In this you will see just me.
The sun burst on the barren sand making the heat seep into my boots as I struggled to get somewhere. Anywhere would do as long as my heart was at peace with Ianto. God, I didn't know the reason for this place just as a soul, a bitter white soul, flush once in manhood stood blank on the new canvas of the world before him. He maybe here, he may not, somehow it may lead me home. That home was once held in Ianto's heart. The box was safe inside the steamy lining of the Greatcoat. Wool of all things was not the best choice to be wearing in the desert.
I was parched from the lack of water. Me, the one who never didn't drink enough before. I knew it must have been a forced teleport that dropped me into a desert wasteland on a remote planet called Angarbar. Kind of exotic when you get a chance think about it, reminds me those old Earth stories. Those lost souls that have to travel to a land of milk and honey but have to first die to eat the fruits of the Gods. I loved so many of those tales with a passion. I use to love to read Kubla Kahn to Ianto. If the mood suited him, he would recite it in Welsh. I would lie on my side sipping a brandy, sheet draped over my middle as he would speak naked in front of me.
I can't afford to think of him now. If I do, my mind will forget how to survive and my body will wilt in this blast furnace of a land. I know I can't stay dead, but I can keep on dying, so being out in the sun only to revive freezing to death in the desert night chill then revive to repeat the process is not my idea of a good time. But at this rate it maybe the only good time I may have.
I could feel the effects of the sun even as I ripped part of my shirt to wrap around my head; the need for water was growing more imperative. Why the hell was I forced into the doorway to here? This seems like the least likely spot to find a lost Ianto. I guess that girl knows what is going on. I certainly don't, letting my broken heart lead me astray. I watched the heat from the midday sun weave patterns in front of me. Sweat fell into my eye, soaked through from the shirt trying to keep my brain from frying. It was working. No it really wasn't working but I thought I could be convinced otherwise.
I have read about heatstroke and mirages but never felt the first or witnessed the later. But the need for water morphed into a dream. I saw about 100 feet away what looked like a pond amongst the growing sand dunes. I started to run to the oasis. When I came close enough I leapt to jump into the cool water like some kid at a swimming pool during a hot day.
It failed to be a pool of cool water; the mouthful of sand confirmed that. I got up, smashing my fist into the sand with fury. It was then I noticed that I was 50 feet off from the source of my desire. The pond was staring at me, begging me to drink of it. I got up, laughing and brushing the sand off my body.
I was just about to run to it again when a voice stopped me. "Jack, can you be so sure that one is real?" I could hear the smile at the end of my companion's words.
"Ianto?" I swiftly moved my head around to see my Welshman standing suit clad next to me with not so much as a sweaty stain on his face or clothing. "What are you saying? Most important, how are you saying it?"
He turned his head from the distant gaze of the pond to look at me with his deep-set bluish eyes. They were bluer then I remembered it was always a trick of the light with his eye color change. But his soul was the same. That look one has deep in the soul. He was wiser than his years and yet scared as if new to it all. Endless Ianto, so handsome, so…
"Because I am an illusion, and because I have always been with you, you just chose not to listen to me. I've been reaching for you Jack, trying to make you happy. I never thought I would hurt you like this. The thought of my death would wound you so, as if you are beyond repair. Here in the middle of a desert planet looking for what? Me? Jack if you run fast you could catch the water up ahead. But it is fleeting."
I laughed like a madman, running off the rest of my strength on the way to the pond up ahead, leaving Ianto behind. I took a leap of faith and landed face first in a patch of sand. It was there I cried waterless tears and gave my aching burning body to the sun above and the hot coarse sand below.
I never believed in miracles until a trip in a blue box showed me what it was all about. But even then my life has been borrowed even if it is forever. I still live on something else's time. By that something else, I felt softness under me. Cool and silky, I could feel a sense of comfort. My head was hurting, but the ache from dehydration that I felt in my bones and muscles seemed to have passed. I felt a smile on my face but dare not open my eyes. This might be a trick of Death's and I was still in his hold. Maybe this time it was real. The smile grew wider at the thought that maybe my borrowed time was up.
I could hear movement around my silky surroundings. Despite the pain I forced my eyes open to whatever fate I landed in this time. It was a surprise to find I was looking at lots of blurry color. The tent I was in was full of color, soft rest full hues of the whole spectrum. I shifted slightly hearing the muted rustle of the fabric my bones rested on. I was very weak from the desert. My lips were parched dry and very salty in taste. It was with muted vision, eyes out of focus still for actual shapes, that I noticed I was not alone. The form knelt down next to the bed and with the rise of my head poured a sweet tasting liquid passed my cracked lips and down my sore throat.
"That will help you recover a bit." He waited before giving me a little more and then a water chaser. I ran my tongue over the sores on my lips and strained to see the kind person that helped me. "Give it time, your sight will come back. My Master found you staring at the sun." He put something on my eyelids to sooth them and gently lifting my head he wrapped a soft material round my head covering my eyes. "The tribe was surprised that you were still alive."
I could tell now that his voice was male. His touch seemed human as well as he cooled me further with a wet cloth. His hands wandered over my body with the cooling grace from the soothing fabric. Waking me up a bit more was his breath on my skin, blowing the hurt away as the wetness calmed the hot flesh. I shuddered blind sighted to the one exciting me and moaned at the tender caress.
" Are you still in pain or am I hurting you?" He questioned.
"No it feels too good; I think that I might still be suffering from sunstroke. I'm embarrassed at my reaction." I wiggled slightly under the cover as his hand went somewhere I didn't expect. I felt a different heat this time. I was stimulated by a voice I couldn't see the face of and whose hand caressed me.
"My Master said I was to serve you. I am to aid your recovery in any way. If you want I could bring you to climax?" His voice was nothing but pleasing if not somewhat mechanical. He was trained to serve. He did say master. I felt stupid when I realized what he was.
"You're a slave?" I said stopping his hand and moving it off my body.
Even though I couldn't see his face, I cursed myself for unintentionally hurting him. It was something in the sound of his movement that alerted me to his change in posture. It would seem like he was disappointed as much as he was ashamed.
"Yes, since I was a young boy. I have served my Master in many ways. I am his favorite. Well, I was. He has another, now. I shouldn't have said that." He turned to rise up but I grabbed at his hand.
"Wait, I'm sorry I didn't mean to suggest anything. I'm not looking down at you; it is just that I didn't think it through. I'm sorry, don't go. I mean, sit with me a bit. I would like to talk." The truth was I was blind and needed help. I also liked the way this man touched me.
"I was ordered to tend to you. So I can't go anyway. I was just moving to another part of the tent to give you space. I didn't mean to stimulate you. I meant no disrespect. Please don't tell my Master that I do not please you." His breath brushed my exposed chest. On reflex my hand rose to the sound of his voice, fearful that he was not pleasing, and I touched his cheek.
"Your skin is silky like the sheets," I found myself saying. I felt sleepy. "Please, I want you to stay." I yawned twice then drifted off to almost sleep. My hand still feeling his skin, I asked his name.
"I have but one name that I have been called. Otnai, it means 'by one's side through time'." I could feel his hand in mine as he bathed my face again. "I gave you a sleeping draft, orders of the doctor, he said you need rest. Sleep my prince from another place."
Otnai said something else, but all I remembered was his kiss on my chapped lips that sent me to a dreamless sleep.
End part 1 TBC