Author's Note - This just came to me at like 12am, so here I am! Thought this little WallyXArtemis was cute. It's not super romantic, but rated T for super mild cursing. Like if cursing was rated by spicy foods, this would be "banana". Oneshot.
Artemis was mad. M-A-D. Mad as in ready to break all the fingers of the next person who even BREATHES in her general direction. Stupid Mom! You don't touch my shit! Since when was it ever okay to mess with other people's things, especially their FREAKING CLOTHES and SUPERSUITS. I mean, that is just common knowledge for christs sake! She yelled in her own head as she exited the zeta-tubes in the Cave. Her left hand was gripped so tightly around a duffle bag handle that her knuckles were turning white. Inside the bag was her supersuit; correction, it was the mangled carcass of what used to be her supersuit. Artemis's mom had recently discovered Pinterest and had become obsessed over the idea of redesigning old clothing by cutting it up and turning it into something else. Paula Crock had also recently taken interest in the types of clothes that her daughter wore. Girls, you know how sometimes your mom will look at your perfectly normal length athletic shorts and go, "OH MY GOD! Those are way too short young lady. People are going to think you are a whore!", that was Mrs. Crock. Artemis' comfy t-shirts were too loose, and her workout leggings were too tight, and her athletic shorts were too short, and her tank-tops were too revealing, and her crop tops for hot summer days showed too much skin. The solution? THROW ALL OF HER CLOTHES AWAY! That's right, her mom threw Artemis's entire wardrobe in the trash. Gone-zo, bye bye, no more, adios. And her super suit was not longer the cute leggings with the half top. Mrs. Crock had gone "Pinterest Crazy" on it and it had now been transformed into a regular green top with a knee length (can you get more grandma-style?) green skirt to match, and it was the ugliest thing Artemis had ever seen. So, yeah. Artemis was beyond mad.
She marched through the Cave and came to the kitchen on her way to her room when she ran into none other that Wally. Big surprise.
"Hey Arty. What's in the bag?" he asked through a mouthful of chocolate pudding.
"No in the mood, Wally," she growled as she walked past him, trying to get out of the kitchen so she could go sulk in the peace and quiet of her room. But Wally didn't take the hint and snatched the bag out of her hand speeding to the relative safety of the other side of the room to examine the bag's contents.
"Wallace Rudolph West, so help me God..." Artemis snarled.
"Calm down, Blondie," Wally soothed with confidence, "don't get your panties in a knot!" Artemis gaped indignantly at him, and he proceeded to pull her disfigured suit out of the bag. "Wow. Planning on becoming a green nun I see," he remarked holding up the new outfit. "You know, I never really took you for the kind to mimic Hillary Clinton when she is trying and failing to look sporty."
Artemis snatched the clothes out of his hands and roughly shoved them back into the bag. "Thanks, Kid Compliment," she snapped sarcastically, "but this wasn't me. You can thank my mom for this little 'wardrobe change'. Infact, she actually threw out my entire closet, and now I have no comfy clothes!" Artemis was now waving her hands around and shouting.
"Wait, all of your clothes? As in all of your clothes?" Wally asked astonished. "Why are you complaining? I wouldn't mind you or M'gann didn't have clothes," he finished with a wicked grin.
"Ew, Kid Pervert. And I'm being serious. I have no idea what I'm going to do!" Artemis slumped into a chair at the counter and put her head in her hands completely exhausted from shouting so much. She looked up to see Wally absorbed with texting on his phone. Of course, she thought, why would he care? A gust of air signaled Wally had left the room and before Artemis could even blink he reappeared in front of her smiling stupidly.
"Ta-da!" he exclaimed, shoving a card in her face so close to her eyes she couldn't even tell what it was.
"What?" Artemis asked.
"I said ta-da!" Wally said exasperatedly, pulling the card out of her face so that she now saw was a $500 gift card to target. "I just texted Robin what's up with you, and he gave me the passcode to his room so I could get this! And he says the Bat can get you a new suit." He beamed proudly at his idea. "We are going shopping!"
"For the last time, Wally, no!" Artemis cried dragging the speedster away from the frozen dessert section at the Happy Harbor Target Superstore. "We have gotten shorts, shirts, and leggings, but I still need to get tank tops, bras, and underwear," she said while looking at the shopping list she had pulled from the already overflowing shopping cart.
Wally tore his eyes away from the ice cream and looked at her in horror. "I'm g-good," he stammered. "I don't really want to get lady things with you," he said as a blush crept up onto his cheeks.
"Well, you didn't seem to mind talking about me and M'gann lacking 'lady things' an hour ago." she quipped, relishing his obvious discomfort.
"I was joking then.." he muttered and rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.
"Fine," Artemis said with an eye roll, "but stay here so I can find you when I'm done. And ONLY looking, no touching any of the food!".
Artemis sighed, she was finally done replacing all of the clothes that her mom had thrown out and heading back to the frozen desserts section to grab Wally and go. She had already paid for all of the clothes and had them bagged and waiting in a cart at the door with a clerk who was watching over them while she went to go find Wally. She made it about halfway to frozen desserts section when whe saw Wally sprinting (at normal speed to keep his identity) down one of the aisles towards her. He had what looked like chocolate ice cream smeared all over his face and behind him were two very angry Target security guards. "What" was all Artemis could say as he blew past her and grabbed her hand dragging her along with him in his flight from the Target Police.
"IAteAllTheIceCreamAndNowTheTargetPoliceAreAfterMe!" he explained rapidly as they sprinted towards the waiting cart full of clothes right by the exit.
"YOU WHAT!" Artemis shrieked as they reached the shopping cart. The clerk guarding their items stared confusedly at the two screaming and running teens and the two guards shouting and chasing after them. Wally quickly thanked the confused clerk, grabbed Artemis, lifted her up, put her in the shopping cart on top of all the clothes, and charged out the doors pushing the shopping cart in front of him with the guards still running after him and Artemis yelling in stunned protest from inside the shopping cart basket. He made it out the doors with the shopping cart and Artemis and sprinted along the front of the Target heading for the corner, and the two guards came out following him some 5 seconds later yelling "Hey you! Stop right there!". Wally kept running and turned the corner. He was now out of sight of any cameras or guards, so he turned on the super-speed, and by the time the guards turned the corner Wally, Artemis, and the clothes were already back at Mount Justice.
Back at the Cave Artemis and Wally had dumped all of the new clothes on the couch in the living room and Artemis was sitting among them sipping on a soda. Wally came in from the kitchen and plopped down next to her with a huge bowl of ice cream. She look at him with raised eyebrows.
"You are still eating ice cream after you ate all the ice cream in the entire Target? What even are you?" she asked.
"Uh, hungry, duh." the speedster said back.
"Arn't you afraid they are going to use the security cameras at the Target to ID us?" Artemis probed, wondering if Kid Idiot had a plan to get them out of a potentially huge amount of trouble.
"Well, I live 1,086 miles (1,748 km) away in Central City and you live 168 miles away in Gotham, so I'm pretty sure we are ok." he reasoned calmly.
"Right, well, ummmmm, thanks. For everything, you know." Artemis said without looking Wally in the eye.
"No problem, Artemis. Anything to help a … friend," he replied looking away to hide his blush. "You wanna watch tv?" he then asked reaching for the remote and conveniently changing topic.
"Sure," Artemis shrugged.
The rest of the team returned to the mountain about one hour later to find Artemis and Wally passed out from exhaustion on the couch leaning against each other and surrounded by tons of brand new girls clothing with Oceans 11 playing on the tv. Robin pulled a camera out of his utility belt and sniggered. This was going to be gold later.
Authors Note - Oceans 11 is a movie about stealing stuff, so I thought it was kind of fitting since Wally technically stole all of that icecream. Thanks for reading, and if you liked this, check out my other stuff!