You can feel your heart beating a tattoo against the inside of your ribs, pounding so fast that it actually hurts. Without checking you know that your palms are clammier than they have ever been before. You don't quite know how she talked you into this, because it is quite possibly insane. Your sense must of taken an extended period of absence from you since she practically pounced on you with the idea that morning. She'd been all huge, dorky grin and green eyes that are impossible to say no to.
So really, what exactly were you supposed to do? You'd known as soon as she'd opened her mouth and tilted her head to the side that you wouldn't be able to resist whatever she asked you. She hadn't even spoken yet and you were putty in her hands. Which was kind of pathetic, if you really thought about it, but it's not really something you can help. If you could help it, you'd of figured out how by now. It's just become one of those things by now, accepted completely because what else is there to do?
The enthusiasm in her voice when she'd suggested the idea, paired with that sparkle in her eyes and her dorky smile had made you agree with her words before you'd even realised what she was saying. For a moment it had been worth it for the way her smile had grown far too large for her face, but then her words had caught up with you. Your blood had started pounding through your veins with a fury unmatched by anything else, and your pulse had thundered in your ears, blocking out all other noise.
You'd found yourself blushing profusely and stammering out an excuse, but she already had you hooked. And she'd known it. From your point of view, there had been no way out of it. After all, you would never take back your word, not where she was involved. Even if her eyes did sparkle with mischief and the idea of what she suggested made you blush fire truck red.
It turned out that you'd agreed to be in a video for some up and coming channel. Something to do with breaking down barriers and social constructs. The subject matter the particular video was 'kissing your best friend for the first time'. Emma had seemed so excited at the idea, so full of energy and animation, and you'd been distracted when you'd agreed to it. You couldn't help it if her lips were rather enchanting when she spoke. Even when they were stretched into her dorky smile, they were still full and delicately pink.
So you'd found yourself bodily dragged along (due to your joined hands, despite your minimal resistance) to a studio somewhere in the 'edgy' part of town. You stand in the large, white washed studio and you can't help but feel wooden and rigid. Because realistically, this is likely to be your first and last ever kiss with your best friend. You've been best friends for almost ten years, ever since the freshman year of high school, and for you this moment has been almost ten years in the making for you.
The two of you had stuck with each other through the years. Through years of awkward teen phases and firsts and boyfriends and everything else that life has thrown at the pair of you. Through growing feelings that you just don't know how to express, that you refuse to acknowledge most days. This will be a moment of culmination for you, a release for everything that has built up inside you over the past decade. For Emma, it will simply be a bonding activity, or something she wants to try for curiosity's sake. You almost wish that this moment had never arrived, at least, not like this.
Still, you suppose, it is here. You're both stood amongst a camera crew and lighting and cables and people who reek of importance. You're waiting for your cues and the pair of you feel awkward, because every one is trying so hard to seem relaxed that the whole thing seems stilted. The atmosphere isn't what you had hoped for, in fact it leaves a lot to be desired.
Although it seems sad to admit, you'd imagined this moment many times over the years. Now it's pretty much perfect in your head, and you want this moment to live up to that, especially if this is only ever going to happen once. But you know that you're not going to get that. Because there's an audience watching you avidly and hundreds of people are going to see this online and for Emma this isn't a romantic gesture. You'll settle, because of course you will, either way Emma is still Emma. And you'll still get the kiss you've wanted since you were sixteen, the one that's haunted your dreams for a very long time.
You're given your cue and the pair of you answer some generic questions. You try your hardest not to look at her, not to meet her eyes, because you think you're more nervous for this moment than you ever have been for another single thing in your entire life. It doesn't matter though, you can feel her eyes on you, flitting between your face and the camera. Never quite resting on one place.
The two of you turn to face one another, and a nervous giggle bubbles it's way up your throat. It's a noise you haven't made since high school, and you almost scowl when part of the noise escapes you. Except the look on Emma's face makes you pause in your tracks. Her smile is larger than you have ever seen it, the excitement lighting up her face is almost ethereal in all its glory.
You hear a throat being cleared from somewhere off to the side,and you remember what it is the two of you are supposed to be doing. Your face fills with heat, even more so when Emma tilts her head awkwardly towards the camera and asks "Are we supposed to be doing the thing now?" You most definitely don't take note of the entirely too adorable way that her nose scrunches up as she says this.
When she receives a nod in reply she shuffles closer to you, until you can feel the heat radiating from her body but she's not quite pressed against you. It's a feeling you revel in, because this is the closest the two of you have ever been without hugging. This feels different though, you're more nervous than should be possible. Her hands find your hips and she draws you even closer to her. You refuse to acknowledge how right it feels to be pressed against her.
One of your hands comes to rest on her shoulder, the other finds its way to the nape of her neck. The skin is soft and warm beneath your hand, and your fingers play with the blond tresses you find there. If this is actually going to happen, you're going to savour every last detail of it. Because this is a one time opportunity, it probably won't happen ever again, unless it's in your dreams. So you may as well enjoy every last second of it. Even if that is slightly dishonest of you.
You guide her head down to your level and then before you can really process what's happening her lips are pressed firmly against yours. The two of you seem to mould together perfectly from your point of view. Since sixteen you've been imagining this moment over and over again, and now it's finally happening. Emma's lips are moving against yours, and her hands are gripping your hips and pulling you more firmly against hers. She's warm against your front, and it surprises you because it feels so familiar.
Her reaction isn't what you had expected, she kisses you passionately. She goes for it in a way that , if you didn't know better, you'd say meant that she doesn't want this moment to end. Almost as much as you don't. You respond with everything that you have, because you're very much set on making this a memory you'll never be able to forget. You want to imprint every last second of this into your very being. This memory has been eight years in the making, and every second of the build up was worth it. All eight years of it.
Because this kiss is amazing and foot popping and somehow it feels real in a way that you know it shouldn't. She's kissing you for the cameras and for fun, you know that you're reading into the situation too much. She's kissing you out of curiosity, not because she's in love with you. In this case curiosity won't kill the cat, but it might just kill you. You want this moment to be real in a way that it isn't, and damn it hurts. But it's still more than worth it.
She smiles as she kisses you, and she smiles when she pulls away. A soft smile is etched into her features, not dorky and lovable like usual. It's something that looks much deeper in a way that you can not fathom. The camera crew are looking at the pair of you with looks of bewilderment, gawking in a way that makes you want to build up your walls and not let any one in. But then you look at Emma and she's still smiling at you, and you decide that this is the moment you never want to end.
Your cheeks are flaming red, so much so that you're almost certain they would be hot to the touch. The front of your clothing is crumpled from where her hands were, your shirt is no longer quite so neatly pressed. Her hair is even more flyaway than normal, but some how that just seems to make her look like even more of a princess. Some one in the camera crew clears their throat, and they ask you a question that barely registers. You reply absently and then the pair of you are told that you can go, and they thank you for your help.
Emma takes your hand, which is a familiar gesture, and you can't still feel your pulse racing in your veins. You're pretty sure that in itself is a clear sign that your palm is still clammy, but she doesn't comment. She pulls you out of the studio, onto the street, swinging your joined hands between you as she does so.
Your mind is racing faster than even your pulse and you find that you're not quite sure what's going on. Her smile is still soft and deep, and not at all as dorky as usual. The two of you walk down the street in silence, Emma humming happily under her breath. The sun streams down and her hair shines like woven gold.
It only takes a second, but your mind seems to catch up with the moment. Suddenly you find that you see everything with an almost blinding clarity. Images flicker before your eyes, out of nowhere everything seems to make complete sense. You stop in your tracks and Emma stops with you. She turns to look at you, her head tilted in that adorable way of hers, her eyes catch the light and flash a thousand shades of green. The smile on her face never once flickers as she looks down at you.
She doesn't say a word, she merely looks at you. Waiting, it seems, for you to be certain. It takes less than a second for you to decide. Using your linked hands, you pull her towards you. She stumbles, but she manages to stop herself before she crashes into you. Your hand finds the back of her neck, mirroring your actions from minutes earlier. The world seems to stop spinning for a second, everything stands still, as if awaiting your decision.
You've made your choice, and you're more sure of it than you ever have been of another single thing. You're sure of what the smiles and the touches and the looks that last forever in a moment mean. So you pull her down to your height (gently, but it's only a few inches after all) and you kiss her. There's no hesitation about it, you want her to know what this means. She responds immediately, and that's all the encouragement you need. It kind of helps, of course, that as the kiss progresses, she smiles against your lips.