He needed a plan.
"What do the other Gods have?" Severus thought to himself.
Lucius was poised and elegant and had an air of unattainability about him that was irresistible. His hair spilled down his shoulders in a silver-blonde waterfall as he leaned on his pimp cane with infinite grace and sophistication. Draco had his bad-boy attitude; the way he'd lean casually against the wall, inviting you in with his sharp, grey eyes. And Tom Riddle (in his prime, of course) had his sharp, chiseled features and dark hair that fell casually over his eyes. And he had that enormous aura of power that drew people to him...
Severus stared critically at himself. What did he have? He could totally pull of the dark enigma: misunderstood and plagued by memories of his cruel past. Broodingly handsome. Edgy.
Except- he wasn't handsome. He tried various poses and facial angles. He decided his nose added character to his face. He could invest in a pore cleanser and shampoo. And perhaps Crest whitening strips, as well.
That evening Severus made his way down to Hogsmead, to the local hair parlor. This was his first visit to this place, seeing as in the past he always cut his own hair, and he was not impressed. The walls and floors of the parlor were a particularly cheerful shade of pink and the chairs and counters were all in lime green. "Hardly fitting," Severus thought, "for a Slytherin Sex God." But one must make sacrifices for beauty.
"Hello!" greeted a hair dresser as soon as he came in, "Come to my chair, dear."
She pushed him down on an empty green chair, "What would you like me to do?"
"I'd like a few inches off┘ So it curls sexily under my ear," he demonstrated with a lock of hair, "and I'd like side bangs- sort of angled. So they fall into my eyes."
"And would you like a shampoo, dear?" the hairdresser said, eyeing his greasy locks.
"Is that extra cost?"
Sex Gods could be frugal, too.
"Not at all, sugar buns."
He was a Sex God in the making. A name like 'Sugar Buns' hardly complimented his enigmatic persona. But Severus choked down his indignation.
Severus sat in his lime green chair patiently, while his hair got cut and shampooed. He refused to look into the mirror until he was all done.
"You're all done!" the woman informed him after some time. Severus looked up and into the mirror.
He couldn't decide if he looked Sex God-ish or not. The shorter hair made his nose look even more prominent. But at least his hair didn't hang down like a rotten cabbage, now. It had body and bounce and no split ends.
"Do you like it, cherry?" the woman prodded.
"Thank you," said Severus, not answering her question. He handed her some money and left.
He then made his way to a small drug store where he purchased whitening strips and Neutrogena Pore Cleanser. The clerk at the counter gave him an odd look. Severus pretended not to notice, gazing idly up at the ceiling.. Oh, what he must go through to be a Sex God!
On his way back to Hogwarts, Severus passed the bookstore. On display was a book with the words, 'How to Make Every Woman Fall In Love With You' in large, red print. Severus hesitated. What could he learn from a silly book? But even Sex Gods could use some help, now and again.
A few minutes later, Severus exited the bookshop, with 'How to Make Every Woman Fall in Love With You' tucked discreetly under his cloak. He made his way back to Hogwarts, quietly smirking to himself.
To be continued...
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Disclaimer: Severus Snape, the Slytherin Sex Gods, and all other mentioned characters belong to JK Rowling. I am in no way affiliated with Crest and am not being payed to promote their teeth-whitening product.