Chapter 1: The Wacky Beginning

Saturn Valley is a small community located in the middle of nowhere. Okay, that's a lie. However, it is not on any map, and it's fairly easy to get to: You just need to avoid (or beat down) the zombies and walking alligators living on the path, and venture through a cave infested with man-eating violent roaches. Leave the cave, and Dakota! You're in Saturn Valley. The aforementioned path (the one inhabited by zombies and gators) has a giant waterfall named Grapefruit Falls, which is important because now I'm going to give some backstory.

A long time ago, a horrible pile of bile named Master Belch built an expansive factory behind Grapefruit Falls, kidnapping hundreds of Mr. Saturns so they can produce Fly Honey, Belch's favorite food. It tastes delicious to him, but it's horrible to everyone else. One day, a group of legendary children – Ness, Paula, Jeff, and Poo, defeated the disgusting blob and sent him packing, rescuing the Mr. Saturns and saving their village. One of these kidnapped Mr. Saturns was named Zoomer; I'll get to the name in a minute.

The Valley is primarily walled in by the various caves throughout it, but it's not closed off to the rest of the world by any means. The houses in the village are cylindrical, with coned roofs with a ring around the brim, like the planet from which they take their name. It is also a cliffy area, featuring dozens of peaks and ledges; these are great for spying on enemies. In the middle of the lower level of the village is a pond that provides natural water, and on the upper level is a spring, which provides calmness and recovers injuries. There is also a hospital and a shop. Oddly, the hospital is the exact same size as every other building in the valley.

Zoomer's name is derived from the fact that he had a habit of saying "zoom!" a lot during his youth, one of the many verbal tics the Mr. Saturn's have. Other tics include "Boing," which is likely the most famous, and in some cases, a Mr. Saturn will blurt out "Dakota!" What that means is unknown, but such tics are part of their charm. When Zoomer was freed, he decided to become the protector Saturn Valley deserves, but not the one it needs right now. Like every other Mr. Saturn, he is small, has big ol' eyebrows, peach in color, and has two whiskers on each side of his face. When he fights crime, he wears a blue mask and cape, cleverly hiding his true identity. Although he lacks hands and arms, his small feet provide enough "oomf!" to take down any villain he encounters.

This story begins with Zoomer returning to his home after a long day of crimefighting. He rushes through the door, cape tailing behind him, hoping not to give his residence away.

"Phew! Made it. Boing!" He said to himself as he closed the door behind him. Zoomer shook his mask and cape off, and they fell to the floor. He pushed an armchair over to the door, hopped up, and looked through the round window. Nobody was looking in his direction, so he figured that he was safe. It was also the dead of night, so everybody would be asleep. He put the chair back where it belonged: near a coffee table, and climbed into his bed.

"Wow! Such adventures I've had. Many foes I have faced. What does tomorrow have? Zoom!" He blurted out as he drifted off to sleep.

CRASH! A brick was thrown through one of his windows. The sound of the glass shattering startled Zoomer and he jumped out of bed, panicking. Several other impacts followed at other houses in the valley; in fact, every house received a brick in its window. Each brick had a folded piece of paper on it, attached to the brick by a red elastic band. Like Zoomer, the other Saturns panicked, wondering what just happened. They gathered outside, bricks balancing on their heads, reading the letters.

All of them said the same thing:

"Hello!

"We are looking for a new place of residence. As our old hometown was demolished and we learned about your lovely village, we were wondering if we could establish a meeting to see if our humble community could move in there. We have no desire to force you from your homes – if you refuse, we will understand.

"Thank you."

There was no name, address, or phone number at the bottom of the letter or on the other side of the paper. How these drifters were meant to be contacted was anyone's guess. Unless that was the point?

"How do we contact them? Dakota!" Said a Mr. Saturn.

"I don't know. Boing!" replied another.

Everyone acknowledged the rather creepy nature of the letter quickly. Numerous questions also arose, the biggest being: Who are these people? Why was their hometown demolished? Why is there no contact information? Why does the letter smell like death?

Zoomer noticed the horrible odor before the others did. It reminded everyone of Master Belch, but with a touch of death. The smell was like that of rotten flesh, but boiled. It burned the nostrils, resulting in everybody throwing the letters and the bricks in the central pond. Yes, this was a bad idea, but worse has happened to that water-filled hole.

The Mr. Saturns pondered what the letter was trying to relay, but none of their questions were answered and they decided to ignore it for the time being. They all headed back to their huts and returned to their beds.

Zoomer, however, was nobody's fool. He knew something was going to happen. His eyes darted around the valley, looking for a clue, anything that would tip him off. He saw nothing. There wasn't a single suspicious looking fellow, not a blatantly evil creature, not even a robot of some kind making bleep and bloop noises in sight.

On the path leading up to the valley were a group of zombies. Their skin was a sickly, dark blueish-green. Their bright, red eyes would pierce through even the blackest black hole, and they wore nothing but red shorts. One of them peeked around the bend and saw Zoomer standing by his front door, eyeing the vicinity. The zombie chuckled to himself at the sight, and let his four friends know what he saw.

"So, there doesn't seem to be anyone outside other than one Mr. Saturn. You'd think a place like this would have something resembling security. What should we do?"

"Well," one of the other zombies cued, "I'd say we tell the boss. He'd be pleased to know how unguarded the place is."

They all agreed on this plan of action, and scurried through the cave and to the cemetery in Threed. Nothing had changed there. The hole from the Sky Runner remained; in fact, it was declared a landmark of the town following the defeat of Giygas. The zombies jumped down the hole and made their way to a large room, which had a single coffin on the east end of the room and a wooden throne chair at northern end. This room normally leads to another large room, but the following path was blocked off by the zombies themselves for unspecified reasons.

"Your Majesty," a zombie said. "We have scoped out Saturn Valley, and we believe that it would be the perfect place to begin our mission."

The zombie King swiveled around in his chair. He looked just like the other zombies, but he was wearing a plastic crown and a white towel for a cape.

"Excellent! But, how are their brains?" asked the King.

"Uh, delicious, we'd guess?" said one of the minions. This was the biggest problem with the zombie King. He was a little too enthusiastic about feasting on brains. Despite being a great leader, his love of brains got in the way occasionally.

"Delicious? Magnificent! What did you discover while spying on the village?"

"The Mr. Saturns don't seem to have any way of fighting. They just have small feet. We can just seize it overnight if you wish."

The zombie King pondered this for a moment, but decided against it.

"No! We will give them a day to figure out the meaning of our letter. We attack the following night, when they have let their guard down. Then, we rush in, kill them, and steal their brains!" He let out an evil laugh at his villainy.

Back at Saturn Valley, Zoomer retreated back to his house.

"That was strange. Who sent that letter? Zoom!"

He drifted off to sleep while thinking about it.