A/N: Hello! So after like two years, and Wolfdude's constant whining to rewrite this, I have finally decided to rewrite my story that debuted me as an author. I have many fics in progress, not to mention that I'm helping out a couple friends. So, don't complain if I don't update fast enough, ok?
Oh yes, the host and her bodyguard along with a couple of friends are OC's. They will become known throughout the chapters.
Please note: When words are inside stars, the character are talking quietly, or under their breath. Words in parentheses are the characters actions. I think that's about it, so please enjoy, and please review!
Ocendian Raid: A remake of The Diamond Eye And Smash Show
Chapter 1: Meet The Cast and Crew!
Mastr Hand: I would like to welcome you all to Ocendian Raid, a relaunch show that originally aired as "The Diamond Eye and Smash Show." I am your director, Master Hand. You may all call me MH, if you please.
Crazy Hand: CANDY! HIIIIIIIII I LIKE CANDYYYYYYYYYYY!
MH: (sweatdrop) And this is ... brother, Crazy Hand. He is my right hand man.
CH: He means left-hand man, right? *glares and pulls out chainsaw*
MH: A: Stop screaming, it#s rude, B: Drop the chainsaw or you lose your candy priveleges.
CH: *pouts* Sowwy!
MH: Anywhoo, I'd like to introduce our cast and crew. Will you please give a round of applaus ... Toon Link!
(Crowd cheers)
Toon: Hi! Hello! Hey! Oh, I love you too! Sure, I'll go for drinks! Hit me up! Here's my number! Wait, wha? NO, I will not marry you!
MH: Toon Link, stop flirting with the female audience.
Toon: Awww, but it's fun. Unless they try to marry you! (shivers)
MH: Anyways, why don't you introduce yourself?
Toon: Sure! I'm Toon Link, Zelda 's hot, and if you want a crazy night, hit me up! My number's up there! (points to backdrop, where his number is displayed)
(Female audience screams)
MH: Um, alrighty then. Um! Next, I'd like to introduce our little helping hand. Please welcome! Young Link!
Young Link: Hi guys! It's nice to meet you all!
RP: (random person) Will you sleep with me!
Young: (blanches) Wha!? No! I'm a good little boy, Miss.
RP: Awww, then can I take Toon Link?
Toon: Hell yeah! Call me, babe!
Young: Uuuuuuh, is it too late to turn back?
MH: Yes.
Young: Awwww!
CH: Let me introduce someone!
MH: Fine.
CH: I would like to introduce! .our b**** boy, Olimar!
MH: (Facepalm) I regret doing that.
Young: (whispers to Toon) *I want my Mommy*
Toon: *Toughen up*
Olimar: Did you just call me what I think you called me?
CH: (laughs gleefully) YES!
Olimar: Ok! I can handle it! I think.
Toon: I love how no one cheered for you.
Young: Toon, hush. Don't be mean.
Toon: That#s because he ain't no pimp, like me. TOON CHAINZ! ... Young,
MH: (facepalm)
Olimar: It's ok, I get that! a lot!
Young: I#m sorry for my big brother's lack of tact. Would you like a cookie?
Olimar: (nods)
(Young and Toon exit)
MH: Next up-
Toon: No! It's time for Toon Chainz to introduce someone.
Mh: Fine, but if you f*** up, I'll shoot your tony head off your shoulders.
Toon: Chill, pops. I got this.
MH: *I want to go home*
Toon: Nananananana, it's the chocolate-lovin Mama-Dee, wassup!
Mh: (sweatdrops) He means, please welcome our host, Sasha Ana Lee.
Toon: Mhm, Daddy's her sugar-daddy!
MH: Ok, it's time for you to do your job. Get behind the damn camera!
Toon: Chill, grandma, I'm goin,.
MH: Grandma? Why you insolent little!
(A girl, about 18 years of age, with waist-length brown hair, big brown eyes, a pair of dark blue jeans, and a light-blue hoodie, comes onstage)
Sasha: Um! hello
(MH and the crowd stare in silence)
MH: Who are you?
Sasha: (blush) Um, my son, er, I mean, Toon Link, introduced me, remember?
MH: Wha? ! OH! Welcome, Sasha Lee
Sasha: (Smiles) Hi! I'm Sasha, and I'm your host.
(Crowd finally cheers)
MH: It#s nice to meet you.
Sasha: Nice to meet you, too, sir.
MH: Why don't you introduce yourself?
Sasha: Ok, um! I'm eighteen, I love chocolate, blue is my favorite color, the hairpin in my hair is a magical bow, this sword, (indicating a sword by her side), is Riptide, the sword from the Queen of Atlantis.
MH: *I think I might like this one*
Sasha: I use magic, I control the water as my fundamental element, and um! yes, I'm the Queen of Atlantis.
Everyone: OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH! (all cheer, while Sasha blushes and looks down)
Young: No, she's also our foster mom, right Toon?
Toon: Yep, she's our hoe.
Sasha: (grabs Toon by the ankle, still smiling)
Toon: Hey! Put me down!
Sasha: Listen kid, don't, you, ever, say, that, about, me, ever, again, you understand? (Flings Toon Link against the wall.)
MH: *Yeah, I like her*
Young: He deserved it.
MH: Is he unconscious?
Young: (checks Toon's pulse) Yep, but he'll be fine. The bump on his head won't be noticeable. His head's too big.
Sasha: (smiles) Hey Young.
Young: Mommy! (jumps into Sasha's arms)
Sasha: (ruffle Young's hair) Hey,
cutie.
Crowd: Awwwww!
MH: Now that we're missing our camera-man! bit- um, I mean, Olimar!
Olimar: (walks up eating a cookie) Yes?
MH: Attend to the camera, please.
Olimar: Yes sir. (leaves plate of cookies)
Sasha: Ooh, cookies! (grabs a few)
MH: Now that we've got that all figured out, last, but definitely not least, please welcome our guard, Jerammy Walker!#(A small, brightly colored car made for a clown drives onstage, running MH over.)
MH: OW!
Sasha: Awwww, sweet!
(Car door opens, and out steps a young brunet-haired man, eighteen years of age, wearing blue jeans, a black t-shirt, and a black leather jacket.)
Jerammy: AYE! B****es! (Crowd roars in approval)
Sasha: (hugs Jerammy) Hey buddy!
Jerammy: Aye buddy!
Young: Uncle Krazy! (hugs)
Jerammy: Sup, kid. (hugs Young)
MH: Ow.
Jerammy: Oh, did I run you over, Pops?
MH: Don't! call! me! Pops. (faints)
CH: Oh, he'll be fine! Cwazy will take care of him! (drags off his brother)
Sasha: Uh-oh! I don't like the sound of that.
Jerammy: Sounds legit.
Sasha: Yo bro, tell the audience about yourself, yeah?
Jerammy: Sure. So!. I'm Jerammy Walker, I like Pepsi, and anyone who tries to harm Sasha will take a long, painful ride in this baby. (pats car)
Crowd: (stare)
Young: Um, Uncle?
Jerammy: Yup?
Young: Can you get your ... baby offstage? It#s on the set.
Jerammy: Sure. (jumps in clown car, puts into reverse)
Toon: (Begins to wake up) Huh? What happened?
Sasha: JERAMMY, LOOK OUT!
Toon: ERMAHGAWDZ!
Jerammy: What!
Toon: MAIN HO, SAVE ME!
Sasha: No
BAM!
Crowd: (gasp)
Jerammy: What was that huge-ass speed bump doing onstage?
Sasha: You! just hit! my son.
Jerammy: Oh! C'mon, he's alright. Duct tape will solve everything, right?
Everyone: (facepalms)
Young: I'll get him to the infirmary. Maybe Nurse Jackie can fix him! (grabs Toon by his foot, drags off)
Jerammy: Whose Nurse Jackie?
Sasha: (shrugs) I don't know.
Jerammy: I guess you should get this show on the road.
Sasha: Yeah! like your car!
Jerammy: Right! (jumps in car, and drives off, blaring Snoop Dogg's "The Next Episode")
Sasha: (facepalm) I guess I should start the actual show, huh?
Crowd: Yes!
Sasha: Well, sorry folks, but you'll have to wait after this commercial break. Meanwhile, I need to find the guest list, not to mention tell Jerammy where to-(The back wall explodes)
Crowd: (screams)
Jerammy: Is this where I park?
Sasha: Jerammy! . *What is wrong with you?* We'll be back folks, with our mystery guest. Stay tuned!