A Time for Sorrows
The inky blackness of space stretched out beyond the
ship's viewport – a stark contrast to the millions of stars that blazed
brilliantly in varying hues of blue, white, and gold. Each star had a name, a place in the galaxy. Many had planets or entire solar systems orbiting
the glowing spheres. Those solar
systems had life – species of all kinds.
Species with languages, customs, ways of life sacred to them since the
dawn of time. Species that would
willingly lay down their lives to protect those customs. Species that would do just that, much sooner
than they had ever anticipated.
A
lone figure stood transfixed in front of the viewport – a small entity against
the vast panorama beyond her. Her head
was held high, her shoulders squared, her hands fixed firmly at her sides. A look of solemn silence stole over her
beautiful face – thin lips set in a line, dark brown eyes full of
determination. She wore a gown of
simple white fabric, belted at the waist and falling well past her knees. Her hair – long, silky chestnut tresses –
was pulled behind her ears and tucked into a simple knot at the nape of her
neck. A few whips of hair had come
loose around her forehead and cheekbones, but she did not seem to notice or
care. All of her attention, every one
of her thoughts, was directed at the world in front of her. She seemed to be lost among the stars…
"Leia." The young woman started at the sound. She turned her head slightly to see who
called her name.
"Father." She smiled at the older man standing in the
doorway. He moved closer to her, and
the patchy light from the bridge sent a mottled, golden glow over the features
she knew so well. Time had gradually
turned his dark hair to shades of gray and silver, and wrinkles had crept
insistently along the creases of his forehead and the corners of his eyes. But even age could not hide the fact that he
was an attractive man. Warm brown eyes
and a soft smile served to enhance the distinguished face, washing a sense of
calm serenity over his entire being.
"I
thought I might find you here."
She
turned back to the viewport and sighed heavily. It was the sigh of someone much older than her nineteen
years. "Everything looks so much more
peaceful from out here," she commented.
"It's hard to believe that out there, a fierce battle for freedom is
being waged."
Bail
Organa turned his gaze to the stars.
"Things do seem much simpler when your perspective is expanded."
They
were both silent for several minutes, each lost in their own thoughts. After awhile, Leia turned to him. "You're leaving?" she inquired.
He
nodded. "I came to say goodbye." He paused slightly. "Are you sure about this, Leia? I could still go with you…"
"You
are needed on Alderaan," she interrupted gently. "With the Emperor taking more and more control away from the
local governments, the council will be looking to you to help maintain
order." She laid a hand on his
shoulder. "Not to mention the fact that
the Imperial governors will grow suspicious if we both continue our 'diplomatic
missions' away from home. My absence
from Alderaan may be easily overlooked or explained. But you, my dear father, will certainly be missed before long."
Bail
nodded his acquiescence, knowing she was right. "Please be careful, Leia."
In his eyes, he wore a heaviness.
It was more than simply the overprotectiveness of a father. It was the grave anxiety of one who had seen
enough turmoil and violence to effectively erase any trace of idealism. "The rumors are increasing every day. It won't be long now before Palpatine drops
all pretense of maintaining a republic.
When that happens, and the Senate is disbanded, none of us will be
safe. Even diplomatic immunity will
mean nothing…"
She
nodded soberly. "This is why I must
leave for Tatooine now, before the government completely falls apart. If this Obi-Wan Kenobi is as important as
you say, then he will be vital to the success of the Rebellion."
"Indeed,"
he agreed. "If he still exists."
Leia
smiled confidently. "If he does, than I
will find him and enlist his help."
Bail
returned his daughter's smile. "I have
no doubts of that."
She
reached to give him a hug. "I will
return to Alderaan very soon," she promised.
She impulsively planted a quick kiss on his cheek, as she had done many
times before as a child. "I love you,
father."
"I
love you too, Leia…I love you, too…"
The
words faded slowly, then drifted away.
Leia started suddenly from her reverie.
She looked around, and was surprised to find that she was alone. Only the darkness of space and the twinkling
of the stars beyond the viewport kept her company.
Then
it hit her, with a force so strong that it nearly snatched the very breath from
her body. Her father was dead, murdered
along with millions of others. Her
planet was gone, ruthlessly destroyed by a merciless Empire. Everything that she had known since
childhood, everything that was comforting to her, everything that she so deeply
loved and cherished, was gone forever.
Leia
buried her face in her hands, trying to fight back the emotions. He still felt so real to her, so alive. It was as if he was standing just outside
her vision, and if she turned quickly enough, he would be there. The last few days felt illusory, like some
horrible, never-ending nightmare. If
she just kept hoping, just waited long enough, then she would wake up, and
everything would be just as it should be.
She would be free from this pain, this ache in her heart, this sense
that the death of her father and the destruction of her home was all her
fault…
* * *
Leia was facing death.
The sentence for her execution had been issued and signed by the hands
of her enemies. It was only a matter of
time now, before it was all over…
She
was surprised to find that she was not afraid – sad for the people who were
counting on her, frustrated by her own failure to complete her mission,
heartbroken for her father who would lose his only child – but not afraid.
Her
death would not deter her compatriots from further action against the Empire,
that she was sure of. The executions of
other prominent Rebel leaders in the past had only served to feed the movement,
eliciting help from those worlds who had previously avoided conflict out of
fear and indifference. That her death
would bring the results her life's work had failed to do – this was what gave
Leia the strength to face what lay ahead.
The
door to her cell slid open, and two armed guards appeared to take her
away. Refusing to let them see any
weakness, Leia held her head proudly and jutted her chin in defiance. She did not struggle when they roughly
grabbed her by both wrists and slapped binder cuffs into place, nor did she
resist when they shoved her out of the cell and down the corridor. Instead, she walked regally, as tall and
portentous as if she were at court in Alderaan. If they expected her to break down and give in to panic and fear,
then they would be sorely disappointed.
Much
to Leia's surprise, the guards brought her to the forward bridge, rather than
the execution chamber. Gathered around
were various military leaders of the Empire, some of whom she recognized from
her political circuits before the war.
They wore the dark green and black uniforms of their high rank
haughtily, and watched her with both arrogance and contempt in their dark,
fierce eyes. Two men stood aside from
the rest, hard to miss among their inferiors.
The first was Governor Tarkin, dressed in spotless gray military garb
and wearing a look of malevolent anticipation on his gaunt face. He was nearly dwarfed by the second man standing
beside him – the menacing, black-cloaked figure of Darth Vader.
"Governor
Tarkin," Leia hissed, contempt dripping from her voice. "I should have expected to find you holding
Vader's leash. I recognized your foul
stench when I was brought on board."
Tarkin
smiled thinly at her, as if she were nothing more than an insect that needed to
be squashed. "Charming, to the
last." He took her chin in his hand. "You don't know how hard I found it signing
the order to terminate your life."
Leia
pulled herself from his grasp. "I'm
surprised you had the courage to take responsibility yourself," she shot back,
words full of venom, eyes blazing with the heat of her abhorrence.
Tarkin
brushed the comment aside. "Princess
Leia, before your execution, I would like you to be my guest of honor at a
ceremony that will make this battle station operational. No star system will dare oppose the Emperor
now."
Leia
smiled scornfully. "The more you
tighten your grip, Tarkin, the more star systems will slip through your
fingers."
"Not
after we demonstrate the power of this station." He paused, taking a moment to look down at her. "In a way, you have determined the
choice of planet that will be destroyed first.
Since you are reluctant to provide us with the location of the rebel
base, I have chosen to test this station…"
He turned slightly, so that she could see the planet hovering outside
the viewport. "…on your home planet of
Alderaan."
Panic
and shock rolled over Leia for the first time since her capture. "No!" she gasped, suddenly short of
breath. "Alderaan is peaceful! We have no weapons. You can't possibly…"
Tarkin
moved in on her, face hard as stone.
"You prefer another target? A
military target? Then, name the
system!" he demanded, backing her up against
Vader. "I grow tired of asking
this. So, it will be the last
time. Where is the rebel base?"
Leia
looked beyond Tarkin, to her planet suspended in space. The gentle greens and blues of Alderaan
stood serenely, unobtrusively, against the dark sky. Without looking back at the Governor, she softly spoke the words
he wanted to hear. "Dantooine." Leia lowered her head in defeat. "They're on Dantooine."
Tarkin
backed away, clearly pleased with himself.
"There, you see, Lord Vader," he addressed the Sith, "I told you she
could be reasonable." When Vader made
no reply, Tarkin directed his words to the Death Star's weapons
controller. "Continue with the
operation. You may fire when ready."
It
took a half second to register in Leia's mind.
"What?" she managed to exclaim in disbelief, her face a mask of
horrified alarm. Utter and complete
helplessness stole over her entire body, weighing her down with invisible
restraints. She felt weak, and it was
all she could do to hold herself up.
"You're
far too trusting," Tarkin sneered.
"Dantooine is too remote to make an effective demonstration. But, don't worry. We will deal with your rebel friends soon enough."
"No!"
Leia whispered hoarsely, desperation choking her voice. She made a move towards Tarkin, but was
stopped short by Vader's hand on her shoulder.
Frozen in place, unable to fight or scream or run, Leia watched as
several brilliant green lances of light leapt from deep within the station and
converged in space. The single,
powerful beam shot through space, reaching for her home planet.
The
peaceful inhabitants of Alderaan never knew what hit them. The blast that tore the planet apart and
disintegrated every form of life occurred faster than the eye could blink. Within seconds, all that was left of her
world was a blazing fireball – explosions extending to the corners of space,
then dying quickly in the cold, empty darkness.
* * *
In a way, YOU have determined the choice of the planet
that will be destroyed first…YOU have determined the choice…YOU have
determined…
Leia pressed her hands over her ears, willing his voice to
go away. Something inside of her fought
back, struggling against the blame and guilt.
NO! I will not
take responsibility for the Emperor's actions.
I will NOT be the murderer of Alderaan…
And still, Tarkin's voice persisted, even from beyond the
grave.
YOU have determined the choice of the planet... YOU are
responsible…
Tears coursed down Leia's cheeks. She collapsed to her knees, head buried in
her hands. Her shoulders shook with the
depth of her grief, and mournful cries escaped from her throat. How could she live when her people were
dead? How could she go on, knowing that
innocents had suffered because of her decisions? How could she be a leader now, when those looking to her for help
and guidance had been punished and destroyed?
I'm sorry, father, her heart cried. I'm so sorry I failed you.
* * *
"Tell me all is not lost, father." Leia looked up from where she was sitting at
the conference table. "Tell me that
there is still hope for returning some semblance of functionality to the
Senate." She stared dismally at the
holoprojector, which had, only moments before, linked them both to the latest
Senate meeting.
When he did not answer, Leia turned to him with pleading
eyes. He was suddenly reminded of the
time she had come to him as a child, begging him to make the scary sounds in
the night go away. He wished with all of
his heart that he could gather her up on his knee as he did then, and rock her
in his arms, and tell her stories that would make all of her anxieties vanish
into the darkness. But she was not a
little girl anymore. Her worries were
no longer those of a naïve child.
"The Senate's functionality disappeared long ago, even
before the rise of Palpatine." He spoke
calmly and rationally. He was not
telling her anything that she did not already know. "He only keeps us in office to prevent panic among the local
planetary governments."
It was Leia's turn to nod. She was silent for a moment, lost in her thoughts. She knew what must be done. She knew that they had run out of
options. But knowing the choice that
must be made did not make the actual decision any easier. "We're diplomats, father," she said
finally. "I was raised to avoid
conflict, to solve problems peacefully.
How can I become involved in a crusade that will ultimately result in
the loss of many lives?" Her voice was
tinged with sorrow and regret.
"So many lives have already been lost. How many more must be sacrificed before the
Emperor is stopped?" Bail Organa wore
such a face of unflappable calm that Leia almost felt comforted, despite the
seriousness of his words. He always had
been the voice of reason to her hot-blooded stubbornness.
"The Rebellion is still so small…" Leia pressed. She was testing him, curious as to what he
would say in response.
Her father laughed.
She turned wide eyes to him, surprised at his reaction. "Ah, my dear Leia," he boomed
good-naturedly, "If that had been the objection I had given you when you
wanted to join the Senate, would you have listened?"
Leia smiled back, and some of the tension drained from her
face. "I should think not!" she
retorted emphatically. The fire that he
was so used to seeing from her suddenly sprang into her eyes – passionate woman
winning over passive politician.
Bail Organa's face grew serious once more. "My dear, you know where your path
lies. You know what you must do." He folded her in a warm embrace, then held
her at arm's length so he could look her in the face. "It's not going to be easy, Leia. The choices you make will be hard ones. There is a good chance that you and those around you will
suffer. But you must always follow your
heart. It may not always be the easiest
choice, but your heart will never fail you."
He took her in his arms once more.
"You know what you need to do."
"I know, father," she answered softly, her head resting
lightly on his shoulder. "I just needed
to hear it from you."
* * *
He knew. Somehow,
he knew.
Leia sat unmoving on the floor, allowing the memories from
the past to wash over her like a warm, soothing bath.
Her father had given his blessing when she joined the
Rebellion. More than that – he had
subtly guided her to make the right decision, to follow her heart over her
head. He knew the burdens and
consequences of her decision, long before she herself had any idea. He knew, and still, he sacrificed
everything, including his own life, for the chance to free the galaxy from fear
and tyranny.
Leia roughly wiped the tears from her eyes and looked into
the space beyond the viewport.
Suddenly, she was reminded of something her father had told her long
ago…
* * *
"Leia. Please come
back to the house."
She did not move from her hunched-over position on the ground. Face hidden in her arms, knees drawn up to
her chest, she seemed so weak and fragile.
"Leia, it will be dark soon. Please, come back to the house with me."
She looked up at her father, cheeks wet with tears. "Why, father? Why did Nana have to go?" she sobbed mournfully, distress
mirrored on her 9-year-old face.
He crouched down to her level, but did not speak for
several minutes. He seemed to be trying
to find the right words. "Because death is a part of life, Leia," he answered
at last. "Everyone must experience it
at one time or another."
"Everyone?" she echoed faintly, eyes full of
apprehension. "Even you?"
Bail nodded somberly.
"Yes, even me." He half expected
her to burst into tears again, but to his surprise, she simply sat silently,
her young mind deep in thought. "Where
does everyone go after they die?" she asked after a moment's contemplation.
"Leia, do you remember when I told you about the Jedi and
the Force?"
She nodded, the grief in her eyes momentarily brushed aside by eagerness. "The Jedi were the protectors of the
galaxy," she said enthusiastically.
"They were heroes."
"And the Force?" her father prodded.
"The Force is life.
It's all around us," she answered dutifully, like a student reciting to
her schoolteacher.
"That's right." He
leaned in closer to her. "Life
surrounds us, some of which we can see, some that we cannot. Death is a transition – simply passing from
the seen to the unseen."
"So, just because I can't see Nana, that doesn't mean
she's not here?" She spoke slowly, then
looked to him for confirmation.
Bail gathered her up on his lap. "Nana will always be with you, inside of your heart." Leia rested her head on his chest as he
spoke, soothed by his words and the gentle tone of his voice. "As long as you remember her, she will always
be with you. Not even death can change
that. Do you understand?"
* * *
Leia nodded her head, as she had done then. Yes, she finally understood. The death of her planet and her loved ones
was cruel and horrible and unnatural.
She could ask herself why and place all the blame on her own
shoulders. She could wallow in regrets,
consumed with could-haves and should-haves.
But none of that would solve anything.
Death was part of life, and part of a cycle that no one could
escape. What she did with the rest of
her own life – to make sure their lives were not lost in vain – was all that
mattered now.
Leia stood slowly to her feet. Out there, among the stars, were thousands upon thousands of
species. Species with languages,
customs, ways of life sacred to them since the dawn of time. Species that would willingly lay down their
lives to protect those customs. Species
that would do just that, much sooner than they had ever anticipated.
Not if I can help it, Leia vowed silently. She set her shoulders in determination, one lone figure against
the vast backdrop of the galaxy. Not
if I can help it.
