Apologies to Lucasfilm; I don't own the rights to Star Wars or any of the characters. This is a non-for-profit parody.

Second of all, to all the Star Wars fans out there, I like Star Wars and Yoda a lot, hence the reason I'm writing this script, because I do enjoy poking fun at movies and characters I like :)

Luke Skywalker has just landed on Dagobah and is looking for Jedi Master Yoda.

Luke: I feel like there's something really familiar about this place. I feel like…like…

Yoda: Like what?

Luke: (turns toward Yoda and turns on his lightsaber) Like we're being watched, you creepo!

Yoda: Away with your weapon! No creepo am I.

Luke puts his lightsaber away.

Luke: (thinking to himself) Oh great. Of all the creatures I run into, this one has to be a crazy little Muppet that talks like a medieval poet.

Yoda: I am wondering, why are you here?

Luke: I'm looking for someone.

Yoda: Looking for someone? Well, found someone you have, I would say, hmmm? (chuckles)

Luke: Man, you call that a joke? I bet you couldn't even make a hyena laugh.

Yoda: If you think bad that was, then heard my worst one you haven't!

Luke: And how bad is that one?

Yoda: Knock-knock!

Luke: Who's there?

Yoda: Who who who!

Luke: Who who who who?

Yoda: I didn't know you were Tigger!

Luke: Man, that one stunk like three-week old cheese!

Yoda: Help you, I can. Yes, mmmm.

Luke: If it's help becoming a professional comedian, then I think I'll pass. But have you seen a great warrior around here anywhere?

Yoda: A great warrior? Wars not make one great.

Luke: Unless you become the greatest warrior of all time, and then you use your battle prowess to conquer the world! MWAHAHAHA—hey! That's my dinner!

Yoda is rummaging around in Luke's stuff.

Yoda: How you grow so tall, eating food of this kind? (pulls out a Big Mac combo meal)

R2-D2: Beep boop ba bop. (Translation: "Even I'd like to know…")

Luke: Listen, we didn't mean to land in this bog, and there's no way to get our ship out, so why don't you just—

Yoda: (mocking him) Aww, cannot get your ship out? Can the poor little earthling barely pick up a pencil because so weak he is?

Luke: Oh yeah? Well, at least our species doesn't look like a cross between a gremlin and a garden gnome!

Yoda: Just for that, taking your precious little lamp I am! (takes the lamp)

Luke: Hey! Give that back!

Yoda: Mine! Or I will help you not.

Luke: I don't want your help, I want my lamp back so I can get off of this slimy mudhole of a planet—

Yoda: Mudhole? Slimy? At least our planet, a hole in the ozone layer and melting polar ice caps, has not!

R2-D2 tries to take the lamp back from Yoda, which then leads to a tug of war between the two of them.

Yoda: Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine!

R2-D2: Beep bop boop beeeeeep. (Translation: "Geez, whatever happened to 'Attachment leads to jealousy, and the shadow of greed that is'?")

Luke: Oh, Artoo, just let him have it.

R2-D2 reluctantly lets go, and Yoda gives one last "Mine!"

Luke: (sighs) Could this day get any worse?

Jar Jar Binks: (jumping out from the bushes) Hiya! Mesa Jar Jar Binks! Yousa Anni's son, aintcha? Mesa gonna have great fun with yousa!

Luke: …it just got worse.

Yoda: Worry not, stay and help you I will! Find your friend, mmmm.

Luke: (totally losing it) Now lookee here, Elmo, I never asked for your help, so why don't you just go on back to Sesame Street while I go look for this Jedi who's—

Yoda: Ohhh…Yoda, you seek Yoda.

Luke: You know him?

Yoda: (nods his head) Take you to him, I will. (chuckles again, then starts on the path back to his hut)

While on the way, Yoda accidentally drops his lightsaber from his pocket.

Luke: Um…excuse me, little guy? You dropped your lightsaber…wait—lightsaber? ! You're a Jedi?

Yoda: (waving his hand) See that, you did not.

Luke: Oh please, a mind trick? Who do you think I am, a stormtrooper?

Stormtrooper: Look, here's two of the ones we've been looking for! Hands up, Jedi's!

Luke: (waving his hand) There are ants in your pants.

Stormtrooper: There are ants in my—holy crap! I've got ants in my pants! If it wasn't for this stupid metallic suit I'd be able to squish them all! Yeeeaaggghhh! (runs away screaming and jumping as the "ants" bite his legs)

The End

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