Chocolate Milkshake
Gee, what a fitting name for this story. Why is it fitting? Because we're having fun with chocolate milkshakes. Obvious. This was originally going to be about Tails overhearing a whole bunch of stuff from everyone and then causing absolute chaos, but I figured that was too hard to write about, so you get a story about chocolate milkshakes instead. Deal with it.
Yes! It's been a long time since I've written ANYTHING including that one project on things of a criminal matter…anyway, a one shot for you guys. Have fun. Or not.
"Welcome to apathy theater. Stay tuned. Or not. We really don't care."
It was rare that a day to have gotten so dull, but for our friend Tails, he was starting to lose concentration on living. Yes living. At this point, his mind had succumbed to supreme boredom and was practically asking to be shot. Of course he didn't do that or else this story would not exist. And also the author would pretty much die from all of the fangirls of Tails who happened to read this, find my address, and come into the cold of night and shoot me. But I digress. As the author continued a new style of writing, we come to focus on our two tailed friend, who is, quite unfortunately, subjected to the incessant droning of the television.
"Since we're being cancelled at the end of the month, we really couldn't care more about giving you any news. Hey Jack from the fifth grade! Bite me!"
Tails turned off the television and popped a mint into his mouth from the table beside the couch. He gave out a loud sigh and then got up, deciding to go for a walk and think. Maybe he'd get some inspiration for a new project or something. Anything besides apathy theater…
As Tails was out, he was surprised to see many of his friends along the way. They were all quite busy though when Tails passed by, so he left them alone. It would have been nice to talk to some of them of course, but being as polite as he was, he decided against interrupting the conversations they were having.
And then Tails turned a wrong corner and found himself in front of an ice cream parlor. (Yes how very anticlimactic.)
"Hey kid, what can I do for you?" Tails had just walked in to meet a skinny, tall man with weird glasses.
"Umm, I don't know. I'm just bored."
"Ice cream isn't boring."
"Today it is."
"Well how about a milkshake?"
"I've never had one." Tails nonchalantly leaned against the counter and became fixed in a trance. At first sight, it would seem that he was staring at the ice cream, though upon closer inspection, one would notice that there was a completely blank stare on his face.
"Well then maybe it will perk you up." The middle aged man as oblivious to Tails's boredom and immediately gave Tails a milkshake. "My treat." The man smiled.
Tails, not wanting to be rude, took the milkshake and quietly sat down in a corner of the shop and stared at the drink. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see the man watching him, so he took a sip of the drink.
Sonic and a bunch of friends were bored. They tried to make small talk, which exacerbated the problem.
"…I'm bored." Sonic commented.
"Tell us something we don't know. Seriously, we're all bored and you're just whining like the lame hedgehog you are." Shadow was irritated and was becoming unusually talkative.
"Shadow, that was an awfully loquacious comment." Knuckles made an even wider frown.
"What does that even mean?"
"Yeah," Sonic chimed in. "Are you calling us dumb or something?"
"No! Geez what's wrong with you guys today!"
"Vell, it would seem zat the weather iz making us cranky." Antoine randomly gave his input to the unsteadying conversation.
"Antoine, I can't understand a word you're saying because of that thick accent of STUPID!"
"Sonic, that was uncalled for!" Knuckles blurted.
"No YOU!"
"Why am I hanging out with such inferior people? I, Shadow the Hedgehog, getting into a random argument because it's such a generically boring day? Why did this ever happen?"
"Shadow, stop ranting! It's weird and uncharacteristic of you! Way past uncool!" Sonic's temper was flaring as everyone in the room watched to stare at the growing chaos.
"STOP YELLING! VE ARE IN A PUBLIC AREA!"
"No YOU!"
"What does that even mean?"
Eventually, Sally walked in. She was having a migraine and was going through that *ahem* one day out of 25-31 that girls go through. For the sake of keeping this family friendly and to escape the girls who were now stalking the author for being prejudiced…somehow…the author quickly changed the scene.
"It has mint in it! And it's like ice cream, but it's not ice cream!"
"Someone isn't bored anymore."
"Gee! I gotta know your secret! This stuff is just genius!"
"You're pretty smart from what I hear."
"Oh! Ah well, I'm ok with mechanics, but I've never had a milkshake before! Thanks!" Tails was exuberant, to say the least, at having his day completely changed by the chocolate milkshake.
"You're good with machines eh? Well maybe you could invent something that makes lots of chocolate milkshakes then?"
"Hey that's a great idea! Can I have the recipe?"
"By all means!" The man handed Tails an old piece of paper and Tails tore off down towards his house to make a milkshake machine.
At this point, you are probably wondering what the whole point of this story is. With one flash of the man's smile, it would've been completely obvious, and one would have had the urge to warn Sonic and his friends—well alright they were busy, but Tails surely would have to be warned of the incoming…umm…peril. But unfortunately, Dr. Robotnik was still smiling as there was no random reader who came into the story and told Tails of his very *cough* brilliant plan.
"Yes! And now all of Mobius will fall to its doom! And I can take off my straightjacket!"
"And how exactly is all of Mobius going to fall?"
"Well you see!" Robotnik started as his huge lumps of fat started to bulge out as the straightjacket was taken off, "I've devised a foolproof recipe for chocolate milkshakes that is simply irresistible. Once Sonic and his pesky friends have had enough, I will be able to take over the world at a whim because all of Sonic and his friends will be too fat to do anything!"
"…Excuse me Ro-BUTT-nik, but that thick accent of STUPID is making it impossible to understand anything you're saying."
And as a frightened Robotnik finally realized that this whole time he was talking to an invisible person, the author laughed at his clever insertion of the broken fourth wall. As the joke itself was not broken, the readers laughed hysterically at the joke (cue to laugh *cough*).
"I hate you!" Sonic bellowed.
"I hate you more!" Shadow retorted.
"But I hated you first!"
"I hate you times infinity!"
Sally had been quite grateful to have brought earplugs into the café. In spite of all the dumb things she had seen, this was the worst. Then again, everyone was cranky and so was she. Still, the extent of the childishness at the other table was deafeningly loud, not to mention embarrassing. She was glad they had not seen her, as then she would not have to sit with them.
And then Antoine came over to the table. Of all people, Antoine had to notice her. Once again, however, she was saved by her trusty earplugs. She drank some dark coffee while Antoine ranted at her…
Antoine swallowed hard. After Rabbot disappeared, Antoine was worried about what he was to do in his love life. There'd be a flashback at this part normally to explain the weird alternate timeline or something, but seeing as this was a one-shot, a flashback would have been gratuitous and random. Not that random was bad, but Antoine was about to muster what little nerve he had and speak to Sally.
And then suddenly an unexpected plot twist occurred and Robotnik crashed into the room with A WHOLE PACK OF ROBOTS!
Although it was obvious that this was coming, what with the extremely vague allusion to randomness not being bad and such, it didn't matter as much as Sonic, Knuckles, Shadow, Antoine, and Sally had to take up some generic fighting stances while everyone hid in mosaic, mass produced cabinets.
"Well, I hope I'm not busting in on anything important!" Robotnik gave a mad laugh.
6 gallons. That was way too much milkshake drink. And yet Tails had such a high metabolism, he probably could've drank more if he wanted to. But now he had to go to where Sonic and his friends were in order to show them his wonderful contraption. And to share all of his wonderful new perfect milkshake. It really was an amazing recipe, with each ingredient carefully picked out by the very kind man back at the shop. However, Tails had managed to reduce the caloric and fat content and used all organic ingredients. Now it was an even more perfect recipe.
And so, Tails was off…to Camelot! Ok not really, but that was a Monty Python reference and that just makes the story so much better.
"Excuse me Mr. Author, not to be rude, but I can't understand anything you're saying with all those spelling errors."
And the author, taken completely aback, checked his spelling, fixed it, and then turned back to the fox.
"Now I can't understand anything you're saying because you're using some English dialect of STUPID."
"Oh man, I should've seen that coming."
"Yes you should have." The fox teased the author casually.
And the author laughed with Tails and waved goodbye. The author loved recurring jokes and so did Tails. Breaking the fourth wall was just a bonus. But we cannot talk about that all day, as this is a one shot. So the author then switched back to the scene with Robotnik, who should have, by now, been conquering the world.
"Wait, so Tails hasn't come and given you any milkshakes?"
"Robotnik. Just when I think I know how crazy you are, I find out you just have a really thick accent of STUPID."
"Geez! How many times do we have to repeat ourselves!"
"It iz not like people come and give us milkshakes because ze veel like it!"
"But—"
"Your incompetence is completely ridiculous and an insult to all of our intelligence." Shadow once again was on the verge of breaking out into an infuriated rant.
"Shadow, I liked your quieter sardonic style better."
"Look! Knuckles is calling us stupid again!"
"No YOU!" Knuckles retorted, pointing at Sonic.
"No YOU!" Sonic pointed at Dr. Egghead-*cough* Eggman, erm, I mean Robotnik…the dumb person.
"No YOU!" A finger at Sally.
Sally looked quite puzzled, having only heard the crash into the wall and muffled arguing. She decided to point a finger at someone as well just to keep the pattern going. She then pointed at Tails.
"I don't know why Tails is here, but everyone is pointing fingers at random people and I'm going to do it to and—Tails what is that?"
And it seemed as everyone had collectively taken a breath, as the room was completely still and it grew eerily quiet. The fact that Tails had a strange looking contraption on his back and a preposterously innocent (yes, bit of an oxymoron) smile on his face did not help matters. The fate of the world was held in the next words that were to be spoken.
Meanwhile, Dr. Robotnik was thinking to himself. He wasn't really interested that Tails had come later than he expected, as it meant that the milkshake machine was probably not made. But what was interesting was the sudden change in personality of Sonic and his friends. Everyone was so frustrated with each other, Robotnik figured he could take over the world by letting everyone fight each other. They wouldn't be able to work together and would more likely get in each other's way.
It was the perfect plan. Everyone was incapacitated. And best of all, it could not fail. There was nothing in the world that could jolt everyone into character so fast. Nothing at all.
"I have CHOCOLATE MILKSHAKES!"
And Robotnik facepalmed himself.
To make a long story short, everyone loved the milkshakes, no one got fat from them, Robotnik was defeated again, and Tails was the only one not accused of having a thick accent of STUPID.
"Wait, you're not going to tell how Robotnik was defeated? Or give the flashback on why I was late in making the machine?"
The author raised an eyebrow. "Well, for those who want an idea on how you made the milkshakes should read my other fanfic 'Tails Bakes A Cake' and as for how Robotnik was defeated, you offered him a milkshake and Robotnik, with his already fragile heart, was sent to the emergency room due to heart failure. Happy?"
"No. I don't want people to read 'Tails Bakes A Cake!'"
Tails realized of course that the author wanted more views for his stories, so he tolerated the reference to Tails being cute/stupid and everyone lived happily ever after.
FIN!
This. Comment. Or don't. I don't care. So there goes another writing by your famous fourth wall breaking author!
And don't worry, you will get an update on Tails the Lawyer! Until then, hope you enjoyed (yeah, I actually do care actually…)
P.S. Did you notice the section of ambiguity?