It felt weird being back at his school a year since he left it behind. He honestly never thought he'd step foot in William McKinley High School again but reasons unforeseen to even him brought him face to face with his old demons and an old friend.
He could feel the tension and anxiety wash over him like an old itchy blanket. It was oddly comforting and perplexing at the same time. He realized then that New York really was his home now. It never once made him feel like this.
Kurt walked down the hallway, his head held high as a few memories came flooding back to him. The first time he sang on the stage for his glee audition. The moment he came out to Mercedes. The time his father and Carole bombarded him and Finn with their wedding announcement. When Rachel took it upon herself to include him in a duet, because she knew how lonely he felt. Walking with Blaine down a dark hallway, showing him McKinley and definitely not imagining he would be joining the school in less than six months. Shared kisses in between class when no one was looking. Short lived arguments about outfits and celebrities and solos lost and gained. The one that hit him the hardest was the last one he remembered vividly. He could still smell the mix of old spice after shave and peppermint gum that seemed to haunt with him wherever he went.
It was the time he held hands with Blaine on his final day of high school.
Shaking his head swiftly to clear his mind, he continued to venture further into the school. He could hear a few voices floating from a classroom but there was no one around. He skimmed his fingers over his old locker as he walked past and touched his fingertips to the choir room door handle, quickly peeking in the tiny square window to find that all the lights were off. His journey continued down the hallway and to the right, past Principal Figgins office and out the double doors that led to all the sports' fields. The cool summer air swirled around him as he walked down the path to the football field. He could hear a girl speaking through the sound systems that echoed around the stadium. Walking quickly toward the ticket window, he saw Rory Flanagan leaning against the wall and fiddling with his watch. He looked up and flashed a smile at Kurt, moving to meet him half way.
"Hello Kurt."
"Rory. How are you?" Kurt held out his hand and in turn, Rory pulled him into a quick hug. This boy was so affectionate sometimes.
"I'm good Kurt. I got you your ticket." His eyes twinkling in the sun as he pulled out one ticket to go inside to see the ceremony.
"Thank you so much Rory. I owe you one."
Rory shook his head. "No you don't. Just doing a favor for an old friend. Good luck."
With a smile and a wink, Kurt turned towards the gate, where students were collecting tickets to enter the stadium. Kurt handed his over and crossed the threshold and onto the field. All the lights were lit even though the sun was still shining brightly in the sky. Everyone in the stadium was focused on the ceremony as Kurt made his way up the steps and took a seat in the first row of risers. He listened to the girl conclude her speech and the roar of clapping that followed was slightly deafening.
Kurt watched Principal Figgins move from his seat to the podium in the middle of the stage. He shuffled a few papers before looking up into the sea of red and white.
"Okay Ladies and Gentleman. We will now start the graduation procession."
"Jake Abbot."
A tall, lanky boy with shaggy blond hair stood up from the front row and made his way across the grass and up the stairs toward Principal Figgins. He was handed his diploma after shaking hands with a few of the superintendents of McKinley High. Kurt heard cheers from behind him but he was so focused on the front of the stage he didn't bother to turn around.
"Mindy Adams."
A petite girl with jet black hair that hung well past her hips, jumped out of her seat and skipped up the stairs. Instead of shaking hands with Figgins, she pulled him into a hug earning a few chuckles from parents and students alike.
Principal Figgins dusted off his tweed jacket and cleared his throat before looking down at the list of names.
"Blaine Anderson."
Kurt felt his stomach twist sharply as he watched Blaine rise from his seat and make his way up the stairs. He heard a distinctive cheer from the bleachers and he turned to see Mrs. Anderson clapping her manicured hands wildly, tears of joy pooling in her eyes. Mr. Anderson was clapping too next to her but he held himself together. Kurt was shocked to see a ghost of a smile upon his face. Turning back toward the stage to give Blaine the rest of his attention, Kurt watched him pull Mr. Schuester into a hug and pat Ms. Pillsbury on the arm, his diploma clutched in his free hand. Blaine stopped suddenly and cocked his head to the side. His expression unreadable. Turning toward his fellow classmates and scanning the crowd, Blaine zeroed in on the general location Kurt was in. Their eyes locked. Both boys stood rooted to the spot. Heartbeats quickened and breathing became shallow and almost unmanageable. The moment lasted a few seconds and the reverberating echo from the sound system made them realize where they were.
Blaine shook his head and moved quickly down the steps as the next name was called. Moving quickly in the grass and over to his assigned seat, Blaine opened his diploma pretending to read the generic words that were printed on everyone's diploma. He was not expecting this. He wasn't expecting him. He closed his eyes and inhaled sharply, willing himself to breathe in the air around him. Looking up and straight ahead at the stage, Blaine watched, transfixed as the colors of the sky changed and morphed into twilight. He continued to half listen to the names being called even as his focus was shifting to a certain boy behind him.
The ceremony ended and everyone threw their caps in the air, letting go of high school and getting ready to venture into their adult lives. Blaine turned around, his eyes shifting back and forth quickly, looking for any sign that Kurt was actually here and not his mind playing tricks on him. He moved through the sea of people that were hugging, crying and congratulating one another as if they wouldn't see each other again over the summer. Finally breaking through the crowd, Blaine zigged to the left and toward the exit of the stadium, his heart pounding so loud in his chest. He almost reached the exit when he heard his name, like a whisper of sweet music above all the noise. Turning toward the sound, he locked eyes with Kurt who stood only twenty feet away from him.
Kurt watched through hooded eyes as Blaine walked towards him still gripping his diploma in his hand making his knuckles turn white. He could see the tension in his shoulders and it only seemed to increase as he made his way closer.
"Kurt." Blaine managed, voice strained with anxiety.
"Blaine."
"What are you doing here?"
Kurt shifted his weight from one foot to the other as he tried to gather his thoughts. After a moments hesitation he looked at Blaine and smiled sweetly.
"I came to see my best friend graduate."
Blaine felt a familiar tug in his heart as Kurt gazed back at him. "I didn't know you were in town. Tina and Artie never mentioned anything."
"They don't know. I flew in this morning."
Blaine could feel the tension surrounding them and he wasn't exactly sure why. They haven't seen each other properly since winter break last year but they still spoke on occasion. He watched Kurt straighten out his body, seeming taller than usual as he silently assessed him. Kurt did look good. Really good.
"New York really suits you Kurt."
Kurt's eyes twinkled brightly in the fluorescent lights above them. A small smile played on his lips that made Blaine's heart catch in his throat. He knew that look. A feeling of dread washed over him. Reaching over and grabbing Kurt's hand in his, Blaine tugged him quickly under the bleachers and out of sight from prying eyes and ears.
Kurt straightened himself out and squashed the nervous feeling that was fluttering in his stomach before he did something stupid, like kiss Blaine.
"Blaine, I came here to tell you something and I want you to listen to me, very, very carefully."
"Kurt-"
"Blaine, I know we screwed up last summer. I've had a lot of time to think this over and I cant seem to live my life without you in it. I miss you Blaine. Come to New York with me, like we planned. Like we dreamed about for so long."
Blaine hesitated and Kurt felt a bead of sweat trickle down his spine. He watched Blaine swallow thickly before he opened his mouth to speak.
"I can't." His voice barely registering above a whisper. His eyes darted down quickly, focusing on the grass below their feet.
Kurt blinked a few times waiting for Blaine to elaborate, to say anything other than 'I can't'. Taking a deep breath and straightening out his shoulders once again, Kurt cleared his throat.
"Why?"
Blaine's head snapped up, making Kurt wonder if it caused him whiplash. His hazel eyes were guarded, not bright and soft like they usually were when Blaine looked at him. He could feel his skin begin to prickle from the tension and the unspoken truth between them. Kurt closed his eyes, the feelings too overwhelming, worse than they were when he said goodbye to Blaine nine months earlier. Worse because he knew in the pit of his stomach and the deepest part of his soul why Blaine wasn't coming with him to New York. Why he wasn't jumping at the chance to start over, continue, recreate what they once had.
"You found someone else." Kurt said, only a slight tremor to his voice giving him away.
Blaine nodded his head, just enough for Kurt's suspicions to be confirmed.
Kurt suddenly couldn't breath, like the air around him forced its way into his body and seized his lungs and air flow. He could feel the tension deep within his bones begin to tighten, almost like his body was trying to suffocate itself. His eyes widened slightly, fear beginning to creep in. The first coherent thought that sprung to his mind was to run. Run as far away from this and as quickly as possible. Do not fall a part in front of Blaine, in front of all these people. So Kurt did just that. In a matter of seconds that seemed to last a lifetime since Blaine told him the news, Kurt turned away sharply and moved his feet away from Blaine. His mind was screaming at him to keep going, keep moving so you don't feel the pain. He barely registered the fingertips that ghosted over his wrist as he turned. His ears were ringing, so loud, that he didn't hear Blaine say his name, laced with hurt and desperation. He didn't hear a strangers voice call out Blaine's name. He didn't see when the beautiful boy gripped Blaine by the hand tightly, watching, confused, as the scene unfolded in front of him. He didn't see anything. His eyes were clouded over from the tears. He just kept running in the general direction of his car until he yanked the door open and collapsed in a heaping mess on the seat. Gulping in as much air as a possible, as the shaking racked his body and the tears streamed down his face, Kurt started his car and quickly but carefully pulled out of the parking lot and away from McKinley High and most importantly, away from Blaine Anderson.