Marry Clatter
and
The Philosopher's Dumb
Chapter 1
The Girl who is Dumb
Marry Clatter was a young girl with red hair, that she claimed strawberry blond, she also had a star shaped scar on her forehead and wore glasses .Marry wasn't a very bright child. She thought 2+2 equalled 22, and that soup made a great topping on pizza. But what nobody knew about Marry is that she was a witch, and not even Marry knew this. It all started one overcast day. Marry was walking home from school when she was attacked by a flock of sheep. She didn't know why. Sheep loved her. She would sit and read stories to them. They would look at her, as if she were crazy, and then go back to eating grass. But sheep normally didn't attack out of the blue. When Marry arrived home, she was covered head to toe in grass clippings, dirt. Her Aunt Preak, a skinny woman with a bad 80's hair cut, rushed over to her dim witted niece.
"Oh Marry! What happened to you? You look as if you were just attack at random by a flock of sheep!" Aunt Preak shrieked.
"I was! They came running down the street yelling! They were going "BLAAAAAAAA!"Marry said franticly.
"Sheep don't yell!" said Marry's fat cousin, Betsi. She was waddling her way down the stairs of the suburban home, with a fudge bar in her fat fist. When she reached the bottom of the stairs she was out of breath, and had to sit down. Betsi sat down on the bottom step, but when she did, the step broke.
"Oh Betsi! That's the 5th time, this week!" Said Aunt Preak.
"Sorry Mum." Betsi apologised, as she got up from the broken step.
Just then Marry's much more fat than Betsi, Uncle Jack, came home from a day of work at the Drill Mill.
"Hello! I'm ho-ome!" yelled Uncle Jack. But first thing's first. I need to tell you a little about Jack Asz. He is a jerk. Jack is a very fat man, who is the manager of the Drill Mill. He gave him-self raises, ate the other worker's lunches, when no one was looking, and took forever in the bathroom. But when he would actually leave the restroom, you couldn't go in, because you would die of the stench.
"Oh Hello dear, how was your day?" Preak asked Jack, as she gave him a light kiss on the cheek.
"Great! I got another raise! Ah, there's my boy!" Jack exclaimed when he saw Betsi, who was licking the melted fudge off the wrapper.
"Daddy, I'm a girl." Betsi corrected he fat father, as he patted her on her pudgy head .Man he really needed to get glasses.
"Oh...yes...And the prettiest little girl there is!!" Jack quickly said. He then went over to his wife gave her a kiss, and then hung his coat on Marry.
"Uhhh...Uncle Jack..."Marry said from underneath the XXXXL jacket.
"Wha!...Who's there! Show your face you coward!" Jack randomly screamed into the air, with his fists up and ready to fight.
"Me, Marry. Under your coat. Could you take it off me, I can't lift it." Marry explained. She wasn't very strong, so she couldn't lift the extremely heavy coat.
"Huh? Marry why on Earth are you under there?" Jack asked as he picked up his coat off of Marry. He then hung it in the closet and went into the living room to watch the evening news.
Marry went up to her room, because she didn't really care for the news. It had big words and was very confusing. She sat on her bed and began to count the dirt splotches on the window. The reason there were so many is because sparrows always flew into her window. But she then stopped at 13 for it was as high as she could count. All of the sudden there was a loud bang on her window. Marry noticed that a rather large bird made the noise. So she made the conclusion that this giant bird was in fact a sparrow. And all sparrows were growing at almily fast rates, and human life would cease to exist. The bird came to and tapped on the window, Marry opened the window only to find it was an owl. It flew in and down into the living room where she could hear Aunt Preak screaming her head off. She raced down the stairs and tripped on the broken step.
" Where the hell did this bloody owl come from?!?!" Uncle Jack yelled as he swatted the bird with TV guide. The owl swooped at the entertainment centre tiring to land, but Jack chased it away. It then landed on the back of the couch. The owl stuck out his leg, which had a piece of paper tied to it. Marry looked at the paper and then the owl.
"Yes that's a very nice paper you got there." Marry told the bird. But the owl rolled its eyes, and broke the string holding the paper on its leg with its beak. He picked up the paper and handed it to Marry. She took the paper and began to read it. It was addressed to her. She unfolded the letter but couldn't read it.
"It's like it's in some strange language!" Marry said out loud. Aunt Preak looked at the letter, and then turned it right side up.
She began to read:
HOGWARTS SCHOOL OT WITCHCRAFT AND WIZARDRY
Headmaster:Albus Dumbledore
Dear Mis.Clatter,
We are pleased to inform you have a place at Hogwarts
School of whitchcraft and wizardry. Please find enclosed list of all
necessary books and equipment.
Term begins on 1 Septmenber.We await your owl by no
later than 31 July.
Yours sincerely,
Minerva McGonagall
Deputy Headmistress
"What's a Hogwarts? It sounds gross!" Marry asked, but instead of being answered Aunt Preak ripped the letter from Marry's hand and then collapsed into a near by chair. She was white as a ghost.
"Preak dear, what is it?" Jack asked. Preak held out the letter. He took it and read it for himself. He too went white as he re-read the letter.
"Oh lord, what are we going to do? Oh what are we going to do?" Jack repeated himself, as he walked back and forth. Just then the door burst open into a cloud of dust.
AN: I hope you enjoyed reading the first chapter! and I also disclaim any material from the Harry Potter books!
PLEASE R&R!