Prisoner's Dilemma

Chapter 1: Race for love

"I've got a question," Tigress sang quietly and tried not to giggle. "From me to you and no-one else!"

It was "Girls' night" - even though neither of the girls would ever call it that. Tigress wasn't sure what Viper called it, but she simply called it "Viper and I hang out, play silly games all night and forget about Kung Fu for a while".

And it was one of those silly games they were playing right now - a high-stakes version of "Truth or Dare". The twist was that nobody else in the Jade Palace was allowed to know about this game. Ever. This rule contributed to the fact that Dares were rare, crazy, and usually followed by horrible retaliation. Tigress twitched when she remembered how she had had to plead temporary insanity during her last Dare. And all just because Master Shifu woke up before I was done dyeing his tail pink...

"A question, eh?" Viper asked and smirked.

"The night's still young," Tigress pointed out. "So, my question..." She steepled her fingers. "What was the most depraved thing you ever did? Aside from the Dares of this game, of course."

Viper chuckled quietly. "Oh, Tigy..."

"Don't call me that!" Tigress instantly protested. "Those were childhood nicknames! I haven't called you 'Vipy' in years, either!"

"Oh, but you have!" Viper gave her a silly grin. "I should know - after all, I once spent an entire night just watching you in your sleep."

Tigress paled under her fur. "You what?"

"You talk in your sleep," Viper continued, ignoring the feline's expression. "Oh, Vipy," she then imitated Tigress's voice, "where's my ball? It's gone and-"

"Okay, okay, stop it!" Tigress hissed and shuddered. Okay, that was depraved!

"I apologize," Viper finally whispered. "I felt bad about it for a full week, too."

"Oh, really?" Tigress crossed her arms in front of her chest.

"It's true! I let you win all of our sparring matches in that time!"

"You never let me win!" Tigress snapped, but a smirk was already playing over her features again. "I earned my victories! All of them!"

"Uhuh, sure," Viper simply replied and grinned. When Tigress didn't push the issue further, the snake broke out into the game's song again: "Ohhhhh Tigy... I've got a question! From me to you and no-one else!"

Oh boy, Tigress thought and rolled her eyes. She's going to ask about my most depraved act! But I can live with that. After all, it wasn't my fault that Master Shifu didn't lock the door of the bath house the night he practiced those silly musical numbers!

"And my question is..." She gave Tigress a silly look. "What was the girliest thing you ever did?"

"I once blackmailed Master Shifu into-" Tigress froze, then blinked. "I mean... could you repeat the question, please?"

Viper gave her a very amused look, but then simply smirked. "The girliest thing you ever did, Miss 'I can crush rocks with my face'!"

"Oof." The feline fighter frowned. She almost never did girly things out of principle. In fact, if the biological evidence wasn't so overwhelming, she wouldn't even consider herself to be a girl most of the time. There just wasn't anything girly about her. Except... No! Tigress blushed lightly under her fur and stuffed the thought into a remote corner of her mind again.

"If you need more than a minute to reply, I'll get a free question, you know?" Viper nodded sagely. "It's a rule!"

"What?" Tigress blinked, and her tail twitched. "No, it's not!"

"It is now!" Viper was enjoying this far too much in Tigress's opinion. "Ten... nine..."

"Poetry!"

Viper blinked, but then smirked. "Poetry's not girly. Master Oogway wrote poems. And Crane also dishes out the occasional work - and they look awesome thanks to his calligraphy prac-"

"Love poetry," Tigress hissed under her breath and avoided the snake's eyes.

"Oh, really?" Viper whispered and grinned. "Who's the lucky guy?"

Tigress huffed. "Not part of the question!"

"Oh c'mon! I'll give let you a Dare next round, and I won't retaliate!"

A quiet sigh. "They're for... Crane."

Viper's grin vanished. "...what?"

"Crane, you know? Tall guy, large wings, long beak?" Tigress chuckled lamely. "I know, I know," she continued when Viper didn't laugh with her, "it's silly, and it'll lead nowhere, I guess."

"Damn right it's silly," the snake finally hissed.

"Oh come on, what's with-"

"DON'T," Viper snapped, making Tigress jump, "even think that it'll lead anywhere."

Tigress slowly got to her feet. Something was very wrong, but she wasn't quite certain what. "What's wrong with you? You're acting as if-" She froze. "Don't tell me you're jealous!"

Viper slowly rose until she was balancing on the tip of her tail. "Let me say this slowly and with small words so that even someone as oblivious as you understands it," she hissed quietly, her eyes turning into narrow slits. "Crane. Is. Mine."

The cat slowly clenched and unclenched her fists. Even without her slightly competitive streak, she wouldn't have accepted Viper's claim. Crane? Hers? Is she insane? She almost laughed. Almost. And she calls my dream silly? she asked herself, ignoring the fact that she had done so first. I wrote poems! Meaningful ones! Did she? Hm? Well, maybe she did, but I bet they sucked. "Really? So you and Crane are together?"

"Well..." Viper backed down a little bit. "Technically not. Yet. But once I tell him how I feel, you will be out of the picture!"

The nerve! And here I thought we were friends! Tigress gave the snake a thin-lipped smile as a plan was starting to form in her head. "You think so?" she asked quietly. "Well, your plan has a flaw."

"Flaw?" Viper's tongue flicked out, testing the air nervously.

Tigress's hand connected with the snake's jaw before the latter could even think of dodging. By the time Viper hit the ground, Tigress was already halfway out of the room. "You assume you'll get to talk to Crane first!"

Somewhere behind her, Viper cursed loudly. Tigress just rolled her eyes. The jab hadn't been strong enough to kill or knock out Viper, but she had still hoped for a bigger head start. Where is Crane right now, anyway? the running feline suddenly asked herself. And what am I going to tell him? She groaned. This is not how I wanted things to go! Stupid Viper! What is she thinking, anyway? Crane and her? Come on! "Crane?" she yelled as she ran through one of the corridors of the living quarters. "Crane, where- AGH!" Tigress hit the floor after something had made her trip badly. Before she could even get out a curse of her own, Viper had already let go of her feet and leapt past her.

The two Kung Fu Masters chased each other through the house and eventually down the stairs. The final attack - a throw that made Viper crash down the last dozen steps - led them onto the courtyard.

"Ah, there you are." Master Shifu calmly turned around to face the two fighters.

Oh, crap. Tigress automatically bowed to greet her Master even as she compiled a list of all the rules she and Viper had just broken.

"Normally, I'd just love to hear your excuses for almost killing each other, but time is not on our side, so I'll get straight to business." He pointed his staff at Crane, who was standing close to the stairs leading down to the village. Next to the bird were two small bags. "We received an urgent call for help from villagers of the Mist Valley. It appears that bandits are planning a raid in the very near future, and I'm sending you and Crane to take care of this." He was now pointing at Tigress, whose heart skipped a few beats.

"You're sending me and Crane... alone?" she asked, trying not to grin. Next to her, Viper gasped.

"Master Shifu!" the snake cried. "You can't! I mean... why her? Or maybe I could join-"

"Viper, this is not the time for needless negotiations!" Master Shifu barked angrily. "Crane and Tigress are the fastest people I can send, and they should be more than enough to handle those bandits." He faced Tigress again. "We packed a few things into a bag for you. You have to leave immediately. No time to wait till the morning."

Tigress bowed deeply and shot a winning smirk at Viper. "With pleasure, Master."

"Don't you dare," the snake hissed, giving Tigress a glare of death.

The feline grinned smugly. "Don't worry, Vipy. I won't do anything you wouldn't do." And with that, she started to jog towards the waiting bird.

"Ready to go?" Crane asked calmly and picked up his bag.

"Ready for anything." She gave him a warm smile. "Let's go."

"TIGRESS!" they heard Viper yelling after just a few steps. The cat stopped and turned around. "I HATE YOU, YOU HEAR? HOW COULD I EVER TRUST A TREACHEROUS FELINE LIKE YOU?"

"Wow, I've never seen her this angry before," Crane whispered and frowned deeply. "What happened?"

"Nothing." Tigress tried to ignore the growing feeling of despair and shook her head. Is this the price I have to pay for happiness? "Let's just go. We got a job to do."


Author's Notes:
Hey, what do you know - I'm alive! Sorry for the major update delay. I'll try to make up for it.
And before the question pops up: I'll also continue the other series, of course.
About this fic... well, Icemeerkat (on the forum, back in July or so) issued a challenge for a ViperxCranexTigress fic. And I really couldn't resist, so... here we are! I hope you will enjoy the ride, even if the pairing makes you go "Bwuh?"
Oh, and the title shouldn't be taken too literally: We won't see any prisons here (unless my characters completely run away with this fic). Instead, maybe check Wikipedia for a little bit of Game Theory insight...