Break
One touch by her, he shivered.
He didn't need to see her in order to know she had a smile. From all those years, he still had her image in his head, engraved and marked. That gentle and soft feature everyone fell for, bowing to her existence.
"Saiga…"
Yet, she still stayed by his side…
He inhaled, feeling those soft fingertips linger on his cheek.
"You need to eat."
But she was still too far for him to do anything.
Saiga nodded, reluctantly leaving the porch. Even after two years of her return, he still felt wrong. He felt wrong the need to have her by his side, to have her near him. But, as days passed by, it wasn't enough anymore. Having her so close, it was insane for him to not give her a touch, to not caress her hair when he knew she was in deep thoughts.
"You're very quiet today, did something happen yesterday when Ryougoku came to visit you?"
The ex-photographer only gave a small smile, "No, it's nothing Kagura."
There was silence and he could tell she was thinking what to say because when it came to these moments, which were a lot, she always felt the need to figure out what was going through his head.
"What did you make today?"
He made his way to the table, already knowing the outline of his kitchen. He gave a waft of the air and could only smile when he already knew the answer.
It took a while for Kagura to respond but he could already hear the chipper in her voice, moving around to get the dish out of the oven, "I made pizza! I thought I would make an Italian dish and see how it would turn out too…but it seems like the crust got a little burnt."
"I don't smell it burnt though, so it's good."
He heard the pizza being placed on the table, already having a slice on his plate.
"Eat up! There's a lot more, I just hope we have the stomach to eat it all."
Saiga took a bite out of the slice. "You know, we could save it for later."
"I know, but I would like to get full with you and sit together on the couch until one of us falls asleep. Don't you remember? It always ended up me falling asleep?"
And it always ended up with him having the urge to kiss her soft lips, to see if it still felt the same way. To see if they were only meant for him.
"I do."
He stopped that silly game Kagura would like to play. The only thing he could do was hear her steady breath and feel her body be pressed against his chest.
At those times... it made him go crazy.
Yet, when it came to that, he always found his arms wrapping around her waist till she was flushed against him, safe and protected. Until his thoughts went wild about her and what he would like to do to her other than just to hold her.
"I miss it…"
Saiga heard Kagura whisper.
"I miss… a lot of things we have stopped doing."
The ex-photographer ignored the comment and kept on eating his slice until it was gone.
"I'm going to bed."
He stood up, leaving Kagura alone in the kitchen, knowing it was hurting him inside to leave the most precious person behind. But what could he give her? What could he have that she wanted?
Nothing.
She was still young, still alive and full of promises.
He was broken, blind and used.
Very used.
"Saiga…" A hand fell on his arm, tightening to not let go. "Why are you being so distant?"
"I'm not."
"You're… you're acting like we're strangers now."
"We're not."
"I know we're not," there was desperation in her voice, "I know, but we don't spend time together anymore. I- I just want to be here with you."
"You are."
The hold on his arm was indecisive; she would either hold on tight or loosen, like she didn't know what to do.
"I care for you."
He would break.
Break till she was gone from his house. Away from his adobe and just sit on his porch till he felt the sun go down and feel the cool breeze of the night wash over him.
She was untouchable to him.
Too perfect.
Too pure.
"I know."
She was just too beautiful, just too angelic for his dirty hands to go all over her body. To feel her pressed under him, to hear the most magical music come out of her mouth when she drove him crazy.
"I know."
Saiga repeated.
"I care for you too Kagura."
I.
I love you.
II.
"Then why do you keep on pushing me away? I don't know what happened, but you aren't smiling like you used to, you find excuses now so you won't spend time with me…"
Pause.
"Am I a nuisance to you?"
Saiga wanted to laugh, out of all things…a nuisance? No, she wasn't, she was and still is his pillar, his support and one and only trustworthy person he wanted to spend his life with.
"No, you're not."
"Then…then…" Kagura's hold was tight now; his back was still towards her and he felt her hand shake but she was trying so hard to stop it. "Why?"
"Why what?"
Why he cared for her so much? Why he wanted her so close to him? Why his thoughts always wondered towards her? Why she was so beautiful? Why did he get so lucky and damned to know her? Why was she still here with him? Why was she still keeping up with him?
Why?
So many questions unanswered…
So many, yet, very understandable.
So very simple to answer.
To break free.
To get loose.
To take what's been there all along and get greedy for once.
"Saiga…" He was turned around now. "I'm not a child anymore."
He knew, oh he knew.
III.
Break apart.
Break free.
IV.
"I'm not helpless, I'm not the stupid little girl anymore, I'm grown now. Don't you understand? I came back to prove to you that I can take care of myself and that I can take care of you. I care for you…"
V.
More than you could imagine.
VI.
He felt her fingers slowly make their way towards his forearm.
"I want to take care of you."
He felt them slowly creep their way up to his neck.
From the way she was slowly getting closer to him, it was harder for him to breathe. His brain started to fog up, his senses were getting very sensitive and he had the strong urge to take her away from the real world and take her to his.
Where it was only both of them, in pure sensation and pleasure.
"I'm not a little girl anymore."
She was truly driving him mad. He only has so much restrain until he breaks.
"You're not." Saiga hoarse voice said. "You're not a little girl anymore."
Just break.
Fly away from here.
Endure this pleasure in hell.
Just break!
CRACK.
"I love-"
Silence.
Pure silence.
VII.
Break away into sins and pleasure.
Away, from the world.
Where no man can find you and I.
Because actions speak louder than words.
VIII.
Just by a kiss.
He broke.