Disclaimer: I do not own Dead Poets Society, otherwise I wouldn't be writing fanfiction.
Todd loves Neil to no end. Loves him so much that sometimes it terrifies Todd. Because Todd has never felt anything this positively strong and powerful, and it has gotten to to the point where Todd finds himself shying away from the very thing he should be running towards.
"What's got you quieter than normal?" Neil asks one Saturday morning when they've managed to find some time to just curl up together and relax.
"Love is scary." Todd states, bluntly, throwing Neil off.
"What?"
"I…it's just…I love you so, so much and it frightens me sometimes. I…it's hard to put into words." Todd shakes his head. "Forget about it, it's stupid."
"No, it's not stupid." Neil says. "I think we should talk about this."
"I don't think so." Todd says, leaning in to kiss Neil.
Neil moves his head back, places a hand on Todd's chest, prevents Todd's lips from touching his own. Todd pouts.
"No, we're talking about this. We can kiss all you want after you've explained what you're talking about."
"Fine." Todd agrees, but doesn't give any other indication that he's going to comply with Neil's wishes.
"So, how is love scary?" Neil prompts.
"I…I don't know how to explain it."
"Come on, Todd, you're the writer here, you've got to have some way to explain it."
Todd pauses, thinks. "It's…it's like…like I've lived with all these insecurities for so much of my life, and…and they wove themselves into a blanket that I've worn around my shoulders like a security blanket…and I…I had this security blanket of insecurities and the…the love stripped that away so I was left with nothing and it was, is, like being out in a blizzard stark naked. And that's…that's terrifying."
"Shit."
"I know. It's awful."
"No, I mean, yeah that sucks, but shit Todd, how do you come up with metaphors like that?"
"I…that's how my brain works I guess."
"You're amazing."
"And stark naked in a freak snow storm."
"No you're not." Neil smirks.
"That's how I feel Neil, I feel…."
"You feel defenseless against the whole world because our love stripped away the one thing keeping you feeling safe. And so yeah, maybe me loving you took away your metaphorical security blanket. But I'm going to give you a new one. One weaved out of every shred, every ounce of love I have for you."
"Neil." Todd whispers, tears in the corners of his eyes. "I love you so, so much."
"I know. That's what got us into this whole mess in the first place. Now, about that kiss I promised…." Neal leans in but stops. "This isn't going to scare you, is it?"
"Shut up, you fool." Todd laughs. "And kiss me."
So Neil does.