gasped as the chamber began to shudder with an awful roar. //Oh SHIT, I fell for that!//

As everything went dark, all he could do was curse himself.

~

Xhen-Phi held the lamp up and laughed aloud. "Foolish boy," he cackled. "He takes the fall and I have the lamp!"

Joséka laughed too, then shrunk and turned back into Din. "What a sucker! He fell right into it! HA!"

The dark sorcerer inspected the silver lamp as the cave entrance sealed over and crumbled, leaving nothing but sand in its wake, then at Din, who was laughing his head off. "It was all too easy, and now I have the power."

Then, Din paused and looked at it. "Wait...I thought the lamp was bronze."

Xhen-Phi did a double take, then gasped and checked it over. The mark of the jinn was not there, and there was no rust, which meant that... "No..." He threw the chunk of silver pottage to the ground, then looked at Din, who was staring. "That BRAT brought the wrong lamp!"

"But it was bronze when he gave it to me, Master!" Din exclaimed. "I coulda sworn by it, no joke!"

Xhen-Phi growled. "Grrr...no matter." He threw his cloak out behind him, angry beyond words or shouting. "The sultan will return and I will kill him, and the kingdom will be mine. I have enough power now..." He paused, then pointed his staff at the silver lamp. It melted. "DAMN IT! I WANT THAT LAMP!"

"But the cave's been destroyed, Master...it's too late, isn't it?"

He growled. "Yes." He turned and spun his staff, and a swirling black portal appeared in the air. "Come, Din. At least that's one less street rat to worry about." He stepped into it and Din quickly followed, and they were gone.

**** ~

Duo awoke crunched into a ball beneath a shelter of rubble that had coincidentally fallen at the right angle to protect him from the falling debris without crushing him.

Coincidence? Gabriel, of course.

That woke him up completely. Where WAS Gabriel? "Gabe?" he called, softly. The elf didn't appear. He gasped, then stood in his shelter and shoved upward with all his might, forcing the rubble off of him. He climbed free and rushed through the chamber, seeing the broken trees and fallen fruit everywhere, but no sign of his elven friend. "Gabriel!" he called.

Still no response, and he was getting pretty worried. That little guy had saved his life by using his powers, but where WAS he?

A soft cough caught his attention and he traced it to a pile of jeweled apples that had fallen nearby. Under it was Gabriel, scared but not visibly harmed. With him was the lamp. "Gabe," Duo whispered. "You saved me...you idiot, what in hell were you thinking?"

"That I...save...my friend," he whispered. So he COULD talk! He probably didn't know much English though, because he spoke with an odd accent. Latin, it seemed.

"Bastard elf," he muttered, picking up the lamp. "How did you get this piece of junk back?"

"Magic..."

"I thought you couldn't steal things with your magic!"

He sighed, holding his little ribs. "Not hers...yours...you earn, so I take back."

Duo blinked. "You mean you can take things if they don't belong to the person you take them from?"

He shrugged and sighed, shuddering in the brunette's hands. He looked awfully tired, probably from stressing all of his powers at once.

OH! That was sort of like how he had taken Aucmeda's panties after she had hurt him! It was wrong for Joséka to have it, so Gabriel had taken it! "Poor Gabe..." he whispered. He set him in his pocket, then quickly went to the cloth chamber. "Guess it don't matter now that the trap's sprung. You knew, huh, Gabe?"

"Yes," the elf muttered from his pocket. "Felt it...could not say. Tried, but not know words."

"How come you talk now, then?" He felt him shrug from within his pants pocket and sighed, then started picking through the remains of the beautiful cloth outfits. He actually found one in Gabriel's size, so he slipped it into the pocket with him. "Here, your rags are nasty, so you change." He could suddenly feel movement in his pocket and he nodded, then found a vest like his without the patches and some pants to match. As soon as Gabriel was done changing, he changed too, so his injuries, few as they were, wouldn't get infected by the dirt on his outfit.

"Trapped," Gabriel said, finally, as he was placed in the new, clean pocket of Duo's pants. "Apple set off trap."

The apple. Duo sighed, remembering how he had been warned by his elf advisor to not touch, and that sorcerer whoever he was had known that it would set off the trap, which is why he had put it in Duo's hand and knocked him back inside.

That reminded him. He looked at the rusty lamp, then inspected it. There was a rust-covered symbol on the side of it, but he couldn't make it out. Whatever it was, it had to be important, because that sorcerer had tried to kill them for it. It had been pretty well guarded by that system! He took a spare piece of cloth a rubbed at the symbol, trying to make it out.

Suddenly, it started to shake, and colorful sparks started shooting from the spout, surprising him.

"Set down!" Gabriel exclaimed, pointing to the lamp. "Set down NOW!"

Duo dropped it and backed up as a mass of colorful smoke shot out, filling the room and making it impossible to see. "What's going on, Gabriel?"

"Magic!"

Indeed!

When the smoke cleaned, two glowing forms stood before him, one smaller than the other. As the room slowly regained its magical glow, they both became visible. It was a pair of men, both dressed in Arab attire--the customary vest and baggy pants--with golden shoes, shackles on their wrists and chain earrings on their left ears. The smaller of the two was pale with a thin, lithe form and soft, pale gold hair, wearing a blue suit, while the taller was well toned and tan with spiky copper hair and a green suit. Both had black parallel lines tattooed under both eyes with triangle shapes in them, making zigzag designs that were both odd and intriguing, and each had a silver dot on their left temple. The two were staring around, looking mildly surprised.

The one in green stretched his arms above his head and yawned, then bent over backward and cracked his back. "Finally," he said. "That cramped space was becoming unbearable!"

"We're out!" the little one in blue exclaimed, jumping up and down elastically. "We're actually out, Gin! Can you believe it?"

"Of COURSE we're out. It wasn't like we were going to stay in there forever!"

"But we were buried so deep in the ground!"

"Very true, Gene."

Gabriel and Duo exchanged glances. "Who?" the elf asked. "Who they?"

Both men looked at them and the taller smirked while the younger beamed brightly, breaking the darkness. "Look Gene," the one in green said to the one in blue. "I believe they freed us."

"Yes, Gin, definitely!" The one in blue knelt in front of Duo and grasped his hands. "Thank you so much! It was so uncomfortable in there!"

He blinked. "Uh. Sure?"

The one in green sighed, shaking his head. "Gene, he has no idea what he's done."

"Oh?" Gene looked at him, smiling. "You don't, Master?"

Duo did a double take. "MASTER?"

"Of course! You freed us, so we owe you three wishes!"

He paused, then looked at Gabriel, who gasped. "Genie!" he exclaimed.

Duo blinked. "You two are GENIES?!"

The taller nodded. "Technically, but the proper term is jinn. I am Gin, and that is Gene."

"Hello!" he said, beaming. He was hyper, and it was scary!

"What's a gin? Isn't that your name?"

Gin smacked a hand to his forehead and Gene laughed good-naturedly. "Let me explain," the blonde said, softly. He pointed to the silver freckle on his left temple. "This is the mark of the jinn, what you call genies. We are here because you released us from our lamp, and in turn, we own you three wishes."

"What, each?"

"No, together. Our powers are one."

"Oh." Duo blinked. "So...you two owe me three wishes for rubbing that lamp?"

Gin nodded, fiddling idly with his earring. "Yes, that about sums it up."

Duo grinned. "WOW!"

Gabriel started jumping up and down. "Wait! Trapped! What good?"

Gin and Gene exchanged glances, a scowl crossing Gin's face. "What good?" he hissed. "We're JINN, you annoying little sprite!"

"Elf," Duo said, flatly. "Sprites are hyper, colorful and smaller with wings. Gabriel is an elf, because he helps, but what he's saying is, gin or not--"

"Jinn," Gene corrected. "Pronounced half like gin and half like zin. Jinn."

"Sorry. JINN or not, what good are wishes that do nothing but give us things when we're trapped in a place with stuff anyway."

Gin growled and clenched his hands into fists at his sides. Gene smiled at him. "Easy now, EASY." The blonde jinn smiled and kissed him on the cheek.

Duo blinked. //OH! So THAT'S it.//

"WHY is it that people don't get it, Gene? Explain that to me!"

"Gin, relax." He turned to Duo. "You see, within reason, jinn--or genies if it makes you feel better--are all-powerful beings. We can do anything from turn a person into a bunny to make the continents turn purple and grass grow from the sky. We have some limitations, and that's only because of the technical, social and emotional problems that granting those wishes could cause, but other than that, we can do ANYTHING."

"Anything but get me and Gabe outta here."

Gin growled and Gene sighed. "And just what makes you think we can't?" Gin asked, flatly.

"Easy, Gin, calm down."

"You couldn't even get outta that rusty old oil lamp, let alone this place," Duo retorted, smirking. He knew very well that the cockier of the two was likely to blast them out free of charge if he made him mad enough. He may have been uneducated, but he wasn't stupid; jinn could literally do anything within reason, and getting a boy and an elf out of an underground chamber was as easy as blowing one's nose to them!

"That was different! Those lamps are spelled by the all-high jinn to keep us in, but nothing else can do that, excluding an enchanted bottle! Blowing this place would be cake!"

"Prove it."

"Gin..." Gene said, softly. "Honey, please..."

"Hush!" Gin snapped. He took Gene's bangled hand and held it up. "You want out, kid? Fine. Hold on to your sprite!"

"Elf!" Gabriel and Duo chimed.

"Whatever." With a flash, the chamber around them seemed to melt away, becoming the deep desert.

Duo blinked, then stood up and looked at his elf, who was staring around, grinning. "Cool!"

"Cool indeed," Gin muttered, folding his arms. "Foolish mortal, the jinn can do anything, and now you know, at the cost of one wish."

Gabriel smirked. "No, still three wish."

Gene smacked a hand over his own mouth, gasping. "Oh my."

"WHAT did you say, sprite?" Gin hissed.

"Elf," Gabriel spat. "And three wish still. You did on own out of anger. Duo not wish free, genie did on own."

Gin's eyes widened and he jumped. "I can't believe it!"

Duo burst out laughing as Gene grabbed his friend, preventing him from jumping at the elf, who joined the braided orphan. "You did it yourself, man! I didn't actually WISH to get out of that place, you did THAT on your own!"

"You tricked me, you little--"

"Gin!" Gene exclaimed, covering his mouth. "Please, don't do this now. Just let it go." He glanced back over his shoulder at Duo, who had quickly regained his composure. "Master, no more of that, please. I agree to let it go if you don't rub it in."

"No problem," Duo said, smiling and standing up. "I just wanted to see if you two were what you said. I won't try to con any more wishes outta you, I promise."

"He call me sprite," Gabriel hissed, pointing at Gin. The green-clad jinn scowled. "Tell him I elf."

"I'll try to help remind him," Gene said, quickly. He gave Gin a severe look, then released his mouth and turned back to Duo. "Well, if we are to be out in the desert, we may as well have shelter. It's been a while, but I think I can still do it..." He knelt and touched the sand below him, then nodded.

Suddenly, a blanket of green spread across the bare sand, and several palm trees shot up from it. In moments, Duo was sitting right in the center of an oasis, right next to a small pond of cool, clear water, with green grass and plants all around him. He blinked. "Wow..."

"Much better. I never liked sand." Gene beamed. He was a sweet young man. Feminine, true, but very sweet. He didn't look any older than sixteen, though the jinn were said to live millions of years without aging. His partner looked at least twenty-five, but that too was irrelevant. They both could have been as old as time itself.

Gin scoffed and folded his legs, staying afloat cross-legged as if he were seated in an invisible chair, then stretched his arms above his head and pulled Gene down into his lap, surprising him. He enclosed the smaller genie in his arms, then gestured and a large, puffy, red pillow appeared beneath Duo. "Might as well get down to it, then," he said. "The ground rules, and pay close attention because I won't repeat them."

Duo got comfortable on the pillow, then set Gabriel on the edge and let him get comfortable. "Okay."

"Rule number one: the jinn cannot kill. We are capable of crippling, injuring and stunning, but murder is exempt from our abilities."

"The jinn are generally pure," Gene said. "All of our rules are set so we don't disturb the natural order of things to a very great extent. Blessings of gifts, wealth or power are fine, because they are outside the main rules- -loopholes, really--but killing can affect a great many people. For instance, killing a father. The man's wife and children would suffer, as would his friends, and they could die of grief as well. Then their relatives and friends might do the same. That creates an endless ring of death, and we can't have that, because we are supposed to help, not hurt."

Duo nodded. "Well, why can't you just sorta bring back the people that the wish impacts?"

Gin shook his head, his earring jingling. "That leads to rule two: the jinn cannot resurrect the dead."

"Why?"

Gene smiled, tolerantly. "Think of it this way. Let us say a child wishes for her mother to be brought back, though she is already a few months dead. Not only would her body be half decomposed, making her a zombie, but she may be unhappy with being dragged from the afterlife. Also, after death, the soul is well gone and the mother would not be the same, and all of that doesn't even begin to explain the problems that would arise were she seen by friends that knew she was dead. That would terrify people, cause pandemonium, and so forth. Things would not be pretty."

Duo sighed. Well, scratch the idea of bringing Helen back. Ah, well. "I get that much."

"Rule three," Gin continued. "The jinn cannot force any human being to fall in love with any other."

Damn! That was another one gone! So much for Heero being his! "Explain before I start getting pissed."

Gene once again offered an answer. "Once again, it has to do with the group affect, but it also has to do with the natural order. Think of a woman that loves a man meant for someone else and wishes that he loved her. He might worship her after that, but the other woman would be heart-broken and his love would be false, because real love is determined by the Creator, not the creations."

"Couldn't the other woman find another?"

This time, Gin answered. "No. Every person is born with a soul mate, the one person meant for them, and true love cannot be obtained without both soul mates being together. If the first woman stole the man meant for the second, not only would she never find her own soul mate, but the second woman would be forever alone without true love, and that would be unfair to both she and her male love."

Duo sighed, nodding. "Oh...any more rules?"

Both shook their heads. "That's all. Anything else is manageable to some extent."

"Any questions?"

Duo shook his head. "Not really, but I can't think of anything to wish for."

The jinn both shrugged and Gene sighed, leaning back against Gin's broad chest. "I think I'll nap, then. Wake me if you figure one out."

"No problem." Duo paused to consider a wish. Riches would be great, but what good would that do him if he was alone. He couldn't wish for his sister, or that Heero loved him, so what was there to wish for? He was fine being poor, but without either Helen or Heero, he was going to be unhappy.

So, he sat on the pillow and thought, and thought...and thought some more. He didn't even notice as his elf fell off the pillow and began to snore, or that the genies were still waiting, but in what seemed like no time at all, the sun was rising.

As the light of the new morning reached his weary eyes, he realized that he had spent his entire night thinking about what to wish for. Now, Gabriel was sleeping in the grass and the jinn were together on the bank of the river, Gene sleeping with his head on Gin's thigh. The taller entity was working on something made of wood with a knife, looking only partially interested.

Duo had come up with his wish, but phrasing it was the main problem. One wrong word and it could all be ruined, as he understood, because the jinn liked to trick their masters and took the phrasing of a wish very seriously. For instance, if one wished for immortality and power, the jinn would turn the master into a genie and take their place as a human. Some were sneaky and did it on purpose, but most of them took everything seriously.

He paused as he watched Gin working on his little gadget made of wood, observing the dull look on his face that he had worn through the entire time since he had been freed. Why was he always so upset?

Since he was still thinking, he decided to make peace with the jinn, in hopes of lessening his chance of being turned into a pig at a bad wish. From where he was sitting, it seemed a better idea to be friends with an all-powerful than enemies, because an entity that could maim people was better on his side than that of an adversary.

He got up and stretched, working the kinks out of his shoulders and legs, then approached him. He was carving what looked like a flute from wood, but it didn't have holes in it. Instead, it had buttons atop it and many strange parts that didn't look very reasonable. "Hi," Duo offered softly.

Gin looked up at him momentarily before going back to his whittling. He was apparently very uninterested in the brunette boy as a person.

Slowly, Duo sat down in front of him, glancing momentarily at Gene, who was fast asleep. He was a cute guy. "What's that?" he asked, pointing at the object he was making.

"A flute," Gin said, shortly.

"I thought a flute had holes in it. What are those?"

"Buttons. They will make these in the future in place of pipes, and they'll be made of steel and silver."

Duo raised an eyebrow. THAT was strange. Ah, well. "You sure? It looks like it won't work."

Gin rolled his eyes and stuck the knife in the ground, then put the single hole in the reed to his lips. His fingers touched the buttons and Duo was amazed when a very beautiful tone issued from it. Slowly, the jinn played a soft song, and Gene nuzzled his leg as he did, smiling. He finished it quickly, then lowered it and went back to carving at it.

"Wow...that's cool."

"Thank you."

Duo eyed Gene, who was possessively clutching the copper-haired entity's leg and snuggling into it cutely. He smiled. "So...you two are close?" Gin nodded. "How so?"

"Lovers."

"Ah. I thought men didn't love men."

Gin's jade eyes locked on him, scalding him, then turned back to his work again. "Jinn do as they please, and if you don't like it--"

"Oh, no! It's not like that!" he said, quickly, raising his hands. "I...I think you two fit pretty well. I mean, I've just never seen a pair of men together like you two are."

Gin set his flute down and stroked the blonde's pale locks, making him sigh and clutch tighter to his legs. "You won't see it many places, because it is rare as of now. In the future it will be more incessant a sight and occurrence."

"Oh...how did you meet?"

"That's personal."

Duo quickly put up his hands in the 'I surrender' pose. "Okay, okay, don't be so grouchy!" Gin rolled his eyes and went back to his work, and the braided boy once again noticed that the look frequented his handsome face a good amount of the time. "Why are you always frowning that way?"

"Why should I smile?" he countered, flatly.

Duo shrugged. "HE smiles." He pointed to Gene.

"He's optimistic, and he's entitled to that, but I have a more realistic look on our situation."

"Realistic? You're a grouch. You should try smiling."

"I don't find a reason." Gin's tone told him that the matter was closed.

"WHY NOT?" Duo asked, refusing to let it go. "I mean, you don't have anything to worry about! You'll never get sick, never starve, never get old and wrinkly, and never die. You've got power, looks, HIM. What HAVEN'T you got?"

"Freedom."

Duo blinked. "You're not free?"

Gin pointed at the lamp, which was still clutched in his hands. "Gene and I are bound to that thing for eternity until freed by a master, and you can guess how often that's happened."

He nodded. "Well...at least you haven't got to be alone."

"Fine then, if not freedom, then humanity. Mortality is what I lack, and that is what I want. Unlike you mortals who can find a lamp and get what you want, I am locked in an eternity of servitude to a bunch of selfish mortals that only think of themselves."

Duo sighed. No wonder he was always so sad. He would be too! "Gin..."

"What."

"...if you were me, what would you wish for?"

He looked rather surprised, but the look was only momentary. That blank expression locked into place again seconds later. "I am not, so what does it matter."

"No, really," Duo said, quickly. "I want to know. If you had three wishes, what would you wish for?"

Gin set the flute and knife down again, pausing. "I've never been asked that before."

"Well, think about it."

He shrugged. "If not my and Gene's freedom, I'd wish...I could feel."

Duo blinked. "You don't feel?"

"The jinn have no need of sensation, or pleasure. Hearts we have, souls most of us lack, but the sense of touch is dulled and pleasure is lacking."

"Oh..." Now Duo felt worse.

"But," Gin sighed. "No use in your worrying over my problems." For once, he looked generally upset. His eyes were cast down, locked on Gene's handsome face. He sighed again. "Allah knows, no one else ever has except him. Just make your wishes."

Duo nodded. "Well, there is this guy I like..."

Gin looked at him and Gene was awake in a blink. "WHAT?" they chimed.

"Yeah, I like a guy," he admitted, feeling his face redden.

"We can't make him love you," Gene said, groggily, stretching and leaning against Gin's shoulder. "We've explained this."

"I know, I know...but he's amazing, he really is." Duo stood up, smiling as he remembered seeing the beautiful form of the prince in the water at the river. "He's shaped like a god, and his eyes are like sapphires, and I don't mean like the stuff in that cave. Oh no, they shone like nothing I've ever seen, and his smile was enough to melt gold." He sighed, pausing and lowering his eyes. "But...he's the crown prince, and he has to marry a princess. Hell, to even have a chance, I'd have to be a woman, and a pretty one at that--" He paused and looked at the genies. Gin was smirking and Gene was snickering. "Hey, you guys didn't mention anything in the rules against changing genders, did you?"

Gin shook his head. "Perfectly legal."

"But even as a pretty girl," Gene said in a cautioning tone, "He IS a prince and you would have to be a princess. That would be two wishes down the drain, one to be a woman and one to be rich."

Duo nodded. "True...and besides, I'd need that extra wish to become a man again if he doesn't want me..." He stopped, frowning. That thought hurt. "Anyway, I don't really want to be a woman...but I want him so much...is that wrong?" He turned and looked at them. "Sure, for you jinn you can love each other and be either sex, but around here we aren't supposed to...does that make me sick?"

Gene stood up and grasped his shoulders, smiling. "No. You cannot choose who you love, simply HOW you love, and that still doesn't help. I am sure Allah understands, because He's the one that makes this happen."

Duo nodded. "But TWO wishes to be a woman and what I don't want to be..."

Suddenly, Gabriel appeared on his shoulder. "Wish princess! Wish princess!"

He scowled. "I just covered that! I don't want to be a woman!"

"NO!" Gabriel exclaimed in his ear. "Wish to SEEM like princess. That mean gold AND woman look. Not NEED be woman, just need LOOK like woman."

"Now THAT is true," Gene said, cracking a bright smile. "Your hair is long enough that all you would need is a dress to play off female, and Gin and I can create gold and jewels."

"You guys are helping me!" Duo exclaimed. Gene's smile grew into a grin. "I thought genies just wanted to grant wishes and get it over with!"

"Of COURSE I don't!" Gene exclaimed. "If anything at all, I want to help you get the one you love. I adore helping people, and the more each wish counts the better!" He turned his head and looked at Gin, who was scowling again. He apparently didn't like to bend the rules. "Oh Gin, PLEASE! Come on, for the sake of true love! YOU of all entities can understand the need of THAT!"

Gin closed his eyes for a moment and sighed deeply, then nodded and floated to his feet. "Very well. For the sake of true love, and because you asked."

Gene jumped onto the green-clad jinn and laughed, hugging him. "Finally, after all these years, we can HELP someone again! Thank you, love, thank you!"

Gin sighed and a reluctant smile passed over his lips. "Let's do it then." He cracked his knuckles and looked at Duo, then sighed. "This will take a lot of magic, Gene, you know that."

Gene smiled. "I know!" He turned to him. "Master, you are going to be the most beautiful, rich, most celebrated princess ever."

Duo blinked as he found himself being dragged to the oasis pool. "You know I only want to LOOK like a woman, right?"

"Of course, but that will mean you have to be clean."

"Uh-oh."

****End of part one